The Hard To Love series

by T A. McKay

  I get out of bed and grab a t-shirt on my way to the en-suite. After peeing and brushing my teeth, I walk out into the hall and the smell of bacon hits my nose. My stomach rumbles, reminding me that I didn’t eat after my shift last night.

  Entering the kitchen I stop when I see Nathan standing by the stove in just his underwear. They’re hanging low on his hips, showing off the whole expanse of his sexy back and the top of his ass crack. I stand and stare at him for longer than is probably acceptable, but I just can’t look away from what I see. He’s sexy without even trying. His muscles are defined and prominent under his tanned skin and I lick my lips, remembering touching him the night before. Standing here with my eyes devouring Nathan I realize that I do have a regret from the night before. I didn’t taste him, and suddenly that feels like it might be the biggest regret in my life.

  “You look like you want to eat my ass.”

  My eyes flash up to find Nathan with his forehead scrunched up and redness working up his cheeks.

  “Okay, that sounded way better in my head.”

  I laugh as I walk over to stand next to him. I look over his shoulder while stealing an already cooked piece of bacon from a plate. He slaps the back of my hand with a spatula but puts no real force behind it. I moan as I take a bite of the stolen goodness. Few things in this world taste as good as bacon, but I bet that Nathan tastes better. “So what are your plans for the day?”

  “I need to get some work done, even though I'm pretty sure getting my balls waxed would be more fun.” His grimace tells me how much he isn’t looking forward to working which is strange because Trey always tells me how much Nathan loves his job. Apparently it’s the one thing that relaxes him normally. I think it’s the job he told me about a few days ago, the one that’s causing him more stress than anything else he has ever worked on. He grabs the plate of bacon along with a stack of toast, and moves to the breakfast bar that runs down the center of the kitchen. I take a seat, stealing more bacon from the plate.

  “Don’t make me tie you up. At least wait until I get you a plate.”

  I lift my foot, resting it on the edge of the stool so I can lean my chin on my knee as I watch him move around.

  “Coffee?”

  “Yeah, thanks.” I watch him as he goes about making me another one of his amazing concoctions that contain a lot of sugar and cream, and very little coffee.

  I can’t believe how comfortable it feels this morning. I thought that after what happened last night it would feel really awkward between us. But there’s nothing. Nathan is making this so incredibly easy for me and by not making me feel stupid for throwing myself at him; the fucker is making me like him even more.

  He hands me my coffee and takes a seat beside me. I expected him to sit on the opposite side so there’s a barrier between us, but he sits close to me. I should know by now that the things I expect from Nathan are always wrong. Like the fact I thought he was straight. The dull ache in my ass proves that he definitely isn’t.

  “So what are your plans for the day?”

  He watches me as I take my first mouthful of the coffee and moan as the sweetness attacks my tongue. There are very few things that beat that first cup of coffee in the morning. Well maybe apart from Nathan’s mouth. I smile when I realize that I have compared him to both coffee and bacon this morning, I sound like I'm addicted to food and him. I wonder if this is what they class as horngry? I snort at my own question and see Nathan raise his eyebrows. I refuse to tell him where my brain is going, especially since my cock has started to harden. Thank god I have my knee bent in front of me. “Today I'm going to watch movies and try to move as little as possible. I think there will be ice cream involved, and possibly chocolate.”

  A look of pain crosses his face as I tell him my lack of plans. “That sounds fucking awesome. Fancy swapping days?”

  “Dude, I can barely get Google to work most days, and it’s not like I'm designing that.” I'm only exaggerating a little. I struggle with technology most of the time, well unless it’s got something to do with my own job. Anything to do with the hospital and I seem to pick it up quicker than most people.

  “Fiiiiine, but I need you ready to leave at seven.”

  I hope my face properly conveys the confusion I'm feeling, because I have no idea what he's talking about. “Where are we going?”

  “We are having dinner with Trey and Roman tonight.” He gives me a pointed look, almost daring me to argue with him. I won’t though. I need to talk to Roman and clear the air with him after ignoring him for so long.

  I nod, not bothering to give him a verbal answer.

  We spend the next thirty minutes eating and talking before Nathan disappears into his office and I take up my position on the couch. I turn on the TV and pick a movie from Netflix before getting as comfortable as possible because I'm not planning on moving any time soon.

  I sit in the living room at Trey’s house, watching Grey and Roman talk. It seems like the conversation is intense, and Grey looks really uncomfortable as Roman talks. I feel like I need to go rescue him from the situation and I'm having to force myself to stay seated.

  “Do you think they’ll be okay?”

  I look over to Trey who is watching them as well. “I hope so. The last thing Grey needs is more stress in his life just now.”

  Trey gives me a strange look but doesn’t comment.

  Grey starts crying and I've had enough waiting around. I make a move to get out of my seat, but a strong hand grabbing my wrist halts me.

  “What is up with you? You're acting like a possessive boyfriend. They need to sort this out on their own.”

  I relax back into my seat and release a sigh. He's right but it isn’t making me feel any better about the pain I can see on Grey’s face. “I know they do. Fuck, I have no idea why I'm being like this. It’s just … well … Grey isn’t coping very well and I don’t want him upset.” As soon as the words leave my mouth I know that he's right about me sounding like Grey’s boyfriend. My thought is confirmed as Trey gives me his patented what the fuck look. “Don’t say a word.”

  He holds his hands up in front of him, making it look like he's surrendering but I’m not convinced. There’s no way that Trey isn’t going to make more of this, his brain just doesn’t work like that. I can see him thinking, and I'm worried about the conclusions he might come to.

  “You fucked him, didn’t you?

  And there it is. The reason I didn’t believe his innocent act. I don’t know what to say to avoid an argument with him. I promised that I would stay away from Grey and avoid causing problems that couldn’t be fixed. I didn’t go against my word though because there hasn’t been anything uncomfortable between us since last night. I made sure that he felt like nothing had changed.

  I'm about to try and answer him when his cell rings, saving me from a really uncomfortable conversation. He gets up from the couch and grabs it from the bar, and I turn my attention back to what’s happening in the kitchen. The guys are talking quietly now and look more relaxed. Roman reaches out and takes Grey’s hand, smiling at him as they chat. I relax seeing things appear more natural between them. They’re good friends and to let stupid crap come between them is wrong.

  I didn’t want Grey to feel like we’d ambushed him tonight, but he needed to know that Roman has always been here for him. I’ll admit I had it out with Roman when I thought he had been ignoring Grey because of his relationship with Trey, but he told me that it wasn’t him that had cut the other out. That was all down to Grey, and Roman was hurting just as much as he was.

  “Dalton!”

  My head flies around to face Trey as he yells his brother’s name into his cell. Roman runs in from the kitchen at the commotion, trying to get Trey’s attention. Trey silences him with his hand over his mouth. He quickly removes the hand and reaches down to hold hands with Roman, his grip tight enough that his knuckles go white.

  I try to work out what’s happening but with only one side of the conver
sation it’s really difficult. I'm hoping that the tears in Trey’s eyes are due to something good and not from bad news, but my gut churns as I wait for confirmation.

  He hangs up and the room is silent as we wait for him to talk. He turns to Roman and grabs him, pulling him into his arms as he lets out a sob. Trey keeps a tight hold onto Roman, burying into his neck as he whispers into Roman’s ear. I give them a minute, but as the seconds tick away I feel like I'm about to vibrate out of my skin.

  Finally Trey turns and looks at me with the biggest smile on his face. “Dalton’s coming home.”

  Three simple words but they change everything. I grab Trey and pull him towards me, encasing him in my arms as I hug the fuck out of him. I feel the tears of joy building inside me as I hold my best friend.

  I’m so fucking happy for him. He’s been a little lost since his twin, Dalton, joined the army, and when he went missing before Christmas I thought I was going to lose Trey completely. I can’t imagine how it felt for him to go through that. Not only is he his twin, that person who pretty much knows everything about him, but he is also the only family Trey has left. Trey is the brother I never had, and I've been through everything with him, including the death of his parents, but I could never replace Dalton.

  Growing up with Trey meant that I got close to Dalton too. The brothers are almost identical and people find it difficult to tell them apart, but I see them so differently. Where Trey is serious and driven, Dalton was always the joker. He used to play pranks on people and blame it on Trey. I think Trey spent more time in detention than Dalton, despite never actually doing anything wrong.

  I pull back and look at Trey, loving the light that I see shining from his eyes. “I'm so fucking happy he's coming home. I knew he’d be okay.” Trey hugs me again before walking away to the bar. He pours himself a drink and downs it in one go.

  “I think I need to get drunk.”

  I laugh as Roman starts telling him that he isn’t getting drunk on a work night, which in turn causes them to start bickering like an old married couple. I move over to stand next to Grey who’s looking a little lost and I realize that he probably doesn’t know much about Dalton. I lean in to talk to him without making it obvious to the other two. “You will like Dalton, he’s the fun version of Trey.”

  Grey laughs at my comment, but he leans in a little more as he speaks. “Are they identical? I just can’t picture another Trey.”

  “Completely identical. The first time I met Dalton was at a party in high school. He was making out with some chick and it freaked me out. I knew that Trey was gay so to see him not kissing a guy just didn’t make sense. Okay so I didn’t see him kissing many guys until University but that’s besides the point, it was strange.”

  “He pulled Dalton off that girl and asked him what the fuck he was doing. I remember watching it from across the room, laughing so hard as he ranted about how I should be proud to be gay and I shouldn’t give into peer pressure. Dalton just stared at him like he had lost his mind.” Trey laughs as he tells his half of the story.

  “I shouldn’t have ever trusted you again after that. I have no idea how I went months without knowing you had a twin. I mean we were all in the same school.” I grab Grey’s hand and lead him towards the couch. I drop down and pull him along with me. Trey sits on the chair across from us and Roman takes his usual place on his knee. I've always rolled my eyes when they did this in the past, but now I can understand the appeal. I look at Grey who is in the space next to me and I'm shocked to feel that he’s still too far away. I want to pull him onto my lap and wrap my arms around him like Trey is doing with Roman.

  Instead of giving in to the urge, I turn away slightly and cross my legs away from him, trying to put a barrier between us. I can’t think shit like that about Grey. He's a friend and nothing more. “So when will he get here?”

  The color drains out of Trey’s face a little and it has me worrying. “He's been injured so he needs to recover before he gets here. He thinks he should be well enough to travel in a few weeks. He sounds good though, and I'm just happy I got to hear his voice.”

  “Injuries?” Images of injured soldiers flood my head and I can feel my heart racing as I think about what’s possibly happened to him. I know I should just be happy that he's alive, but I would quite like it if he came back in one piece.

  “Yeah, he’s got shrapnel lodged in his thigh and back, and a few broken bones. The doctor said he would heal fine but it will just take time.”

  Even through the relief, there are other things I want to know. So many questions that I want answered but I don’t want to bombard Trey with them all in one go. Plus the phone call wasn’t a long one so I doubt he got much information. “Did he say what happened?”

  Trey pulls Roman closer, tightening his arms around him as his face tightens. “You know he can’t. Classified shit.” I can hear the anger in his voice, and I know it pisses him off that Dalton can’t tell him anything about his missions. Again, I couldn’t imagine how that feels. Knowing that someone you love is out there risking their life, but you don’t know where they are or if they’re alive.

  Grey yawns on the seat next to me and I glance at the clock on the wall. I didn’t realize it was getting so late. Our dinner had been forgotten earlier so Roman and Grey could speak and sort things out between them. Now I’ve lost my appetite, and I honestly just want to get Grey home so he can rest.

  I shake my head at myself. I can’t believe the thoughts that are going through my head about Grey. I shouldn’t be thinking of him as anything other than my housemate and friend. Those are the only two relationships we can have. I don't want to settle down with anyone, that isn’t on the cards for me and I am more than fucking happy with that. I’m not the kind of guy who could be happy with one person, especially when I have this whole new side of my life that I need to explore. If I could just get my mind on board with that it would be great.

  I cough and sit forward. “I need to head out. I have so much work to do that it’s not even a little bit funny. We need to get together again soon.”

  Trey and Roman both nod their heads and Roman secretly winks at me. He’s been planning Trey’s Birthday night out, but obviously Trey doesn’t know this.

  “Valentine’s day is coming up. We should all go out.” I don't know why Roman would say that sort of shit. Going out as a foursome on Valentine’s Day isn’t something that's going to happen. I'm hoping that he’s just mentioning it to cover up the fact that we have a night out at the club planned for Trey.

  Trey has a strange smile on his face, and just looking at him tells me that he’s worked out something is going on. That's the annoying thing about Trey; you can’t seem to get anything past him. I’ve tried for years to organize things for his birthday and Christmas, but he always guesses what I'm up to. That's why I was so surprised that he didn’t work out who Roman was earlier. Apparently when he’s thinking with his dick, he can’t see what's right in front of him; maybe that's where I’ve been going wrong all these years.

  “I think I'm working Valentine’s night. Someone has to give the people with someone to love the night off.”

  Even though he tries to say the words with a smile I can hear the pain behind them, and I can tell that Roman can as well. His face changes and he looks at Grey like he wants to hug him. I try not to turn and look at him because he’ll probably be feeling awkward at what’s happening. It’s funny, I always saw Grey as the life and soul of the party, the loud and proud guy, but he’s nothing like that once you get to know him.

  The room is quiet, the awkwardness only growing as we all sit, not sure what to say in response to Grey’s statement. I hate this feeling, the worry that you are going to say something wrong. “Right, I need to go. Are you staying, Grey, or coming home with me?”

  The blush on his cheeks has my cock hardening and I grab my jacket from the back of the couch to try and hide it. I need my body to get on board with the not lusting after Grey thing, but all it
remembers is how good it feels to be inside him. Shit, I never thought I would ever be thinking things like this about guys, but I can’t deny how good it feels to be with another man. There’s a huge difference, but that difference makes my cock happy. One has a body that is all soft and sensual. The other is all harder muscles and rougher skin, and I didn’t know it could be such a turn on.

  “I’ll come with you if that's okay?”

  The sixteen-year-old boy in me wants to tell him that I will be only too happy for him to come with me and and that it should be the only way he comes, but since we have an audience I keep quiet. I just nod my head and smile before turning and saying goodnight to Trey and Roman. I need to get my thoughts of Grey under control, and I hope I can do it sooner rather than later.

  Chapter 13

  ‘Are you still coming to Trey’s birthday night?’

  It’s the same text that Roman has been sending me for the past few days. They always come worded slightly differently, but ultimately the question is always the same. At least this time he's just come out and asked me. Pity I don't know the answer. I had been fully up for the night out before I had sex with Nathan but now I'm not so sure I should go. Things at home have been fine. There’s been no awkwardness with Nathan, but I think that that’s actually worse. If there was some modicum of tension between us it would feel natural, but this … niceness. It just doesn’t feel right.

  ‘Yeah, I’ll still be there.’

  I know I can’t back out. Roman has been working on a new routine for weeks so he can dance especially for Trey. It won’t be the first time Trey has been to the club to watch him, but it will be the first time that the whole routine will be for one guy only.