Self Destruct

by K. D. Carrillo

  She rubbed her belly lovingly. “I’m scared, but I’m excited too.” I kissed her forehead. “I don’t want to wait to get married. I want us to be a family before our baby comes.”

  “Are you sure? I thought you wanted to wait until after I graduated,” she asked. “That was before I knocked you up,” I teased. “Actually, I never wanted to wait at all, but I wanted you to have time to finish school. I wanted to make sure you didn't have any regrets, because you married me too soon,” I confessed.

  Becca reached over and held my hand. “I never wanted to wait either, but now I want to wait until everything doesn’t make me throw up. I want it to be special." “How about Hawaii during Christmas break?” I suggested. “Sounds perfect,” she agreed.

  “We're going to be here a while longer. I’m going to see if Jeremy will let me hold on to his keys and catch a ride with Toni,” I told her. I sent them off without telling them what the doctor said.

  37

  Rebecca

  “Put me down you nut!” I squealed as Aiden carried me through the house. “I will as soon as we get to our room.” “I’m pregnant not an paralyzed. Why don’t you drag me around by my hair you caveman.” I started squirming trying to force him to put me down. “Quit kicking before I have to spank you,” he ordered, and playfully swatted me on the rear.

  “Knock it off, you aren’t my daddy, just my baby-daddy,” I said, continuing to squirm. Aiden growled. “And that right there is why we have to get married right away. Baby-daddy, shit, we aren’t from the ghetto.”

  I knew he would hate being called that, but I couldn't help myself. I also knew it would start his wheels turning. “It is going to be very expensive to go to Hawaii over winter break. I don’t think that all of our friends will be able to make it there. I know you said you thought Vegas was cheesy, but, I don’t know, what do you think?” he stumbled.

  “I’m not even sure what you said. Are you asking me if I want to go to Vegas to get married?” I asked. He stroked my hair, and pushed it away from my face. “Dammit, I’m messing this up. I don’t want you to think I’m rushing this because you're pregnant."

  “Except you are,” I interrupted. “See, I knew I was screwing this up. Knocking you up is just a great excuse to do what I already wanted to do in the first place,” he said, trying to lighten the mood.

  “You wanted a quickie Vegas wedding?” I asked confused. “The wedding is for you, Red. I want to be married. It's either that, or I write my name on your head with a sharpie,” he taunted. “You don’t care about the wedding at all?” I asked in disbelief.

  He paused, and I could tell he was thinking about what I asked him. “I have a few opinions. I want to see you in a fancy dress, and I want our best friends there. My dad if he can get away from her. I want to smash a piece of cake in your face, and reach up your skirt for a garter. Other than that, I don’t care what we do,” he said smiling.

  “Wait did you say you are going to write on me with a sharpie?” I asked incredulous. He chuckled. “I won’t if I can go around calling you Mrs. Ryan, and every guy around here knows to keep walking. If I can’t I’m going to write ‘Aiden’s’ on your forehead.” I rolled my eyes at him. “You are seriously mental.”

  “You really don’t want to tell anyone about the baby until after we are married?” I asked. “How about only telling Jeremy and Toni?” Aiden suggested.

  “If we tell them we should tell Kate and Cameron too. Jeremy and Toni aren’t exactly the best secret keepers,” I added.

  “Tomorrow. It’s late now, and you need to sleep,” Aiden fussed. “You're bossy,” I complained. “And you, Red, are stubborn.”

  I felt better when I woke up in the morning, and believed my morning sickness had magically disappeared. That lasted for about five seconds. Then the previously delicious aromas of coffee, pancakes, bacon, and eggs wafted into the room. I raced into the bathroom where I proceeded to throw up everything I had eaten or thought about eating the day before.

  “Becca I made breakfast,” Aiden called out from the doorway. “Uhh,” I groaned, with my head half in the toilet. “Oh, Becca. Damn I didn’t think about the smell of the food. I was hoping you would be feeling better. I’ll get your nausea medicine, and maybe you’ll be able to eat.” I moaned as an answer and he left to get my prescription.

  Twenty minutes later the rollercoaster in my stomach had settled down. I took a seat at the breakfast bar, and was contemplating pancakes. I refused the bacon and eggs. I wasn’t that courageous just yet. I took a bite, and my stomach grumbled greedily. I moaned. It was so good, and I was so hungry. Thanks to my prescription, I was sure it was going to stay down.

  “Either Aiden knocked you up, or you have a kinky fascination with pancakes,” Jeremy commented. I smiled at him and waggled my eyebrows. I hooked my index finger at him to urge him closer.

  “It isn’t the pancakes, it’s the syrup,” I said, and sucked some off my finger. “Shit, that did it right there. It think I’m straight now,” Jeremy groaned.

  “So you don’t want me to share that secret with Cameron?” I asked, and fluttered my eyelashes. Jeremy gulped. “Mental image of Cameron and syrup. Never mind, still gay.” “You better be ass hat. Keep your bi-curiosity away from my woman,” Aiden barked.

  “Make her stop making love to her breakfast, and I wouldn’t be so curious,” Jeremy retorted. “As long as it is staying down I don’t give a shit how she eats it,” Aiden grumbled.

  “I guess this means you have super sperm right?” Jeremy goaded. “I don’t know about that. Apparently having your stomach pumped followed by a course of antibiotics was like a green light to my little swimmers,” Aiden said with a laugh.

  Jeremy cocked his head to the side, and studied Aiden for a moment. “You don’t seem too upset by this.” “Why would I? I have plenty of money and a gorgeous soon-to-be wife. Which reminds me, are you down with going to Vegas in two weeks? I want to leave the day after class lets out.”

  “Vegas? Are you two eloping?” Jeremy asked. “Is it still eloping if all of our friends come with us?” Aiden thought aloud. “I don’t think so,” I interjected. “I’m in. Your mom is going to birth a calf you know,” Jeremy warned.

  Telling the rest of our friends was just as easy. Strangely they were more thrown off by the fact that we were moving up our wedding plans than us having a baby. “You aren’t shocked at all I’m pregnant?” I asked Toni in confusion.

  Why wasn’t she surprised? Toni looked at me like I was slow. "You have been puking every day for over a week. I've heard of false negatives before. When you passed out it seemed the likely cause."

  “Ok, so if you aren’t surprised about the baby, why are you surprised we are getting married in a couple of weeks?” I asked. “I don’t know. This is going to sound super stupid, but marriage is supposed to be forever you know?” Toni reasoned.

  She was right it sounded stupid. “I’m going to be a mother, Toni. That is like the ultimate commitment.” “I guess with your past destructive behavior. I expected you to screw this up somehow. Don’t get me wrong Aiden is amazing. I love him for you. I just thought…” “That I’d destroy it,” I finished.

  Toni gave me an apologetic smile. “Sorry. I think that marrying him is right for you. You have done so well for like, ten months now. But to be honest I kept expecting the bottom to drop out. He stabilizes you."

  “No Toni, you stabilize me. You gave me a reason to care about myself, even if it was just so I didn’t hurt you any more. And now,” I rubbed my belly, “I have more reasons to be healthy.”

  38

  Aiden

  I snuck out to the back porch after Becca lay down to take a nap. I took her phone, because I wanted to call her dad. I wasn’t sure if it was what she would want me to do, but I wanted to start out right.

  I wasn’t going to ask her father for her hand, because he didn't seem too involved in her life. But I wanted to try for his blessing. Just to cover my bases I planned to spe
ak to her step-dad too.

  I was surprised that Becca thought I should invite my mother to our wedding. After the way my mother treated her I was sure Becca would be happy if I excluded my mom. I should have known better. Becca has the biggest heart of any person I have ever met. She certainly loves harder than I have ever experienced.

  My hands were shaking. I decided to call my father for advice first. “Hey dad. Do you have a minute to talk?” “I always have time for you Aiden.”

  “Is mom ever going to come around about Becca?” I asked quickly. I could hear his frustrated sigh. “I wish I could tell you she would. Nadine is a stubborn woman. I don’t know Aiden. I think in time she will come to realize you are not going to marry Vanessa, and she will come around.”

  “Any possibility that will occur in the next two weeks?” I asked tentatively. “You got that girl pregnant didn’t you?” he grumbled. “Fuck, is that what everyone is going to think?” I roughly ran my hand through my hair.

  “Am I wrong?” he asked. I expelled a frustrated breath. “No, you're right. She’s pregnant.” “Dammit Aiden! I know I taught you to use protection. I can’t understand how you make this mistake twice,” my dad yelled.

  “My baby is not a mistake. Poorly timed, yeah, but I’m happy about this dad.” “What about that poor girl? Shit son, she’s barely twenty-one. I’m willing to bet you are her first too. What kind of living is she going to get a chance to do?” He asked disappointedly.

  “Why don’t you tell me what you really think? Yeah I’m her first, and I’ll be her last too. And for your information we were careful. Hell of a lot of good it did when she got drugged by one of my friends and had to have her stomach pumped.

  Oh and the new doctor at the hospital forgot to tell us that the antibiotics he prescribed made the pill ineffective. How the fuck were we supposed to take precautions for that?”

  “I’m sorry. I just don’t want to see you hurt again is all. Hell, I don’t want to go through it again either. I loved that baby too. It was way too early in my life to be a grandfather, but I loved that baby.”

  “School lets out in two weeks for winter break. We are heading to Vegas the day after. I have found a theme-wedding package that will still let Becca have the wedding she wanted. For some reason she has it stuck in her head that if I don’t invite mom to our wedding I'm going to regret it. I disagree. I'll invite her because it is important to Becca, but I won't tolerate mom treating her badly. Especially now.”

  “What is really wrong Aiden? When I heard your voice I could tell you were upset. Then you admitted Becca is pregnant, and I thought you must be worried because of the pregnancy. Except, you sound happy about getting married and becoming a father. So what is bothering you?” my dad asked concerned.

  I swallowed hard trying to keep the tears away. It was stupid to cry about it now, when she was home resting and safe. Still, the image of Becca lying pale and unconscious in a hospital bed will haunt me for years.

  “It's stress. Becca has been having a difficult pregnancy. We had no idea what was going on. She took a pregnancy test over the holiday, but it was negative. She made a doctor’s appointment yesterday, and we should hear from them tomorrow about her blood test results. Talk about a day late.

  Anyway, she passed out yesterday when she went to visit Toni, and was taken to the hospital in an ambulance. She has extreme morning sickness, and was dehydrated and anemic. They rehydrated her, and prescribed her some vitamins and something to ease the nausea. She’s going to be fine, but it scared the shit out of me.”

  “I’m not sure if springing a wedding on your mother is a great idea. She would probably cause a scene. I don’t think you should tell her too soon either, it would give her too much time to scheme,” my dad reasoned. “What do you suggest then?”

  “I think I should tell her the day before. I’ll take her to a cabin in the woods, and conveniently forget her electronics at home. If she can handle herself I’ll drive us to the airport. If not, I’ll cancel her ticket and leave her with the car. Don’t worry about this part. I’ll handle your mother, I’ve been doing it for years.” “Thanks dad,” I sighed. “You just take care of my future daughter-in-law and grandchild. I’ll see you in Vegas.”

  My pocket started vibrating, and I remembered I had Becca’s phone. I didn’t recognize the number. I was going to let it go to voice mail, because I wasn't in the habit of answering her phone, but something felt important about this call. I slid my finger across the screen and accepted the call.

  “Becca’s phone,” I answered. “Hello… uh, is Rebecca Scott available?” a strong female voice requested. “She’s resting right now. This is Aiden Ryan, her fiancé, may I help you?” “Mr. Ryan, I’m Justine Mathews, Assistant District Attorney for Pueblo County, Colorado. I really need to speak with her. I have urgent news. Can you wake her, please?”

  “I’d rather not. She was in the emergency room most of yesterday, and is under doctor’s orders to rest. Does this urgent news have anything to do with the sleazy defense lawyers hired by Vincent James?”

  “I really shouldn’t be discussing this matter with you Mr. Ryan. I would like to try and keep the victim’s privacy in tact as much as possible,” Justine Mathew explained.

  “And I am extremely grateful for that. She hates the idea of anyone knowing what happened to her. I want to know why those two lawyers are here, and what you advise us to do about them?” I persisted.

  “Rebecca has not been added to any official witness lists. The only way they could have gotten her name as a possible witness was for Dr. James to give it to them. Those two have nasty reputations for intimidation. I fear that they are only there to prevent Rebecca from agreeing to testify.

  I will call before she is put on any list as a potential witness list, since she would have to agree to testify. Until she is put on a list she is under no legal obligation to talk to Dr. James’ lawyers. If they come around again you may call the police and file harassment charges. Hell, call them now.”

  “If she is called as a witness will she have to talk to them then?” I asked for clarification. “Not alone she won’t,” A.D.A Matthews vowed. “Good. Will she have to see him?” I asked. “Unfortunately he has a constitutional right to face his accusers. I hope that this is something Rebecca can do, she doesn’t have to,” A.D.A. Matthews answered honestly. “I don’t want her to do it,” I admitted.

  “Look, Ms. Matthews, I really want to see this guy go away for a really long time. I don’t want Becca to live with the guilt of not helping if he isn’t found guilty. However, we just found out yesterday that Becca is pregnant.

  She overheard those two assholes asking her best friend where they could find her and passed out. She has had extreme morning sickness, and the doctor told us to keep her from getting too stressed out. As you can see, I don’t want her to help. The health of my soon to be wife and baby are at risk here.”

  “Thanks for your honesty Mr. Ryan. I wouldn’t want to allow any further damage to happen to Rebecca because of this monster. Don’t give any information to those two sharks. If they turn up anything about her health tell them she is still going to testify, and they can speak to her at the deposition.

  I am going to bluff my ass off and see what we can accomplish without her testimony. No promises, but I am going to try.” “Well that is something. I’m not promising I am going to let her testify,” I declared. “Let her?” Ms. Matthews challenged.

  I barely held back a growl. “Yes, let her. I have been in the emergency room with her twice in about as many months. If anything happened to her or our baby I think it would kill me. So for my own sanity I can’t let her risk testifying.” “Why was she hospitalized the first time?” Ms. Matthews questioned.

  I explained what Nick did, and how it resulted in an unplanned pregnancy. I poured out all of the tension from my parents, hers, and even a bit about Vanessa. I think that Ms. Matthews recognized I needed to talk, and she was good at listening. I never pou
r out my feelings like that, well except to Becca, but I didn’t want to burden her with all of this right now. She needed to relax.

  “My, my, Mr. Ryan, this certainly has been a difficult time for the two of you. That poor girl. I can’t believe she almost suffered another sexual assault. I will do everything in my power to bring this sick bastard down without Rebecca’s help. Please, relay to Rebecca she is not yet a witness, and not to speak to those hired lackeys. I’ll be in touch.”

  I hung up with Ms. Mathews, and it was as if her call conjured the two pricks out of nowhere. They loudly shut the doors to their rental sedan and walked toward the front of the house without seeing me sitting on the back porch. I walked around to intercept them.

  I folded my arms across my chest, and stood in the middle of the top step, effectively halting their progress. Part way down the block I noticed Officer Martin pull into his driveway, probably getting off of working the day shift. He cocked his head back, silently asking if I needed assistance, and I nodded yes. He shut the door to his truck, and walked across the street.

  “Mr. Ryan, we are going to speak to Miss Scott. She is a witness in an upcoming trial, and our client has a right to confront his accusers,” suit two pressured.

  Officer Martin leapt up onto the porch. He looked a lot closer to my age out of uniform. “Hey Aiden, how’s it going?” he asked. “It’s going. How are you Officer Martin?” I stressed his job title, because I wanted the two suited snakes to hear it. Also, I didn’t know his first name. “Please, call me Reed,” Officer Martin said with a smirk. “

  His genial expression wiped quickly off his face when he turned to address the lawyers. “Gentleman, it doesn’t appear that my neighbor is very appreciative of your presence on his property. What is your business here?” The lawyers turned their condescending gaze toward Reed.

  “We have been trying for the last few days to speak to Miss Rebecca Scott, but we have been prevented from speaking to her by her friend and Mr. Ryan here,” lawyer two sneered.