Fade - Fighting Fate #3

by Maree Green

  I paused, my mind scrambling to find the words inside me that could answer her questions. “We’re too young to have a baby. We only just got married. Daniel’s not even here. He should be here for something like this. Don’t you think he should be here for something like this?”

  My voice sounded desperate. I didn’t know what I was saying.

  Susan took her time answering my frantic questions, her mind visibly ticking over behind her eyes.

  “Who gets to decide what’s too young?” she said calmly. “You’re both adults. And you’re married. Okay, so the timing isn’t great. You’ve only just gotten started, and Daniel’s deployed, but I’ve always liked to think that these little spirits that eventually become the miracles we call our children, choose us and choose when they think the time is right.”

  She gazed down at the stick again, a tiny grin appearing on her lips.

  “Think of it as a gift. A very precious little gift that will brighten the life you and Daniel have together. If you’re only just pregnant, Daniel will be home long before your little angel will.”

  I blinked at her with confusion. “You’re not disappointed?”

  “Of course not.” She laughed. “I’m a teeny bit surprised, but I really shouldn’t have been.”

  I didn’t understand. “Do you think Daniel will be upset?”

  She laughed again. “I seriously doubt it. I’ve known since that boy was barely a teenager that he was going to fall in love young and be all-in. He was always such a romantic. Like me, he might be surprised, but he definitely won’t be unhappy about it. Probably disappointed that he won’t be here to tend to you the entire way through your pregnancy, but he’ll just have to deal with it.”

  And just like that, a tiny glimmer of hope appeared. Maybe we could actually do this. Susan seemed to think we could.

  I felt a flutter deep inside my stomach, and for the first time since I feared I was pregnant, I thought it might actually be excitement.

  Chapter 36

  Daniel

  Deployed time: 1 week

  From: Daniel Stephenson -djstephenson96@gmail.com

  To: Amy Benson -amyb0307@gmail.com

  Date: Mon, April 11, 2016 at 6:32 AM

  Subject: miss you already

  Hey Princess,

  I just wanted to let you know I arrived on base this morning. I’m not sure how often I’ll get to email, so please don’t be worried if you don’t hear from me for a while. The base here is pretty comfortable – better than what I expected, so that’s a plus ;) The guys in my team seem pretty cool too. There’s a guy called Nelson. I think we’ll get along the most. He reminds me of Matt. My team leader is Sgt. Cooper. He’s seriously bad ass. Think Bruce Willis in Die Hard ><

  Anyway, I hope you’re doing okay. Even though I try not to think about it too much, because I honestly think it would kill me if I did, I really miss you. I’m counting down every minute until I see you again…

  Love, Daniel xx

  The Humvees moved quickly on the road to Tal Tamr. Faster than I was prepared for, but with reports of Assad’s army in the area with rocket launchers, it was necessary.

  Outside, the stifling dry heat made impossible waves in my vision as I watched the vast expanse of the Syrian desert fly past from the rear.

  Every now and again, machine-gun fire could be heard in the distance, causing the tension inside the vehicle to rise just that little bit more.

  Keeping my awareness set to high alert, I scanned the surrounding areas through the back window, listening out for Sergeant Cooper’s voice over the radio. McAdams, our assistant team leader, sat beside Mann, our driver, and Nelson sat in the back with me.

  Turning off the main road, we moved down a narrow dirt passage, eyes and ears open for any signs of trouble. As we passed a few empty compounds, I thought back over my first week in the Middle East.

  Sergeant Cooper, our team leader, had let me know in no uncertain terms that I was unworthy of his acceptance or trust the second I’d arrived. They all had, really. Not only was it clear my age and lack of experience in the field made them wary, it was obvious they all had mixed feelings about the position I was filling, and the reason it needed filling.

  I hadn’t thought about that aspect of my deployment until I was almost on base. It had been a hard question to ask, but it had been an even harder answer to hear. I was replacing a corporal by the name of Benjamin Lange. And he’d been killed in the line of duty.

  I knew the score. I was an intruder. When all any of us had to keep us safe was one another, we needed to be able to trust the man standing beside us implicitly. As a team, they’d had that. Each and every one of them had completed at least two full tours of duty. Together. As a team. It was a huge thing to walk into, but rather than let that knowledge intimidate me, I tried to think of it in the terms of what I’d be able to learn from their experience instead. I knew I needed to prove I was worthy, but that could only come with time.

  The first trial they’d given me had been a few days after landing in Hasaka, a small mission to a Kurdish base near the Turkish border. That one had been a fairly straightforward task, mostly through Kurdish territory, so I knew the benefit was more for us as a team, learning how I was to fit in and work within the dynamics they’d already created.

  After that, and then a full week and a half of training with the team, I felt like each of them had accepted my ability to fit in a little more. They were still hesitant to trust me completely. That much I could see. But they weren’t as hostile toward me as they had been when I’d first arrived.

  As we drove toward Tal Tamr, the town the Kurds had now taken as their own, I listened to Sergeant Cooper’s commands over the radio, making sure I kept a sharp eye on the terrain outside the Humvee windows.

  According to our briefing, our current mission was to meet up with a Kurdish leader by the name of Adar Nahai. It was thought he had information on the whereabouts of an Islamic State cell that were broadcasting their intention to bomb the Kurdish base in Kobane. It was our job to confirm this information with fact, and find the whereabouts of their weapons base in Raqqa.

  Pushed even faster still by the speed of the setting sun, we flew toward our destination. Even though Sergeant Cooper had met with this particular group of fighters a number of times before, it was common knowledge that the Kurds fought for no side but their own. With so many different groups involved in the war, with no real side to fight on but whichever one benefited them the most at the time, it was dangerous to think even for a minute that anyone was your ally. We had to stay vigilant.

  Driving up to the compound, it was clear from their body language that the Kurds thought the exact same way. The hostility in their stares sent nervous energy through each and every one of us.

  We waited behind Sergeant Cooper’s Humvee, watching while he and our translator, Regir, approached their guards. After a few tense moments, they finally motioned us in.

  Sergeant Cooper didn’t waste any time, disappearing inside with the Kurd leader to discuss intel, while Nelson and the rest of us stood watch. After four days of constant training and movement with no sound sleep, my body was tiring. We all were. I could see it etched on all of our faces. But rest wasn’t an option. Not until we were safe.

  Shifting on my feet, I tried to ease the ache in my legs.

  “How you holding up, man?”

  I looked over at Nelson to see him eyeing me warily and nodded. “I’m doing okay.”

  The corner of his mouth crooked upwards. “You’re all right, man. You’re doin’ good.”

  Giving him a quick nod to show him I appreciated it, I resumed my watch of the area.

  “You got a girl back home?”

  I glanced back at him, hating the pang of sadness that stabbed at my gut from his question. Inhaling slowly, I met his gaze. “Yeah. My wife. Amy.”

  It felt good to call her that out loud. Other than saying it to Amy as a tease, I didn’t think I’d had the opportunity
until now.

  Nelson’s eyebrows rose. “You’re married? Jesus, aren’t you like only twenty-one or somethin’?”

  I just nodded, not really bothered to correct him and admit I was only twenty. Age was just a number anyway. Society was to blame for the way people thought about it. It was no different than eating just because the clock told you it was time to do so.

  “That’s crazy shit, man,” Nelson said, shaking his head a little. “How long you been married for?”

  Biting back my irritation, I told myself it wasn’t his fault he couldn’t understand. “Not long. Only a few weeks before I was deployed.”

  I watched his head start bobbing up and down like he finally understood. “Ah . . . I get it.”

  Exhaling steadily, I refrained from shaking my head at him. I knew he thought it was just a rash decision based on the fear of deployment, but I also knew it was impossible for anyone to understand something when they had no knowledge of it to start with.

  “In any case,” Nelson said, his gaze moving out around our perimeter. “You should probably prepare yourself. I don’t know anyone your age whose woman has stayed faithful while he’s been on tour. That’s just reality, man.”

  Throwing him a knowing smile, I straightened my stance. “Well, it’s a good thing we met, then. I’d hate for you to go through life without meeting at least one person my age who can make a relationship work. And I’ll take great pleasure in proving it to you.”

  I met Nelson’s amused gaze with my own determined one. After a moment or two, he gave me one slow nod, and if I read the look in his gaze right, he was hoping I would.

  It was another two hours before Sergeant Cooper emerged and we were finally able to sit down and have something more substantial to eat than the rations we carried in our packs. We were also given a room to catch up on our much-needed sleep.

  As the lowest-ranking marine in our team, I was prepared to be on first watch, so it was a surprise when I was included with Nelson and McAdams to rest up first. My body ached, so I sure as shit wasn’t going to argue.

  Removing whatever gear was necessary, I crawled onto the farthest bedding spread over the dirty floor and closed my eyes. Releasing a long, slow breath, I unleashed my mind, letting the memories of Amy finally assault me. At least for a small moment in time.

  Chapter 37

  Amy

  Deployed time: 2 weeks

  Silence filled the room.

  Amber sat staring at me, her eyes wide and her hand frozen mid-action of tucking her hair behind her ear.

  I waited, my breath paused and my heart beating a little faster than normal.

  She blinked, the action slow and deliberate. Softly, she cleared her throat. It was a low sound, like she was checking to see if her voice was still working. I wasn’t sure if it was.

  Her mouth opened. “You’re pregnant.”

  It wasn’t a question. She was merely repeating what I’d told her a moment ago. A long moment ago. Disbelief colored her tone.

  I inhaled, unsure if my own voice was working. Deciding not to even try, I simply nodded.

  “You’re pregnant,” she said again, but this time it came out sounding more accepting.

  I couldn’t help the tiny smirk that spread to my lips. “I am.”

  Slowly, she shook her head and her jaw became slack. “Holy shit. You’re going to be a mom.”

  Her words made my breath shake. Of course, I’d said the exact same thing to myself, but hearing it coming from my best friend made it feel so much heavier. I instantly thought of my own mother and a slight panic started creeping in.

  “What if I can’t do it, Amber?” I whispered, trying to swallow down my rising fear. “What if I don’t know how to show it love? What if I end up like my mother? It’s going to hate me.”

  Amber grabbed my hand. “Hey.” Her eyes narrowed dangerously. “Stop it. You’re nothing like either of your parents. You’re kind, considerate, loving, compassionate, and selfless. To a freaking fault. You constantly put everyone before yourself, and you give without expectation. You’re going to make the best mom ever. And this kid is going to have the biggest and most protective family anyone has ever seen.”

  My mind jumped to all my friends. They’d been so supportive of me getting married, but what would they think about me having a baby so soon?

  “What’s everyone going to think?” My eyes widened. “Oh my God. They’re all going to think I only got married because I was pregnant.”

  Amber frowned. “Wait, you didn’t know you were pregnant then, did you?”

  “Of course not! I did the math. I think it happened somewhere around the time we got married.”

  I balked at Amber’s sudden laugh.

  “Really, Amy. You should’ve been born in Grandma Nell’s era. Growing up, that’s all I ever heard. If you weren’t married by nineteen and barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, you were doing something wrong.”

  Dropping my face into my hands, I let out a pitiful moan. “Oh my God, I’m ruining it for every woman who’s ever fought for equality.”

  “Pfft . . . That’s rubbish. What women have been, and are still, fighting for, is the right to choose. And if any so-called feminist wants to berate you for choosing to get married and have babies, I’ll gladly kick their ass for you.”

  I watched her scoot forward on her seat with wary eyes.

  “Amy, I’ve known you forever. Knowing your upbringing, I can honestly say it doesn’t surprise me that all you’d want in life is to create a happy, loving home. Because that’s what you’ve always craved. Stop caring about what other people think, because when everything’s all done and dusted and you’re standing at the Pearly Gates, it’s just you, babe. Just you. And if the big guy asks you if you’re happy with all the decisions you made in life, you want to be able to say, yes. Without a doubt.”

  I gave her a doubtful look. Her features hardened.

  “All right, then. Let me ask you this. Did you get pregnant on purpose?”

  My mouth popped open in a silent O. “Of course not!”

  “Okay, so what about this? If everyone you knew told you that you were making a huge mistake, would you terminate it?”

  I felt the horror come over me. “Jesus, Amber. You know I could never do that.”

  She huffed. “All right, so if you won’t consider a termination, what can you do to change things if people disagree with what you’re doing?”

  My mouth opened and closed like a stunned fish. “Nothing . . . ”

  Amber opened her hands to the sky and smiled. “Exactly. So why are you bothering to be worried about something you can’t change?”

  My head was hurting. “I just don’t want people to think bad things about me,” I said quietly.

  “Babe,” she said softly, “this is the crap your mom taught you that you need to let go of. If a friend is going to say shit about you and the choices you make, then I’m sorry to say, they aren’t really your friend at all.”

  Exhaling, I dropped my head back on the couch and stared up at the ceiling. “I don’t want to do this without Daniel, Amber.”

  I heard Amber sigh. “You know how I think about things, babe. Everything happens for a reason. You found out you’re pregnant just after Daniel was deployed. You were meant to face this without him. This is the chance you’ve been waiting for to prove just how strong you really are.”

  I let her words repeat, over and over again, inside my head, hoping I would start to believe them, because as soon as I left Amber’s room, I was going to call Seth. And I wasn’t so sure he was going to be so willing to come around.

  “Now, on a more serious note, do you want me to ask Dad to see you?”

  I recoiled with horror. David was an OBGYN. “Oh my God, no. I couldn’t. You know he’s like a dad to me, Ambs. That would be super weird.”

  Amber smirked. “Yeah, I thought so, but thought I’d ask anyway. I’ll get Mom to book you in with Gracie.”

  Something in
the pit of my stomach sank. “You don’t have to do that.”

  “Don’t be stubborn. You know Dad wouldn’t have you going through your whole pregnancy without making sure you were being looked after properly.”

  I sighed. I had so many mixed emotions running through me, it was hard not to feel overwhelmed. I tried to focus on the one that would be right for the moment, choosing the enormous amount of gratitude swirling around amongst it all. Reaching forward, I pulled Amber into a hug. “Thank you for always being here for me, Ambs. You’ll never know just how much I appreciate it. I love you so much.”