The Hard To Love series

by T A. McKay

  “You finished it to prove a point didn’t you?” I can’t help but watch his lips as he speaks. The memory of how they feel against mine is always at the forefront of my mind, and I want nothing more than to relive the experience.

  “Maybe a little. I'm not sure I’ll ever be able to move again.”

  A small chuckle comes from Roman as he stands and starts clearing up our mess. I really want to help him but I just can’t force myself do it. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. I have a full night of work to do and now I can’t be bothered doing more than just sitting here and dying.

  “Leave that, I’ll get it … at some point.” He might have listened to my protest if he hadn’t already cleared away nearly all the containers. I don’t expect him to do everything, he’s here to help me with my case, not wait on me hand and foot.

  “It’s fine, it’ll take two minutes.” He throws the last container into the paper bag and grabs his glass, sitting on the couch opposite me. I love to watch him move, he's the most graceful person I’ve ever met, and I'm surprised I didn’t notice it before. I wish I had paid more attention to him, and now as I look at him I'm shocked he didn’t stand out more to me. Even with his glasses and styled hair Romeo is there in his movements. The sexy guy I met at Crave is there just under the surface and I can see it all so clearly now.

  “How did you get into dancing?”

  His glass stops on the way to his lips and a surprised look appears on his face. I don’t blame him. I think we’d made an unspoken rule not to talk about Romeo or the club but I can’t help but ask.

  “My friend Grey got me into it. I needed something that wasn’t me. I’m kind of a quiet, awkward person, I know you’ve experienced that, and the dancing was something … different. It was something that built my confidence a little without anyone getting to know me properly. I could pretend to be someone I'm not.” His cheeks flush as he speaks, and I know that he’s thinking about that fact I know that other person. I don’t comment on that, giving him the chance to forgive himself. I know I was angry to begin with, and I do wish he had told me who he really was but I know he had his reasons. After reading his letter I know that he didn’t do it maliciously, and if I was him I probably would have taken the same chance just to be with him.

  “I think it was a good choice. I've never seen anyone dance like you, especially on the pole. Watching you up there was like an out of body experience. I couldn’t take my eyes off from you.” I can’t stop my dick from twitching inside my pants as I imagine watching him again, and I have to resist the urge to reach down and stroke myself. His cheeks redden as I speak, but his eyes darken as the pupils dilate with arousal.

  “Thank you. I love doing it. Romeo can be and do everything I'm not brave enough to.”

  I hear what he’s trying to tell me, and I know that I'm very grateful that I got to meet Romeo.

  Chapter 9

  I feel something tickling my nose and I reach up to rub it before turning my head into the pillow to escape whatever it is. A few seconds pass before something tickles my ear. I grunt as I smack my ear, leaving my hand there as protection. I just need a little more sleep. I didn’t get home until … actually I don’t remember coming home at all. I feel like I have the world’s worst hangover but I know I didn’t have anything to drink last night.

  I feel a tickle on my cheek and I'm about to lose my temper. I don’t know what it is but it’s disturbing my sleep and that’s pissing me off. I throw my hand out, trying to chase away what ever it is that’s bugging me. Expecting a fly, I'm shocked when my hand connects with something large and warm. A hand wraps around my wrist and my eyes flash open. It takes me a few moments to be able to focus, but after blinking a few times I'm able to see clearly. I'm rewarded with the sexiest morning view I've ever seen. Trey is kneeling close to me, his hair messed up and a rough coating of stubble over his jaw. He has a sexy grin on his lips and I can’t help the feeling of butterflies that attack my stomach.

  “Good morning, sleeping beauty.” I try not to read anything into what he calls me. He’s only making a joke; I just need to remind myself of that. I must be so desperate for any connection with him that I will read into everything he says. I catch myself just staring at him, suddenly very aware that he’s still holding onto me, and his thumb is absently rubbing over the pulse that’s rushing through my wrist.

  I sit up quickly, trying to put a little distance between us. “Shit. What time is it?” I steal my hand back from him and rub over my face as I try to figure out what happened last night. The last thing I remember was taking a witness statement to the couch so I could be comfortable as I read it. I must have fallen asleep while reading. I can’t believe that I slept in Trey’s office all night. Where did he sleep? I look at him and see that it looks like he hasn’t slept at all. Dark circles under his eyes create shadows and he looks more tired than I’ve ever seen him. He turns slightly and reaches behind him before turning back to face me. He holds out a cup of coffee and when the smell hits my nose I want to grab him and kiss him. I feel like I didn’t sleep at all last night and I might need to set up a caffeine drip to keep me going today. I take the cup from him and drink, savoring the warmth as the liquid makes its way down my throat.

  “It’s just after seven. I was going to let you sleep a little longer but people will be arriving soon. I didn’t think you would want anyone to see you sleeping on the job.”

  I resist the urge to roll my eyes at him, knowing that he's trying to get a reaction from me. The smile on his face tells me he's teasing.

  “I would have just told them you bored me into a coma.” I take a mouthful of coffee to hide the smirk on my face when his hand comes up and covers his heart.

  “Sir, you wound me with your words. I’ll have you know that people would give me their fortunes to spend the night listening to me talk.”

  I love Trey’s playful side; he doesn’t let it out very often when we’re together, but when he does I can’t get enough. There’s something about seeing him happy that makes my chest feel full, it’s a feeling I don’t want to try and explain to myself. When Trey is controlling, he is the man of my dreams, but a sweet Trey is dangerous to my heart.

  “You do know they pay their fortunes to have you represent them, they only listen to get their money’s worth?” I take another drink trying to cover my smile with my cup and watch as his eyebrows rise in shock at my words.

  He leans forward, getting close enough that his knees bump against mine. I'm glad that I have my cup in my hand, to have something to focus on when all I want to do is touch him.

  “That’s where you're wrong. I don’t need to pay people to get their company.” He licks his lips and I can’t control my own tongue as it comes out and licks against the rim of my cup. The action doesn’t go unnoticed by Trey as his eyes follow it. I feel a flush of arousal rush through me, and I struggle to keep my composure. I want to kiss Trey, to feel his body against mine before I give myself to him completely. I don’t know if he's thinking the same thing, or if he’s suddenly psychic and can read my mind, but he leans forward and takes the cup from my hand.

  “And if I remember correctly, I didn’t have to pay for yours either.”

  My breath catches in my throat and my heart stills in my chest before racing faster than I've ever experienced. He keeps moving, closing the distance between us as he gazes into my eyes. I shouldn’t let this happen, I need to be strong and make sure that we stay professional. The only problem with that is that I don’t want to follow my own advice. What I really want is for Trey to pin me to this couch and show me how good we are together. I have no idea if it’s a good idea or not but right now I honestly don’t care.

  I know I'm doing the wrong thing. Giving in to my urge to kiss Roman could spell disaster, but he looks so fucking gorgeous sitting there with his bed-head hair, and that blush on his cheeks has my inner beast raising his head. I want to claim his mouth and make it so no one else will be good enough for him. I ke
ep repeating in my head that this is a mistake, that I need to stop and think about the consequences, but it doesn’t stop me from moving closer to him. Maybe a kiss will be enough to satisfy my cravings for him, maybe I won’t want him so badly after one more taste.

  My lips are just about to touch his when there’s a knock on my office door. I immediately jump back and Roman sits up quickly. Without any hesitation the door opens and Hugh walks in, announcing his arrival with a booming hello. I'm grateful for the interruption since apparently I can’t control myself around Roman.

  “Well good morning you two. Did you do an all nighter?” He looks between Roman and me waiting for an answer. I would deny that we spent the night here but I know I must look like shit.

  “I had an issue with my case, so Roman offered to help out. We didn’t plan to stay the night, but how many times have I said that in the past?” I laugh as I get up from the table where I had sat to speak to Roman, and walk towards my desk to sit on the edge of that. I like Hugh. He's the other senior partner here, but unlike Roger he’s a decent guy. I’ve never gotten along with Roger, even from the very first day that Hugh introduced us. The only reason I agreed to go into partnership with him is he has a good reputation within the law community and he brought a lot of clients with him. Over the years though I’ve started to hate him, and I barely speak to him at all. Yesterday when he came into my office, it was the first time in months he'd been in here.

  “You spend more nights here than you do at home I'm sure. You really should just bring a bed.” He laughs at his own joke and I can’t help but smile along with him. He always reminds me of someone’s grandfather, even though he really isn’t that old. He just has a way about him, a gentleness that seems genuine and draws people to him.

  “I’m not quite that bad, am I?”

  He laughs again before looking at Roman. “No of course not. Is the problem solved?” He turns back to face me and I scrub my hands over my face. The problem isn’t solved even though we spent the whole night working on it. After Roman fell asleep I spent a few more hours reading over paperwork but I couldn’t concentrate with him being so close to me. I moved to the couch opposite him and spent the rest of the night watching him. I know I was being a creeper, watching him like a lovesick idiot but I couldn’t tear my eyes away. It was the first time I actually got to look at him properly, and I committed to memory the perfect straightness of his nose, to see how prominent his cheek bones are, and to see how perfectly symmetrical his lips are. Even in his sleep he’s the most gorgeous man I've ever seen.

  “The problem is far from being solved, and I suggest looking into Quincy’s work record. And Hugh, if I lose this case you better put him into witness protection. I don’t care who he knows or is related to, the guy is a liability.” I note that he doesn’t look surprised by my statement, obviously he's had some experience with Quincy as well.

  “Well yes, I can see you’re upset. You know that Roger deals with him so I will let him continue to do that.” I'm just hoping that he continues to be Roger’s problem, because I know for a fact he will never be mine again. He sorts his perfectly straight tie and I know he's leaving. It’s something he does when he has nothing left to say, it’s like he's preparing himself for movement.

  “I will leave you to get on with your work. Hope you get caught up, and good morning to you as well, Roman.”

  Roman looks a little shocked when I look over and I realize for the first time that he’s sat in silence the whole time that Hugh’s been here. “Um … hi ... I mean, good morning, Mr. Rose.”

  It’s interesting seeing Roman interact with other people. He always seems to try to hide in the background, making sure that no one pays attention to him. It’s a completely different side to him, and one I’m not used to seeing when he’s with me. There have only been a few times that his awkwardness has become apparent, and it’s usually when he gets anxious. I wonder what else I can do to get that awkwardness to come out, because if I'm truthful, I find it as sexy as fuck.

  I look at the clock on the wall and release a groan of frustration. It’s getting dark outside again and I’m still nowhere near being caught up on this fucking case. I throw my pen across the table and it hits Roman straight in the chest.

  “Shit, I'm sorry. I didn’t mean to throw it so hard.”

  I watch as he rubs where it hit, and when he moves his hand there is a dot of ink on his shirt that makes me feel even worse. I had just meant for the pen to land on the table but it hit a paperclip making it flip over.

  He looks down the ink dot before looking up at me. “Do you think I can sue you for assault? Look, you left a mark.”

  I bite the inside of my bottom lip and try to hold in the smile that’s trying to break free. It’s not often someone can keep up with me when it comes to verbal sparring, but Roman is a worthy adversary, and his reply proves that. There is just something about Roman that makes me want to smile. I'm not the type of guy who looks on the lighter side of things, my life is normally full of stress and deadlines, but Roman seems to make me want to stop time, just live for the now and enjoy it.

  “I'm pretty sure that you would lose the case. The only lawyer I know that could win it for you would be me, and well…” I allow my sentence to drift off, letting him fill in the blanks any way he wants.

  “Then in that case I give up. You’re too far out of my league.” He drops his eyes to the table, pretending to write something on the paper in front of him. It’s like he’s suddenly embarrassed by his words and I wonder if that’s truly how he feels about himself. He mentioned something in his letter about only having one chance of being with me and that he needed to take the opportunity while he could. It’s the first time I've actually thought about what he wrote. I paid more attention to him writing that he wouldn’t tell anyone about us than about the way he felt. There’s no way that he thinks he isn’t good enough for me, that isn’t possible if he owns a mirror. Not only is he gorgeous but he's funny, and smart, and I'm pretty sure guys fall over themselves when they see him dance.

  “Hey.” I wait until he's looking at me to continue. “Don’t do that.”

  His forehead scrunches up in confusion. “Do what?” I can tell he wants to look away, his nervousness screams at me from the look in his eyes. He looks anxious and I just want to reach over the table and hold his hand, tell him to stop worrying.

  “Don’t put yourself down. Trust me when I say that no one is out of your league. No one.” I hate that he feels like he isn’t good enough for some people, that he feels he's less than the men out there. If only he could see what I see, the amazing man he is.

  “I wish that was true.” His voice is sad and I'm about to tell him, well I don’t know what, but I need him to know I see him. All of him, and I need him to believe it.

  I don’t get a chance to talk before he gets up from his seat and moves to the office door before turning back to me. “Coffee?”

  I just nod my head at him and watch him as he leaves. The Roman I’ve spent time with over the last few days makes it hard to believe that I didn’t notice he was Romeo. He's confident and funny, everything Romeo was when we spent time together. But then there are other times, times like this, when I can see how different they really are. It was the same with his letter. He even wrote in there how he doubted that I would want to know him as Roman. Little does he know that I think I'm falling for both of them. Shit. No, I'm not falling for him. He's a great guy but what we had was a few nights of fun, granted it was the most fun I've ever had, but just fun.

  The phone on my desk rings and I get up to answer it. When I sit in my chair behind the desk, listening to one of my clients talking on the other end of the phone, I feel my lack of sleep hit me like a truck. I lean back and rest my head on the back of the seat, closing my eyes as I say goodbye. I don’t even return the phone to the cradle, leaving it sitting on my knee as sleep steals me from the world.

  I take another mouthful of coffee as I try to put off goi
ng back to Trey’s office. That last conversation had gotten too personal and was leading to places that I hadn’t meant it to go. I haven’t really let my awkward side come out in front of Trey. I think because he met Romeo first I’ve been able to be confident, hiding away the shyness that usually makes me freeze. I've surprised myself when it’s come to Trey and I've managed to keep up with his smart mouth. Talking to him feels easy, natural, almost like I'm talking to Grey. But then I go and say something stupid and mess it all up. I swear I’m my own worst enemy.

  When I think I’ve delayed my return as much as possible I grab Trey’s coffee and return to the office. It’s empty when I walk in, and I put the cups down on the table and look around. Trey wouldn’t have left without saying something or leaving a note, would he? I thought if he needed to go somewhere he would have told me, I was only across the hall from him. I'm about to leave to see if I can find him when I hear a noise from over by his desk, a muffled clatter that draws my attention in that direction. That’s when I notice that the seat isn’t empty, Trey’s sitting in it, sound asleep. I move quietly, not wanting to wake him up, but wanting to look at him as he sits there so peacefully. I didn’t think that he slept last night, and this confirms my suspicions. I think I need to wake him up. I know he won’t like the fact that he fell asleep at work, showing less than one hundred percent dedication, but I just can’t. He looks so content sitting there, his face relaxed which makes him look younger. It’s not often you get to catch Trey looking like this so I want to make the most of it.