When We Danced at the End of the Pier

by Sandy Taylor

  I rang the doorbell and waited. It was opened by a miserable-looking woman and not the friendly man that had come to the door the last time.

  ‘What?’ she barked.

  ‘I’ve come to see Nelson Perks,’ I said.

  ‘Well, you can’t,’ she said abruptly and started to close the door.

  I stuck my foot out so she couldn’t close it.

  ‘Yes I can,’ I said. ‘It’s all arranged. He was supposed to be coming out with me and my dad today.’

  ‘Well, I can’t see no dad,’ she said, smirking.

  ‘He wasn’t well enough to come.’

  ‘He can’t go out without an adult, it’s the rules.’

  ‘Well, there’s no rule about spending time with him in the garden.’

  ‘You’ve got too much lip,’ she said.

  And you’ve got too much belly, I thought.

  Just then Nelson appeared behind her. ‘Hi, Maureen.’

  ‘This woman says you can’t come out.’

  Nelson pushed past her, caught hold of my hand and together we ran down into the grounds, laughing. We could hear her yelling behind us. ‘Come back here at once, Nelson Perks!’ Once we were clear of the house we slowed down and began walking towards the rose garden. We went through the stone arch and sat on the bench.

  ‘Blimey, who’s she? She’s awful,’ I said.

  ‘Nobody takes any notice of her. Mr Farley, the head, is out for the day and she thinks she’s in charge.’

  ‘Won’t you get into trouble?’

  ‘I’m already locked up, what else can she do?’

  ‘My dad couldn’t come,’ I said. ‘So we can’t go out for the day. I’m really sorry.’

  ‘You came and that’s all that matters. How are the others?’ said Nelson.

  ‘Monica had to look after Archie, Jack has to study for an exam and Brenda’s gone for a walk with Daddy.’

  ‘Thanks for coming all that way on your own.’

  ‘No problem, it’s nice to see you.’

  It was very peaceful in the garden and we were happy to just sit quietly on the bench. Nelson looked very clean and tidy again. I had always thought that his hair was dark brown but it was actually quite fair. I suppose it had never been washed before. It made me wonder again why Jack’s mum allowed him to be Jack’s friend. I found that really odd, given how stuck-up she was.

  ‘I never thanked you properly for looking after me at Christmas, Maureen,’ said Nelson suddenly. ‘I never thanked your mum either.’

  ‘You didn’t have to. Mum was just happy to take care of you. We were all happy to take care of you. She knew that you were grateful.’

  ‘That’s OK then. It’s been worrying me.’

  I touched his arm. ‘I’m sorry your mum died, Nelson.’

  He got up from the bench and knelt down beside the dying roses. He was quiet for a while, pulling up weeds, patting the ground around the plants and smoothing it down with his hands. ‘I don’t think she loved me,’ he said, almost to himself.

  He had his back to me. I noticed how thin his little shoulders were and I had this sudden urge to hold him and take care of him. I couldn’t imagine what it must be like not to be loved. Me and Brenda had always been loved.

  ‘I’m sure she loved you, Nelson. Daddy said she wasn’t well.’

  He stood up and faced me. ‘Well, I don’t think she loved me, Maureen. I don’t even think she liked me very much. If she’d liked me she wouldn’t have kept on hurting me, would she? You don’t keep hurting someone you like. I think that people keep telling me she did it because she was ill because they don’t know what else to say to me. Your dad’s not well, is he? But he doesn’t use you as a punchbag. Because that’s what she did to me, Maureen. She used me like a bloody punchbag and I’m supposed to forgive her because she wasn’t well.’

  I walked towards him and took his two hands in mine. ‘You don’t have to forgive her, Nelson, you can hate her as much as you like. She was a rotten mother and she didn’t deserve you. So go ahead, Nelson, you hate her as much as you bloody well like.’

  Me and Nelson held hands as he yelled, ‘I hate you, Mum!’

  ‘Tell her why,’ I said.

  He took a deep breath and shouted: ‘I hate you for hitting me.’

  Then I joined in: ‘And I hate you for not feeding him properly.’

  ‘And I hate you for selling my books to buy booze!’ yelled Nelson.

  ‘And I hate you for sending him out in the snow without warm clothes on.’

  ‘And I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!’

  There were tears rolling down his face. I put my arm around his shoulder. ‘Did that make you feel any better?’

  He sniffed and wiped his nose on the sleeve of his good coat. ‘A bit,’ he said sadly.

  We both sat down on the grass. It was damp and cold but we didn’t care.

  ‘I should have bought you a hankie for Christmas. You’re going to ruin that coat, always wiping your nose on it.’

  Nelson smiled at me and that was good.

  ‘Was she ever kind to you?’ I said.

  He was quiet for a while, then he said, ‘She bought me a comic once.’

  ‘Did you hate her the day she bought you the comic?’

  ‘I think I loved her that day, because she bought me a comic when she could have bought booze.’

  ‘Tell her,’ I said gently.

  ‘Thanks for the comic, Mum!’ he shouted up to the sky.

  ‘Thank you for buying Nelson a comic,’ I said, ‘when you could have bought booze.’

  ‘Can you think of any other time that she was kind to you?’

  ‘She brought home a little kitten once. We called it Rabbit.’

  ‘You called a kitten Rabbit? Why would you do that?’

  ‘Someone gave it to her when she was drunk. He told her it was a rabbit and she believed him. So that’s what we called it.’

  ‘What happened to it?’

  ‘It got squashed.’

  ‘I’ll light a candle for Rabbit next time I’m in church.’

  ‘Thanks, Maureen, you’re a good friend.’

  ‘How do you feel now, Nelson?’

  ‘Better. I’d forgotten the times that she was nice to me.’

  ‘I bet there were lots of times that she was nice to you. Maybe try remembering those things instead of just the bad things.’

  ‘I will,’ said Nelson, smiling.

  ‘My mum says that she believes there is good in everyone – you just have to look for it. Now, how about we thank her for Rabbit?’

  We held hands and yelled: ‘Thanks for Rabbit!’

  We were laughing as we sat back down on the bench.

  ‘I’ve got something for you, Maureen,’ he said, putting his hand into his pocket. ‘I made it in Woodwork.’

  He handed me a piece of wood. ‘It’s a ruler. Look,’ he said, ‘I’ve marked in all the inches and then I varnished it.’

  I ran my hand across the smooth wood. ‘It’s perfect, Nelson,’ I said. ‘I don’t have a ruler, I can take it to school.’ And then I kissed his cheek and he went red and scratched behind his ear.

  ‘I’m glad you like it, Maureen,’ he said and shyly kissed me back.

  As I was walking home, I thought about my friend Nelson and I thought about how I had kissed him on the cheek and how he’d kissed me back. And I remembered how he smelled. My good friend Nelson smelled of strawberry jam and lemons.

  Twenty-One

  The next Saturday Daddy was well enough to come to the orphanage with us and rescue Nelson for the day. As we walked towards the big house we could see him sitting on the steps leading up to the front door, the nice man sitting next to him.

  Nelson ran to us, grinning, and Daddy went over to the man and shook his hand.

  ‘Have a great day, Nelson,’ said the man.

  ‘Thanks, Mr Farley,’ said Nelson. ‘Get me out of here,’ he whispered to us.

  We hurried down the drive and
made our way down Boundary Road towards the sea.

  When we got the beach Daddy said, ‘Now I’m going to leave you and I’ll meet you back at the lagoon at five o clock, will that do?’

  ‘Where are you going, Dadda?’ asked Brenda, looking anxious.

  It bothered me that Brenda was becoming as worried about Daddy as I was. I suppose she was getting older and realising that there was something not quite right with her Dadda. I didn’t want her to feel like that. She was just a little girl, she shouldn’t be carrying that fear on her shoulders.

  ‘Daddy will be fine,’ I said to her. ‘Won’t you, Daddy, you’ll be fine?’

  ‘Of course I will,’ he said, smiling.

  We’d started to walk away when Daddy called me back. He knelt down on the ground so that he was on my level and he put his arms around me. ‘You know how much I love you, don’t you?’

  ‘Yes, Daddy, I know,’ I said.

  He touched my face. ‘You’re such a good girl,’ he said. ‘Take care of your sister, won’t you?’

  ‘I always take care of her, Daddy,’ I said.

  I looked into his face; he looked sad. Was he my normal daddy today? I thought he was, I hoped he was, but I started to feel bad in my tummy and then he smiled, a big smile that made me happy again.

  ‘Now go and have a lovely time with your friends,’ he said.

  ‘See you later,’ I said.

  I started to walk away, then I looked back at him. He was still smiling.

  ‘Bye-bye, sweet face,’ he said.

  ‘Bye-bye, Daddy,’ I said and I ran to join the others.

  We all climbed the stone wall and slid down onto the pebbles.

  ‘Can I paddle, Maureen?’ said Brenda.

  ‘Course you can. Tuck your skirt in your knickers. It’s going to be freezing though.’

  ‘I don’t mind.’

  Brenda took off her shoes and socks and placed them neatly side by side on the pebbles. It really hurt to walk on them when you didn’t have any shoes or socks on.

  ‘Get on my back, Brenda,’ said Jack. ‘I’ll carry you.’

  ‘Thanks, Jack,’ she said and jumped up onto his back.

  Nelson followed them down to the water’s edge and me and Monica sat on the old wooden groyne, swinging our legs.

  ‘Nelson looks good, doesn’t he?’ said Monica. ‘Do you think he’s happy there, Maureen?’

  ‘I think he’s as happy as he can be,’ I said. ‘At least he’s being looked after properly and he’s getting proper food. I hate to think of all the times he must have been hungry and none of us knew.’

  ‘I expect Jack knew.’

  ‘Yes.’

  The wooden groyne felt damp and slimy beneath us and I hoped it wasn’t going to ruin my dress. I watched Jack and Nelson skimming stones into the sea. They were having a good time and Nelson looked happy to be with his friend.

  ‘Why do you think Jack’s mum allows him be friends with Nelson?’ I said.

  ‘I’ve often wondered that. Why don’t you ask Jack?’ said Monica.

  ‘I might one of these days.’

  There was a cold wind blowing off the sea, chopping at the grey water and tipping the waves with white foam. I hoped it wasn’t too cold for Brenda. I didn’t want her going down with anything.

  How long do you think they’ll keep him there?’ said Monica.

  ‘I don’t know. He’s thirteen now, I don’t suppose they’ll keep him much after fourteen when he leaves school.’

  ‘And then where will he go?’

  ‘God knows,’ I said. ‘It’s all pretty worrying, cos he hasn’t got anywhere to go.’

  ‘Has he got a dad?’

  ‘Well, if he has, he’s never mentioned him.’

  ‘Because if he had a dad he could live with him, couldn’t he?’

  ‘His dad might be worse than his mum.’

  ‘I never thought of that,’ said Monica.

  I could see Brenda waving to us.

  ‘Fancy a paddle?’ I said to Monica.

  ‘It looks bloody freezing in there,’ she said.

  ‘Come on, Miss Wimp,’ I said, grinning.

  We jumped down onto the pebbles and joined the others at the edge of the sea. Both the boys had rolled their trousers up and waded into the water. Looking at Nelson, so small and thin next to Jack, it was hard to believe that he would be going out to work in a year. Me and Monica had always tucked our dresses into our knickers but suddenly we didn’t want to. We were too big to do that any more, especially in front of the boys.

  We stepped gingerly into the sea and Monica immediately jumped out again.

  ‘Bloody hell, it’s like stepping into a load of ice!’ she said, shivering.

  Brenda was happily splashing about and didn’t seem at all bothered about the cold.

  ‘Brenda, I think you should come out of the water, I don’t want you getting a chill,’ I said.

  ‘Two more minutes?’ she said, smiling.

  ‘Just two then. Me and Monica are going to sit up by the wall.’

  ‘I’m hungry,’ said Monica as we walked up the beach.

  ‘Me too,’ I said.

  ‘I don’t suppose you’ve got any money, have you?’

  ‘Not a bean,’ I said.

  ‘We’ll just have to starve then.’

  ‘I suppose so,’ I said.

  We sat against the wall and watched the others messing about in the sea. It was a bit more sheltered by the wall but it was still really cold. The sky and the water looked grey and uninviting.

  ‘Now I’m starving hungry and freezing cold,’ said Monica. ‘I think we should start walking, it might warm us up a bit.’

  Just then Jack came walking towards us up the beach with Brenda on his back and Nelson following behind.

  ‘We’re cold and hungry,’ said Monica.

  ‘I can’t do anything about the cold,’ said Jack, bending down to let Brenda slide off his back. ‘But I can treat us all to chips.’

  ‘Yeah, chips!’ cried Brenda.

  ‘Let me dry you first.’

  I dried Brenda’s feet and legs with my petticoat and then she put on her shoes and socks.

  ‘Chips it is then,’ said Jack.

  We climbed back onto the promenade and started walking. It was warmer up there and it helped that we were on the move.

  ‘There’s a chip shop just past the beach huts,’ said Jack.

  We hurried along the prom, looking forward to eating the chips. As we got closer to the shop we could smell the vinegar. Brenda, Monica and I sat on the steps leading down to the pebbles and waited for Jack and Nelson to get the chips. Thank God for Jack, he was the only one of us that ever had any money and he always shared whatever he had with the rest of us. When me and Jack got married, we would never be poor because Jack was going to be doctor, then we could make sure that all our friends and family would never be skint again and we could eat fish and chips every day if we wanted to.

  Jack and Nelson came back with a bag of chips for each of us and we dived into them. They tasted lovely and vinegary and salty.

  ‘I could eat this forever,’ said Brenda, her mouth full of chips. ‘I could, Maureen. I could eat this forever.’

  I smiled at her. ‘Me too,’ I said. ‘Thanks, Jack.’

  ‘Yes, thanks, Jack,’ said the others.

  We all felt warmer now our tummies were full of chips.

  We walked all the way along the seafront to the West Pier. There weren’t many people on the beach but there were quite a few walking along the seafront, taking in the sea air. It was starting to get dark, so we turned around and headed back to the lagoon where we were to meet Daddy.

  Five o clock came and went but there was no sign of him and we didn’t know what to do. Nelson had to get back to the home for his tea, they might not let him out again if he was late. We waited until six o clock but Daddy didn’t come.

  Twenty-Two

  We didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to
leave the lagoon in case Daddy came but it was dark and it was cold; we couldn’t stay there all night.

  Then Jack took charge. ‘Can you get back on your own, Nelson?’ he said.

  Nelson shook his head. ‘I’m not going anywhere until I find out what’s happened to Maureen’s dad.’

  I was worried sick. Did we get the time wrong? ‘He did say five, didn’t he?’ I said to the others.

  They all nodded.

  ‘I think we should get home,’ said Jack.

  Brenda started to cry. ‘Where’s Dada?’

  ‘I don’t know, love,’ I said.

  ‘Let’s go,’ said Jack.

  Monica put her arm around Brenda’s shoulder. ‘He’ll be OK,’ she said gently. ‘He must have just forgotten.’

  But I knew he hadn’t forgotten. Daddy wouldn’t forget us. Even if he was sad, he wouldn’t forget us. Even if he was bouncing off the ceiling, he wouldn’t forget us.

  It was miles to See Saw Lane and it was going to take ages to get home. I had to get home, I had to find Daddy.

  ‘I’ve got an idea,’ I said.

  We ran along the seafront until we got to the big white house. I pushed open the gate and started to walk up the drive with the others following behind me.

  ‘What are you doing?’ said Jack.

  I rang the doorbell and, thank God, it was the nice lady who came to the door and not her horrible husband.

  ‘Hello,’ she said. ‘Can I help you?’

  Brenda was still crying.

  ‘You’re the little girls who had the dolls’ pram, aren’t you?’ she said.

  ‘Yes, we are,’ I said. ‘And now we need help.’

  She opened the door wider. ‘Come in,’ she said, looking concerned.

  We hesitated at the door, then stepped into the hallway. It was full of light and mirrors and soft cream carpets.

  ‘Can you tell me what’s wrong?’ she asked gently.

  I tried to speak. ‘My daddy…’ I started.

  ‘Take your time, darling,’ she said.

  I took a deep breath and tried again. I could feel my eyes filling with tears. ‘He didn’t come, he said he’d come, but he didn’t come.’