Can't Hate You (Second Chance Diaries Book 1)

by Emma Vikes

  This was also why I couldn’t understand why her ex-boyfriend broke up with her. I get that he was scared of raising a child at eighteen and the probability of his future being ruined because of the baby. But if Kate managed to pull it off on her own, how come he didn’t have the balls to do so?

  “Continue to stare at me like that and I’m gonna punch you.”

  I laughed, coughing awkwardly and then turned my gaze away. “You’re always so feisty with me. How come you can’t use the same attitude when it comes to defending yourself and the choices you make?”

  “What good would my explanation do?” Kate asked, her gaze still fixed on whatever part of the landscape she had been staring at for the past minutes. “People will only understand at their level of perception. I can’t make them see things my way, when we don’t have the same view.”

  I leaned back, nodding and chuckling in amusement. “You know, I never thought I’d here such big words from you or such wisdom.”

  Kate’s eyebrows were furrowed when she finally looked at me. Her blue eyes held the same amusement I felt. “You make it sound like I was immature when last night you were the one apologizing for your own immaturity.”

  “Touché,” I mumbled, spreading my legs wide and leaning back, my hands supporting my weight as I gazed at the night sky. “Did you ever imagine that Andrew and Mila would get to this point? I mean, when Andrew told me that he liked her back in high school, I never really thought they would make it and then we went to college and I never imagined their relationship would hold on that long.”

  Kate let out a soft laugh but didn’t seem to mind the sudden shift in our conversation. “I guess some people are lucky enough to find their other half that early.”

  “But what if you already found the one you’re meant to be with and it didn’t work out, so you parted ways?”

  Kate glanced over at me, her head tilted to the side, her strawberry blonde hair cascading over one shoulder. Under the moonlight, her blue eyes almost looked silver as she stared at me. “Are you trying to tell me that Ryan Bell fell in love with someone and let her go because he was stupid?”

  I narrowed my eyes at the last word but shook my head. “No. Love won’t work with me. It’ll never work with me.”

  When I was five, I’d witnessed my parents fighting at the top of the stairs in our home here in Tampa, Florida. I wasn’t really sure what they were arguing about but as far as I could remember, they were shouting at each other and Mom was throwing things at Dad while he tried to duck out of the way. At some point, they noticed me and stopped. They tried to keep their shit together for my sake but I was already aware at a young age that something was wrong with my parents.

  At age nine, I found my Dad having an affair with my babysitter. Dad made me promise not to tell Mom and I kept it but I had the feeling she was already aware of it because the fighting started again and it didn’t stop anymore for my sake. At public events, they acted like they were this sweet couple, two colleagues in medical school that fell in love. In our house, they slept in two separate rooms.

  I came to the conclusion even then that love did not exist between my parents. Therefore, I realized love did not exist at all….until I met the Shaws and saw the way Bob looked at Lois and evidently, the lovey-dovey eyes that Andrew had for Mila. Maybe love existed for some people who were brave enough to choose it.

  I didn’t want to choose it because I had no assurance that mine wouldn’t turn out like it did with my parents. It was simple for me. To protect my heart, I just didn’t have to fall in love.

  “So hook-ups, flings, and one night stands,” Kate said quietly, staring at me with some unreadable emotion in her eyes “You’d rather get yourself infected with STD than go for commitments.”

  I looked at her pointedly. “I’m a doctor, shortcake. You think I don’t have myself checked? Donating blood gives me a free screening for that.”

  Kate quirked a small, amused, smile and turned away from me. “Maybe we’re not the ones who can choose love. Maybe love chooses us and we weren’t fortunate enough.”

  I cocked my head to the side, staring at her. “You had love, Kate.”

  “I wasn’t one of the fortunate ones though,” Kate whispered quietly, her gaze fixed on the landscape in front of us again, as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. “I loved someone with everything I had, only to have my heart broken in the end, my love was definitely not returned with the same intensity. But I think it’s better to have loved than not at all.”

  “Even if it means getting your heart broken and suffering a pain that you shouldn’t have felt if you didn’t risk your heart?”

  Kate licked her lips and turned to look at me again.

  Something in her eyes made my heart skip a beat, the way she held my gaze, the softness in her eyes, and the way she looked under the moonlight made my stomach coil—in a good way, in a way I’d never felt, so it made me question what it could be.

  “If I hadn’t risked my heart, then I wouldn’t have Faith,” Kate said quietly, staring at me with such warmth. “It’s like I said. Love chooses us and I made the mistake of choosing it, when it didn’t choose me.”

  The warmth in her eyes could possibly melt my cold heart, but I could hear the sadness in her voice as she said it. It felt like her melancholy radiated towards me.

  When she leaned back, placed her hands on the ground, closed her eyes, and pointed her head towards the night sky as our fingers brushed.

  I felt it instantly, a lightning spark, a fleeting moment, a flash of feeling gone too soon before I could decipher what it could be.

  Love chooses us. We don’t choose it.

  5

  Kate

  My nerves made me feel as if I was the one getting married as I kept going back and forth in panic, making sure everything was in place. Aside from doing my job, I made sure I helped Mila with the wedding preparations as much as I could because I was the maid-of-honor and the sister of the groom. I also knew that on the day of the event, I would be the one double checking everything because well, we just couldn’t fully rely on the wedding coordinator.

  “Katie,” Mom called to me.

  I stopped, turning to look at her.

  Mom wore a lilac dress, her short blonde hair combed to the side making her blue eyes pop even more. Mom was thin for her age and still graceful, looking as regal as a queen. “Stop pacing. You’re giving me a headache.”

  I placed my hand on the ear piece I had on so I could keep in touch with the coordinator. “I’m just checking if everything is okay in the venue, Mom.”

  Mom sighed and then motioned me to come to her. She placed a hand on my cheek her thumb gently caressing my face. “I haven’t even gotten a chance to see how pretty you are.”

  I smiled at her softly. I had a rift with my parents when I made the decision to keep Faith and ignored their plea to give her up for adoption. Right after I graduated, I took jobs that wouldn’t be too heavy for a pregnant lady. I did some side jobs like baking treats, babysitting to save up for the hospital when I gave birth and to pay for my monthly check-ups. I never asked for money from my parents and for a while, I even stopped them from trying to give me cash.

  It took them a while to wrap their mind around the fact that their little girl was having a little girl of her own… on her own. Like them, it took me a while to understand that they were looking out for the future they’d wanted me to have. None of us expected the plot twist but all of us fell in love with Faith the moment she arrived.

  “You look beautiful,” Mom whispered, smiling at me and kissing me gently on the nose the way she used to when I was younger, the way I would kiss Faith sometimes too. “I’m praying for the day when I see you in that white gown too.”

  I almost grimaced when she said this. My mom wanted me to get out on the field again, like my aunts did but she didn’t want it in the way they did. Like how Mila and Vanessa set me up on blind dates. She wanted me to find love, the righ
t one this time, and live a happy life. I think every mother wanted that for her child.

  I smiled at Mom, took her hand, and squeezed it gently. “Pray a little harder, Mom.”

  She rolled her eyes and patted me lightly on the cheek. “You’re going to find someone who will choose you and when it happens, I’ll be the happiest.”

  Her statement brought me back to my conversation with Ryan on the night of the rehearsal dinner. Something about it had been so freeing and honest. The conversation had been so open and bare as if it was the first time I stripped off some of the armor I hid my feelings under. But what was most astonishing about that conversation was the fact I’d had it with Ryan Bell! Ryan and I never truly had an actual conversation that did not lead to bickering, heated arguments and evidently, me walking out of the room. Maybe when he came to my house to apologize for the things he said during the argument we had at Andrew’s, he really meant it. Maybe we finally found our truce after so many years of fighting.

  Yet, it was hard for me to accept that Ryan could be a person I could talk to now, or maybe that conversation was just a one-time thing.

  “Kate?”

  Startled, I heard a loud voice in my ear and remembered I still had the earpiece on and the coordinator was calling my attention. “Yeah, I’m here.”

  “The best man will come in the bride’s room to give the gift to the bride and you should come to your brother’s to bring Mila’s gift for him. There will be a camera crew that will follow you both.”

  “Alright, I got it.” I excused myself from the room, just in time for Ryan to arrive with a neatly wrapped box in his hand but he kept tossing it around carelessly. “You have to be careful with that.”

  Ryan stopped mid-toss as he looked at me with his head cocked to the side, eyeing the gift I held in my hand.

  I knew what was in the gift box I held. A limited-edition watch my brother had been eyeing on for a while now, but never really tried to purchase because he knew there were a lot of other things he needed to save his money for.

  But Ryan didn’t ask me. Instead, he waved the box in his hand at me. “Do you even know what this is?”

  I didn’t. It was the first time since Andrew and Mila got together that he hadn’t consulted me over what he intended to get her. I’d tried to get the information out of him but he swore he would never tell me. I turned away and shook my head. “No.”

  Ryan smirked and then tossed it in the air again.

  My heart skipped a beat. Seeing Ryan handle it so carelessly made me anxious, as I didn’t know what was inside.

  Ryan didn’t seem bothered by it at all. “Relax, shortcake, it’s not breakable.”

  “You know what it is?” I felt offended. My brother didn’t trust me enough to tell me what he got his fiancé while his best friend ‒ who was handling the gift so carelessly ‒ knew.

  He smirked with the mischievous glint in his green eyes as he reached for the doorknob. “Let’s say that your brother has had this for years and it would’ve sucked for him to have kept it for so long, if he hadn’t ended up with Mila.” Ryan slipped inside.

  I stood outside the room, pouting and annoyed that he knew something I didn’t. I marched into the groom’s room. We were at the church Andrew and Mila chose, the same church our parents got married in.

  I was pouting when I came in and well-aware the cameras were on me, recording the whole thing, so they could use the footage later at the garden reception.

  “You look upset,” Andrew stated as he stared at me. “I never really thought you would be upset on this day of all days.”

  “How come Ryan knows what you’re giving Mila and I don’t?”

  Andrew chuckled and then held his hand out for the present I was meant to give him.

  I got my shit together and tried to look pretty for the cameras while Andrew unwrapped the gift and then stared at the watch he had been coveting for a long while with an awed smile. A letter was neatly tucked in the case and he took it out, opened it gently, and read aloud what Mila wrote:

  “You’ve been wearing the same watch since medical school, changing its batteries all the time. I got you a new one, one that you’ve been wanting for so long. But I didn’t just choose this because you’re due for a new one. I got this because I’m thanking you for coming into my life at the right time, even when you’re always late for everything else.”

  I listened to every word, feeling butterflies in my stomach because I knew my brother was trying to hold back his tears. I’d witnessed their love story unfold and evolve from young love to two lovers learning to compromise for each other’s dreams while holding on to the love they had. It was a choice they’d made every day, to choose each other, and it wasn’t like marriage was the finish line but the a start of something new, together.

  The rest of the day went like that, a celebration of a decade of love between Mila and Andrew—the two of them finally taking the step up the commitment ladder. When they got married was never an issue between them. I guess it was because Mila always understood Andrew wanted to achieve a lot of things in life and at the same time, he’d wanted her to achieve her goals too, before they set their goals as a couple.

  The entire wedding was beautiful and went smoothly. I even cried during their vows which was surprising because I cried when it was Andrew’s turn. It never occurred to me that my brother was capable of saying things to make a girl’s heart flutter and make her cry but he did well and held his own.

  During the reception, I barely had time to eat because I kept on moving from one side to another. I left Faith in my parents’ care as I made sure everything went as perfectly as Mila and I had envisioned. At some point, when Mila and Andrew were already dancing their first dance as a couple, I finally sat down in corner to remove my heels and change into the slippers I brought with me.

  “You’ve been going back and forth and I don’t think you’ve even eaten yet.”

  I jumped at the sound of his voice. Looking up, I met Ryan’s eyes.

  He held two plates filled with food. He placed them on the table and pushed them towards me. “It’s quite admirable that you’re making sure everything’s perfect but that doesn’t mean you get to skip the dinner part.”

  “I already ate.”

  “Barely,” Ryan answered easily, pushing a plate further towards me.

  I flashed him a look.

  He shrugged. “You were a table away from me. I noticed. And besides, Faith mentioned it when I talked to her earlier.”

  I took a fork and then stabbed an herbed potato and popped it in my mouth. “And when did you find a moment to talk with my daughter?”

  He jabbed a thumb towards the dance floor where other couples were slowly milling around. Andrew was already dancing with Mom and they were laughing as he tried and failed to spin her. I couldn’t help but chuckle to myself as I took another bite of the food Ryan had piled on my plate.

  “I danced with her earlier but you didn’t see because you were all over the place.”

  I stopped mid-bite and looked over at her. I’d never seen Ryan Bell dance before. Andrew had once mentioned that even during their prom, Ryan refused to get on the dance floor because he claimed that guys like him don’t dance. I knew it was just a poor excuse because he didn’t know how to dance so to find out my daughter managed to get him to the dance floor was astonishing.

  “So let me get this straight,” I started as I lowered the fork down on the plate and stared at him in amusement. “You’re telling me that my daughter managed to get you on the dance floor when you used to refuse to dance even during your prom.”

  Ryan narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips. “You make it sound like I’m allergic to dancing.”

  I raised an eyebrow at him. “I’m not trying to imply anything, Ryan.” I took another bite of food.

  He let me eat for a while and the song suddenly changed into a slow one. I watched as more couples milled in or how their positions changed because of the pace of th
e song. I could see my parents dancing with each other. Mom’s arms were around Dad’s neck as he swayed her to the beat, looking at her as lovingly as he always did. I couldn’t help but smile.

  “C’mon,” Ryan suddenly said.

  I turned to look at him again.

  He rolled his eyes and stood up, offering his hand for me to take. “Don’t look so surprised. You were staring at everyone jealously, so I’m taking one for the team.”

  I stared at his hand and chuckled, shaking my head. “How certain were you when you decided to ask me that I would agree?”

  Ryan looked thoughtful for a moment. “Well, on a scale of 1-10, it’s actually zero because I’m not even asking you.” Right after the words left his mouth, he grabbed me by the wrist and yanked me up then dragged me to the dance floor. He didn’t even give me a chance to protest when he placed one of my hands on his shoulder then put the other on his waist while he positioned his hands on me. Ryan moved slowly, almost gingerly.

  I will admit…It took me a while to finally grasp the whole thing. I was dancing with Ryan Bell! I wasn’t really sure if I could fully comprehend this startling fact, considering we couldn’t even talk to each other without yelling, with me walking out on him in annoyance.

  It also took me a while to notice Ryan was leading my steps which was surprising because supposedly, he shouldn’t know how. “You’re not a bad dancer.”

  He chuckled as his shoulders rose a little in a shrug. “My mom enrolled me in dance class when I was seven. I took it for two years until she thought it was time for me to learn the piano, so she pulled me out of dance class for that. I think it was the best decision she ever made for me.”