No Fear

by Heather Allen

  I frown, not understanding why he’s confused. Jackson sits back, crossing his chest with the tattoos along his arms straining. “You’re really scared out of your mind, aren’t you, Jimmy T?”

  Jimmy looks around and leans in, reminding me of Meyer’s squeamish reactions.

  “I don’t think you guys get it.” He looks directly at me. “Grey, I know Meyer told you they threatened his life. That’s why he’s not here. Who knows, maybe they found him and killed him. We’ll never know. That’s why we gotta quit this death wish shit.”

  I nod, already aware. But Meyer has been the same way for the better part of this whole thing. I don’t know what to believe about what he has said. And he’s gone, for that matter. His usual reaction when things become difficult is to get out and save his own ass, when the guilt gets to be too much. I can’t feel bad for him. He made his choices and I’m making mine.

  Jimmy tries once more. “Jax, you gotta talk him out of this. I know you, Grey; when you get a thought and make up your mind, you go after it. You can’t, though. Not this time. Parker is something that was never meant to happen.”

  I shift, uncomfortable about where this conversation is going. Christina grabs my hand on the table. I look over at her; compassion fills her features. I know she’s along for the ride. I would never be able to get her to leave at this point, even if it would keep her safe; and I’m not sure being apart from each other would be best.

  I look back to Jimmy, who is still pleading with Jax. This is a really bad look for the guy. Jax holds his hand up to halt any other words from Jimmy’s mouth.

  “Dude, I don’t know what the hell you boys think this is. Fighting is fighting, and I’ve never heard anything more absurd than controlling the outcome.” I smile at Jackson’s choice of words. He’s usually a little crude in his word usage, but he actually sounds eloquent.

  “But Jax, that’s the thing; you don’t get it. This isn’t only about fighting. It’s life or death for some. Fuck, I need a cigarette.” Jimmy stands, scanning our faces. He turns to leave but stops and turns back again. “Meyer was smart; he left, got away, so he couldn’t be involved anymore. I’m not sure that’ll keep them away, though. This is a business for them, and one life doesn’t mean shit when it comes to the amount of money passing hands. Grey, I’m sure they all took a hit with your fight tonight. If we keep this up, we might not wake up the next morning if it happens again.” With that, he leaves the small bar to get his nicotine fix.

  I shift to look over at Jackson and Christina. He seems even more decided. But I can tell Christina has become scared from Jimmy’s little speech. Great job, douchebag.

  I place my arm around her shoulders, bringing her closer. She rests her head against my arm, relaxing a little. I can tell she’s still tense, and nothing short of getting out of all this will help with that pressure.

  Jax speaks up. “Well, I for one don’t believe a word that rat face says. We gotta keep on with the plan. If we turn away now, Grey, it’ll be like we gave up. I know you ain’t about that.”

  I shake my head, knowing every single thing he just said is true. If we have to go all the way to Parker, we will—just to prove they can’t control me. I’ve let this go on way too long and I’m still a fighter. I won’t give up.

  ***

  Back at Meyer’s house, Christina takes my hand to lead me up the stairs. I can tell she’s still on edge. She looks around each corner, hesitantly. I’d like nothing more than to take her fears away, but I have my own. The beating I took is still fresh in my mind. When we enter my room and she seems satisfied the boogie man isn’t going to jump out at us, I wrap my arms around her from behind and sink my lips to the soft skin on her shoulder that’s not covered by her tank top. She leans into me, allowing my mouth to pepper tiny kisses up and down her throat. A soft sigh escapes her lips as she relaxes further. “Oh, Rookie, what am I going to do with you?”

  I stop my assault and gently grasp her arms, turning her to face me. I focus my stare on her beautiful blue eyes. “Christina, I will not let anything happen to you. I promise.”

  She lifts her hand, brushing it gently along my cheek before running it back through my hair. “I’m not worried about me. It’s you I’m worried about. I told you before, I can’t lose you. I mean it. There are still too many things we haven’t said.”

  This causes my lips to lift in a grin. She is something else, and she’s my something else. I lower my lips to hers, nipping gently and enjoying the softness of her plump lips. A moment later I move against her cheek, resting my lips at her ear. With a rush of breath I tell her, “I love you.”

  Her breathing stops, and then she sighs deeply as she pulls back to look into my eyes. Tears have seeped to the corners of her eyes. I lift my hand, wiping gently at the bits of water leaking from those beautiful windows into her soul. “Hey, I didn’t think it was something that you would have to cry about. Does it make you sad that I love you?”

  A smile widens as she takes another breath. She punches me in the arm, shaking her head.

  “Ow. I guess I won’t be professing my feelings any longer, if it gets me punched. Wait, have you been working out? That was a pretty good swing.”

  She laughs, her eyes changing from playful to seductive. I know I’m in for it. Her arms move around my neck, pulling me down to her level. “I love you too, so much.”

  Our lips meet in a kiss that truthfully I’ve never experienced. I guess pouring out all that emotion—knowing that I want this woman forever and she feels the same—changes everything. Makes it real, even. I move my hands to lift her onto the bed, and slowly I remove all of her clothes. She urges me to take my shirt off and then helps me unbutton my jeans. Once we’re both naked, I lay her down on the bed and meet her eyes as she watches me. She is so beautiful. I will never be able to get enough of her. With that thought, I move up her legs to her sweet spot and look up to meet her stare, smiling before lowering my face to taste her. She moans in pleasure, which takes us both further; and I know I’m in it with her forever, and I must protect her from every shit thing that I’ve brought into my life.

  As she squirms, yelling out with her release, I move up her thin body and sink into the spot I just tasted. It is unbelievably heaven, my heaven. We move together in a dance that is only ours. I lean into her ear and whisper, as her breathing speeds again. “Did I tell you that I love you?” She moves her lips to find mine, and she moans into my mouth as we both come.

  Chapter 23

  Exactly a week later, I get a call about a fight on the circuit the next night. To my surprise, I’m not told to throw the fight. Out of habit, I had the urge to clarify what that meant; but I reasoned if they don’t tell me to throw it, it’s open for me to do what I want.

  I decide to take a trip to the gym to see Frank, which left Christina vulnerable at Meyer’s. She promised it would be okay for me to go, because Trinity was coming to pick her up to do wedding stuff. I relented finally, making her promise to lock every door as soon as I left. It’s refreshing to know that they are getting along so well. After that day, Trinity nearly beat my ass at lunch; and then after my fight, she and Christina did something for the wedding just about every day. It worried me at first, because I thought Mollie was more involved than she really is. It’s not that I was afraid for Christina, as I’ve convinced myself she can handle anything. I just didn’t want her to be uncomfortable around Mollie. Maybe it was the possible questions that might come up if she started spending time with the redhead. The time I spent with her is tainted, and not something I ever want to revisit.

  As I walk into the gym, the first thing that catches my eye is the big black man across the room. He’s wearing gloves and facing an opponent with dark spiky hair. I have to remember not to smile in reaction to this. Andy training with Jax is a sight. It’s a little nostalgic, remembering how that was me not so long ago. But Jackson has high hopes for the kid as do I. He just doesn’t know it yet.

  By the time I find a b
ag to hit, the gym has filled and I’ve forgotten about my former trainer and his new project. I lose myself, clearing my head and focusing only on the repetition and my movement. After an hour, with my soaked shirt removed earlier, Frank strides up.

  “Hey, Greylan. How’s it going?”

  I glance over but continue my assault. This guy searching me out probably isn’t a good thing. He’s in sport shorts and a tank top, his oversized arms stretching the fabric. It still strikes me every time how his short body is so much out of proportion.

  “I haven’t had a chance to touch base with you since that last fight. I heard you got some slack for that one.” I glance over before moving my gaze back to the bag. The expression on his face says a lot.

  I force my fists to strike the bag harder. “Yeah, so?” My breath comes out in puffs.

  “So, you getting it is one thing; that’s on you. Once it starts coming our way, you’re done.” My arms stop and I turn to look at him. He’s firm with this decision. I nod in acknowledgement. There’s no point to telling him more than he needs to know. Hopefully, I’ll be gone before any of that anyway.

  He shifts to leave but adds, “Oh, and by the way, that trainer of yours, he’s good.”

  I know Jackson told him who he is, but I’m not sure what else he revealed. I’m reluctant to say anything, because Andy would never agree to train with him if he knew he had any connection to me.

  “The best.”

  He must see the question in my face because he says, “Don’t worry, I won’t tell Andy. He’s not smart enough to know what’s good for him. We’ll leave it as is but remember, once the heat shows around here, you’re out.”

  “Fair enough; thanks, Frank.”

  He walks away and suddenly I’m done with training. Just thinking about the mob and what could happen makes me want to go and make sure Christina is safe. Before I leave, I glance back across the room at Jax and his protégé. His back is toward me, but Andy catches my eye. He glares nodding his hate towards me. Glad we still have a mutual respect for each other. I turn around, shaking my head. At least he didn’t run after me this time.

  ***

  Back at the house, I find a note from Christina. It has all kinds of lovey dovey crap that I wouldn’t be able to repeat if I wanted to; maybe it’s her alternative to sexting me. It works, though. I want her home now, so I can do with and to her some of the things she wrote down.

  I palm my phone, hitting her number. It rings without an answer. Her voicemail picks up.

  “Hi, Christina. When are you bringing that sexy body back home? I’d like to have my way with it.”

  I collapse onto the couch with nothing to do but wait. Most likely my sister has her out, parading around town and getting things done, but I’m still worried. She hasn’t left my side since the beating; as more time passes, more doubts creep in and I worry.

  I grab a beer after a couple of hours and check my watch. Five o’clock. She should be back by now. I’ve already tried her phone once more and got no answer.

  After two bottles to calm my nerves, I dial my sister’s number. She picks up on the second ring. “Hi, big bro’.”

  “Hey, how’s it going?” I try to keep my voice calm and even.

  “Good, we got so much done today. Only a week ‘til the big day.”

  “That’s great, Trin. Are you dropping Christina back at the house soon?”

  There’s a long pause on the line before she asks, “Is she not home yet? We ran into Meyer a couple of hours ago and he said he’d bring her home.”

  My heart stops. Fuck. Meyer. I can’t find any words to respond. If anything happens to her, I’ll never forgive myself.

  “Grey, you still there? I’m sure they’re on the way. Maybe they stopped to get a bite to eat.”

  “Maybe. Okay, thanks sis. I’ll see you soon.”

  “Yep, have a good night.”

  I push the end button, sitting stone-still as dusk settles outside and the light in the room dissipates. Meyer, what the hell does that mean? Where the hell is she?

  I pull my phone out and try her again. This time it’s answered, but no voice sounds on the other end. My own tone comes out scared the worry evident. “Christina, are you there?”

  Nothing for a few beats of my overbeating heart, and then I hear Meyer’s voice. “Grey, hi buddy. How are you?”

  In that moment before I know anything, I want more than anything in this world to wrap my hands around his puny neck and squeeze until the life is gone from his eyes. But his voice snaps that thought away.

  “Dude, are you looking for your girlfriend? I ran into Trinity and Christina today and Trin told me all about how you found your person. Isn’t that pretty funny that it was Christina all along?” His nonchalant attitude sickens me.

  My heart is breaking with his words. I stand and begin to pace back and forth across the room. I want to yell and scream at him, but I know how Meyer works. If anything has happened to her and he knows about it, he’ll leave and I’ll never know—especially if I push too hard. My whole body is rigid, knowing that Meyer is the only link I have to her right now. So many horrible things pass through my head. I’ll kill them all if anything has happened to her.

  He continues, “I think it’s funny, maybe a little weird, but to each his own.”

  I’m through with him, but I have to be careful. “Meyer, hi buddy. I’m glad you’re okay. I was worried when I didn’t hear from you for all these weeks.” The words flow from my mouth. I’m amazed at how calm they are, when my insides are screaming at me.

  He laughs and it sounds forced. “That’s a good one. You and I know we aren’t buddies. That ship sailed a long time ago. You don’t give two shits about me.”

  This does it. I snap. Later, I might regret my words—the first bit of regret that I can truly wonder about—but in that moment, I see red and Christina is more important than anything else.

  “Where the fuck is Christina, Meyer? If anything happens to her, I will hunt you down and break every bone in your puny little body. You’re right, I don’t fucking care what the hell happens to you. The choices you made decided your fate long ago. So shut the fuck up and tell me where she is.”

  As soon as the last word leaves my lips, the front door opens and closes. I rush toward it as Christina is walking into the foyer. Her cheeks are tear-stained but, as I scan the rest of her, she seems fine. She looks up, meeting my stare. Her eyes are scared, reminding me of Jimmy’s the other night.

  Meyer’s voice sounds on the line. “That’s good, old buddy. I’m really glad we had this little chat. I like to know where I stand with people.”

  I want to take some of the words back, but I have a thousand questions for Christina and I can’t focus on Meyer any longer. I’m about to end the call, but his voice stops me. “I had to, Grey, so you could see what it’s like to constantly live in fear of your life. Think about what you do. It’s too late for me, but not for you.”

  The line goes dead, but I don’t care. I drop the phone and gather her into my arms. She begins crying against my shoulder. I know two things. One, something scared her and it was obviously meant to scare me too. And two, Trinity still knows nothing. What kind of game are we playing? Do I continue or give up?

  Chapter 24

  After I calmed Christina down, she was able to tell me what she knew, which was very little. She and Trinity met up with Meyer at a café, completely by surprise. She said he was already there when they arrived, drinking a cup of coffee and reading a comic book. As soon as they sat down, he strolled over, claiming what a shock it was to see them. Christina said Trinity bought it all, but she was leery about him just happening to be in the same place. He joined their table after Trinity insisted and talked about nothing of any importance. He mentioned that he saw I had won my fight last week, but he didn’t mention anything else about fighting until he got Christina alone.

  He told Trinity he would take her home. I’m such an idiot for not warning her about Meyer
and his instability. I thought for sure he had left, though, and I wouldn’t see him for years again. It didn’t cross my mind to mention it to Christina.

  Once they were alone in an old beat up pick-up, he drove to an abandoned warehouse on the edge of town. I love her, but I’m so angry that she took the risk. He kept her there for the better part of three hours, confiscating her phone as soon as they arrived. As she related the story to me, I kept asking her why she didn’t run away. It makes me crazy knowing how helpless I was when she could have been in danger. She reminded me over and over that this is Meyer we’re talking about. I guess even though she doesn’t know him as well as I do, he still comes off as an idiot who couldn’t hurt a fly. I’m not sure that’s the case anymore.

  The part that made me want to go after him and find him was when he started threatening her. He told her that, if I didn’t back off the fights, I’d be missing her and not just for a few hours. He told her that this was his last chance with the mob to get things right. Next time they would send the big guys again. I barely spoke when she finished. I couldn’t form any words through the anger. I had to keep reminding myself that he didn’t touch her. It calmed me down more, but the mere fact that he threatened her infuriates me.

  After she had relived the ordeal, I held her all night and vowed not to let her out of my sight again, no matter what.

  ***

  Now as the sun rises on the day I fight on the circuit again, I have to make some hard decisions. I wasn’t told to lose this fight, but it could be a test to see if I’ll respond to the threat put on Christina. She rolls over in my arms as she starts to wake up. Our limbs are tangled and part of me wants to lie here all day, forgetting about all of this shit we have to deal with.

  “I know what you’re thinking.” Her voice is laced with sleep as she peeks up into my face. Her blue eyes are as bright as if she had been awake for hours.