Self Destruct

by K. D. Carrillo

  Who goes to the library on Friday nights? Obviously most of my friends did and lucky for me, because I didn’t even own jumper cables. Not that I would have known how to use them anyway.

  I asked Cameron to come over after his study group, which was surprisingly the same one Toni was going to. Finally, I pulled out of the library parking lot at nine, two hours later than I was supposed to leave.

  I texted Aiden when I first knew that I was going to be late, but never got a chance to speak to him. When I pulled up to our house I figured out why. There was a huge party going on. I had to park almost a block away, because there were cars everywhere. I shoved my way through the wall of bodies looking for Aiden, but I didn’t see him anywhere.

  In keeping with my diminishing luck, the first person I recognized was Nick. “What the hell is going on here?” I shouted over the loud music. “A party, what do you care?” he shouted back.

  Nick either didn’t know, or didn’t care, that I lived here. Seeing no point, I dropped the argument. “Where is Aiden?” I asked, scanning the room again. Nick’s face lit up with an evil grin. “I haven’t seen him since he and Vanessa slipped outside to be alone. She’s kinda freaky, so I’m sure they are making up for lost time.”

  I didn’t say another word. I just continued through the house and walked out the back door. In the back yard I saw Aiden sitting on the porch swing, talking to a beautiful blonde. I stayed long enough to see her brush his hair away from his eyes, and for him to grab her hand. It wasn’t like I caught them kissing, but they looked so familiar with each other that I couldn’t stand there and watch.

  I was pissed. I’d had the day from hell and here he was catching up with an old girlfriend I didn’t even know was in town. I stormed back into the kitchen, and Nick was waiting with a smug expression on his face. I wanted to punch him, but I accepted the keg cup full of beer instead.

  I took a big gulp. I hate beer, and this was a really skunky kind. Extremely bitter, but I was pissed so I took another big drink, and then another. The urge to drive away the pain slammed me, and the only thing I could focus on was my cup of beer.

  I couldn’t remember what I was mad about after a few big gulps. The only thing I remembered thinking was beer shouldn't make my face feel numb, and then nothing. No feeling pissed, no asshole boyfriends talking to ex-girlfriends, no douche bag friends of future ex-boyfriends, no dead batteries, no worries, no problems, and no feeling in most of my body. It made me remember why I used to drink so much. Sometimes nothing felt so good.

  30

  Aiden

  I checked my phone for the hundredth time in the last hour. It was almost nine, and I hadn’t heard from Becca since she texted me she was going to be late. I wanted to warn her about Nick using our house to throw a party. Something I discovered when I came home, but I didn’t want to interrupt her at work. I texted a few times, but since she hadn’t responded I figured she must still be stuck waiting on her replacement.

  Then to make this night truly hellish, Vanessa showed up out of the blue. The entire time we were together she never visited me, and now that we were broken up she shows up unannounced. I drug her outside to see what she wanted. It didn’t feel right to have her in my house, where Becca and I lived. I didn’t want her anywhere near my life with Becca. Everything Vanessa touched turned to shit. I wanted to keep her ugliness away from Becca.

  “What the fuck are you doing here Vanessa?” I spit out. “Lovely to see you too Aiden,” she responded sarcastically. “Cut the shit. What do you want?” I demanded. “I want you to hold up your end of our agreement,” she answered coldly. “What agreement? The one where you make me miserable and offer to someday tell me where our son is?” I snapped.

  She sighed like she was going to have to explain a complex idea to a toddler. “Aiden, daddy says we will only be able to get him back if we are married. It will make us look mature. Plus our mothers expect it. I really don’t understand why you are making such a big deal out of us seeing other people. But, we are graduating this year, so it is time to stop screwing around and start planning our wedding. I’ve let you run off with your tart, now it's time to get serious.”

  “I want you to leave Ellensburg, and never contact me again." I leaned to get off the porch swing. Vanessa reached out and brushed my hair out of my face. I grabbed her hand before she could try to pull me into a kiss. Being near her made me feel sick. I don’t know how I spent so much time thinking I could make a life with her work.

  “I’m not going to break up with Becca. I’m not going to marry you. And I’m sure as hell not helping you get our son back. He is better off where he is. I signed over my parental rights. You have nothing to hold over me anymore,” I retorted.

  “Why the hell would you sign over your rights Aiden? We needed those so you could petition for custody!” She screamed. “I know, but I realized giving him up was best for him. We have nothing left to say to each other. Goodbye Vanessa.”

  I saw a flash of red being led out of the kitchen by Nick. When did Becca get here? I ran for the house, and had to fight my way through searching for Becca. I found Jeremy talking to some friends in the living room. “Jeremy, have you seen Becca?” I asked frantically. “I saw Nick giving her a beer earlier,” he answered.

  I glared at him, and I could see the moment he realized the threat. “Shit, I forgot I wasn’t supposed to leave her alone with him.” "How the hell do you forget that?" I seethed. Jeremy swallowed hard, fighting his own panic. I knew he cared about Becca, and yelling at him wasn't going to help me find her.

  We both started scanning the bodies packed in the living room. My panic grew the longer I looked without finding her. I knew Nick creeped her out, and she would never willingly go anywhere with him.

  We finally made it to the hallway where the bedrooms were. I searched mine while Jeremy searched his, just hoping that she was hiding away from the noise. When we didn’t find her I tried to open the door to the guest room, but it was locked.

  I pounded on the door, and Nick cracked it open. “What the hell man? Can’t you see I've got something going here?” Nick complained. “I’m looking for my girlfriend. Have you seen her?” I asked loosing patience. “Weren’t you outside talking to her?” Nick sneered. “No dickhead, I was arguing with Vanessa. Do you know where Becca is or not?” I demanded.

  Before Nick could answer I heard an odd sound, like wheezing. I shoved the door open and found Becca passed out and starting to spasm. “Jeremy!” I screamed, and shoved Nick hard to get him out of my way. Jeremy held Nick away from me while I rushed to grab Becca. “What the fuck did you do?” I shouted.

  “I was just comforting her after she caught you getting cozy with Vanessa outside,” Nick scoffed. “Aiden go, she doesn’t look good,” Jeremy insisted, shoving me towards the front door. People moved out of our way when they saw me carry Becca through the house. I laid her in the back seat of my car and raced the few blocks to the hospital.

  As soon as we arrived doctors swept Becca away to have her stomach pumped. “What did she take?” an E.R. nurse asked me while I was filling out Becca’s paperwork. I swallowed hard, what had she been given?

  “I don’t know. I'm pretty sure a former friend of mine drugged her at our house tonight. Everyone said he gave her one beer and then she started to seem really drunk. Is she going to be ok?” I asked terrified. “We are doing our best. Someone will come and find you as soon as there is news,” she promised.

  Toni and Cameron ran into the waiting room. “Jeremy will be here after he breaks up the party,” Cameron informed me. I nodded, unable to speak.

  “Still nothing?” Toni asked. This time I shook my head. She picked up on my mood, and squeezed my hand. “She’s a fighter Aiden,” Toni assured. I didn’t respond. I tried to let her words comfort me, but I was too afraid. “I need her,” I whispered. “I know how you feel. I need her too,” she replied.

  Jeremy arrived about an hour after they got there, and sat quietly. I coul
d see he was overwhelmed with guilt. I couldn’t muster the energy to be pissed he didn’t keep Nick from her. I should have kicked Nick’s ass out as soon as I knew he was in town. I already lost one of my oldest friends, if he was ever really my friend. I wasn’t about to let Nick’s betrayal ruin my friendship with Jeremy.

  The police came and took a statement from Jeremy and I. They stopped by the house to find Nick, but he had already left. “Sorry Aiden. I wasn’t thinking about the police needing to talk to him, I just wanted his ass out of our house,” Jeremy apologized. I nodded. “You didn’t do this,” I insisted. “I didn’t do anything,” Jeremy muttered.

  Kate entered the waiting room in her scrubs. “Hey guys. I just checked in on Becca,” Kate said trying to catch her breath. “Sorry, I don’t have a lot of time. I’m not working this floor tonight, but I had to see how she was doing. I’m not going to sugar coat it. She isn’t great, but she’s hanging in there. Her breathing was weak when you brought her in Aiden. She had her stomach pumped, and is on a respirator. It appears he crushed several different barbiturates and mixed them with beer. The combination depressed her respiratory system.

  She still hasn’t woken up. I don’t know how long it will be before she does. I know the doctors are hesitating in coming to talk to you, because there is a chance she won’t come out of this. I don’t believe that though.

  We know her. She will fight this. I know how hard it is to not know what is going on. Hang in there. I’ll keep checking in on her, and I’ll let you know if there are any changes.”

  A half an hour later a doctor finally came around to repeat the same information Kate gave us. I was allowed to wait in her room after that. I sent our friends home, and settled into a chair to sleep.

  Twelve hours later I had my first reason to hope. Her eyes blinked open, and I immediately pushed the call button for the nurse. For the better part of the next hour there was a flurry of activity while the doctors removed her from the respirator, and made sure she could breath without it. She went back to sleep after she was unhooked, and it was another day before she woke up again.

  “Aiden,” Becca croaked. I jumped up to grab her some water. “Shh, don’t talk your throat is going to be raw,” I told her. “Where am I?” she rasped. “The hospital. God, Becca I was so scared. Nick, he, uh, he,” I stammered.

  Becca started shaking violently. “Did he...uh...was I?” Becca tried to ask. “No, sweetheart. I’m sure he was going to, but he didn’t touch you. He did give you a laced beer that nearly killed you. I’ve never been so scared as I was racing you here.”

  I saw a flash of anger pass over Becca's face, and she turned to look away from me. “Who was she?” “Who?” I asked, confused. “The girl I saw you with that night,” she whispered angrily.

  Realization hit, she saw me talking to Vanessa outside. I’m sure it was upsetting, but I could explain everything. “Vanessa dropped by. I didn’t know she was in town. Nothing happened with her, and it never will,” I swore. “I’m so stupid, Aiden. I was so upset when I saw you talking to her. Nick handed me a beer and I took it,” she said, fighting tears.

  I climbed on the bed with her and tried to comfort her. “How could you have anticipated one of my friends would try to drug you? There is no way that you could have guessed he would try and attack you.” “How long have I been here?” Becca asked, changing the subject. “About two days,” I answered.

  Much sooner than I imagined, a doctor began the procedures to discharge her. “Are you sure she is ready to be discharged?” I asked nervously. “Don’t you want me to come home?” Becca's brow crinkled with confused. “Of course I do, but you scared the shit out of me. I want to be sure it is completely safe for you to leave here,” I explained.

  The doctor interrupted, “She will need to check in with a respiratory therapist, but that can be done as an out-patient. I am going to prescribe an antibiotic, just as prevention. There was an outbreak of bacterial pneumonia, and we want to make sure you do not contract it since your respiratory system is still weakened. A nurse will be in shortly with your discharge paperwork.”

  “Have you been here the entire time?” Becca asked after the doctor left. “Of course,” I said. “Well it's a good thing I get to go home today. You look like you need a shower and a bed,” Becca observed. “Only if you join me. I don't think I can sleep without holding you.”

  31

  Rebecca

  Police, parents, friends, and annoying reporters irritated the hell out of me the first couple of days I was home from the hospital. Aiden convinced all of my professors to send lecture notes and work home with him. They agreed to let me take an entire week off of class to recover.

  “You expect me to spend an entire week in bed?" I asked in disbelief. “Yes,” Aiden answered matter of factly. I started wearing tiny boy shorts, and lacy tank tops to bed. “How do you plan on keeping me here?” I propositioned.

  “Becca,” Aiden moaned begging me to behave. I ignored his plea and continued, “I spoke to my doctor earlier today. I asked if I could return to, uh, normal activity. He said I could not go run any marathons, but I could start living my normal life again as my energy returns.”

  I watched Aiden’s throat move up and down. “You want to…are…are you sure?” I could see anticipation and desire flicker across his face. “I love you, I want you. I want to return to our normal lives. Make love to me Aiden.” He smiled a wicked smile. “You don’t have to ask me twice.”

  Aiden gathered me in his arms and carefully ran his hands through my hair. He gently kissed my forehead, my cheeks, and lightly across my lips. “Aiden, I’m not made of glass,” I growled. “I’m really afraid I’m going to accidentally hurt you,” he admitted.

  I pushed his chest and he rolled over too easily, like he was eager not to be on top of me. He closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. I took advantage of his efforts to relax. I climbed on top of him and straddled his waist. “What are you doing?” Aiden asked in a strangled voice. I ran my fingers around his naked chest, tracing the ridges of his muscles. “Why? Don’t you like it?” I asked innocently.

  “Becca, I’m not sure I can. Maybe in a few more days.” “I think you can,” I purred, and rocked against the growing evidence pressed against me. Aiden groaned. He put his hands on my hips to stop me, but I continued to wiggle against him. “Aiden, do you want me?” “You can feel that I do,” he choked out. “That's all I needed to hear.” I leaned over and kissed him hungrily. The way I wanted him to kiss me earlier.

  I pulled my tank top off over my head and rubbed my sensitive skin across his. I slipped off of him for a moment, and he whimpered. I slid my shorts and panties off, and pulled off his boxers. “I’m not done with you yet,” I promised, and kissed him deeply. Aiden fisted his hands in my long hair, and held me in the kiss.

  My skin rubbed against his as I repositioned myself on top of him. I sensed the moment he lost control when his hips surged forward and he entered me. “Oh, Fuck. I didn’t hurt you did I?” he groaned, trying not to move. I moaned. “No. You. Ah. Feels. Good,” I stammered.

  His hands returned to my hips, but instead of stopping me he guided me to speed up. After days of fear and stress neither of us were going to last very long. I kissed him, flicked my tongue against his full bottom lip, and sucked it into my mouth.

  He rocked against me hard, twice, and it was all I needed. The climax that overtook me was overwhelming. I felt it vibrate through my body, and my soul. Almost exactly the same time Aiden wrapped his arms around me and held me still. “Fuck, I love you,” he shouted. I laughed silently. Aiden was an odd mixture of naughty and nice.

  We stayed wrapped in each other the rest of the afternoon. “Are you two going to come up for air or food sometime today?” Jeremy yelled through our closed door. At the mention of food my stomach grumbled. “Let’s get dressed and I’ll feed you,” Aiden whispered in my ear.

  I smiled at him and gently stroked his dark blonde hair. “You seem
happier.” “Amazing an orgasm can do, huh?” he teased waggling his eyebrows. “Mmm, we are definitely doing that again,” I agreed.

  Jeremy pounded on the door. “We’re coming,” Aiden yelled. “I don’t need to hear that shit. Finish up and get dressed,” Jeremy shouted back. Toni laughed somewhere in the hallway.

  “He meant we will be with you in a few minutes pervs,” I teased. “Whatever, get your horny asses out here soon. I’m starving and I haven’t been getting freaky all day. I’m not going in to rescue the two of you if you forget to eat. I would have to bleach my eyeballs,” Jeremy shouted.

  A short time later I practically skipped from the bathroom, excited to be allowed out of the house. I joined the guys and Toni in the living room, and watched while Jeremy searched for his keys.

  The heavy thud of boots echoed from the front porch, followed by an authoritative knock, just as we were ready to walk out the door. Jeremy opened the door, and my stomach dropped. “Can I help you officer?” Jeremy asked nervously.

  I felt dizzy, nauseous, and like crying all at the same time. Aiden slipped his arm around me, either to comfort me or be comforted himself. “I’m looking for Rebecca Scott,” the Ellensburg Police Officer answered. I opened my mouth to speak, but only a tiny squeak emerged. I cleared my throat and tried again. “That’s me.”

  “Miss Scott, we wanted to inform you that Nicholas Jones was arrested this morning in Seattle. He has probably posted bond by now, but we wanted to let you know since the prosecutor will likely be contacting you soon. Usually we would have done this over the phone, but I live nearby and volunteered to drop by.”

  I glanced at his nametag. “Thank you very much Officer Martin. It was very kind of you to go out of your way to let me know that.” “I have a sister your age. I was the first officer to interview your fiancé, and I wanted to make sure you were doing ok,” he answered.