Seeing Shadows (Shadow Series #1)

by S. H. Kolee

  Simon grinned at my expression as he helped himself to the bread as well. "See? I told you."

  "You're right," I said, taking another bite and savoring it. "This is insanely good. I can see why it's your favorite."

  Simon paused, a piece of bread halfway to his mouth. "I didn't say it was my favorite."

  "Do you mean to tell me that Maxine makes something better than this?" I asked skeptically. "If so, she should quit working for your family and start her own bakery. In fact, she should quit and start her own bakery with just this bread."

  Simon popped the piece of bread in his mouth and chewed, swallowing. "She makes a lot of other great things but this blueberry crumble bread is the best. But something else has taken its place as my favorite sweet. There's a certain cookie that I've only just tasted recently, but I can tell I'm always going to want more."

  Simon winked at me and I just stared at him. I wasn't sure what my reaction would be at his words until I burst out laughing. Even though there was a warmth settling inside of me at his sentiment, his outrageousness also amused me.

  "You're such a dork," I said, playfully slapping him on the arm. "Do you stay up at night coming up with this stuff?"

  Simon grinned, seemingly unperturbed by my lack of appreciation for his glib words. He shrugged. "They just seem to come naturally around you. Maybe it's your fault."

  I shook my head when Simon offered me more bread. "It's delicious but I'm seriously going to explode from all the junk we ate earlier." In addition to the chili dog I had eaten, Simon had insisted on getting a ton of junk food for the road. I had eaten my fair share of potato chips, Reese's pieces, Cheetos and Ring Dings. It was unbelievable how much food Simon could put away and still keep his lean muscled body intact.

  He finished off the last of the bread as I watched him, feeling like one of his groupies that hung out at the East End, hoping to get a minute of his attention. Simon's brown hair was starting to get a little shaggy and in need of a haircut, but it just seemed to add to his charm. I could see the impression of a clearly defined chest beneath his green t-shirt, even though the shirt wasn't very form fitting. His biceps pushed against the cotton of his short sleeves, straining against it. His body was the perfect mix of toned lean muscles.

  Simon stretched his arms over his head with a yawn, and I distractedly thought he must be tired from the long drive, but my eyes were focused on the hem of his shirt. His stretch had caused his shirt to ride up and I could see an expanse of flat muscled stomach, rippling with his movement. I gulped and looked away guiltily, hoping that he hadn't noticed me gawking at him.

  Fortunately he had closed his eyes during the stretch and opened them just as I looked up. Simon gave me an easy smile and my breath caught. Would I ever get used to how gorgeous he was? I continually wondered why Simon was interested in me. I had wondered if it was because I refused his advances. Maybe he wasn't used to refusals and he was excited by the chase. But that didn't seem like Simon. I wondered if it was because I was unlike other girls, who were so free and open, eager to share everything with him. Maybe I intrigued him. I couldn't come up with an answer that satisfied me, so I just decided to stop wondering. It didn't really matter at this point. The most important thing was keeping him safe.

  "Well, I'll let you get to bed," he said, popping the lid back on the container and setting it down on the dresser next to the door. He then enveloped me in a hug and I relaxed against him. I relished these hugs from Simon, loving the closeness of his warm hard body against mine, hearing the beating of his heart against my ear, breathing him in. In these moments, I was able to believe that everything would turn out okay. That I wasn't crazy and I had a future worth living. Unfortunately those feelings slipped away as his arms did, and reality came crashing back.

  "Goodnight," I said softly.

  Simon smiled at me sweetly. "I'm right down the hall if you need anything. My mom knew not to put you too far away from me. I'll leave my door open in case you need anything. Goodnight."

  Simon grabbed the container as he left the room and closed the door softly behind him. I didn't ponder his statement about his mother. I was too tired to think about anything. I decided it would take too much of an effort to unpack my toiletries to get ready for bed. So I just fished out my shorts and t-shirt I used as pajamas from my suitcase and changed, gratefully crawling into bed. Despite my problems falling asleep in strange places, the bed was so comfortable and warm and I was so tired that my eyes were fluttering shut before I realized it.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  The girl was moaning, blood pooling by her head. The piece of wood was laying beside her, looking innocuous except for the end where it was soaked in blood, tinged dark red. The girl was rocking her head from side to side, as if she was trying to clear it of something.

  I was rooted at the same spot I always was, but this time when I willed my legs to move, they obeyed. I ran the short distance over to her, quickly looking around but not seeing her look-alike, her vardoger, anywhere. I dropped to my knees and bent over her.

  "Claudia," I said urgently. "Can you get up? We need to get out of here." I had a driving desire to flee and take her with me. I didn't know what the vardoger would do, if anything, but it was better than waiting around for something to happen.

  Claudia's eyes fluttered open, pain and confusion muddying the grey depths.

  "Caitlin?"

  I sucked in a sharp breath of air, her thready weak voice calling out my name shocking me. This didn't seem like a vision. This seemed real. Too real. Claudia could see me, could recognize me. Fear started pounding in my heart.

  "It's me, Claudia. Please, try and get up," I pleaded as I tried to help her stand by scooping my hands underneath her arms.

  "I can't," she moaned. "It hurts so much."

  "I know, Claudia, I know. But we need to get out of here before it comes back." Tears were streaming down my face as I looked at hers twisted in pain.

  She seemed to try and cooperate, propping her shoulders up, when suddenly her body bowed violently, her neck bent at an unnatural angle as she shook violently.

  "Claudia! What's wrong!" I tried to straighten out her back, to take the pressure off her neck before she broke it, but she was incredibly strong in resisting.

  A guttural scream ripped from her throat and suddenly my hands on her body felt as if they were burning. Her body burst into flames and I ripped my hands off of her, stumbling back. The smell of burning flesh filled my nostrils as I stared, too horrified to scream.

  Her mouth opened as if she were jawless, gaping wider than humanly possible. A rush of air flew out of her mouth. But it was denser than air and colored grey, almost as if it were smoke. But it didn't drift out like smoke. It came out in an intense rush that forced Claudia's head back even more.

  It ended as abruptly as it had started and Claudia's body straightened, falling back against the ground. The flames disappeared and she just lay there, still and silent. I crawled back over to her, shaking her shoulders.

  "Claudia," I begged. "Wake up. We need to get out of here."

  Before I realized what had happened, Claudia's eyes flew open and her hands rose to wrap tightly around my neck. Violent panic rose in me as I stared into Claudia's eyes, clawing at her hands around me. Claudia's eyes were no longer grey but black, as if her pupils had taken over her irises. They gleamed with animalistic hatred as she tightened her grip, her nails digging into my neck. I frantically tried to loosen her hold, but it was futile as I felt myself growing weaker, spots crowding my vision.

  As my consciousness started slipping away, I vaguely wondered if I would die in real life if I died in my vision. I felt my necklace slip out from under my shirt, gravity pulling it loose as I was held over Claudia's body by her hands. The iridium tusks fell against Claudia's hands and she hissed as she pulled back abruptly. She bared her teeth at me like a wild animal but didn't try to choke me again.

  "You think that will protect you?" she hissed, her voice
sounding inhuman. "We're evolving, just like you. You can't stop us. Stupid girl. You'll soon see."

  Before I could try and respond, try and wrap my head around what was happening, I was pulled back, as if someone was behind me, physically pulling me from the scene. The last thing I remembered was opening my mouth to scream.

  "Caitlin!"

  A voice called to me urgently as I felt myself being shaken. I tried to force myself to the surface, to the familiar voice calling me back.

  "Caitlin! Wake up! You're having a nightmare!"

  My eyes shot open and I instinctively cowered from the person standing over me, shaking me.

  "Caitlin?" This time the voice was softer, questioning.

  I tried to take a deep breath but it was painful. My vision started to clear from the haze of the nightmare and I saw Simon standing over me, his eyes dark with concern. The lights were on and I shook my head as I tried to focus.

  "Simon?" I croaked.

  Simon looked relieved at my utterance. "Christ, you scared the crap out of me. I heard you making these awful noises and when I came in here you were thrashing around and I couldn't wake you up."

  I propped myself up on the bed and Simon sat down next to me, his hip pressing into my side.

  "Sorry," I whispered. I couldn't think of anything else to say as my mind raced over the vision I had just had. It had felt so real.

  "Don't apologize. I'm just glad you're awake. Do you have nightmares often?"

  I bit my lip. "Um, sometimes. Thanks for waking me up."

  I heard a door open and footsteps padding towards my bedroom. Simon had left the door to my bedroom open and Sarah peered in, her eyes widening at the scene before her.

  "Caitlin? Are you okay?"

  I tried to smile reassuringly at Sarah. "I'm okay, Sarah. I'm sorry if we woke you."

  She stepped into my room, looking at me warily. "What happened?"

  "She just had a nightmare. I heard her from my room and came in to wake her up."

  Sarah frowned at Simon's statement. "How did you hear her? I'm right next door and I didn't hear anything."

  Simon shrugged. "My door was open. I heard what sounded like moaning and when I got up and went into the hallway, it sounded as if it was coming from Caitlin's room." Simon looked thoughtful as he continued. "Although, when I came in here she was barely making any noise. Not loud enough for me to hear down the hall, since her door was closed. Maybe it was just louder before."

  I interrupted before Simon continued. "I'm okay now. Sorry for waking you guys up." I smiled weakly as Simon looked back at me, but I saw Sarah's eyes narrow.

  "It's okay. That must have been one hell of a nightmare you were having. What was it about?" Simon asked.

  I gulped as I met Sarah's eyes. Her narrowed eyes widened with understanding.

  "Simon," she said, walking closer. "Why don't you go back to bed. I'll sit with Caitlin while her head clears. Turns out I can't sleep so I was just tossing back and forth in bed anyways."

  Simon looked stubborn as he opened his mouth, but I placed a hand on his arm, speaking before he could. "Simon, I'm okay. Please just go back to bed." I looked at Sarah. "Both of you. I'm really okay. I'm just embarrassed that I caused such a commotion." Simon opened his mouth again but I stopped him before he could speak. "Please."

  I looked at Sarah pleadingly and she sighed but she slightly tipped her head in acquiescence. "Come on, Simon. We should let Caitlin go back to sleep. She's mortified enough without us fawning over her. I'll keep my door open in case she has another...nightmare." Sarah paused before saying the last word and I knew she had almost called it a vision.

  Simon's lips pressed together, the corners turning down, but he gave an exhale of surrender. "Okay, but keep your door open, Caitlin. I hear anything else and I'm sleeping in here with you."

  "Simon, you can't do that! What will your mother think?" Just the thought of his mother catching him sleeping in my room made me flush.

  Simon smirked. "My mother knows I'm all grown up. I actually told her I wanted you to stay in my room with me and she was fine with it. But I knew you would freak out, so I told her it was probably best if you had your own room."

  I groaned as I buried my head in the pillow. "Simon, how could you say that to her! She's going to totally get the wrong idea! And she'll think I'm some floozy! Everybody leave before I die of embarrassment."

  Sarah laughed as she grabbed Simon's arm. "Come on Prince Charming, before Sleeping Beauty decides to do you some bodily harm."

  Simon allowed himself to be pulled away but he turned around as they were leaving the room. "Remember, don't close your door."

  Sarah switched off my lights as they left the room and went their separate ways. I breathed in deeply, finally alone with my own thoughts. Even though the lights were out, the hallway light gave a faint illumination into my room and I was grateful that I wasn't in complete darkness.

  My mind raced as I thought of my vision, grasping my iridium charm in my hand. It seemed to have saved me in my vision when it fell against Claudia's hand. Or whatever had been Claudia. Had I witnessed the vardoger taking final possession of Claudia's body? Had the grey matter rushing out of her mouth been the essence of Claudia, leaving her empty body behind to be overtaken by the vardoger?

  What would have happened if Simon hadn't woken me up? I worried over these thoughts in my head over and over again. I knew there was no way I would be able to go back to sleep. I looked at the alarm clock on the bedside table and sighed. It had been almost two in the morning when Simon had woken me and now it was closer to three. I had resigned myself to laying restless in bed until dawn when I heard a rustle at my door.

  I shot up, feeling on edge and looking fearfully at the doorway. I saw Simon there, peering into the darkness of my room.

  "Simon!" I whispered sharply. "You scared me to death! I almost had a heart attack!"

  Simon walked in, closing the door behind him, not bothering to be quiet once he saw that I was awake. I felt a little tense now that the hallway light was no longer illuminating my room. The only remaining light was the shaft of moonlight from the window next to the bed.

  "Sorry," he said quietly as he moved closer to me. I could barely make out the features of his face in the dark. "I couldn't sleep and I was wondering if you were able to. I figured I would check up on you to see if you were okay."

  It was hard to stay upset at Simon when he was so concerned. It continually amazed me how kind and thoughtful he was. Was he this way with everyone?

  "I'm okay, thanks. I couldn't go back to sleep either."

  Before I could protest, Simon lifted a corner of the covers and slipped in beside me, laying next to me.

  "Simon! What are you doing?!" I tried to keep my voice quiet, remembering that Sarah had left her door open even though mine was now closed.

  "We can help each other try and sleep. Or at least keep each other company while we're awake."

  I scooted away but Simon hooked his arm around my waist, not letting me get very far. We were facing each other and I was aware of how close our faces were, our breaths mingling together.

  "I don't think this is a good idea."

  "You don't think anything is a good idea."

  "Simon-"

  He cut me off with a finger to my lips and I stilled, suddenly unable to speak. He removed his finger and lightly brushed my hair off my face, looking deep into my eyes.

  "Caitlin, there's so much I don't understand about you," Simon said softly, moving his hand from my hair to my cheek, stroking gently. "I know you're holding back on me. And as much as it bothers me that you won't open up, I know I'm not the only one feeling this. I can see it in your eyes. You want me as much as I want you."

  I opened my mouth, not sure whether I was going to protest or agree, when he continued, not giving me a chance to speak.

  "I'm not just talking physically, although God knows that's a big part of it. I find my thoughts drifting to you when you're no
t around. Wondering what you're doing. What you're thinking. You're funny, smart, sweet and beautiful. But you don't seem to realize it. It's endearing and frustrating at the same time. But the glimpses you give me, the glimpses of the Caitlin with no walls, is enough for me to know that you're worth fighting for. So that's what I'm going to do, Caitlin. I'm going to fight for you."

  My lips trembled, his words piercing my heart. My walls felt like they were made of paper, giving way with nothing but a slight breeze.

  "Simon," I said, my voice low and raw. I couldn't deny it anymore. But I had to give him the truth. At least a version of it. "I'm not going to lie and say I don't feel something for you. And that's putting it lightly. But there's so much you don't know. I'm damaged. In ways you could never understand. In ways I don't understand. Getting involved would just hurt both of us. You would never be happy with what I could give you. And I would always be second guessing myself, knowing you deserved better. Because my life isn't my own. It's not mine to give you."

  I stopped, not able to say anything more. Simon's brows had furrowed in confusion as I spoke. "I don't understand. What do you mean you're damaged? Why isn't your life your own?"

  I shook my head, unable to say any more. Simon could never understand the dark corners of my mind, the death and violence I lived with. And now I had to come to terms with homicidal shadows trying to kill people - to kill him. I could never be that bright happy girl Simon deserved. The one that could build a future with him, that could share a life with him. I couldn't express any of these things so I stayed silent as I felt tears escaping my eyes, slipping onto the pillow beneath me.