Wall of Silence

by Dorey Whittaker

  Gladys had been happily married for more than forty years, and she had passionately loved Karl. She loved the way Aunt Gladys talked about him and knew she could talk with her and not be too embarrassed. Who better to talk to than a successful and seasoned woman with a good sense of humor? She decided she would spend a Saturday in January with her and have a heart-to-heart talk.

  Chapter 14

  The holidays passed, and Susan kept herself busy with work and wedding planning. It was mid-February and Susan had not yet made a decision about her sister. She didn’t want to offend her by not asking her to be in her wedding, but she knew she couldn’t trust Lisa. This decision was the most difficult one she would have to make regarding the wedding. She loved her sister, but having her even attend, let alone be part of it, was unthinkable. Did she have to risk messing up her wedding to be a good sister? Lisa was crude and raw, and just like her mother, she enjoyed embarrassing people. The more proper they were, the cruder she was, and she loved it.

  It was mid-afternoon on Friday when a phone call came into the switchboard for Susan. It was the Jefferson police, and they wanted to talk to the sister of Lisa Miller. Her stomach turned as she picked up the phone.

  “Ms. Miller, your sister has been arrested for attempting to sell drugs to undercover officers. Unfortunately, the drugs were apparently tainted, and she had just taken some herself. The doctors question whether she will pull through, and she’s asking for you.”

  Susan thanked the officer for calling and asked, “Will you tell my sister that I will be down this afternoon?”

  The officer said he would call the hospital and have one of the nurses let her sister know she was coming. As soon as she hung up, she called Aunt Gladys. “I just received a call from the Jefferson police. It seems my sister has done it again, but this time she’s in serious trouble. The doctors don’t even know if she’ll live. May I come down and stay with you this weekend?”

  “Of course you’re welcome to come. Would you like me to go with you to the hospital?” Gladys knew all about Lisa and what kind of life she lived and felt sorry for her.

  “I’d love for you to come with me, but I’m not sure they’d let you go in. You see, she’s under arrest. Because of her record, the officer said she is looking at some real jail time for this little stunt. Scott’s out of town until Sunday night, so I’m coming alone and could sure use some moral support.”

  Susan left work early so she could go home, pack, and get on the road before dark. She wasn’t looking forward to the ninety-mile drive all alone. It had rained all week but the news on the radio said the roads were clear, so as long as she took it slowly and carefully, she thought she could make Jefferson by six o’clock. Aunt Gladys said she would have dinner ready, and then they could go over to the hospital together.

  As she had suspected, only her name was on the visitor list because she is family, so the police wouldn’t let Gladys in Lisa’s room. Susan left her in the waiting room and said she would stay for only a few minutes that night.

  The nurse at the desk said, “Your sister is improving but still isn’t out of the woods.”

  Lisa looked dead. Walking quietly over to the bed, Susan tried to smile at her sister, hoping to keep the look of shock from her face. Lisa looked absolutely awful. Her coloring was a greenish-gray and her eyes were almost sunken into her head, deep black circles extending clear out to her cheekbones. Her hair was matted, and it was obvious she had vomited into it and someone had tried to wipe it away. The stench was sickening.

  She reached over and gently put her hand on her sister’s arm, “Hi, Lisa, it’s me. I’m here.”

  Her eyes slowly opened and she gave her little sister a faint smile. She had a tube down her throat, so talking was impossible. She nodded ever so slightly.

  Susan gently brushed Lisa’s hair away from her face. It hurt so much to see her sister like this. It didn’t matter that she had done this to herself; it still hurt.

  Susan began crying and gently continued to stroke her sister’s forehead. There were so few places on her body that were free of tubes and needles. “Lisa, the nurse said you’re improving, but you need to keep fighting. I know you must be hurting terribly and that you probably don’t see any reason to fight, but you have to. Please, Lisa, don’t leave me like this. I love you.”

  Struggling even to open her eyes, she knew her little sister loved her, but like when they were kids, she wasn’t sure she could stick around for Susan. Life was just too hard, and she was so tired.

  “Lisa, they don’t want me to stay too long tonight because they want you to rest. I’m staying in town with a friend and will come to see you in the morning. I’m going to ask the nurse if I can wash your hair. That should help you feel a little better. You get some sleep and I’ll see you in the morning. I love you, Lisa.”

  Lisa nodded and closed her eyes as Susan walked out of the room. Susan went to the nurses’ station and asked permission to wash Lisa’s hair the next day. The large woman sitting at the desk didn’t even look up.

  Finally, with a disgusted tone, the woman said, “Why bother? She obviously doesn’t care about herself.”

  Susan was furious with this woman. “I want to bother because she’s my sister. I simply need to know if I’m allowed to wash her hair. My sister is a person, not just a druggie.”

  The nurse looked up as Susan spoke back at her. She took a good look at her and determined that she obviously was nothing like her sister in the other room. She was clean, well-dressed, and the engagement ring was quite impressive.

  “Well, as long as you don’t have her sit up or lift her head too far, I suppose it would be all right.”

  Then, as if trying to defend her opening statement, the nurse added, “You do realize the staff has cleaned her up several times already. It isn’t as if we haven’t taken care of her. These patients are their own worst enemies.”

  Susan was not going to allow this woman to make her angry, so she decided not to respond to the term “these patients.” She knew what this woman meant. Her sister was a real mess and was in real trouble, but she was worth salvaging.

  Susan silently turned and headed for the elevator. She kept her emotions under control until she and Gladys were in the car. She started to explain what had happened, but her emotions flooded her and she simply fell apart and started crying. “I don’t know why she does this to herself. It’s like she wants to die, and I can’t reach her.”

  Gladys wisely knew Susan didn’t want to talk. She put her arm around her and let her cry. “Why don’t we go home? You can jump in a hot shower and get ready for bed while I fix us something to eat. Then we can talk when you’re not so upset.”

  “That sounds wonderful.”

  Susan started her car and was quiet all the way to the house, but she didn’t feel alone. She knew Gladys also cared what happened to Lisa.

  When she came out of the bedroom, the hot cocoa was poured and Gladys had miniature marshmallows floating in it. Even though it was late, Gladys had whipped up a batch of her wonderful biscuits and had spread them with homemade peach jam. Susan tried to thank her for going to so much trouble, but the tears were right below the surface. She knew if she said anything right now, the tears would cut loose. She wasn’t ready to talk yet. She wanted to sit there and enjoy the cocoa and biscuits and let everything slow down a little. The whole time she was in the shower, her mind kept flashing on memories of Lisa and what her life had been like. As much as she tried to force the images away, they would not leave, and she was emotionally drained.

  After awhile she felt more in control, and they talked about Lisa and her childhood until the wee hours of the morning.

  “I know there are lots of people like that nurse who only look at Lisa as a drugged-out prostitute who is trying to destroy her own life. They don’t see the young girl I remember. They have no way of knowing the things that have brought her to this place. I desperately want to help her, but she always acts as if she doesn’t wan
t any help, and now she’s going to jail again. That is, if she pulls through.”

  It was almost two in the morning. They were exhausted, and Lisa’s problems seemed almost insurmountable. Gladys wasn’t a naive person; she had experienced lots of pain in her own life. Although she had never personally been around people like Lisa, she knew there were far too many Lisas in this world. As she listened to Susan talk about her sister, something began pricking at her heart. How many Lisas had she treated with disdain, just like that nurse tonight, focusing only on the behavior and forgetting that this person was probably doing all this because they felt lost, unloved, and hopeless? As Gladys sat there listening to Susan talk, this quiet, nagging voice kept whispering to her, “This one is yours. You can’t help all of them, but you can love this one. If you are willing, I will help you.”

  Gladys then remembered a favorite saying of her father’s: “This is where the rubber meets the road,” and she smiled. This was an opportunity to show love instead of just talking about it. Gladys knew God was pushing her to get involved and trust Him to keep her safe as she did so. Loving the lovable is easy, but loving the unlovable takes courage and strength. After all, there were people in her life who loved her through some terrible situations. Gladys knew she couldn’t do anything about the ones she had failed to help, but she knew she was being given another chance to help someone, and she was going to say yes this time. Finally, Gladys suggested they get some sleep and visit Lisa in the morning.

  ***

  After breakfast, Gladys gathered some towels, shampoo, conditioner, and hairbrushes and put them in a bag. She added some lotion and cologne, thinking this might help Lisa feel better. She decided she was going to try to get the police to let her go in to visit Lisa this morning. This girl needed someone here in town who cared what happened to her. She had all the time in the world to go visit with her at the hospital and later at the jail. Maybe she could get through Lisa’s tough, protective wall.

  They got to the hospital around ten o’clock. They quietly walked right past the desk and went into Lisa’s room as if they had done it lots of times. Because Lisa was incapable of walking away, the officer obviously felt free to leave her doorway for a much-needed coffee break, so Gladys was able to slip into the room without a problem.

  Lisa was still quite groggy and opened her eyes only when someone talked directly to her. Aunt Gladys took the large plastic wash basin into the bathroom and filled it with warm water while Susan lifted her sister’s head very slowly and placed one of the towels under her head and shoulders. First, using washcloths, Susan rinsed the vomit out of her sister’s hair.

  Gladys had to take the basin and get fresh water several times while Susan kept working. When they felt they had her hair rinsed well, they started massaging in the shampoo. Susan carefully lifted Lisa’s head while Gladys gently washed the back. Once confident her hair was clean, they began rinsing. It took four basins of water before they were sure they had rinsed out all the shampoo. Aunt Gladys took a clean towel and gently rubbed Lisa’s hair as dry as possible. She then carefully brushed her hair.

  Susan got another basin of clean water and sponge bathed her sister. After the bath, she rubbed her sister’s neck, shoulders, arms, and legs with lotion. Her skin looked as if it hadn’t enjoyed lotion in years. Every once in a while, Lisa would open her eyes but didn’t respond. It was as if waking took too much effort, and she would drift back to sleep.

  When they were finished, Susan went out to the nurse’s desk and asked, “May I have a clean gown for my sister?”

  The nurse turned and asked, “Why? Did your sister get sick again?”

  “No, we gave her a bath and washed her hair. We thought a clean gown would make her feel better.” Susan could tell the nurse was surprised at this but wasn’t angry.

  The nurse went to a linen cupboard, handed Susan a gown, and smiled at her. “I’m sure, even sedated, being clean has made her feel better. That was very kind of you. I know it wasn’t a pleasant task.”

  Susan thanked her for the gown and headed back to the room. As she reached Lisa’s door, Susan thought about the difference between this nurse and the one from last night. She thought about what Aunt Gladys had said in the car last night: “It doesn’t matter what your job is, we all have times when we can add to someone’s burden or we can lighten it. The action we choose shows our true character.”

  Susan was glad this nurse had been kind and had made this emotional day a little easier for her.

  They removed the soiled gown and had finished putting on the clean gown when the nurse came in with an armful of clean bed sheets. With a big, friendly grin, she said, “Since you’ve gone to all this effort, why don’t we give her some clean sheets, too? They’re changed daily, but this room isn’t scheduled until around three o’clock. I don’t see the harm in doing her room a little early. That way she’ll be all fresh and clean.”

  Susan and Gladys stepped away from the bed and let the nurse change the bedding. As she finished and headed toward the door, she said, “She’s been a very sick young woman, but I think the worst might be over. She’ll feel much better when she wakes up. Being clean and smelling good is sometimes the best medicine there is.”

  As the nurse walked out the door, the police officer, who had returned to his post, noticed them in the room. He pushed the door open and said, “Excuse me, but you don’t have permission to be in here.”

  Susan quickly introduced Gladys and herself. “I needed help bathing my sister.”

  Knowing his charge was incapable of going anywhere, he just pulled the door closed and allowed them to stay in the room.

  They sat there for about two hours quietly talking, hoping Lisa would come out of the drug-induced sleep so they could talk with her.

  Around one o’clock Susan went down to the cafeteria and brought up some lunch for her and Gladys. As they sat there eating and visiting, Lisa finally woke up. She was still quite drowsy but was very much aware of them. Susan introduced Gladys and told her sister they had bathed her and washed her hair. Lisa tried to respond but was having difficulty. They sat and talked with her for almost fifteen minutes without her falling asleep. She seemed to understand everything they were saying, although she couldn’t talk because of the tube in her throat. Susan explained who Gladys was and how much she had come to love her. She reminded Lisa that she couldn’t stay in Jefferson during the week but that Gladys lived there in town and would like to come visit and make sure she had what she needed.

  Lisa turned weary eyes toward Gladys. After a long pause, she sort of smiled.

  Susan said, “If you would you like Aunt Gladys to visit, she needs to be on your visitor list. Would you like that?”

  Lisa nodded slightly, so Susan went outside and explained to the officer that her sister wanted to allow Aunt Gladys to visit.

  He came in and asked Lisa to confirm this, to which she nodded yes. “You’ll need to fill out a form, and if you’re cleared by the police department, your name will be added by Monday morning. I’m sure you’ll have no problem. As a matter of fact, I’ll give you a forty-eight-hour pass so you can visit this weekend.”

  They thanked him for helping and spent most of the day with Lisa. She would drift in and out of consciousness, but each time the conscious periods lasted a little longer and she seemed more and more alert. Around five-thirty a doctor came in and, after examining her, decided to remove some of the tubes. He said she was definitely out of danger and was a very lucky young woman. Lisa gave her sister a slight smirk at that comment. She didn’t feel very lucky, but she was glad she was out of danger.

  With a very raspy voice, Lisa tried to thank them for cleaning her up. They helped Lisa with her dinner, and every once in awhile, Gladys would pick up the brush and gently go through Lisa’s hair. She didn’t ask permission, she just did it. Susan could tell her sister was uncomfortable with it but also kind of liked it and didn’t try to stop Gladys. They stayed until seven, when the staff ordered t
hem out. They promised they would come back around one o’clock the next day and said good night.

  ***

  The next morning started quietly. Both women ate their breakfast in silence and then went to church, and after a quick bite of lunch, they headed over to the hospital. Susan had been amazed that Lisa had not thrown a fit about having Aunt Gladys in the room and that she had actually allowed her to fuss over her a little. She wondered how her sister would behave today, now that she was feeling a bit better. As they walked into her room Lisa looked up and smiled, obviously glad to see them.

  Susan wasn’t sure how much she should tell her sister about Scott and her wedding plans. She felt uncomfortable knowing Lisa was in such big trouble and facing jail time, and she felt a little selfish talking about such good things happening to her. She decided she would try to avoid the subject if possible, but her sister was more alert today and was obviously curious about who Gladys was, so Susan ended up explaining everything. Lisa was glad for her sister and hoped everything would turn out the way her little sister dreamed it would. She really did want Susan to be happy and said she deserved it.

  Later that afternoon Gladys asked Lisa about the trouble she was in. Her question was kind and non-accusing, so Lisa didn’t get mad. “I don’t know how much trouble I’m in this time since I never made it to the police station and haven’t been interviewed by anyone yet. I suspect the police will probably show up first thing in the morning, as soon as they find out I am conscious. I’m sure to be facing some jail time for this stupid stunt.”