Coffee and Conclusions
Page 27
Affection flooded Isabella’s heart. She barely had time to register the rain coming down hard against the windows, before her whole world consisted only of Erin’s soft mouth and wandering hands.
The loud sound of thunder caught their attention, and they both looked outside. Bright lightning cut through the gray-blue twilight.
Erin looked back at her with a frown. “Will lil’ man be okay with this noise? Should we check on him?”
Isabella smiled tenderly. “He’ll be fine. He’s not very sensitive to loud noises, and he’s not aware of what thunder and lightning is. But, yes, for our peace of mind, let’s make sure it didn’t wake him.” They walked, hand in hand, to the travel crib set up next to Erin’s bed.
While they walked, Erin cleared her throat and said, “Sorry, my place is so small and…crappy. I would’ve cleaned if I knew you were coming.”
“Oh, don’t worry, preciosa. I like it. It’s nicely decorated, warm, and tastefully simple. Everything in here is very Erin Black, and that happens to be one of my favorite themes at the moment.”
Erin chuckled and looked away, a slight pink tinge to her pale cheeks. Isabella wondered if Erin could possibly be any cuter or if this was the limit for how adorable a human being could be.
They both looked down into the crib. To Isabella’s surprise, Alberto was awake and looking up at them. He didn’t seem perturbed by the weather or his new location. He was smiling up at them and waving his arms and legs forcefully, happy for some attention and company.
“Hello there, little prince,” Isabella said softly. She picked him up and kissed his cheeks and nose. “Now that you are awake, say hello to Erin.”
“Hey lil’ man.” Erin beamed at him. “Welcome to New York.”
She took a step close to Alberto but then stopped as if she wasn’t sure what she would do when she got to him. Isabella waited a few heartbeats. Erin still stood frozen, looking at Alberto hesitantly.
Isabella took a deep breath. Let’s give this a try. She closed the gap between Erin and herself and lifted Alberto over toward Erin.
“Would you mind holding him for a second? Don’t worry, I’ll be right here. I’ll help you.”
She went wide-eyed, but Isabella showed her how to hold him scooped comfortably in her arms. Erin stared down at him without blinking. “Do I need to hold his head somehow? They always talk about that in movies.”
“Not anymore, no. His neck muscles are strong enough to support his own head now.”
Alberto lay still in Erin’s arms, staring up at her as if he were deciding whether he was comfortable or not.
Please don’t cry, please don’t cry. Isabella desperately needed this to go well, for Erin to know that Alberto was comfortable around her. Erin’s therapy was helping her, but in the end, it would be Alberto who convinced Erin that they’d get along fine.
“Um, what do I do now?” Erin asked, her voice shaky.
“Nothing. He seems happy enough just being out of the crib.”
Another loud crash of lightning split the darkness of the night sky. Please don’t cry. Oh, please don’t cry, Alberto.
Erin leaned her head forward to check her grip on him. As she moved, the long, blonde strands of her hair swiped themselves over Alberto’s face.
He giggled and made a thrilled cooing noise. Erin pulled back, looking at him to see what had happened.
With a smile, Isabella explained. “Your hair tickled his face. I think he liked it.”
For the first time since she had Alberto in her grip, she was beaming. “Did he? Really? Should I do it again?”
“I don’t see why not.”
Erin inclined her head, and her hair brushed over Alberto’s stomach, neck, and face. He laughed this time, a genuine baby laugh that rang out in the apartment. They all smiled as Erin made the move a third time. Alberto laughed again, but then the sound was interrupted by a yawn.
“Aw, man. Even his yawning is freakin’ adorable,” Erin said.
A wave of relief crashed over Isabella. It was going well, and Erin was clearly smitten with Alberto.
Erin spoke quietly to him. “Hey, sleepyhead. Me and my hair are gonna be around for a long time, so if you wanna get some sleep, we’ll be here when you wake up.”
He wriggled a little, probably to get more comfortable, and yawned again.
Wanting to keep this development going, Isabella stood behind Erin. She put her arms around Erin’s waist and rocked them all back and forth, just as she would’ve done had Alberto been in her arms and she’d been rocking him to sleep.
“Follow my lead,” she whispered into Erin’s hair.
Erin immediately began to rock with her, and Alberto slowly drifted into sleep as he swayed in Erin’s arms. It felt comfortable, as though she and Erin were meant to do this. Together.
Relaxing into the rocking movement, Isabella breathed in Erin’s scent with every calm breath. The thunder outside and a slightly creaky floorboard beneath their feet were the only sounds outside their gentle breathing.
It took Alberto a little while to drift off, but neither she nor Erin seemed to mind. They were all together, holding each other, safe and warm inside Erin’s apartment, while the summer storm wreaked havoc over New York.
The next time Isabella peered over Erin’s shoulder, Alberto was sleeping, his little mouth open in an O shape and his tiny hands clasped over his stomach.
“He’s asleep. Well done,” she whispered again into Erin’s hair and felt Erin’s body relax. She hadn’t realized that Erin was so tense. “You can put him back into the crib now.” She moved away from them.
Erin walked across the room, every step as careful as if she were carrying a bomb that could go off any second. Carefully, she put Alberto in the crib, and Isabella worked very hard not to admire Erin’s muscles flexing as she kept her grip on him steady all the way down to the little mattress.
When Erin looked back at Isabella, she smiled tentatively, then whispered, “Isabella, I think maybe I can do this. I think I can look after him.”
“I know you can, preciosa. And so does he. He wouldn’t have been so comfortable with you otherwise. He certainly wouldn’t have fallen asleep in your arms if he didn’t feel safe and happy.”
Erin looked at the sleeping baby and licked her lips a few times. In a voice that sounded very young, Erin murmured, “I want to spend more time with him. I want to learn to care for him.”
“Good. Fewer diaper changes for me,” Isabella teased.
Erin turned back to her and stuck her tongue out. The childish gesture made Isabella laugh.
“Why don’t you come over here and put that thing where it belongs?” She pointed to her own mouth and watched Erin hurry over in an adorable attempt to pounce on her but still walk quietly, so as to not wake Alberto.
Having made love and cuddled for most of the evening, Isabella felt the fuzzy warmth of satisfaction and affection throughout her body.
It was late now, just after eleven thirty, and Alberto had just woken up. Isabella knew she should feel guilty and annoyed that they’d let him sleep the entire evening away and ruined his night’s sleep, but she was too blissed out to worry about it right now.
Erin crouched down next to Alberto, who sat on the floor, investigating the plastic spatula she’d fished out of her cutlery drawer for him. He was gumming the handle pretty roughly, but Erin didn’t seem to mind. She gazed at him as if he were some sort of miracle.
“He won’t sleep tonight now, you know,” Isabella said.
Erin shrugged. “Well, I probably can’t sleep anyway, and if he and I aren’t sleeping, I doubt you’ll get any sleep either.”
“Meaning I would want to stay awake with you two or that you two would keep me up?”
“I’m saying nothin’.” Erin grinned. “I know when I’m about to get in trouble.”
Erin had clearly followed her gaze and asked, “I guess you didn’t get the chance to see much of New York on the way here, huh?”
“Not much, no.”
“Well, if you and the kid don’t mind getting wet, I know a café that’s open 24/7. The coffee’s always fresh, though pretty bad, and admittedly, the place gets filled after 2 a.m. with drunk partygoers wanting donuts. But right now it should be quiet. It’s not the Empire State Building or Central Park, but I think the place has a New York vibe to it.”
It was something Isabella would never have done. Drinking coffee at midnight was reckless and unhealthy enough on its own. Going out in the rain and traipsing around New York to do it—was ridiculous.
Ridiculous…and yet strangely appealing. This was a new chapter of her life. She might as well try some new behavior. “You know what?” she said, “I think I might like that. Maybe the fresh air will make Alberto sleepy again and give us a couple of hours when we get back.”
Erin sniggered. “Yeah, or the coffee fumes will keep him up for days.”
Isabella rolled her eyes, as she went to her suitcase to pick out warm clothes for Alberto. She made Erin jump when she swore under her breath and threw the lid of the suitcase shut. “I didn’t bring any rain clothes. How could I be so stupid?”
“Hey, it’s okay. Calm down. You can borrow my raincoat. It’s pretty big, so it will probably cover you and Alberto if he’s strapped to your chest.”
Isabella looked at her for a second, unsure whether to ask or not. “Perhaps you want to carry him? My back could use the break, and it will be an extra workout for your muscles.”
Looking over at Alberto, who was still trying to chew the spoon, Erin asked, “You think he’d be okay with that?”
“Of course. As long as we have him facing forward and he can see everything, including me, he’ll be fine.”
“Okay. Sure. He and I will wear the raincoat, then. But what about you? Won’t you get soaked?”
Isabella looked over at the coats hanging by the door. “Maybe I can borrow your leather jacket? It’s got a hood, right?”
“Yeah it does. Go ahead!”
Erin seemed unexpectedly happy at the idea, and Isabella thought she knew why. There was a certain intimacy in sharing each other’s clothes, and if she was honest, she was looking forward to wearing Erin’s beloved leather jacket. She only hoped it would smell of Erin.
They were finally drying off a little. After realizing just how heavy the rain was, Erin had decided to hail a cab halfway to the café.
Isabella was endlessly happy for it. The short ten-minute walk they’d managed before Erin got hold of the taxi had drenched her to the bone. She’d hidden her face under the hood as much as she could, but she was sure the little makeup left after an evening of making love must’ve been lost to the rain.
Erin was sitting with Alberto, still in his baby carrier on her chest. Isabella had offered to take him for a while, but Erin had wanted to keep him with her. Isabella wasn’t about to argue. Right now, Alberto was happy and Erin was happy. She wouldn’t do anything to endanger the nascent relationship.
The waitress had poured them both steaming hot coffee and had taken Erin’s order for two portions of the staple New York cheesecake. Isabella guessed one of those portions was for her, but with Erin and her ferocious metabolism, she wasn’t going to bet on it.
She blew on the coffee and sipped. Erin was right; it was bad coffee but fresh enough to drink. The warmth heated her from the inside, and she hoped that it was helping her soaked hair to dry.
She was about to ask Erin how long it would take for her long tresses to dry, when she caught her doing something unexpected. Erin was sniffing the top of Alberto’s head, making the little dark hairs blow about. He clearly felt it and tried to look up at her, the angle defying him.
Erin smiled at him and quietly said, “Sorry, lil’ man. Just me. You smell nice, you know that? I like your aftershave.”
“Eau de baby,” Isabella joked along.
Erin looked almost abashed as she met her gaze. “So, they all smell as good as him?”
Isabella felt a pulse of pride. “Well, not in my opinion. But, yes, babies naturally smell nice. As long as you don’t wash them too rarely or too often, of course.”
Erin knitted her brows. “You can wash them too often?”
“That’s what most of my baby books said. It’s bad for their skin to lose all the naturally occurring oil. If you stick around, Miss Black, I’ll teach you everything I know about caring for Alberto, and maybe a few things about how to care for me.”
Erin’s blue-green eyes radiated devotion so fiercely it took Isabella’s breath away. “Trust me. I’m not going anywhere.” She paused, her eye contact unwavering. “I love you, Isabella.”
Isabella swallowed, so overwhelmed she couldn’t speak. She dropped Erin’s intense gaze and glanced down at her coffee, just for a second, before she trusted her voice to hold.
She lifted her head and hoped Erin could see even half of what she felt. “I love you, too. So very much.”
Outside, the rain spattered down in a furious drumbeat, but even the knowledge that they would have to go out in that at some point couldn’t ruin the mood. Alberto giggled, at the sound of the rain hitting the windows.
It was now truly midnight, and Isabella was ready to bet that neither of them had ever been so happy not to be asleep.
Chapter 32
All Change
Two days later, the bright morning sun spread over the cityscape of New York. Erin reluctantly woke up in her lonely bed and blinked at the bright sun. She’d managed almost eight hours of sleep.
Not that she felt like she’d gotten a good night’s sleep, despite the number of hours. In fact, she felt sluggish. She was glad that she had the day off. After weeks of shadowing Chris, doing occasional sessions with straggling clients, and trying to fit in sleep, exercise, therapy, and as much time talking to Isabella as possible, Erin was exhausted.
She dragged herself out of bed, rubbing at the imprint of the pillow creases she could feel on her cheek. She made coffee and stumbled back to bed.
She lay there, watching the small apartment grow lighter in the July sun. She breathed in the scent of her coffee and wondered what it was about coffee that felt so sacred to her. It was clearly more than just a drink to her and many people in the world. It was almost a cultural phenomenon.
Obviously, caffeine made coffee special—that and modern pop culture’s obsession with the bitter bean. But she still felt that the caffeine was the key. It kept you going, made you sharper. Of course, too much of it was bad for you. So many people used it to start the day or to ramp up in the afternoon.
Erin knew that she drank way too much of coffee and did so too late at night. She’d discussed it many times with her fellow health-conscious trainers. Stopping the habit had done nothing for her insomnia, but she knew the caffeine wasn’t helping her sleep either.
There was a recklessness, a taste of the forbidden, to drinking coffee late at night. Like a disregard for prudence and wellbeing, Erin realized, while yawning loud enough to almost drown out the sound of the coffeemaker.
She had to stop being reckless if she was going to be a child’s guardian, a stepmom, even. She had to be a better role model. But then, being reckless and up late at night messaging someone, daring to fall in love with them, had led to the best things in her life. Isabella and Alberto. Maybe a little recklessness is good for you.
Her phone pinged. She looked, bleary-eyed, at the screen. She had an e-mail. From Isabella. That woke Erin up more than a cup of coffee ever could. It was as much of an excited message as the sophisticated Isabella Martinez would ever send. It even had exclamation marks, fo
r crying out loud.
Santiago—her agent—loved Isabella’s book-to-be and had decided to represent her. He had found a publisher who was interested, and Isabella had been asked to send a finished draft to an editor.
The full story was attached to the e-mail, which said in its final words:
I know you haven’t read the manuscript, and I’m not sure if it is something you are interested in reading. If not, don’t feel bad. However, whether you read the whole thing or not, I highly recommend that you read the acknowledgments and the dedication at the start of the book.
Despite Isabella asking her not to, Erin felt bad that she hadn’t read the book by now. She’d just been so busy that she just hadn’t gotten around to it. And Isabella had been so cagey about the editing of the final draft. Now, Erin would read the story.
She got up and pulled on a robe. She poured some more coffee, buttered some wholegrain toast, and sat down at the table while she downloaded the Word file on her laptop. She blew on her hot coffee and took the first divine sip as the document opened. The pages loaded, and Erin searched out the dedication.
For Erin and Alberto.
Erin stopped drinking and just stared at the words. Someone had dedicated a book to her? No, not just someone. Isabella had dedicated a book to her. Dedicated her book to the mess of a loner who was abandoned by her parents without an explanation. The girl who grew up in the foster system and never thought she’d be remembered by anyone. Erin’s name would live on in the beginning of a book, preserved on shelves in libraries and in people’s homes.
She was gobsmacked. And overwhelmingly proud. That feeling only grew stronger as she read the acknowledgments.
First, Isabella thanked Richard who had given her space to start writing, then her father and Santiago for believing in her ability to write, then little Alberto for sleeping enough to give her time to complete the story.
Finally, thank you, Erin Black, for believing in me, inspiring me, setting me free, and for showing me what I want in life—my writing, and a family consisting of you and my son. Our son. I love you.