Always On My Mind: A Bad Boy Rancher Love Story (The Dawson Brothers Book 1)

by Ali Parker

  The door opened and the secretary stuck her head in. "Someone up front is asking about a camera lens? You have any idea if the cute little camera girl from the paper left her cap here?"

  He stood up a bit too fast, his heart beating violently in his chest. "Is she up front?"

  "Who?"

  He laughed, wanting to scoff at the woman. "Kari, the photographer from the paper."

  "Oh! Yeah, sorry. She wanted to come back, but I wasn't sure if you were in class."

  "Let her back. I have about fifteen minutes. I have the lens cap." He smiled as she shut the door, his head dropping as he pressed his hands to his desk.

  "What to do... what to do... fuck me."

  ***

  Kari felt like crap stopping by Judy's Bakery, but she needed something to take with her and had reconciled the fact that Sicily's shop wasn't opened yet, and Sicily had asked her to - sort of. She got out of the car and walked quickly to the door, turning to make sure the coast was clear before slipping into the small bakery.

  The smell of sticky goodness rose up around her and she breathed in deeply, her stomach rumbling from lack of sustenance. An older woman her grandmother's age looked up from behind the counter as the large bell on the door above her jingled. Every door in town must have a bell. Kari smiled at the thought.

  "Hello, dear. How can I help you this fine morning?"

  Kari walked toward the large glass case, the pastries filling her gaze and making her decision all the more difficult. She had the worst sort of sweet tooth - one that demanded a fix more often than not. She smiled at the woman, a little confused at the conflicting information she'd received about 'Judy'.

  "Can I have one of everything?" She smiled as the lady's face stretched into a wide grin.

  "I've considered making that a staple on the menu. Just about everyone who walks in asks for it. I wasn't very good at economics in school, but the odds seem to be in my favor."

  Kari laughed and pointed to the muffins. "I'll take a few of those and a few donuts as well. Just throw in anything that you know will melt the heart of a boy I'm chasing."

  The woman winked and went to boxing up some treats. Kari couldn't help but dig a little, her curiosity getting the best of her.

  "So, are you the 'Judy' on the door or..."

  "No, my daughter would be that Judy. She bought the place and pretends to run it, but it's really my baby, I guess. She wouldn't care if it burned down as long as she got her insurance money out of it."

  "Oh..." Kari mumbled and moved to look at the small coffee mugs. That changed things. To undermine a rich bitch of a baker who was their mom’s age and just out to rule the world was very different than hurting the business of a little old lady. Kari glanced over at the woman and almost felt sick at wanting to help Sicily kick Judy's out of business.

  Crap.

  "Okay, dear. Here's your stuff. It will be eight bucks and I'll throw in a coffee for you and your beau." She smiled and worked on the coffee while Kari dug in her purse for money. She'd have to help Sicily figure out a better way to go about bringing success to the new bakery. No way could they sabotage this one. Kari almost laughed at her thoughts. Sabotage? What were they going to do? Sneak in and put ants in the flour and hair in the sugar?

  Ridiculous.

  She gathered her stuff and thanked the lady, walking out to her car and focusing hard on balancing everything. The drive to the school took less than ten minutes, but she spent another ten talking herself into having the courage to get out and actually go see him. What if he wasn't there? What is he didn't have the camera lens?

  "It's going to suck when he did have it and turned it in to the front desk. I'll go in looking like someone who's hoping to see him and get denied." She silently cursed herself and got out, walking to the front of the school like she owned the world. Her stomached turned violently when the secretary informed her that she'd go ask.

  Kari just nodded and sat on one of the small chairs in the lobby. She held one of the coffees in her hand and the bag of treats in her other. Her coffee was cooling in the car no doubt, but she didn't want to juggle the liquid with the chance of making a fool out of herself. She could manage to find another way to do that without involving hot coffee.

  The secretary reappeared and smiled. "He said he has ten minutes, and does have the cap. Come on back."

  Kari sighed with relief and stood, her emotions taking on a whole new level of concerns. She tried to focus on the artwork that lined the walls from the kids, but she went over how to start the conversation over and over again. Just be cool? Ask him for lunch? Coffee? Sex?

  No! Not sex!

  They stopped in front of this door, Kari not even realizing they had traversed across the gym floor. She smiled at the lady as she opened the door. Kari slipped in and smiled softly at him.

  Jake stood and smiled at her. "Hey. I meant to tell you yesterday that you left the cap, but I was so thrown off when I got to the house and you were there that I forgot."

  She shrugged and walked to his desk, extending the coffee. "No worries. I figured it was my turn to play stalker."

  He laughed and took the coffee, motioning for her to take the small chair across from him. "This for me?"

  "Yeah. I figured if I was going to be creepy then it would be best served with muffins and coffee."

  He laughed and sat down, pulling the top off the coffee as his eyes moved about her. Her heart skipped a beat, but she took a seat and opened the top to the box, pulling out a pecan roll and holding it up to her lips, breathing in deeply.

  "Wait! That one is my favorite," he said and reached for it.

  "Oh! Sorry." She extended it to him and he laughed, sitting back.

  "I'm just kidding. I love muffins, but it's nice to know that you’re willing to share."

  She narrowed her eyes at him and grumbled. He laughed and reached for a muffin, taking a large bite and groaning. She thought she might choke on her pastry as it got stuck in her throat. He was so far beyond delicious that the box of treats held nothing on him. How had she put herself in this position?

  "So the camera cap is in my truck. Let's eat this and then we'll go grab it." He licked his lips and she stifled a shudder. Why was eating so sensual all of a sudden?

  Her eyes moved across the fullness of his lips, the dark gaze of his eyes, the lines of happiness and laughter in the crease of his mouth. A smiled touched her lips as she put the pastry down, butterflies dancing in her stomach.

  "What are you thinking?" he asked, tilting his head slightly before taking another bite of his muffin.

  "I was thinking that I'm glad you have my camera cap." She sat back and wiped her mouth with a small cocktail napkin. His eyebrow rose and she righted herself.

  "I just mean that without it, the lens would get scratched and they are so expensive," she added quickly.

  He laughed and pushed the rest of the muffin in his mouth, standing and stretching. "That was the best breakfast I've had in weeks. Come on, let's get your stuff before the kids come piling in here."

  She stood, sadness tugging at her. What had she expected? To spend all morning watching him eat muffins? However delightful it sounded, she needed to get to work and he had class.

  "Sure." She grabbed her bag and followed him out as they walked across the gym floor. He looked down at her and smiled.

  "You look good today."

  She blushed as warmth spread across her chest and raced up her neck. "Thanks. Just another day in the office."

  He held the door as she went through, his words sweet as he whispered, "Lucky office."

  "Thanks again for your help with the swing yesterday." She looked over at him, wanting so badly to reach out and touch him. Just a brush of her fingers on his arm or to hold his hand would be blissful.

  "No problem at all. Did your brother mow or you need me to come do it?"

  "He will do it, but thanks." She wished like hell he didn't so she would have a reason to ask Jake back over. They stoppe
d by his truck and he leaned in to get the lens. She moved up next to the open door, her confidence beckoning her to move the nothingness between then into at least a working friendship.

  He turned and almost bumped into her, his body jolting as he stepped back and bumped into the truck. "Oh sorry. I didn't know you were right there."

  She felt silly all of a sudden and moved back. "I was wondering if, well, if you might want to grab lunch or dinner or something. I'd love to just talk and find out more about you."

  His expression changed and with the loss of warmth, her heart quivered. She'd made a mistake. He stood there for a few minutes, his smile gone and a look of concern covering his handsome features.

  "I'd love to, but maybe another time. My day’s pretty busy and um..." He touched his chest and looked over at the field where the kids started running out to play.

  She interrupted him, horrified at the rejection that sat heavy between them. She smiled, swallowing down the hot ball of tears that rolled up her throat. "No. No worries at all. We can do it whenever you have time. Thanks for the um, cap."

  She turned and pulled her keys from her pocket as her eyes welled up, her shoulders straight and her demeanor as if nothing happened.

  "Kari... Kari..." he yelled after her, but she just lifted her hand and waved, never turning around. How stupid she was. What did she think would happen?

  Frank hadn't wanted her and Jake didn't either.

  She slipped into the car as tears rolled down her face. Pulling the small mirror down, she stared at herself for a minute before starting the car, her movements angry and jerking. "How stupid are you? No one wants you... quick fucking trying."

  She righted the mirror as a small sob left her lips. "Done."

  Chapter 18

  Jake watched her walk away, her reaction to his hesitation stabbing him in the chest. He hadn't meant for it to come out like that. He was interested. He wanted to know everything about her. He wanted to learn every inch of her body, steal her heart, hear her call out his name in need or pleasure or love... He sighed and brushed his hands across his face.

  Fear shut him down and he had stumbled.

  "Fuck," he muttered and walked toward the kids, looking over as she sped off much too fast from the small school parking lot. She was hurt. It had looked like rejection, but it wasn't - was it? Hell if he knew. He wanted her to move back, to leave him alone until he could heal, and yet life didn't work like that. His heart and mind wanted two different things, and yet every time he'd listened to his heart, he'd ended up emotionally jacked for months, not sleeping for weeks, not wanting to eat.

  Love sucked so badly, and even still, he ached to get in his truck and go after her. He looked up as several boys jogged over to him.

  "Hey, coach. Ready to get whooped?" They threw a football at him and he caught it, stopping to look over his shoulder once more. She was gone and he knew without a doubt she was crying - and he'd caused it. He felt horrible and wanted to clock out and go drink himself into nothingness, but the kids in front of him didn't deserve his rejection too.

  "You asking me or your friends that? You guys are going down... I mean like down town." He smirked and threw the ball with all his might, his chest burning with anger for his reaction. The kids laughed, the large boy in front of him rolling his eyes.

  "Coach, you're weird when you try to be cool."

  Jake nodded and breathed in deeply. "I'm anything but cool, but nobody asked you. Now get out there and let me teach you what losing feels like."

  The kids moved around him, beckoning for his attention. He played their game, but his thoughts were far from the field or the need to mentor his students. He needed to get to Kari, to apologize, to explain. He would have to open some old wounds to let her see the reasoning behind his reserve.

  Or... he needed to leave her alone. Let her heal from the silly encounter that would momentarily hurt her and then she'd find someone worth her time. He figured time would tell which reaction he choose. At the moment he wanted to drive far away - somewhere he could just disappear.

  ***

  She sat outside of the old dock, the shipyard dilapidated and torn down. She needed to take pictures all over town and was grateful in the moment that her day would be spent with nothing but her camera. Angrily wiping at her tears, she flung them onto the wheel and dashboard in front of her. She didn't even know Jake. Why would his rejection hurt her so badly?

  "Because you were just rejected a few weeks ago. Shut up about it and move on." She wasn't supposed to be looking for love anyway. She'd promised herself she'd wait at least six months before even thinking about dating, and yet here she was, two weeks later and only a few days of being in Bar Harbor, and vying for the hottest guy in town. She leaned her head back and bit at her lip, pain ripping through her chest.

  Looking over at her phone as it buzzed, she saw that her brother had in fact mowed the lawn and was going to work on the hedges.

  "Good." One less thing to consider calling Jake over for. She would let Lisa or Sicily deal with him as their landlord, just making herself scarce any of the times he came over. She thanked her brother and dropped her phone in her purse, tucking it under the front seat of her car and getting out with her camera. Fog rolled over the bay, the wind strong in the small tunnel of large, old shipyard buildings around her.

  Kari walked aimlessly for a little while, stopping to take a picture here and there. Her heart wasn't in it, and having two weeks until the actual story pieces were due to Martha, she packed up her stuff and slipped her shoes off, walking to sit on the edge of the pier for a while. Her thoughts took her everywhere, but mostly to Frank. His rejection hadn't yet festered in her heart, but she could feel the pain of it asking permission to darken her spirit.

  She pushed it back and sighed heavily, tears rolling down her face as the wind picked up again. She didn't want to be bitter. Didn't want to turn into a hateful bitch who only picked men apart, slept with them for pleasure, or pulled at the fabric of their hearts for sport. She would push back the pain only because it wasn't her to let it consume her. She would leave Jake alone. If he wanted anything to do with her, then it was his job to make things right. If not - she would let herself heal and get back on the horse after a few months.

  Sadness tugged at her and she simply released herself to it, her afternoon spent hosting a pity party for the loss of a great guy that she never really had anyway.

  ***

  Kari stepped out of the car, her brother turning from the bushes he was messing with and smiling. His face dropped as he moved toward her. She didn't have the energy to pretend everything was okay. He reached out and pulled her into a hug, the musky smell of him mixed with grass wrapping around her. Her eyes burned with hot tears again and she sighed heavily.

  "What happened? You okay?" he asked and rubbed his chin along the top of her head.

  "No," she mumbled between soft sobs as all the emotion from earlier came crashing in around her. She hated being weak, hated the need to be loved and desired that plagued her. She wasn't so different from everyone else in that way, she knew it, but it didn't make things much easier.

  "Was it the landlord guy?" Marc growled and moved back, still holding her shoulders.

  She looked down, not wanting to bring her brother and his anger into the mix. Knowing him he would get in the car and go beat Jake for honestly doing nothing.

  "I just wish I didn't want to be with someone. I wish I was okay just being alone."

  "You are okay with that, sis. You just had your heart ripped out. It's going to take some time, okay? But you have to give it that time."

  She nodded, biting at her lip as she reached between them and wiped her face, sniffling once more before pulling back.

  "You're right. It is about him, but nothing he did. I just thought maybe there was something starting between us, but there isn't. I think the rejection of that is what's hurting me." She shrugged and pulled away, readjusting her bag and walking toward the house.r />
  "He didn't hurt you, did he? He wasn't a dick about it, right?"

  "No." She looked over her shoulder and smiled before walking in to the smell of chocolate something. She breathed in deeply and made a beeline for her room, wanting to pull herself together before talking to her friends. Jake would be in their lives for a long time, so she needed to play her cards right in front of everyone that night at dinner or she would be setting him up for a tongue lashing – and not the kind she'd planned on him having.

  "Not meant to be," she whispered and shut her door behind her.

  ***

  She hadn't meant to sleep through dinner and the rest of the night, but she had. Kari woke up still in her work clothes from the day before, her covers never even being pulled back. She sat up and groaned, her phone buzzing that it was a few minutes past eight. Grabbing at towel, she walked to the shower, pulling off clothes like she lived alone and enjoying the moments of warm silence the small room provided.

  She dressed in a pair jeans and a cream-colored sweater, pulling her hair into a ponytail and putting on boots. With very little make-up, she felt presentable and yet didn't look her best, which was just fine. Gaining the attention of a male anytime during the coming day was out, and she wanted to make sure of it.

  Kari considered calling in sick and realized how dumb that might be. She needed to swing by the hospital anyway and see Cliff. They might be new associates, but building a relationship with him and with his family was important to her. Chances are she'd be working at the paper with him and Martha until the time came to move back home. She checked herself in the mirror and walked out of the bathroom, grabbing her things from her room and laying them on the couch before joining her friends and her brother in the kitchen.

  "You all packed up?" Kari asked, walking in and stopping by her brother, ruffling his hair as he looked up at her.

  "Yep. I hate to leave you guys, but it’s back to the grind of life for me." He pushed out his lip and Lisa patted his thigh.