Coffee and Conclusions

by Emma Sterner-Radley

  Erin picked up two kettlebells they’d be using and brought them over to the mat. “That’s really sad, but I’ll take your word for it. What about Elise? She’s fit as hell and straight as a ruler.”

  Riley scrunched up her nose. “She seems so serious.”

  “Nah, she’s just shy. When you get her to come out of her shell, she’s got a really filthy sense of humor and loves to overshare about her boyfriend. You’d like her.”

  “Hm. Maybe I’ll go with her, then. I don’t want to switch, though. I want to hang out with you,” Riley whined.

  “Riles, I’m not going anywhere. I’ll still be in the gym, doing paperwork, checking everyone is okay, and sneaking off to do crunches whenever I get the chance.”

  “Fine. But I won’t see you as much, so we’ll have to make other plans to make up for lost time. When you and Ms. Posh-in-Philadelphia move in together, you gotta let me arrange a housewarming party.”

  Erin rolled her eyes again. “Fine, yeah, sure. Keep in mind, though, that’s not likely to happen soon.”

  More interested in the chat than the workout, Riley ignored the kettlebell Erin placed in front of her. “Why? Still got cold feet about settling down? I thought your therapy sessions were supposed to help with stuff like that?” She sniggered.

  Erin saw her chance to tell Riley about her progress in therapy and had to remind herself not to forget that they were supposed to be working out.

  “Actually, it’s helping with a lot of stuff, and I’m so glad I went for it. I mean, to just sit and talk about myself and my problems was hard at first, but when I got into it, it was such a relief. The process has been a lot easier than I expected too. Dr. Hopkins seems to think that it’s ’cause me and Isabella have done a lot of the work in advance. Like, we already figured out that I’ve got abandonment issues which caused my insomnia and probably led to me freaking out about caring for the kid. And most of my other hang-ups.”

  “Huh. No offense, but did you really need all that? You’re a grown-up, Er. You’ve dealt with whatever shit happened, and you’re like all adults. I mean, look at you. Business woman, considerate girlfriend, and now with an insta-family to boot. You’re all responsible and sensible. Maybe this woman’s only making you think she’s helping you, because you don’t really need help.”

  Erin frowned. Did Riley really see her like that? It was so contrary to how she saw herself. She shook her head. No, even if that was how Riley saw her, how other people saw her, therapy was about changing how she saw herself. Other people’s opinions were good, but not what mattered. Dr. Hopkins had showed her that.

  “It’s not like that, Riles. She really is helping me to get mentally stronger and calmer.” Erin stretched out her triceps.

  “How?” Riley’s forehead furrowed in a way which made her look uncharacteristically pensive. “You just sit there, and, like…tell her stuff?”

  “Kinda. I spent a few sessions just spilling my guts, and Dr. Hopkins asked me follow-up questions. After that, she confirmed the diagnosis about abandonment issues and suggested that I keep coming to therapy to find what she calls behavioral patterns and try some healthy coping mechanisms for them. That’s what we’re doing now.”

  “And are you?”

  “What?”

  “Coping, dumbass.”

  Erin thought about the tiny steps forward she’d made in her own head. How she was learning to recognize the negative thought patterns when they started, and how instead of wallowing in those destructive ideas, she was seeking out more positive ones. They were words that didn’t just sound good and pretty—that she was a strong person, a good person, one who deserved to be loved—but words she was starting to believe too, little by little.

  “Yeah. I’m improving.”

  Riley scanned her face. “You know what? I think I can see that. I’m really glad she’s helping you.” Grinning mischievously, she added, “Shame a shrink can’t make you brainier, though.”

  “Oh, shut up. Anyway, all you need to know is that therapy can help anyone.” Erin sighed. “What it doesn’t help with is my money situation. And that’s the thing that’s really holding me back when it comes to moving in with Isabella. The payments on the gym, the therapy sessions, and the New York sized rent on my rat hole of an apartment, are sucking me dry, Riles. I can’t afford a big move or a bigger rent payment right now.”

  “Let Isabella pay a bigger chunk, then. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind. From what you’ve said, she’s desperate to get away from her mom and shack up with her buff lesbian lover.”

  “Riles, call me ‘buff lesbian lover’ again, and I’ll make you do pull-ups until your arms turn to jelly.” Erin glared at her challengingly.

  But Riley looked unfazed. “Yeah, whatever. My point stands, though.”

  “I just don’t want her to fritter away her savings, y’know? Her money is meant to be a safety buffer for her and Alberto.” Erin moved the kettlebell closer to Riley on her mat as a hint to start, but to no avail. They were clearly going to finish this conversation.

  Riley tilted her head to the side. “So there’s no working-class pride getting in the way of you accepting her money?”

  “Maybe a little, but not enough to make much difference. If I had more available money than her, I’d want to pay for things, so I get that. I just don’t want to make her end up in the same shitty financial situation as me, just because she believed in me,” Erin said with a shrug.

  “No offense, honey, but that’s her decision, not yours. And by the sounds of it, she’s better with money than you and me put together.”

  “I know. Just like I know she was really supportive of me buying the gym, but sometimes I wonder if I should have just stayed a personal trainer,” Erin admitted.

  “Dude, what? And give up this golden opportunity? This was too perfect for you to miss. Besides, you are improving your financial situation in the long run and giving yourself a more stable job, right? Putting down roots is a good thing. Stop overthinking shit and just get on with it. Start running the gym, and start planning to move in with your lady love. Not like, eventually, but now. Right now. I’m tired of seeing your mug all lovesick and lonely.”

  “Well, I’m glad to hear I’d be doing all that just to make you more comfortable when you look at my face,” Erin joked. “No, seriously, thanks. I’ll work something out.”

  Riley smirked. “I suppose you mean that Isabella will do most of the work and sort something out for ya?”

  “Yeah. Coz some of us are in a steady relationship and have the perk of being in a team. Not like your poor, single ass,” Erin said with a grin.

  “And there is my bratty, annoying Erin Black again.”

  “Enough chatter. We’re supposed to be working out, not gossiping the day away. Pick up that kettlebell. We’ll start with goblet squats.”

  Riley groaned. “Damn. I was hoping you’d forgotten about the exercise bit. Well, I suppose I better get this single ass of mine looking as good as possible, so I can pick up my own sexy writer someday.”

  Erin smiled as she adjusted her ponytail. “Funnily enough, you don’t get those by having a great ass. You have to talk to them online and compliment them on how they told a misogynist actor where he could shove it.”

  Riley finally picked up her kettlebell. “Pretty sure your buff ass didn’t put her off, though.”

  Chapter 31

  New York

  Shay’s suggestion had really taken root, and Isabella had spent a few short days planning a surprise visit to New York. She found a cheap, last-minute flight that took off Friday afternoon. As in, that afternoon. As in, a taxi was coming for her in an hour, and there was no backing out now.

  Everything was arranged: taxi to the airport, a quick flight, and then a taxi to Erin’s apartment. First, she’d searched out the address Erin had given her when she’d sent her that packa
ge, then she’d Googled the street name. It was in East Harlem, not far from the Upper East Side, she noticed.

  Looking at the map, she realized she knew very little about New York. Her experiences of the city were two or three childhood sightseeing visits and a couple of quick work trips, when she’d seen little more than her hotel and the conference halls or offices. All had been restricted to Manhattan, and they’d all been brief.

  She had no idea what it was like to actually live and work in New York. The snippets she’d picked up from Erin hadn’t enlightened her much either.

  Isabella remembered a song that her father used to listen to about New York. She seemed to think it was sung by Ella Fitzgerald. As she prepared for the trip, the start of the chorus echoed in her mind.

  She felt an increasing thrill, the sort of thrill she used to feel when she traveled somewhere new for work. She never told anyone about that feeling. She needed everyone to assume she was a suave, jaded businesswoman at all times. But, yes, there had always been a buzz for her in getting to know a new place. It was always like the start of a new relationship.

  Isabella had packed up everything she could foresee Alberto needing and was staring at her half of the suitcase. She only planned to stay two days, so she didn’t need much. Should I pack lingerie? No. If I know my Erin, there’s no need. It’ll be ripped off the second Alberto is asleep for the night.

  My Erin.

  She couldn’t help but grin, as she got out the baby carrier. If she was bringing the foldable travel crib and a big suitcase, there was no way she was taking a stroller too. Alberto would just have to be strapped to her chest. Hopefully the back pain wouldn’t be too bad, though Alberto was quite heavy now. Part of her wished she still had a car and could have driven to New York.

  She shook her head. All the planning and trouble would be worth it when she saw the astonished look on Erin’s face. Erin had said she loved surprises. Well, she was certainly getting one tonight.

  Isabella stopped fretting and packed the last bits. In a last-minute frenzy, she also packed her newly arrived packet of Azúcar Negra. Erin would surely be out of hers by now and unlikely to splurge on a new pack.

  She went to check if Alberto was ready for the trip, quietly singing “We’ll Have Manhattan” under her breath.

  The first thing that hit Isabella when she got out of the taxi was the smell. The odor of the garbage bags lining the sidewalk and the smell of food being cooked in a nearby street cart competed bravely with the overpowering vetiver-scented cologne on the businessman next to her, shouting into his cell phone. She walked on, dragging the suitcase and travel crib behind her.

  When they’d hit rush hour traffic, she’d asked the taxi driver to let them out. She’d rather walk and experience more of the city than be stuck inside the stuffy car. According to the Google Maps app on her phone, it was only a ten-minute walk to Erin’s apartment building from where they’d been let out.

  As soon as Isabella got away from food carts and over-cologned businessmen, she could smell rain in the air. The sky was darkening, and she hoped she’d get to Erin’s before the downpour.

  Despite the rain clouds and heavy feel of the damp air, New York was captivating in the gray early evening. Smoke bellowed from a grate on the sidewalk. She smiled as she remembered being a child and seeing the same thing. When she’d asked her father if there was a dragon underneath New York, he’d told her that there most definitely was a dragon, but that she never needed to worry. That he would protect her from all the monsters in the world. Her smile now felt bittersweet. If only that had been true.

  God, she missed him. Not just her father, but the father she believed he was when she’d been a child. Her protector and defender, the man who would do anything just to see her smile. She couldn’t remember how long it had been since she’d lost that man. It was a damn sight longer than the few days since her mother’s last “intervention.”

  Alberto was asleep in his carrier, leaning his heavy head against her collarbone. It wasn’t comfortable, but she’d suffer any discomfort when she’d dragged him all this way. She comforted herself with the fact that he seemed to like Erin, so he’d be glad to see her. Besides, he’d have to get used to New York if they were going to live there one day. They both would.

  At a busy intersection, Isabella stopped with the crowd around her. They waited for the go ahead from the police officer standing in the middle of the street, directing traffic. When he signaled for them to walk, he glanced at Isabella and Alberto and smiled. When they walked right by him, he said, “Lindo bebé”. The Spanish phrase gave Isabella a feel of belonging, a sense that this could be home—a good home—for them both. She thanked him with more exuberance than was her custom.

  He was right, of course, Alberto was a cute baby. Isabella felt blessed to have such a beautiful child, and such a beautiful girlfriend too. She couldn’t wait to see Erin. She hurried her steps, her arms complaining about the heavy case and the crib, and her back strained at the weight of the sleeping baby. It’d all be worth it. Just as soon as she kissed Erin again.

  She’d asked what time Erin thought she’d be home, pretending to set up a Skype date to ensure Erin had finished work and was in her apartment when she and Alberto showed up. Still, the nagging fear badgered her that Erin wouldn’t be home, and she’d be caught in the rain with a baby and heavy luggage without a place to go. She chased the fear away, reminding herself that East Harlem would have plenty of places for her to find shelter and something to eat while she waited.

  She needn’t have worried. When she approached the tall and rather shabby building that Erin lived in, she saw a blonde with a gym bag tossed over her shoulder. She was struggling, violently punching a code into the display by the door while sipping from a large takeaway cup of coffee. Oh yes, she was in the right place.

  “Would you like some help with that, Miss Black? I don’t have a free hand at the moment, but unlike you, I’m an adult and capable of putting something down to free up my hands.”

  Erin swiveled around at lightning speed and stared at her openmouthed. It was impossible for Isabella not to laugh lovingly at the adorable expression of surprise and utter incomprehension on Erin’s face.

  “I-Isabella? Y-you’re here? What the hell?”

  “Well now, is that any way to welcome your girlfriend after she traveled all this way? Carrying all this stuff, and a baby too,” Isabella teased.

  Erin dropped the gym bag on the ground and rushed over to hug her, careful not to tip her coffee over Isabella or the sleeping Alberto. Erin’s kiss was so intense that Isabella forgot to breathe for a moment.

  Erin broke away from the kiss. “You’re here. How are you here?”

  Deep affection hit Isabella like a wave and filled her heart. There was so much love and awe in Erin’s voice. Suddenly, it seemed so utterly pointless and stupid to live far away from Erin.

  “Because I missed you. And because there are things called airplanes, preciosa. They fly in the sky and transport people from A to B. It’s really clever, actually.”

  Isabella’s teasing words couldn’t hide her joy at seeing Erin, as the blonde grinned and said, “Whoa. Look at that smile. You’ve got it bad.”

  Erin kissed her again and then gently nuzzled their noses in an Eskimo kiss. Without a word, she went to a trash can and threw her coffee away, then returned to the console and carefully tapped in a code to open the door. She held it open with her foot, her gym bag tossed back over her shoulder, and took the suitcase from Isabella.

  “The elevator’s over there. You lead the way. I’ve got your case.”

  “Thank you. Quite the gentleman there, Miss Black.”

  “Excuse me, gentlewoman, if you don’t mind. And nope, I’m just helpful. And, y’know, looking for any opportunity to watch your ass in those jeans.”

  Isabella pouted, pretending to be shocked and held her
free hand over Alberto’s head. “Don’t use that sort of language in front of the baby, you brute!”

  Erin laughed. “Oh, so first I’m a gentleman, and now I’m a brute? Get in that elevator before I give you a hickey in front of the baby and all of New York.”

  Isabella breathed a sigh of relief. She was finally in Erin’s apartment and had the baby carrier off her back. Alberto slept safe and sound in his travel crib. Isabella stretched her back, hearing it crack loudly.

  “Here, let me help you,” Erin murmured and stood behind her. She circled her thumbs on the muscles of Isabella’s lower back, finding the sore parts without having to ask. Through Isabella’s linen shirt, the pressure was firm enough to get into the muscle but not so hard that it was painful. Isabella sighed with pleasure and leaned into the impromptu massage.

  Erin kissed her neck. “How’s that? Not too hard?”

  “No, it’s perfect, querida. Thank you.”

  “My pleasure,” Erin whispered into her neck.

  Erin’s words and her warm breath made the little hairs on Isabella’s neck stand up, and a certain pull in her lower stomach made itself known. She moaned at the sensation and heard how sexual it sounded. Erin was murder on her normally impeccable poker face.

  “God, I’ve missed the feel of you, the sound of you, the scent of you. Everything about you,” Erin mumbled against the goose-pimpled skin of Isabella’s neck.

  “I feel the same. I had to see you,” Isabella answered breathlessly.

  “Thank you for coming. I’m so sorry you had to. I’m sorry I couldn’t come to you.”

  Isabella hushed her by turning and leaning in for a kiss that made everything around her fade away. There was only Erin—her loving embrace, her little noises of affection, and her heart beating against Isabella’s. There was only the safe, charming, bubbly presence of the woman Isabella loved.