Hidden Love (Derrien Island Trilogy)

by Thorpe, Simmone

  “Darius, you did not tell us that you and your wife were back together!” guffawed Dalton Byrnes, one of his neighbours in Willercrest Heights. “But then you’ve made yourself so scarce lately!” he said. “This is good news!”

  “Actually Mr. Byrne’s!” began Candasee trying to get in a word edgewise. Mr. Byrnes was always one of her favourite neighbours and she’d often stopped by his house to play with his dog whenever she took a walk through their neighbourhood. Sometimes they would sit and talk and laugh for a while before she returned home. He would regale her with his old war stories and it was always hard to stop him once he got going. She did not mind it though!

  “Yes, she’s back home, isn’t that great!” cut in Darius placing the glass of wine into Candasee’s hand.

  “Well, wait till I tell my wife, she will be thrilled. We always knew you guys were perfect for each other and seeing how miserable Darius looked after the divorce, oh it nearly broke our hearts. Where is that woman?” he asked panning the room for his missing wife.

  Candasee spared Darius a brief withering glance before smiling and returning her attention to Mr. Byrnes again. Candasee didn’t have the heart to disappoint him and several others after that who just assumed because she was there that she and Darius had reconciled. She did not count on how excited the people were to see her and on these repeated stories about how Darius was never the same after she’d left!

  Needing some fresh air to clear her thoughts from overwhelm, she made a beeline for one of the side doors and found herself standing on a wide wraparound porch with several golden lights hanging from the ceiling. The area was illuminated by a warm glow.

  The butler had just called everyone in to be seated for dinner and it would be at least five minutes before most people found their seats and got settled. So this was the perfect opportunity to slip away for a moment alone.

  She placed her hands on the intricate white banister and leaned forward slightly to get a better look at the house and the finely landscaped grounds. This was a spectacular property! Suddenly she felt a warm hand touch her exposed back and Candasee whirled around sharply in surprise.

  “Oh Mom, you really scared me there!” she said acknowledging Marianne’s presence.

  “Are you okay? I saw you slip outside and I thought I would come out here and check on you.”

  “Yes, I’m fine, just a bit overwhelmed at all these people assuming that Darius and I are back together. They are all really excited about it too!”

  “Is that such a bad thought? You know, working things out with Darius?” she asked.

  “I don’t know what kind of thought it is! Up till three days ago I had almost convinced myself that I was unaffected by him and that I never wanted to see him again. Now here I am , a literal emotional roller coaster!” she said blowing out an exasperated breath.

  “I know that you would say I am biased because Darius is my son, but you also know that I love you as my own daughter and I would not lie to you! Darius still loves you very much and I can see that you still love him. You may think that you don’t but all the signs are still there. I met your young man Nathan yesterday and he seems to be a fine choice for you too, but I think you owe it to both of them to make sure your heart is clear on what it really wants before you move forward. At least hear what Darius has to say, and if you still choose Nathan we will all have to accept it! My son has not been the same since your divorce. It is as though you were that balancing piece in his life. You see that he practically lives out of his office now!”

  “Yes I did notice that he always seems to be at the hotel,” she replied quietly.

  “It’s been almost two years and he hasn’t had another girlfriend or anyone serious in his life. He still has your pictures on his desk at work and he calls you his wife still. I am asking you for his sake and for yours to just hear him out. You know how much he hides his feelings sometimes but inside he is really broken. A mother knows!”

  “What about me Marianne? He really hurt me back then too!” protested Candasee. “I thought I had the dream life and the dream husband and it broke my heart to know that he did not want the real me! I have a relationship with someone who does now. I don’t want to make the mistake of giving that up before I’ve even had a chance to see where it could all lead!”

  “Candasee, he does want the real you, but I will let him explain that to you! Inevitably, someone is going to get hurt in this situation but it is time for it to be resolved. I want you to know that I will love you and accept you no matter what you decide!” said Marianne opening her arms and hugging Candasee.

  Darius stepped out onto the porch and observed the two women holding each other under the glow of the lights. Was it so bad to want his family together again? He thought as he watched them. No, it wasn’t bad at all, in fact, it was the right thing to do even if he had to take drastic measures to do so.

  “Mom, Candasee, we are ready to serve the first course and you know the staff plan to serve the guest of honour first!” he said, reluctantly interrupting their moment.

  Marianne and Candasee exchanged knowing looks before linking arms and returning inside with Darius following closely behind.

  Dinner was absolutely delicious with a medley of wine soaked poultry, vegetables, candied potatoes, salads and more.

  Candasee was sure that this time her metabolism would shut down! Desserts consisted of various cream pies and rum soaked fruit cakes and the sense of festiveness was high. Many of the guests had moved out to the dance floor and Marianne and Francis were already there dancing and smiling among everyone else.

  “May I have this dance?”

  Candasee recognized Darius’ scent first and then his voice as she looked over her shoulder and up into his eyes as he loomed above her. Darius was not really the type to dance to music of this quick soca genre so she regarded him with a puzzled look.

  “Seriously, I want to dance with you tonight! Hey, we can’t let Mom and Francis have all the fun when we are half their ages!” said Darius, gesturing to where his mother and Francis were really having a grand time on the dance floor.

  “No I guess we can’t! I must say that Francis knows how to move his hips though!” said Candasee with a chuckle as she admired his moves. “But you on the other hand always avoided the dance floor when this kind of music was playing, what gives?” she asked now turning slightly in her chair.

  “Maybe, I’m seeing life a lot differently these days!” he replied. “So will you dance with me or will my hand continue to hang here in the air unaccepted?”

  Candasee thought about what he said again and looked out at the dance floor at the fun those two were having together. Usually that would be her, but somehow tonight she was the one on the sidelines with a mind filled with thoughts and questions and the mood to dance was not really there. But Darius had a point, they were young and full of life and if Marianne and Francis could celebrate, why shouldn’t she? Those two did not look at all like they were in their sixties.

  “Okay, I will dance one number with you!” she agreed with her thoughts moving fleetingly to Nathan and what he would think if he witnessed this scene. Marianne was right, she was a bundle of emotions and confusion and she needed to know for sure that she was over Darius before she moved on with Nathan.

  They walked over to the dance floor and both began to move to the music.

  “Hey not bad Mr. Brogan, so you have been hiding all this rhythm from me all along?” asked Candasee as she noted Darius’ fluid movements.

  He took her by the hand and with a flourish spun her around and brought her back full against the length of his body as the song climaxed to its end.

  “No, I’ve danced to songs like this before, just not very often,” he said leaning down and whispering softly in her ear. That wasn’t the song I wanted to dance to by the way, but it’s this next one I requested especially for you!”

  At that moment the DJ announced that they were slowing down the tempo and going a little old sc
hool and that everyone should hold the person they loved. Couples all over the floor drew near to each other as the first strains of the song began to play, “I’d Die Without You” by PM Dawn.

  He’d tricked her into dancing with him! She was immediately stunned by the intimate memories the song evoked. It was this song that played on the night Darius asked her to marry him and on the many nights he treated her to candlelight dinner followed by lovemaking that branded her as his for life!

  Candasee tried to pull away but Darius held her firmly against him and threaded his arms around her waist while holding her hands in his.

  “Darius, everyone is going to notice that we are dancing in the wrong direction!” protested Candasee.

  “I don’t really care what they think Candasee, just listen to the words!” he whispered again.

  His warm breath tickled the tendrils of hair which were cascading around her ears and neck and the low timbre of his voice was warm, inviting and familiar. She relaxed a little allowing her body to mould to his more. As they swayed to the music the words filled her mind with a message that was long overdue.

  ...Is it my turn to hold you by your hands, and tell you I love you and you hear me, Is it my turn to totally understand, to watch you walk out of my life and not do a damn thing... If I have to give away the feeling that I feel...If I have to sacrifice whatever baby, whatever baby...If I have to take apart all that I am...baby there’s nothing I wouldn’t do..Since I’d die without you! Oh I apologize for all the things I’ve done, and now I’m underwater and I’m drowning...Take every little piece of my heart....Take every little piece of my soul...

  The fresh scent of Candasee’s hair was intoxicating and Darius closed his eyes and allowed himself to become reacquainted with her warmth and the feel of her body against his. This was where he wanted to be again. Literal shockwaves were pulsating between their bodies as they swayed together to this song.

  “Do you feel that Candee? The connection between us is still there!” he stated.

  Candasee closed her eyes and bit down on her lips still unwilling to admit that she was so powerfully affected not just by the song but by the sizzling electricity that was filling her from head to toe being this close to Darius again. It had always been like this for them! This earth shattering, all consuming passion and desire for each other was something she’d grown to cherish because she could see when she looked at other couples that theirs was an extraordinary union.

  Darius noted her silence and turned her around slowly to face him disconnecting their bodies for a few seconds as he drew her arms up and around his neck to continue their dance.

  The unwelcome feeling of separation that surged through Candasee then and the feeling of connectedness that returned once her arms were around Darius’ neck told her immediately that she was treading a thin line with trouble.

  “I wanted to see your eyes, because even though you might not want to respond to me your eyes always tell me the truth,” said Darius softly as he looked intently at her.

  Immediately Candasee tried to look down and away, knowing that besides the startling colour of her eyes they were also very expressive and she could never hide her feelings on anything very well.

  “Darius, why are you doing this to me!” she whispered with her voice shaking. She felt the hot prick of tears begin to form behind her eyelids as she said so. How could she tell him that with this one song she remembered it all, the good times and the bad times and that they’d had more good than bad. That her heart still burned as she thought of him, touched him, inhaled his manly scent and heard his voice. That her eyes followed him around the room as he greeted the guests and that she admired the way he spoke to everyone with such respect and affection. That she loved the way he treated his mother, that she’d felt like a queen in his life and she loved how he treated her, until those dark days began!

  “Candasee, I just want you to see what I see, feel and know. We still love each other, nothing has changed there!”

  Candasee tried to conceal the sob that began rising in her throat and her body began to tremble as hot tears flowed out of her eyes. Darius tightened his arms around her waist protectively. Tonight they would talk and he would tell her everything and he hoped that she would understand and forgive him.

  Candasee raised her head and looked at Darius but his eyes were now closed and his brows furrowed as he concentrated on some thought in his mind.

  She could literally sense his heart hammering in his chest. As she did more hot tears welled up in her eyes as she considered all of the unspoken words that remained between them and she once again buried her face in his shoulder not wanting him to know how much she was affected by this. Her makeup would be ruined by now and so would be the shoulder on Darius’ tux, but somehow none of that really mattered any more.

  When she left him two years ago, she went straight to the airport and flew home to Barbados and filed divorce papers immediately. She refused to take his calls, and she preferred her lawyer to do the talking. They’d only spoken briefly, but she hadn’t been civil and they were both extremely stubborn. They had never even discussed what the problems were. It was just shouting and accusation and blame and criticism and they forgot in the midst of all of that to communicate. He buried himself in his work and she spent even more time at the studio defiantly stating her position. Why was Darius so against her choice back then? She wondered again and she found herself now slowly pounding his chest with her hands that had now slid from around his neck.

  Darius knew that if he did not get Candasee into another room soon this situation could get out of hand and he knew she would not appreciate in retrospect, them having it the most important discussion of their lives in front of so many guests. Taking her by the hand, he led her to another room down the hallway in the house after quietly signalling to one of his security detail to begin taking the guests back over to the mainland. He’d hired about ten helicopters for the evening to manage transporting the many guests, so flying them back to Derrien Island would be very easy.

  He had already spoken to his mother about his plans and she decided to call him in the morning, so leaving the party at this time should not require any of his attention. The only person who would have his full attention now was Candasee.

  He removed the handkerchief from his jacket pocket and handed it to Candasee after he allowed her to sit down on one of the lounge chairs. He was having a hard time controlling his emotions and could sense his own tears were not too far behind.

  “Why Darius? Why?” asked Candasee now loudly, her voice now broken with sadness as she faced him in the empty room now that they were alone.

  Darius knelt on the floor before her and took her hands in his before he began to speak.

  “Candasee I beg you to hear me out with what I am going to say to you. I love you with every fibre in me and I don’t even know where to begin saying how sorry I am. I know the song was only a miniscule beginning but you have to know this, I feel as though I have been dying a slow death ever since we divorced and I don’t want this life without you anymore . I need to tell you why your dancing bothered me so much then and why it doesn’t anymore now. At the time I wasn’t able to explain it even to myself and I had to do a lot of soul searching before I allowed myself to realize the true root of my anger. Baby, it was never you and I let something from way back in my childhood surface and destroy the one relationship I treasured.”

  “What could have possibly happened to you, to make you turn on me like that, Darius?” asked Candasee shaking her head in disbelief. “It was as though I didn’t know you anymore!”

  Darius took another deep breath trying to steady his emotions. Just seeing her pain had caused a knot to form in his abdomen because he knew that he’d hurt her badly.

  “I was born in Scotland as you know and my family was unusual because it was inter-racial. My father’s family hated my mom and they treated her badly but they also hated me. So although I had a pretty good relationship with m
y dad in the beginning, things changed as I got older. He was under a lot of pressure to provide for us because his parents cut him out of the family trust saying he had to divorce Mom to regain access.

  He did love my mom I guess at some point, but he grew to resent her and me more and more as the years went by. He soon started drinking and seeing other women right in front of my mother’s face. One day I suspect he came to take me away from my mother to go to his family home and my parents fought. I remember trying to stop them by jumping between them and it was then that she appeared.”

  “Who appeared Darius?” questioned Candasee urging him to get to the point.

  “My father managed a troupe of performers and the woman who entered then was the lead dancer. It wasn’t the first time I saw her with my father. I walked in on them making love in his office before and I realized that day again that he was being unfair to my mom. They were the reason why she was always so sad and depressed. Of course mom lost it again and they fought and eventually he left saying that he didn’t want me anymore. He kissed that woman right in front of us and that was the last day I saw him before hearing that he died from alcohol poisoning when I was fourteen. We did not go to the funeral because we could not afford it, so it was the last thing I saw him do and I can’t remember him much any other way. I have held onto that resentment all these years.”

  Darius bowed his head and rested it on Candasee’s lap willing her to say something, anything in response to give some sign that she understood him.

  “Darius please look at me!” said Candasee gently, her heart now hurting after hearing all he’d said. He did not move immediately so she slipped off her shoes and slid down to the floor to join him. She had a pretty good relationship with her own father and really looked up to him for his guidance and example. He was the one who taught her about being authentic and expressive and the talks she had with him were very important, in fact they still were.

  “Darius, I am sorry about what you went through, I can’t imagine how traumatic that must have been for a ten year old boy to experience his father in that way!” she exclaimed. She now saw why Marianne encouraged her to just listen and see what the problem was. Post-traumatic stress could arise in anyone given the right trigger and apparently she was his trigger back then. All the emotions he’d buried as a child resurfaced when she decided to dance full-time. He never closed the issues with his father because those were literally his last memories of him. Nothing about it was rational and it didn’t need to be because it didn’t make it any less true and real for him!