The Hard To Love series

by T A. McKay

  “Now, Romeo. Oh God, now.” His words throw me over the edge and I cover my stomach in cum as he stills a few moments later, coming inside me.

  Feeling his cock harden and pulse in my tight hole sends another spasm through my body, making me shout out. “Oh shit. Trey, oh fuck.”

  I sit up breathless, the memory of the dream still flooding my mind. There’s no way I called his name. I couldn’t have been that careless. I made sure I didn’t use his name the entire time I was with him, and since he didn’t tell me it himself he must have wanted to keep it a secret. Shit. Did I call out his name? I try to think back, clear all the panic out of my head so I can picture what happened. I groan when I finally remember shouting it. I did, I specifically remember shouting his name when I came. Fuck. What if he noticed? The more I think about it the more I know that there’s no way he didn’t notice. He’s the best fucking lawyer around, there is no way he missed a stranger using his name. With building dread I realize that come Monday, I might not have a job anymore.

  I push the weights away from my chest, bench-pressing enough pounds that I need to focus and ignore the memories that are flickering through my mind of last night. Nathan is spotting me but he seems more interested in my face than he is of anything else. I guide the weight onto the stand and sit up, leaning my elbows on my knees while I catch my breath. I haven’t lifted that much before, and I'm worrying that tomorrow I won’t be able to raise my arms. When I think of lifting my arms, I automatically start thinking about running my fingers through Romeo’s hair and grabbing it while I forced him onto his knees. Fuck. I really need to get my mind on something else, and I really need to get rid of this hard-on before anyone notices. I swear I'm having the issues that I had as a sixteen-year-old boy.

  I take a deep breath and look up to find Nathan standing in front of me with a strange look on his face.

  “What?” I stand and walk over to where I threw my water bottle when I arrived. I take a much needed drink and glance in the mirror to see him still staring at me. I glance in the mirror I see him still staring. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

  He tilts his head and I swear if he doesn’t stop acting like a freak I'm going to punch him in the face. “I thought Bryce left you?” I just stare at him, not believing that he just asked me that. I love the fact he's so supportive of my break up.

  “He did you idiot, but what a great way to have my back.” I turn and make my way towards the changing room. I've already been here for two hours and I'm no less frustrated than when I arrived. I spent the whole night lying awake in bed, thinking about Romeo. I'm so fucking frustrated because the guy’s a dancer, not someone I should be thinking of as anything more than a quick fuck. An amazing fuck, but just a fuck nonetheless. He was a way to scratch an itch, a way to work Bryce out of my system. But if that was the case then why can’t I stop thinking about him? Why can’t I get his eyes out of my mind? They’re the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, and I can’t stop thinking that I need to see them again.

  “I am supportive you asshole. You just look…” He stops talking and I hold the door open for him to walk in before me.

  “I look what?” I know I really shouldn’t ask, because whatever is going on in his head is probably something I don’t want to know.

  “You look … I don’t know. Happy? You look like you got laid last night.” In all my thirty-two years I don’t remember ever blushing, but today, I can feel my cheeks burning with embarrassment at Nathan’s words.

  ‘Holy shit, you got laid? Who? How? I thought you were still in the broken heart stage?” I don’t want to have this conversation with him. How do I explain that I went to a strip club last night and ended up having sex with one of the dancers? I know I didn’t pay for sex, but it still sounds really sleazy. At least I used a condom, not that I think Romeo does that sort of thing often. I mean, he was the only guy to keep his clothes on, well on stage anyway. And now I'm defending him when I don’t know anything about him. He might sleep with every guy in that place, twice on a Sundays, for all I know.

  “I might have moved past that stage last night, you don’t need details.” I grab my bag and leave, walking quickly in hopes of out running Nathan.

  Unfortunately by the time I reach my car he’s right behind me. “Oh you don’t get away that easy. Put the bag in the car and get your ass following me.”

  I drop my head and groan. There is no possible way to leave now without him following me home. I watch as he heads towards the coffee shop next to the gym. It’s a quiet place that we go to a lot, it’s a great place to talk and it looks like we might be doing that today. I lock my car and follow after him, not loving the idea of telling him about my night.

  We both sit with a black coffee in front of us and Nathan is waiting patiently for me to spill my guts. We took the comfortable seats near the front windows, in a corner so we wouldn’t be heard by anyone.

  “Oh come on, man. I'm growing old over here. It’s not like I don’t know you like slipping it to men. You’ve already come out to me. This shouldn’t be that difficult. Just tell me who gave you a happy ending … a name at least.”

  I grab my coffee and take a drink, this time just to annoy him. “His name was Romeo.” I watch him over the rim of my cup as I take another sip.

  “Romeo? Seriously? The dude sounds like a stripper.”

  I feel my cheeks heat again and I curse under my breath. What’s with the fucking blushing today?

  “You didn’t? You slept with a stripper?” He barely manages to get the words out through his laughter and it makes me want to reach over and punch him. I'm tempted to just walk out without giving him any more information but I know he’ll get it out of me eventually.

  “He’s not a stripper, he's a dancer. I met him at Crave.” Nathan’s eyes widen as I speak and I'm scared what he might say to me. I always try to keep as much information from Nathan as possible, because once he has dirt on you, you never live it down.

  “You're being serious? I was only messing around. I didn’t expect you to confirm it. You honestly picked up a dancer? Like an actual real dancer? Are you insane, what were you thinking? I just don’t know what to say.” For a guy that doesn’t know what to say, he's saying an awful lot.

  “Yes I picked up a dancer, but fuck me, you should have seen him. There was something about him. He didn’t strip, he wasn’t like the other guys in there. He just danced and I couldn’t take my eyes off him. He was just fucking gorgeous.” I'm glad that even though Nathan is straight, he accepts that I'm not. He lets me talk about the guys I'm with, like I let him talk about his women. I know a lot of straight guys run a mile when gay men talk about sex, but Nathan is truly a friend and just embraces it.

  “So you didn’t see him naked?”

  It’s my turn to laugh. “Yeah, I saw him naked. And damn he was fucking hot.”

  Nathan holds up his hand in front of him, showing he's had enough information. That’s a shame, because I owe him for all the details he shared with me the last time he went out. I didn’t need to know about what his date could do to his cock, but he thought I needed to know that stuff.

  “When he got on his knees I swear I nearly busted on his face.”

  Nathan stares at me, his eyes wide and his mouth hanging open in shock. He knows I have a thing for topping, but there is only so much I've shared with him. Now I'm just fucking with him, trying to get a reaction.

  “And when I made him come, hearing him scream my name was like heaven.” Wait. He did scream my name. How the fuck did he know my name? I stop teasing Nathan and he must notice that my mood has changed drastically because he leans forward, getting close to me.

  “Dude, what’s wrong. Did you just remember you didn’t use a condom or something?” Nathan is always looking out for me, making sure I make safety my number one concern. I don’t know what I ever did before him, I mean, how did I live the first twenty years of my life without dying?

  “He screamed my name.” The
y’re the only words I can manage as I think back to everything I said to him, all the words I used.

  “Yeah, you told me that. I get it, you're a god.”

  I shake my head, still trying to work out what had happened. “No, you don’t get it. He screamed my name, but I didn’t tell him it. I gave him my card, the one with only my surname on it, and I didn’t tell him it in person.”

  Nathan finally gets what I'm trying to say and he leans forward in his seat. “You must have said it. Maybe you just don’t remember.”

  I shake my head again. I had a few drinks but I wasn’t drunk. There’s no way I would have forgotten telling him my name. “I didn’t tell him it. I remember thinking that I wouldn’t tell him since I wouldn’t see him again. I know Romeo wasn’t his real name, so there was no need for him to have mine.” I don’t know what to feel about this. Should I panic, should I be scared?

  “You must have heard him wrong. There’s no way he could have known your name. Unless, had you been there before? Maybe one of the other dancers told him?”

  I hadn’t heard him wrong. I’d even used the memory of my name on his lips in the shower this morning. “He said my name, that shit I wouldn’t forget. And it was my first time there, I don’t remember seeing anyone I knew. But that was probably it. Probably.” I'm not convinced that’s how he knew, but to settle my brain I go with that idea. Maybe I should go back tonight and ask him? I need to know how he knows me, and that’s the only reason for me to go back.

  It’s not because I want to see him again.

  Chapter 3

  I stand back stage and crack my neck as I wait for the stage to clear so I can do my spot. Tonight I will be using the pole and this is where I truly lose myself. I love doing a routine on it; I can block out the world and just let my body move. I hear the beginnings of Closer by Nine Inch Nails start to play through the speakers and I can feel it deep in my soul. Closing my eyes, I let the beat move me across the floor. I grab the pole, the lights still dark around me, and I spin, letting my body warm up. I reach up, grabbing the pole above me as the lyrics in the song start and I let the erotic words surround me.

  I pull myself up with my hands, my feet leaving the ground and out to the side, and I can feel my core tighten. Most men go to the gym to work out. I do this. I don’t think there is a better workout than dancing. I have more control over my muscles than some of the best body builders out there, and I'm just as strong. I move my feet up above my head and wrap them around the pole, allowing my body to slip back to the ground. I stop myself just before my head hits the ground, but let my lower body continue to slip until I'm doubled over with just my hands and feet on the pole. I kick one leg out, pointing it towards the audience, holding the position for a few beats. I'm always being told by Jon that I need to include the audience more, or at least remember they’re here. I tend to get stuck in my head and forget where I am.

  I straighten my second leg until I'm now lying on the floor, arching my back up in a sexual way. I run my hands over my body and imagine they’re Trey’s. He made me feel so sexual, so wanted, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him all day. The feel of his body against me, the way he took control and used me for his pleasure. Fuck. The whole encounter with him was hands down, the best experience I've ever had. I don’t have a lot of sexual experience, one-night stands are something I don’t usually enjoy so I avoid them. I know people my age are expected to play the field, but that’s never been me. I would rather wait and find the one, and hopefully he will make my stomach flutter like Trey does.

  I suddenly realize that I've been lying here, rubbing over my body for longer than I should have. I need to get my head out of last night. I need to keep my sanity, especially when I need to go back to my real job on Monday. The thought of possibly seeing Trey on Monday has the panic starting to rise inside me, so I push it aside and concentrate on finishing my dance. I grab the bottom of the pole, bracing my shoulder against it as I kick my legs up until I can wrap them around it again. It’s time to put my performing head on. I can’t let Trey mess this up. I’ve had my time with him; now it’s time for reality.

  I swore I wouldn’t come tonight. I told myself that there was no need to see him again, that it doesn’t matter how he knew my name, because if I don’t see him again it doesn’t matter if he knows me. I was still trying to convince myself of that when I sat down, claiming the closest table to the stage. I didn’t even know if he would be dancing again tonight, but I still came like a lovesick fool.

  No, not lovesick. It’s just the lawyer in me that can’t leave any loose ends, and that’s what he is.

  I didn’t even go to the bar when I walked in, more than happy to pay extra for table service so I could get as close as I could to where he might be. When the waiter approached I had given him my order, casually asking him if Romeo would be dancing. He gave me a knowing smile before nodding and walking away. It made me feel like he knew something about me and Romeo, that maybe he had gone straight back stage last night and told them all what happened. He wouldn’t do that though. It’s a strange thing, I know nothing about him but I feel like I know everything. It’s like when we were together last night I could see deep into his soul. When he got to his knees and looked up at me, there was trust there, like he knew I wouldn’t hurt him. And I could tell he wasn’t playing bottom, he genuinely liked being there, doing what I asked.

  I rearrange my now painfully hard cock, trying to get some relief in my already tight pants. I grab the glass of beer that the waiter puts in front of me, taking a large drink to try and settle my nerves. I'm trying not to think about seeing him, even though that’s what I'm here for. I wipe my hands on my pants leg when the lights start to dim around me, and the dancers start to leave the stage just like the night before. My foot starts to tap under the table, knowing that it won’t be long until I see him and watch as he moves seductively across the floor.

  I hear a new song begin, one with a power and sensual rhythm, and my heart matches its beat. I start to mess around with my watch like I do when I'm nervous, and I can’t believe that seeing him again is making me feel like this. There has never been anyone in my past that made me feel this way, not even Dustin, who I thought was perfect for me. Add into the scenario that I only broke up with Bryce a week ago, the guy I thought was going to be it for me, and I shouldn’t be feeling this way. I should still be hurting from him cheating on me, treating me like a fool, but the only thing I can focus on is the guy who is now walking onto the stage.

  He has his eyes closed, focusing on the beat of the song and I can’t take my eyes off his swaying hips. The primal sound of the song and the way he moves is mesmerizing. It’s like he's a snake charmer and I'm the snake. He doesn’t move to the front of the stage like he did before, instead he reaches out and wraps his hand around the pole towards the center of the stage, and I can feel the groan vibrate through my chest. Just watching him dance makes me almost lose my sanity, and if he is half as good on a pole then I'm in trouble. I know I have no chance of resisting him when he starts twisting himself around the pole. He looks better than anyone I've ever seen or imagined. He has this grace about him; he looks as though he was born to do this, to drive me insane. He looks relaxed while he moves, and when he lies on the stage, his hands rubbing over his body, I need to grab my cock to stop an embarrassing accident.

  Fuck.

  I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths in an attempt to regain a little composure. When I hear the guy on the next table groan my eyes fly open to see what I'm missing. Romeo is kneeling on the floor, the pole between his legs as he thrusts his body against it. I need to get out of here. This is just too much. I don’t understand what these feelings are. There are some things I know for sure though, as I struggle to take my eyes off him. I've never seen anything as beautiful as Romeo is now. He's graceful, he's amazing, he's fucking perfection, and I need to make him mine.

  I'm about to leave when he glides to the front of the stage
, allowing the men watching to put money into his underwear. He isn’t wearing shorts tonight, only a tight pair of boxers, and I can’t help the growl of possessiveness when I see other men touching him. Yeah, I need to get out of here before I punch someone without any real reason.

  My chance to leave is stolen when Romeo’s eyes connect with mine. Just like last night, he holds my attention as the world fades. I watch as he drops to the floor of the stage, crawling his way towards me on his hands and knees. My breathing has become labored, and as he gets closer to me I feel myself getting light headed. When he’s right in front of me, he sits back on his heels and puts his hands on top of his knees before casting his gaze to the ground. In that moment, that one little act shows me that last night wasn’t pretense. He might not be submissive, but this man in front of me is a bottom, and more important than that, he likes to be controlled. My breathing has become labored and I know I need him again, more than just for a few nights.

  I lean forward and grab him by the back of the neck, pulling him towards me. I hear him gasp, even over the loud music that’s playing.

  “I want you to leave the stage now, grab your shit and meet me by the front door. I need you, and I won’t take no for an answer.” I know I'm pushing my luck with the demand, but when I see his eyes glaze over in pleasure I feel confident that he won’t run from me. I hope he feels the connection between us, and knows that he’ll be safe with me.

  I open my wallet and pull out my proper business card, the one that shows who I work for and where I live. I hand it to him, pulling him towards me again. “I want you to feel safe, so give this information to a friend so they know where you’ll be. But please, come home with me.” I keep a hold of his neck as I look deep into his eyes, and I feel relief flood through me when he smiles, nodding his head in agreement. I didn’t realize how anxious I was about getting him to come home with me until the second he agreed.