The Hard To Love series

by T A. McKay

  I step back to my table as he makes his way off the stage. I don’t even know if his shift is finished, but after watching him up there I know I can’t wait any longer to have him. I need him in my car, in my bed, and under me before the hour is out. The waiter who had brought me my order walks over, and I grab some cash from my wallet and hand it to him.

  “That looked pretty intense. I'm glad I was here to see the guy who thawed Romeo’s heart.” He winks and walks away before I have a chance to ask him what he's talking about. The thought is instantly lost when I see Romeo walk out of the door to the side of the stage. He's wearing jeans and a leather jacket, and I swear he looks sexier now than he did half naked and dancing. I walk towards the front of the club, but I'm stopped by a large body in front of me. I look up and see a mean looking doorman standing nose to nose with me.

  “You can’t touch the dancers. I don’t know what you were saying but I won’t have my boys intimidated.” I appreciate that the guy looks out for Romeo, but he's close to getting knocked on his ass if he doesn’t move and let me past. My heart stutters in my chest when a hand reaches around my waist and pulls me tight against a body.

  I don’t even need to look back to know that it’s Romeo, my bodies reaction tells me that it is. “It’s okay, Bruno. He's with me.” Romeo touches his lips to my neck, causing a dick-hardening shiver to flow through my body. His words seem to settle the man mountain in front of me, but all they do is make me tense. I need to get him home and make him mine for the night.

  “If you're sure, Roman. I don’t want you being forced to do anything.” The hand on my stomach tightens, the fingers digging into my muscles as I hear a small gasp of shock behind me. I start to turn but the hand slips inside my shirt and I suddenly lose the ability to think, or to move, or to argue with the guy that I'm not forcing Romeo into anything. I should be stating my case, telling him that I don’t need to force someone to spend time with me, but all I can do is follow the movements of his fingers on my skin.

  “I swear I'm good. Mr. Colby and me are old friends.” The push of his cock into my ass shows me that, thankfully, he's as turned on as I am. I don’t mean to groan, but the pressure is just too much for me to hold in the pleasure any more. I swear we need to leave now or I I’ll have to take him in front of everyone here in this club.

  I reach down and twine my fingers through Romeo’s before stepping past the large guy and out into the night. We’re silent as we make our way to my car, and he walks slightly behind me as I lead him along. I may not have had to force him to come with me, but there is no way I'm letting him escape now he's agreed. As I approach my car, I slow my pace and let him catch up with me so I can push him against the side of it.

  I press my chest against his, loving the feeling of him under me. “You are so fucking sexy. I swear I've never seen anyone like you before. I just want to do things to you, things that will have you screaming for more.”

  I feel his groan vibrating through him, and it makes me feel like a fucking god. I lean forward and gently take his lips, feathering mine over his without actually claiming them. I want to build this thing between us and make him beg for what he wants. I feel him leaning into me, getting as close as he can, and I step away, leaving him standing there panting. Seeing him in this state is making me rock hard, he looks like he’s so turned on that he would do anything I asked.

  “Get in the car.” It’s all I say to him as I walk around to my side of the car, and I smile as he does as he's told. Taking control is one of the things I love the most, but having someone hand you the control and trusting you to take care of them is something that can’t be explained. Seeing Romeo hand that over to me, knowing that I can be who I need to be with him gives me a sense of peace. I top almost exclusively, only bottoming a handful of times. It takes a special person to make me receive, and I haven’t met many of them. So to watch Romeo responding to my commands makes my blood boil with lust and it makes me want to bend him to my will, to give him pleasure like he won’t forget. God, I can’t wait to get him into my bedroom, into my bed.

  When I pull into my driveway, I turn the engine off, leaving us in silence. The whole journey here has been silent, but the sexual tension between us has been off the charts. I could feel the hairs on my arms standing up on end with his proximity, and it’s taken everything in me not to stop the car and take him where we were parked. I exit the car, walking to the front door and unlocking it before turning my attention to Romeo. He gets out the car slowly, looking almost nervous as his eyes look at the house behind me. I don’t know if it’s the size of it, or the fact that he's about to enter it that’s making him so nervous. When he closes the door, I motion for him to come to me and he does without hesitation. I put my hand on his lower back and lead him through the door and down the hall towards my room. I don’t think there’s any need to pretend we’re here for anything else other than to have sex.

  When we get to my bedroom I make him enter before me, and seeing him in my space, surrounded by my belongings, makes my heart beat faster. I don’t want to think too hard about why it’s making me feel good, making me feel whole, I just need to get him naked and take some pleasure. For the next few hours he’s mine, to do anything I want and I'm going to make the most of it. I'm going to give us both what we need.

  I collapse back onto the soft sheets, my body completely spent after my third, no, fourth orgasm. I don’t think I've ever felt so exhausted after having sex with anyone. I feel the bed move next to me and I look over and see Trey lying next to me.

  “Holy fuck, that was amazing.” I smile as he speaks, knowing exactly how he feels. The first time was about fucking, about coming together and expelling the sexual tension between us. After we had gotten that out of our systems we slowed down, used the time to fully discover each other. I feel my heart rate spike as he turns and smiles at me. His eyes are soft and I can’t help but fall deep into them, wanting to stay there forever. I can feel myself falling for Trey. I know I shouldn’t but when I'm with him, it feels like I can see who he is, and it’s someone I really like.

  I shouldn’t be lying here though. The more time I spend with Trey, the more chance I have of him recognizing me. It’s been nothing more than pure luck that he hasn’t guessed who I am, so I need to keep my distance. I have work on Monday and this is just tempting fate with the whole thing. He kept trying to turn the lights on and I had to distract him from the idea. I know if he was to ever see me in the light he would know who I am. I need to stay in the shadows, a bit like every criminal out there. I would laugh at my inner thoughts, if they weren’t so pathetic.

  I close my eyes as Trey reaches out and runs his fingers down the side of my face. It feels intimate, and I would love to think it’s because he's feeling everything I am, but I know it can’t be that. I'm just an itch scratcher for him, nothing more.

  “Can I ask you a question?” The fact he's asking for permission throws me a little, he hasn’t asked permission for anything tonight. Just that thought has my very limp cock twitching in response.

  I nod and ignore the fact that my cock is hardening under the sheets. This shouldn’t be possible after everything we’ve done tonight.

  “How did you know my name? I’ve been wracking my mind, trying to work out if I know you from somewhere but I don’t think so.”

  I feel my heart pound, but this time it’s with worry. I need to think of a lie quickly that sounds believable. I should have had an answer prepared, but I genuinely didn’t think that I would see him again as Romeo.

  “I’ve seen you before in another bar and I asked someone your name. I wasn’t sure it was you but when you gave me your card I recognized your surname.” He will catch me in my lie if he starts to question me, and I pray he doesn’t. If he asks what friend, or what bar, then it will unravel quickly. I don’t go out enough to know the bars in the area. I only know Crave because of Grey. I feel my nerves settle a little as he nods at me, obviously believing what I say.

>   “I don’t know how I didn’t notice you. I'm pretty sure if I saw you in a bar, I would make it my mission to get you in bed.”

  I give a humorless laugh, knowing that he has seen me and hasn’t tried. The thought makes my chest ache a little. Roman isn’t the guy he's looking for, he wants everything Romeo represents.

  “I'm not that noticeable in my normal clothes. I don’t exactly look like this at my day job.” Trey’s fingers travel across my skin until they are running over my chest. I'm so focused on the way he's touching me I don’t even realize what I've just said.

  “So what is your day job? Tell me a little more about Romeo, like maybe your real name.” He wiggles his eyebrows and I laugh despite the fact that he's trying to get information out of me. I wonder why he wants to know me. Do one night, or two night, stands get to know each other like this?

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea. I don’t do many one night stands, okay, I don’t do any. But I think sharing information isn’t the thing you do.”

  Trey moves closer to me and kiss my lips gently, making me close my eyes. The feel of his lips against mine is something I will remember forever. His lips are so soft and thick, and they’re making me want to kiss him for eternity.

  “You don’t have one night stands?” His words come out as a whisper against my lips, making my cock start to harden. I wonder if there will ever be a time when he doesn’t turn me on.

  “No. You’re the first.”

  The pressure of his lips increases against mine, more passion present in them as we talk.

  “I feel really special.”

  I lick over his lips and push my hard-on against him, feeling he's as turned on as I am. “You should.”

  I take control for the first time since we met and push him backwards until I’m lying on top of him. I think it’s time to show him what I can do.

  He's had his fun so now it’s my turn.

  Chapter 4

  I'm lying on my couch eating ice cream straight from the tub when Grey walks in the front door. I don’t even turn to look at him when I hear him enter, pretending to focus on the TV in front of me. If anyone was to ask me what I was watching I wouldn’t be able to tell them. My mind is stuck on Trey.

  When I woke up early this morning I was wrapped in his arms. We must have fallen asleep after I rocked his world, showing him that it’s okay to give up a little bit of control sometimes. I thought he would have stopped me when I tied one of his wrists to the headboard, but his eyes darkened with passion as he lay there and let me take over. I never imagined he would let me take the reins as easily as he did, and it makes me think there’s maybe another side of him there that no one else knows.

  I'm dragged from my day dreaming when my tub of ice cream is stolen from my hands.

  I look up to see Grey reading the side of it. “Full fat, salted caramel. Oh god, what did you do?”

  I grab the tub back while he holds up his finger to me.

  “Don’t start yet. I need to get out of these scrubs. Give me five minutes to grab a shower and change clothes, then you can spill it all.” He doesn’t give me a chance to respond before he rushes down the hall to his room. I would feel bad that he's spent the last twelve hours at work and now has to listen to me bitch about how much I fucked up, but he never sleeps straight after his shifts. I hate to imagine what he sees on an average shift at the ER, the things he must witness when people are at their worst.

  I shudder as I remember some of the stories he's told me in the past. Some of them are so horrific, and there was one time he actually made me vomit with one night’s adventure. The story was about a construction worker and he’d had been building a bridge. He had fallen off an elevated surface and when he landed it had been on a spike, which went straight through his eye. I lean forward, placing the half eaten tub of ice cream on the table in front of me as the memory of the story turns my stomach again.

  Grey returns as I sit back and he grabs the ice cream from the table before sitting next to me and throwing his feet on my lap. “So, what’s up, buttercup?”

  I reach out and grab his foot, rubbing my fingers across the sole making him moan. He loves getting his feet rubbed, and I really don’t mind doing it.

  “I think I might have fucked up.”

  He motions with his spoon for me to keep going since his mouth is full of ice cream.

  “Remember I told you about one of the partners at work, the hot one, Trey?” I can see him nod out of the corner of my eye as I switch feet, massaging the other. “I kinda slept with him.” I concentrate on his feet, trying to avoid the stare that I know he’ll be giving me. The silence grows awkward and I can’t avoid looking at him anymore. I turn my head and can’t help laughing when I see the look of shock on his face.

  It takes him a few more minutes before he speaks. “Let me just start with way to go. You finally getting some action is a good thing, actually, it’s a great thing. It’s been too long since you had a little fun, you’re too young to act so old.” He's always telling me I need to go out and have more fun, to act my age before my looks fade and no one wants me. I know I'm twenty-four, but that doesn’t mean I have to go out and sleep my way around the state. I want that connection, to know someone so deeply that you know every about them. I don’t think that’s too much to ask for in life, even if I am still young.

  “But now to my other point. What the fuck were you thinking? You don’t shit where you eat, how many times have I told you that? It’s okay to lust after him. I mean go into the shower and rub one out thinking about him, but you cannot, and I repeat, cannot sleep with your boss.” He removes his feet as he sits forward, putting the now empty ice cream tub on the table.

  I love how he looks out for me, that he wants me to be happy but then there’s the part that won’t let me fuck anything up. It wouldn’t be the first time that Grey has stood between me and a guy that had pushed it too far in the club, making sure that I come to no harm. He’s a little guy, but I swear he can hold his own. When I first met him I thought he was quiet and reserved, being a nurse meaning he would be calm and would avoid violence. I was wrong with all my first impressions. He's funny, loud, out going, and even though he does try to avoid violence at all costs, he won’t back down if he’s pushed.

  I lean forward, resting my elbows on my knees as my head falls. “He doesn’t know it’s me.” I know I need to start explaining myself better but it’s difficult. I turn my head to look at him, and he's looking at me like he's going to try and knock some sense into me. He’s heard me talking about Trey over the past six months, knowing I have this major crush on him. He told me to look from afar, to not get involved with something that could cost me my career.

  “I don’t understand. How can he not know it was you? Did you drug him?”

  I give him a sigh and an eye roll, not believing that he just said that. “No I didn’t fucking drug him, I'm pretty sure that would be rape. He doesn’t know it’s me because technically he slept with Romeo.”

  Realization crosses his face as I speak, and he starts to look a little less angry with me. “You slept with him at the club? I thought you didn’t do extras?”

  I collapse back onto the couch with a groan, knowing that the whole thing is fucked up. I cover my eyes with my arm, blocking out the world as I speak. “I don’t do extras, I'm not a whore, Grey. He was there and saw me dancing. He tucked his business card into my shorts. I panicked because I didn’t know if he knew it was me or not, so I think I went to find out. Maybe just to reassure myself. But I swear, the chemistry between us was off the scale. There was no way I could resist. It was great, mind blowing, and I thought it was only going to be one night.”

  My arm is pulled away from my eyes and I see Grey leaning over me. “You thought it was one night?” I wish he wasn’t as observant as he is, and he needs to stop with the sensible questions.

  “I spent last night with him as well.”

  It’s his turn to sigh before he drops my arm an
d disappears from sight. I feel the couch next to me dip as he sits back down. “Wow. You are just going all out stupid this week aren’t you?”

  I sit up, deciding that I need to just get this all out, tell him what happened and see if it helps to clear my thoughts. “He still doesn’t know it’s me. I left him in bed this morning, but I wanted to stay so fucking bad. We spoke last night, nothing important, and that’s where I was stupid because I realized how fucking perfect he is. Will I see him again? Probably not as Romeo unless he comes to Crave. I know that I need to cut this off before he recognizes me, but since he’s only paid attention to me in the office one time I think the chances are slim. He doesn’t like me, he likes Romeo. He likes the dancer, the guy who takes his clothes off for him. He doesn’t know the real me and wouldn’t look twice if he did. So did I use this opportunity to live out a deep-seated fantasy? You're damn right I did. But now it’s done, and I can go back to being the guy he doesn’t notice.” I take a deep breath, happy that I finally got all that off my chest. It’s a shitty situation to be in, but that’s the truth of it. When I'm on the stage I'm a completely different person. I can just be there, no expectations from anyone. At the office I need to be Roman, I need to be reliable and dependable. People expect it of me.

  Grey shuffles closer and puts his arm around my shoulder, pulling my head to his. “Oh, honey. When will you learn that you are amazing? Anyone would be lucky to have you. You're sexy, hot and actually act like a grown up, unlike some of the men I've dated.”

  I laugh, but can’t help but believe he's wrong. When people see me, they see me for who I really am. I'm the awkward nerd with the thick glasses, the one that stutters his way through conversations and makes mistakes. I'm amazing at my job but that’s because I work behind the scenes, not having to deal with people. Romeo is my outgoing side, the reason I was able to be so open with Trey.