Seeing Shadows (Shadow Series #1)

by S. H. Kolee

  Simon moved his hand to wipe the tears away gently with his thumb. "You're not ready to tell me. That's okay. You've told me more than before. How you think about yourself. And I'm willing to wait for the rest. But you're not damaged." He shook his head at my grimace of protest. "You're not damaged. But even if you were, I'd spend the rest of my life fixing you. My life isn't my own either, Caitlin. I can't explain it, but since I've met you, I've felt a connection to you so strong that I can't deny it. I don't want to deny it. So my life isn't my own. It's yours."

  My heart felt like it was going to shatter at his words, but then my breath grew shallow as Simon moved his head across the pillow, closer to mine. My eyes drifted closed of their own accord and I felt the soft, tentative brush of his lips against mine, as if he was asking permission. I was helpless and leaned closer into him, my lips parting. Simon groaned as he cupped his hand at the base of my head, drawing me closer. His lips went from coaxing to demanding, slanting over mine with growing pressure. My body responded in kind, igniting as I felt liquid warmth pooling inside of me, my hips instinctively arching against his. I wrapped my arms around him as he slipped a hard thigh between mine and I clung to its muscled length, feeling a tide of desire rush over me. Simon invaded my mouth with his tongue, tangling together with mine in a seductive rhythm. I heard a whimper and realized it was coming from me. I felt out of control and it scared and exhilarated me in equal measure.

  Simon broke his lips away from mine, breathing harshly, his eyes glittering in the dark with desire. "Caitlin," he whispered, his voice thick and rough. He let out a deep breath and blinked his eyes as if he was coming out of a trance. He smiled slowly, brushing my cheek with his thumb. "I've been wanting to do that for a long time."

  I took in a long shuddering breath. I couldn't believe the way I had responded to Simon. I felt as if I should be embarrassed or regretful, but I felt neither as I looked at him. Maybe I deserved this chance. This chance to be happy with this amazing person who seemed to care so much for me. So I smiled in return. "If I had known you could kiss like that, I would have let you do it a lot sooner."

  Simon grinned, looking ridiculously happy. He pulled me closer until my head was nestled under his chin, his arms wrapped around me. "Be careful or I'm going to forget that this is my parents' house and not worry about you feeling awkward about it. The only thing holding me back now is not wanting to take advantage of you. I know you were pretty shaken up over your nightmare."

  "That's not why I kissed you back."

  "Good." Simon kissed the top of my head. "Try and go to sleep. We have a long day tomorrow. And we have the rest of our lives to make out like horny teenagers."

  I snuggled in closer, hoping this was true. The beating of his heart was soothing and, engulfed in his warmth, I let myself believe that I could have this. I could have a future with Simon. I would find out everything I needed from my aunt on Sunday and somehow I would figure out what to do with these visions. How to handle the presence of vardogers. How to get rid of them. And most importantly, how to protect Simon against his.

  I fell into a deep sleep free of visions, for once believing that everything would be okay.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  Bright light was streaming into the room as I opened my eyes, disoriented by my strange surroundings. I remembered where I was and looked over at the other side of the bed. Simon was still sleeping, a lock of hair falling across his forehead as he breathed rhythmically. He looked so peaceful in his sleep and I studied his face greedily, luxuriating at being able to stare at him at leisure. Simon's long lashes made shadows underneath his closed eyelids and I marveled at their length. My eyes traveled down his straight nose and settled on his mouth. His lips looked soft and vulnerable and I remembered how they had felt against mine.

  I felt a shiver of desire run through me at the thought and I looked away towards the ceiling. It was in the nick of time because I heard Simon yawning. It would have been mortifying to have been caught watching him sleep.

  "How long have you been awake?"

  I turned at Simon's voice, deep and throaty from having just woken up. He smiled at me and I automatically smiled in return. "I just woke up. I was trying to convince myself to get up and take a shower."

  Simon's smile turned mischievous. "As much as I'd love to join you, I don't think you could handle that this morning."

  I gasped, remembering we were in his parents' house. "You should leave before anyone realizes you slept here last night!"

  Simon gave me an indulgent look. "My parents don't care. Besides, their room is clear across the house. And with this house, that's pretty far away."

  "Simon," I pleaded. "Seriously. I'm going to be so embarrassed if your mother sees you slipping out of my room." I had another thought. "Or Maxine!"

  Simon chuckled but slid out of bed obligingly. He was wearing a t-shirt and athletic shorts and my eyes quickly skittered away from his display of morning randiness.

  Simon grinned even wider and shrugged his shoulders. "That's what happens when I'm in bed with a beautiful girl."

  "Simon!"

  He laughed loudly. "Okay, okay. I'm leaving now." He leaned down and gave me a quick kiss on the lips and I was amazed I felt a prick of desire at the light brush. Simon must have felt it too because he took a sharp intake of breath.

  "I better get out of here before I lose control," he muttered, and I wasn't sure if he was talking to me or to himself. He gave me a quick smile and left the room, but not without giving me a wicked wink.

  Now that he was gone, I felt my heartbeat start to even out. Besides the desire I had felt from Simon's kiss, his casual affection was addictive. I felt like I was starving, greedily taking in all his touches and words before they could slip through my fingers.

  I remembered my hopes from last night, of being able to pursue a relationship with Simon. I decided to hold onto those hopes for as long as I could. Even if nothing came out of it. I cared enough about Simon to risk being hurt if it came to a dead end. No one had been worth the risk before, but it didn't surprise me that I was willing to take that risk for Simon. Admittedly, he didn't know what he was up against with wanting to be with me, but if he was willing to take a risk, shouldn't I be willing to do the same? Besides, the closer I was to Simon, the more easily I could protect him.

  I took a shower with a lighter heart than I had felt in a long time. I selected my outfit with more care than I usually did. I still wore a pair of jeans, but they were darker and more form fitting than usual. Instead of wearing my standard t-shirt, I wore a deep blue top with thin black stripes that had billowing sleeves. It was cut lower than I normally wore, although it was still modest. Instead of sneakers, I wore black flats and I took time to put on mascara and swipe on some lip gloss.

  I looked at my efforts in the mirror, and while I wouldn't be winning any beauty pageants, I was satisfied with the outcome. The color on my cheeks helped and I wondered if the slight flush was a result of the events from last night. My sparkling eyes definitely were. I looked different today. Happier. More hopeful. I decided I liked this Caitlin.

  I heard a knock on my door and called out permission to enter. Sarah was walking into my room as I stepped out of the bathroom.

  "Wow, you look great!" Sarah eyed me critically. "Are you wearing makeup?"

  I laughed, a little embarrassed at Sarah's observations. "Just a little."

  Sarah grinned. "You sure look in good spirits today. I would have thought after last night you would be dragging from lack of sleep." Her face sobered as she remembered what had happened. "Are you okay? Was it the same one of Claudia?"

  I sat down on the bed and Sarah sat down next to me. "It was the one of Claudia. But it was different this time. I saw something...possessing her. And then she wasn't herself anymore. She was trying to kill me."

  Sarah looked worried. "That hasn't happened before in any of your visions, has it?"

  I shook my head. "No. No one's ever looked at me in a
vision before, acknowledged my presence. Only in the ones I've had of Claudia recently. And this is the first time she's touched me. I could feel her. She was trying to choke me."

  "Oh God!" Sarah gasped, looking horrified. "That must have been awful."

  I nodded, not wanting to think of it anymore. I didn't know what it meant. I wondered if it meant the vardoger was closer to taking over Claudia's body. I had to wait until I met with my aunt to get some answers, but I knew that I couldn't just stand idly by while someone...something tried to kill an innocent girl. I felt antsy about Sunday, dreading it but wanting it to come faster. To finally have a resolution.

  "It pretty much sucked. But it's over now. Let's just enjoy our day and not talk about it anymore. I don't want to risk being overheard. Anyways, we should go downstairs. I'm not sure what time we're supposed to go to lunch."

  Sarah nodded, accepting the change in topic. "It's only nine o'clock so it probably won't be for awhile. I wonder if we'll get breakfast?"

  I rolled my eyes. "Somehow I get the feeling that we'll be getting the full spread. I wouldn't be surprised if a butler buttered my bread for me."

  Sarah giggled and the mood was lightened. We walked downstairs and I forced myself to not look back down the hallway, towards where I assumed Simon's room was.

  We wandered around downstairs, getting lost in all the rooms when I heard a young girl's voice squealing with enthusiasm.

  "Hi guys!" a girl exclaimed, rushing over towards us. She was beautiful with long brown hair and large brown eyes that dominated a perfectly heart shaped face. She was smiling widely at us. She skidded to a halt before us and studied me, her eyes gleaming. "You must be Caitlin!"

  I nodded my head, smiling back. This must be Simon's sister and her good cheer was infectious. "You must be Kendra. Happy Birthday!"

  "I'm starting to get offended. Everyone seems to know who you are but no one knows who I am." Despite her words, Sarah's voice sounded amused.

  Kendra looked crestfallen at Sarah's words, not realizing she was joking. "Oh, I'm sorry! I know who you are! You're Caitlin's roommate, right?"

  Sarah laughed loudly. "Well, I guess that's something. I'm Sarah. Happy Birthday!"

  Kendra hugged us both enthusiastically. "I'm so excited you guys could come for my birthday. I'm super excited about my party tonight. My mom said I could go all out on makeup. Usually my dad is so annoying, only letting me wear lip gloss. But not tonight!" Kendra looked gleeful at the prospect and I studied this extension of Simon. I had seen his darker side, but Kendra was everything light and good about Simon. I instantly liked her.

  "Are you guys hungry?" Kendra chattered. "I was just heading over to breakfast. Let's go!"

  "Already trying to steal my guests away from me, Kendra?" I heard Simon's amused voice behind me.

  "Simon!" Kendra screeched, running towards him. "You jerk! It's been forever since you've come home to visit!" Despite her words, she flung herself at Simon and he caught her in an easy hug, smiling at her indulgently. As he set her down and wished her a happy birthday, Simon glanced over at me and I smiled. I had always ached for a sibling growing up and that desire was reinforced seeing their easy affection.

  "My sister can be a lot to take in the morning. She doesn't seem to have an off button."

  Kendra pretended to look offended but then her face broke out in a smile. "Come on," she said, tugging on his arm. "I was just showing them to breakfast. Mom had Maxine put out a spread and I'm starving."

  As we followed Kendra, Simon wrapped an arm around my waist and kissed the top of my head. "Good morning," he said, as if we hadn't seen each other earlier.

  I smiled and looked up at him, returning the greeting. I caught Sarah's eyebrows lifting in surprise but I decided to ignore it for the moment. She would kill me for not telling her earlier about what had happened last night, but I just wanted to keep the moment mine a little while longer. It was a thrilling secret just between Simon and I that gave me a warm glow.

  Maxine had indeed put out a spread. When we stepped into the dining room, a long sideboard against the wall held all different types of breakfast food, from bagels to french toast and every type of egg preparation you could imagine.

  "This is like staying at a fancy hotel," Sarah said, eyeing the food. "You Crewes know how to live."

  "It's never like this," Kendra complained. "Usually we just fend for ourselves in the morning. It's only for special guests." She glanced over at me and then gave Simon a sly grin. He rolled his eyes at her. I pretended not to notice the exchange and accepted the plate Simon handed to me and went down the buffet.

  I filled my plate with scrambled eggs, bacon and a piece of toast. I watched in amazement as Simon piled his plate high with half the things on the buffet.

  "How can you possibly eat all that?" I asked, aghast.

  "This is just my first serving. Savory first. Sweet second." Simon's plate was filled with eggs, bacon, sausage and home fries. And a large slice of blueberry crumble bread. Simon followed my gaze. "Well, except for that," he said with a grin. "The only way I could pass that up is if there were garbage cookies here."

  "Garbage cookies?" Kendra asked, overhearing our conversation. She placed her filled plate on a table setting and sat down. "What the heck are those?"

  Sarah answered for Simon as she sat next to Kendra with her own full plate. "They're these amazing cookies Caitlin makes. I don't know what she puts in them but they're addictive. I love it and hate it when she makes them because I can't stop eating them until they're gone."

  Kendra's eyes sparkled in excitement as she looked at me. "Can you make them for me?"

  "Kendra," Simon said with amusement. "Caitlin didn't come here to bake cookies for you."

  Kendra pouted as she started eating and I laughed at her expression. "I promise I'll make them for you one day."

  Her face brightened at my words and then she turned to scowl at Simon. "I wasn't asking her to make them today," she said disdainfully. "And she said she'd make them for me someday, so there."

  Simon just smiled at his sister and then looked up as Maxine entered the dining room.

  "How's everyone's breakfast?"

  "Great!" I said, and everyone chimed in agreement. Maxine seemed pleased at our enthusiasm but then she glanced over at Kendra. "Oh, you don't have your cranberry juice. I'll go get it."

  Kendra shook her head, getting up from the table. "It's okay, I'll get it. You've already slaved over all this food." Despite her earlier protestations about having to fend for herself most mornings, Kendra jumped up to get her juice so that Maxine wouldn't have to. I realized she was a lot like Simon in many ways.

  The breakfast conversation flowed easily as Kendra peppered everyone with questions. She wanted to know how Simon liked Maxwell University, what his new band was like, when she could come to visit, where Sarah and I were from, and a dozen other questions.

  We were almost done with breakfast when Grant stumbled in, still looking sleepy.

  "Glad to see you're finally joining us," Simon said dryly.

  Grant yawned, scratching his stomach. "That bed is too damn comfortable." He grinned as Kendra mauled him with a hug. "Hey there, short stuff. Happy Birthday."

  "Thanks! Come sit and eat and tell me about your band. Simon already told me a little about it but you know him. He never gives details." That statement surprised me since it seemed as if Simon was an open book, willing to share everything.

  Simon looked over at me and Sarah. "Why don't I show you girls around. There's some game rooms and stuff. It's a little cold but I could show you the grounds outside too."

  "It would be nice to get some fresh air." I glanced at Sarah. "Let's grab our coats."

  Sarah nodded in agreement and started to stand when Grant looked up at her. "Don't go with them. Keep me company or else Kendra will talk me to death."

  Kendra made a disgruntled sound at Grant's accusation, but then she looked thoughtfully from Grant to Sarah, smiling slowl
y. I could practically see the wheels turning in her head as she assessed them. Yes, she was definitely like Simon in more ways than one.

  Sarah hesitated and Grant look surprised at her reluctance to stay. "Well, I actually would love to see the rest of the house and outside. It's amazing."

  The corners of Grant's mouth dipped down. He studied Sarah for a beat and then smiled imploringly. "I'll show you around after I finish breakfast. I practically grew up in this house so I'll be as good of a guide as Simon."

  "Well," Sarah said, drawing the word out, still not looking sure. I was as surprised as Grant at her hesitation. I was used to her jumping at any opportunity to spend time with Grant, especially at his request. I wondered what had changed. "I guess so."

  Grant frowned, looking grumpy. "Don't sound so excited by the prospect."

  Sarah laughed at his expression. "Relax. Fine, I'd love for you to be my tour guide. I could go for another helping of that blueberry bread anyways."

  Grant's face cleared and he smiled. "Yeah, that stuff is like crack."

  "Grant," Simon warned, shooting a glance at Kendra. He seemed disapproving of Grant's choice of words in front of his younger sister.

  Kendra rolled her eyes. "I know what crack is, Simon." He looked alarmed at her admission and she laughed. "As in, I've seen it on TV. Don't worry, I'm not snorting it. Or shooting it. Or whatever you do with crack." Simon seemed relieved at her admission and I wondered if he was actually worried about her doing drugs. Although I had just met Kendra, she didn't seem to be the type to do drugs. I wondered if it was a temptation that came along with a life of privilege.

  Simon and I left the dining room and headed upstairs to grab our coats. I walked into my room and expected him to continue on to his own but he just waited for me by the doorway.

  "Why don't you grab your coat and just meet me back here?"

  "I'll wait," Simon replied. "We can go to my room together."

  I was secretly thrilled at the chance to see his room but I tried not to show it as I grabbed my coat and walked beside him down the hall. Simon stopped in front of a door not too far from mine, but it was far enough that I wondered how he had heard me the night before when Sarah hadn't.