Truly, Madly, Deeply

by L. S. Scott

  “Ouch, dammit,” he growled through gritted teeth.

  He adjusted his arm to hold me with my arms trapped at my side. I felt him slide his other hand between us and undo his pants, pushing them down. I screamed again and he spun us around and pushed me down over the desk. His large hand splayed across the back of my neck, smashing my face into the unforgiving surface, muffling my cries. Fumbling fingers reached around to unbutton my pants and I froze. He stopped and watched me closely.

  “That’s a good girl,” he praised.

  I lay perfectly still while he slowly unzipped my jeans and slipped his hand inside.

  “You’re so fucking hot,” he whispered in my ear. “I don’t blame Blake for taking the risk.”

  Distracted, he loosened his grip on my neck. When he rose up to pull my pants down, I pushed against the desk and raised my head. With every ounce of hate I had inside, I screamed at the top of my lungs.

  In seconds, the door burst open. I cranked my head around to see Deputy Morris, the same deputy that had arrested Jaron a few days earlier, standing in the door. He had left his radio behind when he stopped by to visit with his old friend, Jason, earlier in the day. The deputy’s mouth gaped in shock at the scene. The home town hero bent over a screaming teen pinned to his desk. His training and instincts kicked in a split second later and Jason Holbrook lay face down on the floor, arms behind his back.

  I stood and fastened my jeans and wiped the tears from my eyes, the fear quickly morphing to anger and loathing.

  “Are you okay Miss,” the deputy asked.

  Holbrook looked up at me out of the corner of his eye, an evil snarl still on his face. I snarled back, crouched down and spit in his eyes.

  “Yeah, I’m okay,” I answered.

  He pulled my assailant from the floor and ushered him outside reading him his rights as he cuffed him and put him in the car.

  Janna was first on the scene, Greg not far behind her. The deputy was still taking my statement when they arrived. I watch and admired her as she passed by the car, where her rapist sat, with dignity and grace and her head held high. She rushed to my side and wrapped me in her arms.

  “I’m okay,” I assured her.

  Nothing I went through could possibly come close to the horror and pain she must’ve felt at that monsters hands.

  “Jaron?” I questioned.

  “He’s on his way. Prepare yourself,” she warned.

  I looked at her wide eyed. She tilted her head, “You can imagine how upset he is. How scared, how angry, and Natalie, I only told him half the story. He doesn’t know the details, how you came to be alone with, him.” she clarified.

  I nodded my understanding just as I heard the gravels fly as he slid to a stop in the parking lot. When he walked around the corner of the building his eyes immediately found mine then scanned me from head to toe. Without slowing his pace he stalked to the cop car, pulled the driver’s door open and stuck his head inside. The deputy stood static, content with letting Jaron have his say through the metal cage that protected Holbrook in the back seat.

  I couldn’t hear him but I could see his lips clearly, “I. Will. Kill. You.” He mouthed, his words a promise.

  He slammed the door and came to me, reaching for me with shaking hands. Not caring who watched, he pulled me into his arms and the dam holding back my tears broke. I sobbed uncontrollably into his chest. Greg, Janna and Deputy Morris left us alone and after a brief conversation, the deputy got in his car and pulled away.

  Jaron cupped my face in his hands and looked in my eyes, piercing through to my very soul. “Did he hurt you,” he asked severely, and I knew his meaning.

  “No Jaron.”

  He searched my eyes for truth.

  “I swear Jaron, he didn’t. The deputy heard me scream and came in just in time.”

  He grimaced at the thought of me screaming under Jason Holbrook. His thumb rubbed the tiny strawberry bruise that had appeared on my cheek bone from being pressed so hard against the desk. He seethed with pure hatred, his hands shaking. He tucked me tightly under his arm and walked me toward his truck where Janna and Greg waited.

  “Thanks sis, for coming to be with her,” he said, hugging Janna with one arm without letting go of his hold on me.

  “Of course, I’m just glad she’s okay.”

  Jaron extended a shaking hand to Greg. Greg took it and patted his shoulder warmly.

  “We’re gonna go home,” Jaron declared, his voice crackling.

  Greg nodded. “If there’s anything else we need, we’ll call,” he said, referring to the statement I had given.

  Janna stood looking me dead in the eye, anxiously waiting. Jaron opened the truck door.

  “Wait,” Janna said. “Natalie, it’s better to tell him now,” she said nervously and I understood her meaning.

  It was better to do it with her and Greg there for support, to help absorb the explosion that was inevitably going to happen. Jaron’s brow furrowed and his eyes became stormy as he looked from her to me than to her then back to me.

  “Tell me what?”

  I opened my mouth, but the words stuck in my throat. He held my shoulders and looked down at me worriedly.

  “Speak dammit,” he demanded.

  “I came to his office,” I said, my voice little more than a whisper.

  “What,” Jaron questioned through gritted teeth.

  The look of confusion, disappointment, despair and rage all boiling in his eyes. My diaphragm jerked as I took a deep breath.

  “He said he wouldn’t press charges against you if I came to his office to see him.”

  There was no call for explanation. Everyone knew perfectly well what the visit was for.

  Jaron dropped his hands from my shoulders and hung his head. His strong shoulders slumped and I saw a single tear fall and land on his boot.

  “Jaron I’m sorry,” I continued tearfully. “I didn’t. I couldn’t. The second I got here I told him no and tried to leave.”

  He raised his head and threw his hands up to the side. I flinched at the sudden movement.

  “He’s a fucking rapist Natalie! He don’t take no for an answer!” His face contorted with rage. “Aaaww,” he screamed and punched the door of his truck, leaving a large dent. “How fucking stupid could you be?” I covered my mouth to stifle the sobbing.

  “JARON!” Janna scolded.

  He turned to her with a dead pan stare. Their eyes locked for a long breathless moment. Greg stood at Janna’s side, an arm crossed over his chest, the other hand across his mouth, worry etched in his face.

  “I’m taking her home,” Jaron hissed and turned to me.

  I winced when he reached for me, but his touch was gentle when he placed his hand on the small of my back and ushered me into the truck.

  “Jaron I’m sorry,” Janna called to him as he climbed in and shut the door.

  I caught a tear in her eye before she turned away and buried her head in Greg’s chest. We drove for a few minutes in silence before I spoke.

  “Janna didn’t do anything wrong, Jaron.”

  He shook his head slightly. “Natalie, please just be quiet.”

  His voice was strained and shaky. I rested my elbows on my knees and buried my face in my hands and wept as quietly as I could. Jaron pulled me to him and laid my head on his lap, stroking my hair and trying to shush my crying.

  “I know you’ve been through a lot,” he said, and I could hear the restraint in his voice. “But I am very pissed off right now,” he swallowed hard. “And I’m struggling Natalie. I don’t want to make things worse. We just need to get home so I can think straight.”

  I pulled my knees to my chest, closed my eyes and we rode home in silence.

  “We’re home babe.” Jaron opened the door and slid out of the truck and reached in to help me up.

  His hands were still shaky, but he made extra effort to be gentle as he led me by the hand through the door, without stopping or speaking, straight to the bathroom. He
started the shower as I stood stoically beside him.

  “Do you want me to undress you,” he asked, with uncertainty, his voice almost a whisper.

  I looked at the floor and began to undress. Jaron turned away from me and I felt my heart sink. He turned to leave the room as I stepped into the steaming shower.

  “Jaron.” I reached through the curtain and grabbed his arm. “Please don’t leave me.”

  A pained smile barely touched the corners of his mouth. He stepped back and twined his fingers in mine.

  “What do you want me to do,” he asked.

  I paused, unsure of how he would react and positive I couldn’t handle rejection. Timidly, I reached through the curtain and pulled his shirt up. He raised his arms as I pulled it over his head. Our eyes met and we held each other with a look full of understanding. He undressed and stepped in the shower, pulling me close he stroked my hair he kissed my forehead.

  “Just wash it all away baby,” he whispered, stroking my back with the soap in his hand.

  I could feel the suds as they trailed down the small of my back and down the back of my legs. It helped to wash away the feeling of my attacker’s hardness pressing into me. I sobbed softly as Jaron bathed me under the water until it turned cool. Jaron dried me, staying as close to me as possible, his arms constantly around me. He slipped on his pjs and grabbed my white t-shirt and panties and helped me into them, then wrapped my favorite fluffy blanket around me.

  “Come on,” he said. “We missed dinner.”

  “Jaron I,” he cut me off.

  “You need something on your stomach. Sit.” He pointed to the bar stool.

  I watched him move around the kitchen quickly. He got saltine crackers, peanut butter and an apple. He smeared the peanut butter on several crackers and sliced the apple and arranged them all on a plate. He poured a cold Dr. Pepper in a glass and set it on the bar in front of me.

  “Just try to eat a little, please.” I nodded.

  He stood across the bar from me and took a peanut butter cracker. The tension started to melt away, the way it always did when we sat down for dinner, but I could feel a distance between us.

  “Jaron,” he froze in anticipation of what I was going to say. “Please forgive me for this?”

  He crossed his arms protectively over his bare chest and stared at the floor.

  “You said you would never be mad at me for what other people did, for what they wanted from me.”

  “I’m not mad at you for what he did,” I watched as anguish distorted his beautiful profile. “You went to him,” his voice cracked. “You lied to me, and you went to him with the intention,” he trailed off.

  A single tear escaped from the corner of his eye. He pressed his thumb and finger into the sockets to push the rest away. When he lowered his hand there was an ‘ah ha’ look on his face, a look of sudden understanding.

  “Last night, the head ache, you knew last night you were going. That’s why,” he paused. “The way you made love to me, it’s because you knew.” His words jerked across the lump in his throat.

  “Jaron, I, I was trying to help. I was trying to protect you.”

  The words took a second to sink in. When they did he sprang from the counter and wheeled around, landing his already bruised fist in the middle of the cabinet door.

  “God dammit Natalie!”

  He placed both hands on the edge of the counter and leaned all his weight against it, his head hung between his shoulders.

  “In what fucking universe did you think that would help?” He shook his head. “Don’t you get it? I failed you. All I want to do is take care of you and you didn’t trust me enough to tell me what was going on. You didn’t believe in me enough to let me take care of it, to take care of you. Do you have any idea how bad that makes me feel?”

  “Jaron, I,” he continued.

  “You know, with Janna, I get it. She’s my big sister. A part of her will always feel the need to take care of me. But you, you’re mine. It’s my job to take care of you. Why can’t you just let me?”

  He finally stood and faced me. I stared back at him speechless, astonished by his misplaced emotion. He wasn’t mad at me or Janna and in that moment it wasn’t even Jason Holbrook that he hated the most. It was himself. He blamed himself for all of it.

  I rose from my seat and cautiously rounded the corner of the bar. I felt like I was approaching a frightened pony standing and shivering in the corner of a stall. I reached my hand out slowly and touched his forearm, then his shoulder and eased my hand to his face.

  “What do you want me to do Natalie,” he whispered with uncertainty, looking and sounding like a scared little boy.

  I wrapped my arms around his neck, “I just want you to love me and never stop. Please, never stop loving me?” He wrapped me tight and our bodies melted together.

  “Never,” he breathed into my neck. “Never.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  I didn’t return to school for the last few days before spring break. In fact, I didn’t leave the house. It had become as much my fortress of solitude as it was Jaron’s. It seemed like as long as we were within those walls, that nothing could touch us. No one could harm us or come between us. We were the only two people that existed, at least in our little world.

  We didn’t talk anymore about what happened. Greg called a couple of times, just to let us know the status of the case. Faced with the undeniable truth, an officer witnessing the attack with his own eyes, Jason Holbrook’s father turned his back on his son. It became clear to the entire community, as well as, Mr. Holbrook, that Janna had not cried wolf all those years ago and that he had helped his son get away with rape. He refused to post his bond or retain an attorney for him this time. Jason Holbrook was on his own and definitely going to do time.

  Janna and Jaron talked things through as well and were back to normal. Something I wished my brother and I could do. I was laying on the couch, lost in thought, Jaron clanging around in the kitchen cooking dinner, when there was a knock on the door.

  “I’ll get it babe,” I mumbled, rolling off the couch. But before I was up Jaron was passing by the living room headed to the door, a slight scowl on his face.

  “No, I got it,” he said, waving me off as he passed.

  The door creaked open and I laid there listening for a familiar voice. Jaron remained oddly silent. After a few awkward seconds, the visitor finally spoke.

  “Is Natalie here,” Jake asked.

  My eyes popped open. I jumped up and ran to the door.

  “Jake,” I said breathlessly.

  Jaron leaned against the open door and looked from Jake to me and back again.

  “Hey sis.”

  Before he could say another word, I threw myself into his arms.

  “I heard what happened. I came straight here as fast as I could. I’m so sorry. Are you okay?”

  “Yes, I’m fine. I’m so glad to see you. I’ve missed you so bad,” I whined.

  “I’ve been gone four years. You’ve just now started missing me?” he joked.

  I dropped my head and looked at my bare feet.

  “You stopped talking to me.” My lip quivered and I bit it to hold back the tears. “I haven’t heard from you since Thanksgiving.”

  “I know, I’m sorry. I’ve been keeping up with you through Tiffany.”

  I raised my head and looked at him through narrowed eyes.

  “You talk to Tiffany?”

  “Yeah. I know everything that goes on with you.” He looked past me to Jaron for a split second. “Everything you tell her anyway.”

  “Just how often are you talking to my best friend?”

  “I don’t know, once or twice a week,” he shrugged nonchalantly and looked away.

  “Hmph,” I snorted. “That’s news to me.”

  I couldn’t help but smile as it became crystal clear why Tiffany had all the sudden stopped fawning over Brian.

  “Will you come in and stay a while? Dinner will be ready
at six.” I gave him my best puppy dog eyes.

  He fidgeted and looked at Jaron for another split second, “Um, I don’t know. I don’t want to intrude. I shouldn’t have just showed up.”

  “Bull! You’re my brother. You’re welcome in my home anytime.” I turned to look at Jaron, a silent plea in my eyes.

  He took a deep breath and forced a half-hearted smile.

  “You should stay for dinner,” he said, then clenched his jaw tight.

  I nudged him playfully with my shoulder and beamed up at him.

  “Okay,” Jake agreed and stepped into our home for the first time.

  We glossed over the bad stuff. Tiffany had already given him the gory details, so we skipped to better topics. We talked only briefly about mom. He let me know she was doing okay and that Bill wasn’t around much anymore, then we moved on.

  He filled me in on all the latest in his life. He had gotten a promotion and a big raise at work and was looking to buy a house. We laughed together when he told me his tragically awkward dating stories and it was perfectly clear, when he talked about her, that his heart was taken. There was an absolute twinkle in his eye when he said Tiffany’s name.

  Jaron stayed in the kitchen, which wasn’t out of the ordinary. When he called out that dinner was ready, the table was already set, the food placed neatly in serving dishes in the center. Jake’s eyes widened when he saw the dinner table, then an appreciative smile graced his face. I grabbed three Dr. Peppers from the fridge.

  “D.P okay,” I asked, glancing over my shoulder.

  “Yeah, that’s great,” Jake answered.

  The two most important men in my life stood in uncomfortable silence around the table and waited for me. Jaron waited for both of us to sit before taking his usual seat at the head of the table.

  “Dinner looks great babe,” I said as I dipped sheppard’s pie onto my plate.

  I leaned over with my lips puckered to give him a thank you kiss. He reluctantly leaned over and kissed me. I found it amusing that he was shy about giving me a peck in front of my brother when he barely batted an eye at his sister, and brother in law, seeing him on top of me in the kitchen floor.