The Hard To Love series

by T A. McKay

  When I've been staring for longer than can be considered non-creepy, I pick up the phone he must have dropped on the floor and replace it on the cradle. I decide not to wake him, he needs some sleep and no one will think any less of him for taking it. I close the blinds on the large window, plunging his office into complete darkness, and move to the glass wall, repeating the process. I let my eyes move back to Trey, seeing that he's still asleep, and close the door, making sure he isn’t interrupted by the cleaners.

  The floor is quiet when I walk towards my cubicle, making me look at the clock on the wall. I didn’t expect to see that it was so late. I've been in the office for nearly thirty-six hours now, and I'm starting to feel every single one of them. I grab my belongings from under my desk, knowing if I stop moving for too long I might not start again. I curse when I realize I should have left a note on his desk Trey’s desk to tell him that I’ve headed home for the night. I don’t want to risk going back into his office and waking him, so decide to text him when I get home. The business card he gave me at Crave has his cell number on it, and I still have it in my wallet. There was no way I was getting rid of it; it’s like my one way of knowing that I didn’t dream the whole thing.

  I pack up my things and move to the elevator, not looking forward to the long trip home.

  Chapter 10

  I collapse back onto my bed and can feel every single hour I have been up. I don’t think I've ever been as tired as I am right now. The few hours’ sleep I managed to get on Trey’s couch feel like a lifetime ago. I think about kicking my shoes off but I don’t have the energy for that. Remembering that I need to text Trey, I let out a groan of frustration, knowing that moving is going to make my already painful muscles worse. I'm going to need to grab my cell from my jacket pocket that I threw over the chair just inside my room and I don’t want to.

  And just like an answer from the gods I hear footsteps stop just inside my room. “Where the hell have you been?”

  I tell him that I was working late, that there was important case that needed my full attention. Unfortunately I don’t manage to get any of the words out of my head and past my lips. It’s a bad sign when I don’t even have the energy to speak. I feel the bed next to me move and I manage to turn my head and open my eyes. Grey is sitting there with his eyebrows raised, obviously waiting on an answer.

  “Work.” Not exactly an in-depth response but it was better than more silence.

  “Are you maybe tired?” His laughter grates on my nerves, and if I could manage it I would push him off the end of my bed. Just because he's used to long hours, it doesn’t mean we are all built for that kind of thing. I do manage to move my hand, and I feel better once I give him the finger. He just laughs at me as he stands and starts to remove my shoes before throwing them towards my closet. Next he unbuttons on my pants and that’s what finally gets me moving.

  I reach down and grab his hands, sitting up quickly and moving him backwards. “I'm pretty sure that I can manage that bit myself, and if I can’t then I will sleep in them.”

  Grey laughs at me as he picks up the clothes that are thrown across my floor. “I'm a nurse, I do this all day. You’re nothing but a body to me. Jesus, how do you live in this mess?” This is another thing that makes us complete opposites, I am the world’s messiest guy and it drives him insane. I don’t know if it’s his profession or just because he's that type of person, but mess makes him lose his mind.

  “Don’t lie, I know it takes all your will power not to jump me and all my hotness.” I run my hands through my hair whilst licking over my lips in an over the top seductive way.

  He stops picking up my clothes and stares at me as I strip off my pants. “Yeah, I can barely resist all that sexiness. By the way, I think you have drool marks on your chin.”

  I laugh as I remove my shirt, leaving myself standing in just my boxer shorts. I throw my shirt onto the floor just to annoy him. If he notices what I've done he chooses to ignore it, and puts the armful of clothes he’s picked up onto the chair where my jacket is.

  “Can you grab my phone out of my jacket pocket for me?” I sit back on my bed and boost myself up until I'm leaning against my headboard.

  Grey grabs my cell, following me onto the bed and sits next to me. “So what kept you at work for nearly two days?”

  I reach over and grab my wallet from the unit beside my bed, pulling Trey’s business card out and saving his number on my phone. “A case went to hell so I was helping Trey to get it sorted.” When I mention Trey’s name, Grey’s mouth opens into an ‘O’, and I know that he will have something to say about the situation.

  “Sooooooooo, you spent two days working closely with, and I quote, the best fuck of your life? How did that go? Did he relieve some of your tensions?”

  The urge to push Grey off the bed becomes very real again, and I try to resist the temptation. “It was fine, and it was just work. Nothing happened, nothing will happen. We have a professional relationship, nothing else.”

  Grey nods his head, but the look on his face shows me that he's not convinced by what I'm saying. “Sure, professional. So you don’t know what his cock tastes like?”

  I feel embarrassment burning my cheeks at his question and I know that it provides him with an answer.

  “Exactly, Roman. I can honestly say that I have never had my boss’ dick in my mouth. This thing with Trey is a little more than professional.” He leans over and kisses my head before climbing off the bed. “I will leave you with that thought, but get some sleep.” He doesn’t wait for me to answer him, and he turns off the light before closing the door behind him.

  I shuffle down my bed until I'm lying flat out, my head on my pillow. I grab the duvet from the bottom of the bed where I left it yesterday, pulling it up my body and wrapping in under my arms. I lie in the darkness for a few minutes before I open my cell phone and pull up a new text window. I don’t know what to write to Trey, how friendly I should be. I decide just to be straight to the point.

  I hope you have a good sleep. I left to get some rest, don’t think I would manage another all nighter. I will be in early tomorrow to get working again.

  I press the send button before I can change my mind about contacting him. I don’t know how he will feel about me having his cell number but I'm just hoping he won’t see it as a step too far. I place my phone and my glasses on the nightstand next to me, and get comfortable under the covers. I'm starting to doze when I hear my cell vibrate, telling me that I have a message. I contemplate leaving it, just ignoring it and reading it in the morning, but I know I can’t knowing it might be from Trey. I reach out in the darkness and feel around on my nightstand until my hand connects with my cell just as it vibrates again. I wish there was a way to read the text without opening my eyes, but since there isn’t I open one eye, blinking rapidly until I become accustomed to the brightness. It’s from Trey and I can feel my stomach somersault with excitement as I open the message.

  Well I'm hoping this is Roman, or some random stranger watched me sleep in my office. I'm sorry that I fell asleep, but at least we can’t blame your conversation. Don’t rush in tomorrow, you have worked enough the past few days. Have a long lie and come in when you're ready. Thank you for all your help. I really appreciate it.

  With a smile I lock my cell and put it back on the nightstand. I know I’ll go into the office at the normal time tomorrow, no matter what Trey says. There’s still a lot of work to get done on this case and it needs to be done by next week. I refuse to let Quincy’s fuck up make Trey lose his first case, especially now that my name will be attached to it. I can handle little sleep this week, and just use my shift at Crave at the weekend as my relaxation, because no matter how tired I am I will be dancing this weekend.

  “And that, as they say, is a wrap.” I look at Trey and smile at his words. It took us all week, but at nine o’clock on Friday night we finally have the case fully sorted. All statements have been filed and notarized, all arguments sorted and all
evidence logged. I don’t think I've ever been as tired as I have this week, but the sense of achievement is immense. Working with Trey has been a great learning experience and watching how his mind works when he's problem solving, well it’s like watching a genius. Okay, I might be a bit biased when it comes to Trey, but I don’t think anyone could be unimpressed by the guy.

  “Just in time for the weekend. You won’t have to cancel all those hot dates.” I smirk across the table at him as I speak, looking over the top of my glasses to watch his face. After spending most of the week together we have become comfortable with each other and moved past what had happened before. Neither of us has forgotten being together, and there have been a few moments where it was like both of us were struggling to keep our hands off each other. But mainly things have been good, and we have fallen into an easy comradeship.

  “Well that’s good news. I would hate to disappoint my millions of admirers.” He doesn’t even look up from his phone as he talks, acting like he isn’t being completely big headed. I close the last folder in front of me and throw it across the table so it lands in front of Trey.

  His eyes finally reach mine, a sly grin on his face. “So what are your plans for the weekend?” He puts his phone away, all attention on me while he waits for an answer.

  “I'm ... um … working tomorrow night.” I still hate making reference to my other job, I hate that it might make things difficult between us and I just don’t want that. I've been really careful not to bring up the club or my dancing, but now there is no escaping it.

  He nods at me, his eyes never leaving mine. I would love to know what he's thinking, to see if he still holds what happened between us against me.

  “But you’re off tonight?”

  I sit back in the chair, happy that he’s changing the subject. “Yeah, tonight is my own. I see a date with a tub of ice cream and some mindless TV.” The idea of just sitting on my couch and lazing around for the rest of the night sounds like bliss to me. I feel like I haven’t had a minute of downtime since I started working with Trey, the only time I go home is to get a few hours sleep, a shower, and a change of clothes. So yeah, doing nothing tonight sounds great.

  Trey doesn’t say anything as he gets up from the table and walks over to his desk. He rummages through one of his drawers, pulling a bottle of bourbon out and holding it out for me to see. “Have a drink with me before you go? Lets celebrate the fact we don’t need to go to prison for killing Quincy in his sleep.” Trey’s smile is infectious and I can’t help but return it as I nod, happy to join him for one. He grabs two water glasses from the unit at the side of his office and walks over to the couches in front of the windows. I join him, but take in the view before I sit down. Looking out over the city when it’s dark is magical; it’s all lit up and the first of the Christmas decorations have started to go up. We are only a few days away from Thanksgiving which means Christmas is right around the corner. I love everything about this season, the colder weather, the feeling everyone gets when Santa is coming, and the need to be with the ones you love.

  I feel Trey coming to stand next to me, his arm brushing against mine as he hands me a glass. I thank him and take a drink, enjoying the warmth that spreads through my stomach.

  “I love it when it looks like this. There isn’t much I like about winter, but watching the city light up is beautiful. I could stand here for hours and just watch the city move.” It’s not the first time he's said something that makes me think he can see into my head, his words sounding so similar to my thoughts.

  “I was just thinking the same thing. If you could stop reading my mind I would be grateful, you know, just incase I'm thinking bad things about you.”

  His arm brushes over mine as he takes a drink, but he doesn’t move away from me, leaving us touching even when he drops his arm. “And what naughty things would you be thinking about me?” His voice has become husky, making my body react with need. I want to tell him all the naughty things I have thought about him, but as I keep telling myself, that can’t happen. I wonder if I will ever get over my attraction to Trey, because I have to admit that if I don’t it might drive me insane. It would be different if I was just fantasizing about him from a distance, but I know what it’s like to be with him and I can’t stop thinking about it.

  “I never said naughty, I said bad.” I'm proud that I'm able to voice some words, especially when it feels like my heart is in my throat.

  “Is there really a difference?” I focus on his lips as he talks, anything to avoid looking into his heated gaze.

  I down the rest of my drink, needing something to bolster my courage. “I'm sure there is a big difference.” I walk to the table and refill my glass. I don’t actually want any more alcohol, but I need an excuse to move, to stop Trey from seeing my obvious attraction to him. The thing is, I think the attraction may be mutual. There have been a few times this week where I thought he was going to kiss me, I prayed he would, but we were interrupted each time.

  I take a drink before placing my glass on the table and turn to see if Trey wants his glass topped up. When I do he's standing right behind me, close enough that our chests are practically touching. I gasp in surprise and when I go to step back, I lose my balance. Just when I think I'm going to fall backwards over the table his strong arms come out and grab me around the waist and pull me upright. The feel of his body pressed against mine, the hardness of his chest and the pressure against my groin, has me wanting to stay here forever. It’s the first time I've been this close to him since the alley behind the club and it’s killing me. That’s the memory that forever haunts my thoughts, so having him pressed against me has my blood going thick in my veins.

  After what feels like an hour, I finally gather all my courage and look at Trey, and what I see has me fighting my reaction. Part of me wants to run, seeing the intensity in his stare has me wanting to hide for my own safety. I know he would never hurt me physically, but I'm not sure if I can say the same thing about my heart. I could really fall for a guy like Trey, he is everything I look for and more, but I know that I can’t let myself go down that road. There’s heartache at the end of that journey, and I don’t want to go through there.

  The other part of me wants to melt into his embrace, to let him hold me for the rest of my life and never let me go. I know it sounds unreal, that I barely know Trey, but his arms feel like they were made to hold me. His strength is something I crave, he is someone powerful enough to take care of me and to support me when I want to hide. I might be a quiet person, but I'm not weak. I don’t need someone to control me or tell me what to do, but I want someone who can make me feel better about myself, someone who will make me the best person I can be. I think that could be Trey.

  Trey continues to stare at me, and I don’t know what to say or do. As the silence draws out I watch his eyes. They go through a myriad of emotions, but the most obvious one that I can identify is arousal. The heat and passion in his gaze has my dick swelling, and I know that he can feel it since it’s pressed firmly against his own hard-on. I am slightly shorter than Trey, not enough that anyone would really notice, but it’s enough that he looks down on me slightly, making me feel small and fragile. It also means that our bodies line up perfectly, all the important bits touching. I feel my eyes flutter as he grinds his erection against mine and a groan threats to escape my lips.

  “We can’t do this, Roman.” Even as Trey speaks, he doesn’t once stop his rhythmical assault on me.

  “I'm your boss so you’re off limits. No matter how much I want you, how much I want to bury myself in your perfect fucking body. I can’t do the hundred filthy things that go through my mind when I see you. We need to keep this professional, be nothing more than friends who work together.”

  I'm finding it difficult to make sense of what he's saying. If he wants me to be able to think coherently then he needs to take his mouth away from my ear because the feel of his breath against my skin and the sexy roughness of his tone has my cock read
y to explode. When his tongue comes out and licks over the spot behind my ear I nearly lose the control I have over my legs. His arms tighten arms around me and I grab on to him to keep myself upright.

  “I’m going to walk away now, because if I stay here I'm going to pin you to that wall and fuck you with all the frustrations that are flooding my body. I want you like I've never wanted anyone before and that scares me. I don’t trust anyone, but more than that I don’t trust myself anymore. I don’t trust my judgment when it comes to a pretty face.” I feel his arms release their hold on my body and I put all my focus in to getting my legs to hold my weight.

  He has my mind scrambling with everything that he's said, and I know that I need to remember them. Once he isn’t so close I might be able to make sense of everything, so I commit his words to memory for when I need them. I watch as he backs away from me, the look of lust in his eyes unwavering as he puts distance between us. There is a thick tension between us, and I'm surprised that I can’t actually see it vibrate between us.

  Trey stays silent as he breaks our eye contact and moves to his desk, grabbing his things and putting them into his briefcase. He grabs his suit jacket from the back of his chair and puts it on. I can’t help the way my eyes rake over his body, watching as his shirt pulls tight across his chest, outlining every perfect muscle there. He grabs his briefcase from his desk, and without a single glance at me he exits the office, leaving me standing there on my own.

  Chapter 11

  I sit at a table towards the back of the club nursing a glass of Bourbon. I can’t believe I actually came. The idea that I want to talk to Roman about is crazy, but I sat at home all day, convincing myself that this might just work. I wasn’t sure if I would actually be allowed to enter but true to his word, Roman had the ban lifted. I'm waiting on him to dance and I can barely contain my nerves, scared that my whole plan will go to hell.