I'll Make You Mine

by Gia Riley

  I owe him more than that.

  I owe him a conversation.

  But I still can’t call him. Because when I do see his face, he’ll look at me with those honey-colored eyes and expect an answer. An answer I’m too scared to give him.

  Slipping my hand through the candy string, I wear the bracelet as proudly as I did when I was fourteen. Only now, the meaning attached to it makes it seem ten times heavier than it is. It’s a weight that’ll destroy me if I’m not careful.

  Zoe

  When Keely arrives to take me to the party, I expect her to see right through me. She doesn’t. She’s too focused on the radio while I’m itching to tell someone about my night. But Dylan and I haven’t discussed our sex yet. I’m not sure if I’m allowed to kiss and tell, or if what we shared should stay a secret.

  Once she settles on a song and glances at me, I think the moment has arrived. But all she says is, “New shoes, Zo?”

  That’s what she notices? “I bought them with a gift card from Christmas.”

  “You even have makeup on. I’m impressed.”

  “Thanks.” I try to keep my tone even, despite how nervous I am. I can’t afford to unwillingly give her any reasons to pry.

  “Don’t be shy because of your bruises and broken nose. I warned Chaz so he won’t say something stupid.”

  “Thanks, I think.”

  “Chaz has hot friends. You won’t regret this.”

  Chaz and his friends would need more than a makeover for me to notice. They’d need personality transplants, and as a future doctor, it’s not medically possible to transform assholes into decent human beings. Not without the help of some pretty potent drugs.

  Keely pulls in Chaz’s driveway behind his truck. But where are all the other cars? “This party looks dead.”

  “They’ll be here. Come on.” I follow her through the garage where a ping pong table waits for a game of beer pong. There’s a keg in the corner with the tap ready to go and a random couch with mismatched cushions lines the far wall. “They must still be inside,” she tells me as she pulls me into the kitchen.

  “Shit, is that a rat?” A clear plastic ball keeps slamming into the kitchen cabinets.

  Keely picks it up and holds it up to her face. “No, silly. It’s a hamster.”

  “Who owns a hamster?”

  “Chaz is an engineering student. He builds little obstacle courses for them for fun. He’s doing part of his final project on hamsters.”

  “Engineering? Can he spell that?”

  Keely sighs and gives me a sad smile. There was a time in the not so distant past he probably couldn’t. “I told you he’s not the same guy from last summer. Not even the same guy from a couple weeks ago. He’s changed. You’d know that if you would talk to him.”

  I’ll have to take her word for it because she’s the one who spent her entire winter break with him. If anyone has seen this new and improved version, it’s her.

  “Keely? Is that you, baby?” Chaz yells from the second level as he bounds down the stairs. The way he said “baby” was nothing like it sounded coming from Dylan. Dylan’s was gentle, not possessive.

  The second Chaz turns toward us, I barely recognize him. He got rid of the boy band highlights in his hair, and he stopped spending hours in the tanning bed. He might even be laying off the weights and protein powder. Dare I say it, but Chaz looks almost normal.

  “Thanks for coming, Zoe. Heard about your nose, killer story.”

  I glance at Keely, wondering what was so killer about the version she told him. “Don’t worry about it. I made up an excuse so you wouldn’t look like a freak in your splint.”

  I’m not ashamed of how I broke my nose. Accidents happen—more often than not with me. Why would she make up a lie instead of telling Chaz the truth? Unless my living with Dylan bothers her more than she admits. “Where’s everyone else?”

  “Well, I have a confession,” Chaz says. “I wanted a chill night so I can get to know my favorite twins better. But don’t worry, I invited a friend for you. He’ll be here any minute.”

  I knew there was more to this. Like always, I fell right into Keely’s trap. “What are you going to do? Tag team us?”

  Keely elbows me in the stomach and gives me a strained smile. “She’s kidding, Chaz. We don’t share.”

  She’s right, we don’t share. But that’s kind of what happened with Dylan. He was hers and then in the blink of an eye he was mine. How did that happen?

  “I can’t stay long,” I tell them.

  “Zoe,” Keely says with a death glare powerful enough to make small children run for their lives and animals howl at the moon. “If you say that to me one more time I will go ape shit.”

  I nod, wishing I had stayed home. “I’ll be in the bathroom.” The thought of sitting next to a guy who isn’t Dylan makes my palms sweat.

  The entire time I’m locked behind the door, Keely and Chaz talk about me. Drywall and kitchen cabinets separate us, but I still hear every single word.

  I hate the way Chaz assumes I’ll want whoever walks through the front door. And that I’ll let them have me because I’m desperate for affection.

  As I’m washing my hands, I open the medicine cabinet, just because I’m nosy and it’ll keep me in here longer. Eye drops, contact solution, antacid, and anti-fungal cream line the first shelf. Though I’m a little grossed out, I keep browsing, smiling when I stumble upon laxative powder. All those protein shakes must cause trouble.

  Tucking the bottle under my sleeve, I head straight to the garage where I pour two beers. One for Chaz and one for Keely. I toss some of the powder in Chaz’s cup because desperate times call for desperate measures.

  Once the powder dissolves, I walk back into the living room with a smile on my face, handing them each a drink. “A peace offering,” I tell Keely. “I’ll be right back,” I tell them when I spot my date sitting empty handed on the couch.

  Chaz walks along with me, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. “You look good in my house, waiting on my guests. I always thought you’d look good on me.”

  Pushing his hand off my shoulder, I glare at him. “You’re dating my sister, asshole.”

  “She’s a wild one. But I know you’re not like that.”

  “What’s your point?”

  “You know what they say about the quiet ones.” He winks and licks his lips.

  “You’re disgusting, Chaz.” While I pump the tap, he leans against the edge of the ping pong table. It shifts under his weight, screeching against the cement floor. He stumbles backward and I muffle my laughter with a cough. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m cool. Where’d you learn to pump like that?”

  Gag. I almost heave my sandwich up. “Keely’s been having parties since we were sixteen.”

  Just like the hamster, he almost walks into the door, his attention focused on my chest instead of where he’s going. I roll my eyes, hoping the laxative is fast acting. Each second I’m here is a second too long.

  We sit with Keely and my date, neither of us saying much of anything. I’m as focused on Chaz’s beer as he is, wishing he would chug it.

  About fifteen minutes later, he drains the last drop, winking at me as he finishes. As he tries to slide closer to Keely, I hear the rumbling of his stomach. He ignores it, wrapping his arm around her instead. Some sneaky gas escapes, ricocheting off the leather couch.

  “Oh, babe,” Keely says with sympathy.

  I chance a peek at Chaz and he gives me a weary, half-smile. His insides are at war, but faulty pipes and all, he grits his teeth through the discomfort.

  “Don’t even worry about it,” I tell him. “Shit happens.”

  My date thinks I’m hilarious, but Chaz just gives me another one of his fake smiles. He links his fingers with Keely’s, grimacing when his stomach rolls again. “I’ve been wanting to introduce you to my friend, Zoe.”

  “Yeah? I’m guessing this is him?” When Chaz clutches the couch, I can’t contain my l
aughter. “You sure you’re okay?”

  He grunts like he got kicked in the stomach.

  “Fuck,” he whispers, shaking his head. His body betrays him as beads of sweat form on his brow, trickling down his temples. Biting his lip, he clenches his thighs together and tips his head back.

  “Babe, you’re shaking,” Keely says as she turns and presses her palm to his forehead. “You look terrible.”

  Chaz sneezes, his expression now confirming the night is officially over.

  “Maybe you should go take care of that,” I encourage.

  He stands on shaky legs, taking small shuffled steps as he walks toward the stairs. “I’ll just be a minute,” he says.

  Keely glances at me, wondering what’s going on. I pretend to be clueless while I declare victory. That was for all the girls he’s wronged, and all the ones he’ll try to screw over, including my sister. I wish she could see Chaz for the asshole he is.

  I debate calling Dylan for a ride when his name lights up my screen. Considering I’ve ignored him all day, I’m surprised he’s calling. While working up the courage to answer, I hide out in the kitchen for privacy.

  I try to keep my voice steady, but it shakes. My heart’s pounding in my chest when I say, “Hello?”

  “Where are you?” He’s worried.

  “I’m with Keely at Chaz’s house.”

  He pauses for a minute like he’s surprised I’d leave our place for Chaz. Trust me, I’m just as shocked. “I was hoping we could have talked when you woke up this morning. Well I guess it was closer to afternoon.”

  “About what?” I know damn well what he wants to talk about, the same thing I do.

  “We had sex, Zoe.”

  “Dylan, I don’t want things to change.”

  “Nothing has to change. But things will be different.”

  I clutch my wrist, playing with the bracelet. “You said you didn’t want me to regret you.”

  “Zo,” he says with a sigh. “Why would you regret us? It’s me.”

  “That’s why, because it’s you. If our friendship falls apart, I’ll regret everything about last night.”

  “I don’t like the way you sound. Will you come home?”

  “Yeah. The party is a bust anyway.”

  “We’re okay, right?”

  I clutch the edge of the counter, positive I’m about to break a couple fingernails on the granite. “Yeah, we’re good, Dylan. Like you always remind me, I think too much.”

  “If you’re thinking about me, then it’s not too much.”

  I want to believe him, but what if he’s only saying nice things because he thinks he has to—because he doesn’t want me to panic?

  “Zoe? You there?”

  “I’m here.”

  “I didn’t mean to interrupt your night. I was just worried when I woke up and you weren’t next to me. It was your first time, and then you disappeared all day.”

  “You don’t have to worry.”

  “I’ve always worried about you, Zoe. This isn’t about sex.”

  “That’s true. I do a lot of stupid things worth worrying about. But last night, you made me feel special. There’s nothing for you to worry about anymore.”

  “Anymore? Why are you talking about me like I’m gone?”

  I didn’t realize I was. “I didn’t mean to,” I tell him, hoping it’s enough to ease his mind. “The sandwich and the bracelet were perfect.”

  “Good, because you’re not getting rid of me, Zo. Don’t even try.”

  “Dylan.”

  “Zoe.” He’s not backing down, though I never wanted him to.

  “Thank you for checking on me.”

  “You’re sure you’re okay? Because I can pick you up.”

  “I’m perfect,” I lie. I’m a mess and can’t stop dwelling on what happened. “Problem solved, right? I held up my end of the pact.”

  Keely told me to have fun with a bunch of people before I settled down. But I don’t want sex with anyone else. I want Dylan. No matter how many times I try to convince myself I’d be better off without him, I can’t deny myself such a simple pleasure.

  “Okay,” he says, less than convincingly. “I guess you did.”

  It’s already happening. I hear it in his tone. We’re different. “I’ll be home soon,” I tell him.

  “I’ll be here. Be careful.”

  “I will.”

  “Thanks,” he whispers.

  “For what?”

  “I think you just gave me my answer.”

  He hangs up before I can tell him he’s wrong. That nothing about this conversation had anything to do with my answer. But not once during our conversation did I say anything that would make him think differently.

  I blew it.

  I tuck my phone into my bag and when I turn around, Keely’s standing next to the island with her arms crossed over her chest. “What have you done, Zoe?”

  “What do you mean?” I ask her in a panic. How much did she overhear?

  She points to the living room with wide eyes. “Why is my boyfriend stuck in the bathroom?”

  I shrug. “Maybe he ate some bad food.”

  “Zoe, I’m pretty sure he shit his pants while sitting next to me!”

  “Come on, Keely. It’s kind of funny.”

  “It’s not funny.”

  “You can do so much better than him.”

  She throws her hands in the air. “I don’t get it. I’m finally happy and you have to ruin it for me—again. You can’t keep destroying my relationships because you’re jealous, Zoe.”

  “Who said I’m jealous?”

  “Me! You got Dylan to break up with me with a blink of your doe eyes behind your nerdy glasses. Now you poison my date with one of your insane doctor concoctions. Why are you trying to ruin my life?”

  I hate she assumes I’m jealous. “Becoming a doctor isn’t insane, Keely. It’s my dream. Dating Chaz would be insane. Every chance he has, he looks down my shirt. He makes suggestive comments, too. I’m sorry, but Chaz isn’t who you think he is.”

  “He’s changed, Zoe. He’s changed for me. Why can’t that be enough for you?”

  “He’s also changed his pants. But he’s still a selfish asshole who doesn’t deserve you.”

  She backs me into the corner until I’m up against the fridge. “What did you do to him? I love him, Zoe. Tell me.”

  She loves him?

  She can’t love Chaz. “I found a bottle of laxative in the bathroom. I slipped a bit into his beer.”

  Pushing me out of the way, she opens the fridge and fills her arms with Gatorade bottles. “I have to make sure he doesn’t end up dehydrated. Right, Doc?”

  “He’ll be fine, Keely.”

  “You could have killed him,” she says with tears in her eyes.

  “Oh come on. What would the obituary say? Death by diarrhea?”

  “Just go home,” she spits. “You’ve done enough damage. I shouldn’t have invited you.”

  “Keely, come on.”

  Her shoulders sag and for the first time in her life, she looks defeated. “Why can’t you accept him? Let me be happy, Zoe. You have Dylan and you’re Dad’s favorite. Isn’t that enough?”

  Her disappointment takes away my diarrhea joy. I hate when she’s mad at me, but every time I’m around Chaz, all I see is a guy with an agenda. I fear whatever changes she thinks he’s made, he hasn’t. His persona is an act.

  But before Keely starts sobbing, I trudge up the stairs and tap on the bathroom door. “Chaz?”

  “Yeah?” he groans.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Fine, baby.”

  He can’t even tell our voices apart.

  “Okay, good. I hope you feel better.”

  Keely sets toilet paper rolls on top of her Gatorade pile. “Babe, where do you want me to leave this stuff?”

  He hesitates, realizing his mistake. “Come around to the other door. It’s unlocked.”

  She pulls herself together and s
ays, “If he ever finds out what you did, you’ll pay for it, Zoe. I hope you’re prepared.”

  “Keely,” I beg. “I’m sorry, okay?”

  “I’ll let him believe he has food poisoning because I refuse to humiliate him. Now go home and screw your roommate again. I can tell that’s where you’d rather be.”

  She’s gone before I can pick my jaw up off the floor. I can’t decide what’s worse, that she thinks I almost killed her boyfriend, or that she heard my entire conversation with Dylan.

  Definitely Dylan.

  Dylan

  I’ve unloaded the dishwasher, used Zoe’s fancy mop contraption to clean the floor, and heated up food. None of it helped me forget about her.

  When I woke up this morning, and she wasn’t beside me, I thought I imagined our night together. It wouldn’t have been the first time I dreamed about sex with Zoe. In fact, it happens at least once a week. But there’s no way I’d forget how she felt wrapped around me.

  Sleeping with her solidified our connection, but until I look her in the eye and tell her how much I love her, there’s still time for her to interpret things a million other ways.

  And I know Zoe.

  For her to disappear without a goodbye, she’s spent the day freaking out. I spent so much time trying to figure out how to get her that I assumed everything else would fall into place. But that’s not what’s happening.

  For her to end up with Keely and Chaz, her head has to be a total mess. They’re the last two people she would run to. “Maybe she just doesn’t want you,” I mumble as I stuff another nacho in my mouth like a chick with PMS. This is what I’ve become.

  “Dylan? Are you home?”

  Her sweet voice fills my ears as I swallow the tortilla chip and wipe the crumbs away with the back of my hand. “In here, Zo.”

  She tosses her bag on the table and though she looks okay, she won’t make eye contact. “Whatcha eatin’?”

  Please don’t make it awkward. It doesn’t have to be.

  “Nachos. I can make more if you’re hungry.”

  “I’m not that hungry, but I could eat a couple.” She’s never been able to say no to my nachos. Anyone can melt cheese and dump it over chips.

  “Have a seat.” I grab the bag of chips out of the cabinet and more cheese from the fridge.