Wall of Silence

by Dorey Whittaker

  Lisa looked at the old woman to see if she was shocked. Gladys was looking directly at her and simply said, “Well, if so, I guess you’ll be needing some company. I’d be glad to visit you, and your sister can stay with me on the weekends she is able to come to visit. With the wedding fast approaching, Susan is going to be very busy, but I have all the time in the world. Would you mind if I came around a few times a week?”

  Not accustomed to people being kind to her, Lisa didn’t answer at first. She felt uncomfortable, but for some reason she liked this old lady. Without looking directly at Gladys, she gave a half-shrug to show she really didn’t care what she did but then backed up a little and mumbled, “That would be okay with me.”

  They spent the rest of the afternoon telling stories about Scott and Carol Anne, and by the end of the day, Lisa felt like she knew them. Before leaving, Lisa looked at her sister with an impish smirk and said, “I’ll be unavoidably detained and will not be able to attend your wedding. However, I would like to see some pictures when it’s over.”

  Susan’s dilemma regarding her sister and the wedding was now solved, and although she never would have wanted it to happen this way, she was thankful the choice was no longer hers. She promised to bring pictures and save her some wedding cake, and then they said good night and left the hospital.

  “Lisa sure warmed up to you. I’m so happy you’re willing to keep visiting her. She’s never had anyone, except me, care much about her.”

  “Honey, your sister has a lot of serious problems, and I’m not about to say her problems don’t scare me. But she needs to know people care what happens to her and that we’ll be there for her. She’s the only one who can help herself. If she wants to turn her life around, I’ll try to help her. We’ll just have to be there for her and show her we think she’s worth saving, because she obviously doesn’t think so right now.”

  When they got back to the house, Susan packed her things and said goodbye. She had a two hour drive back to Atlanta and wanted to see Scott before she went to bed. It had been a long weekend, and she needed to feel his arms around her. She gave Gladys a kiss on the cheek and headed for home.

  Five days later, Lisa pleaded no contest and was sentenced to six months in jail. The attorney said she might be out in four months if she behaved herself. Gladys visited Lisa regularly, and they seemed to be getting along.

  Chapter 15

  Everything about the wedding was coming together wonderfully. Mrs. Randal and Mrs. Thomas were doing a great job keeping everything in order so the bride and groom could relax and enjoy the anticipation of their upcoming wedding. They never pushed their opinions on the couple, and Scott and Susan both knew their day was going to be exactly what they wanted.

  On three different occasions Susan tried to talk to her mother about the wedding and about Lisa. Marjorie Miller refused to discuss either. Finally, near the end of March, Susan decided she would make one last attempt. She didn’t want to give up on her mother, but she had come to the point where she needed to settle this once and for all. She decided that no matter what, she was going into April with a clear conscience, knowing she had done her best to include her mother in her wedding. After this she was not going to bring it up again.

  Around six o’clock on Thursday evening, she had dinner ready when her mother got home. She had prepared her favorite meal and had obviously gone to a lot of trouble, but her mother simply dished up her plate, walked into the living room, and turned on the television.

  Susan stood in the kitchen for a few minutes trying to decide what she was going to do. Part of her just wanted to scream. Her mother was like a stone wall, and it seemed like absolutely nothing was going to penetrate it. Susan was so frustrated. There never seemed to be a time when her mother softened, even for a moment.

  Determined to break through that wall, Susan walked into the living room, turned off the television, and took a seat across from her mother. If this was going to be the last attempt, she was going to pull out all the stops and let it fly. She didn’t give her mother a chance to react.

  Making sure she kept anger out of her voice, Susan confronted her fully for the first time in her life. She took a deep breath and began. “Mother, you and I need to talk.”

  Susan put her hand up to silence her protests and continued. “I know you don’t want to talk to me, but this time you can sit there and listen for a change. I’m getting married in thirteen days and will be out of here forever, but before I go I have some things I need to say to you.”

  Marjorie sat back in her chair and simply returned a cold stare.

  Without allowing this reaction to dissuade her, Susan pushed on. “All my life I have tried to get along with you. I have done everything I could to please you and have tried my best to help make your life a little easier. Even when I was a little child, you always made Lisa and me feel it was our responsibility to make things easier for you.”

  Almost spitting the words at her daughter, Marjorie said with a sneer, “When has life ever been easy for me?”

  Amazed at her mother’s self-centered view of the world, Susan paused. “I know you’ve had a hard life. I was there, too, remember? When I was little, I tried to make excuses for why you did the things you did. I’m not a child any longer, and I’m through making excuses for you.”

  “I’ve never asked you to make excuses for me,” was her mother’s only retort.

  “Mother, you’re a lonely, bitter person. Do you want to live the rest of your life like this, driving everyone away from you with your hateful bullying? What did Lisa and I do that was so terrible that you hate us so much?”

  Marjorie slid her tongue across her upper teeth, a habit Susan had grown to detest. When Susan was a child her mother made this gesture while pondering which story to toss out at their father to start a fight.

  When it was apparent her mother had decided not to comment, Susan continued. “I wouldn’t be sitting here talking to you if I didn’t still care. I don’t want to just walk away from you and leave you like this. Can’t we find a way to build some kind of relationship? Do you even want to see your grandchildren when they’re born? If you do, things have to change first. I won’t have my children treated the way you treated Lisa and me. I care about you, Mother, but I have learned how to respect myself. I can no longer sacrifice my self-respect just to get along with you. So for the last time, I am honestly and sincerely asking you, will you please come to my wedding, and will you please make an effort toward Lisa and me?”

  Having finally said all she intended to say, Susan sat there as if expecting her mother to respond.

  When Marjorie realized her daughter was not going to leave, she set her plate down. Looking at Susan with hateful disdain, she coldly said, “As far as your wedding goes, I already told you I have no intention of going. I don’t care to spend time with all those stuck-up snobs who think they’re better than me. As for you and Lisa, so I screamed and yelled a few times. Life was hard, and I’m sorry if I didn’t have time to mollycoddle you two. You had a roof over your head and food in your stomach and clothes on your back. That’s more than many have. If you have kids, what makes you think I would even want to see them? I raised mine, you raise yours. Just leave me alone.”

  With that she sat there as if daring her daughter to keep this conversation going.

  “I’m sorry you feel that way. Someday, if you change your mind and are old and lonely, please feel free to call me. In the meantime, I’ll respect your wishes, and I’ll leave you alone. I’m not angry, and I hope you do call someday.” With that, she got up and left the apartment.

  Knowing Scott and his dad were at a business meeting until late, Susan drove over to see if Mrs. Thomas would like some company. As she walked in the side door, she heard Mrs. Thomas in the kitchen. In order not to startle her, she called out, “Mom, it’s me, Susan. Would you like some company?”

  The two began going over all the last minute details and realized that almost everything for the we
dding was done and they were in the home stretch. Mrs. Randal had made a large calendar with everyone’s to-do list color-coded and had marked reminders on the calendar for anything someone had to do. She also called to remind them if they had something to do that day. She was amazing. She had called all the wedding people and confirmed everything the couple had ordered. The plantation was set, the music, florist, and bakery were confirmed, the photographer reminded, and all the girls’ dresses were finished and tuxedos ordered. Mrs. Thomas had all the wedding decorations well in hand and was using every bit of her creative energy to make this wedding special. She would be the first to admit she was enjoying every minute of it.

  Around ten o’clock, Bill and Scott came home and joined the women. Scott had all the tickets and itinerary for their honeymoon safely locked in his desk at the office and had finished his shopping for some new clothes for the trip. He had not yet decided what to give his bride on their wedding day. He wanted it to be a special gift and was having a hard time deciding. His mother had suggested luggage and his dad suggested jewelry, but neither sounded special to him. He wanted his gift to represent how he felt. He wanted it to be wonderful, and he was running out of time.

  Most of that week went pretty well, except for two arguments Susan had to endure from her mother. Marjorie was beginning to turn up the heat, and it wasn’t at all pleasant for Susan. Having finally stood up to her mother, Susan thought things might change a little around the house, but she was wrong. Marjorie, obviously primed for a fight, was in Susan’s face about everything, and she was beginning to crumble under the constant pressure of her mother’s anger. Susan did her best to avoid her and looked forward to her time alone with Scott.

  Having had three overnight business trips that week, Scott had not been around much, so Saturday was going to be their day. They did some last minute shopping and planned to grab some dinner and go to a movie. Although Susan seldom talked about what was going on at home, Scott knew she was struggling and figured Mrs. Miller must be at it again.

  Knowing Susan would never fight back, he suggested, “Honey, I think we need to get you out of your mother’s place as soon as possible. We both know she’s only going to get worse as the wedding date gets closer, and I don’t want her upsetting you. Carol Anne will be flying in next Friday evening, and I know you two have already agreed to stay at my parents’ for the whole week before the wedding. I think we should go back to your apartment and pack your things this evening and move you into my parents’ house. The things you don’t need for the next two weeks we can put in my apartment, and everything else can go to my parents’. I don’t want you to stay one more night in that apartment with her.”

  Susan understood Scott’s concern. She knew he was afraid her mother would start another fight, and the only way to avoid one was to not be there. “I agree with you, but I think we should at least call and ask your parents if they mind. Your mother has been working so hard on the wedding, I feel guilty moving in on her.”

  “Honey, this was my mother’s idea. She knows how hard you work at keeping the peace and how impossible your mother can be. She doesn’t want you to have to think about anything but the wedding. We all want the next two weeks to be pleasant and fun. So let’s go get you moved, all right?”

  “Okay, but it’ll take several hours if we stop to pack, and I don’t want my mother home when we do it. It’s almost six o’clock. She should be getting ready to leave for her Saturday bowling league and will be gone until around ten o’clock. Let’s hurry and get my personal items upstairs. Then we can take our time separating out the things I’ll need at your mother’s. We should be able to have everything cleared out well before she gets home. Actually, the truth is, she’ll probably be relieved I’m gone. As for the few pieces of furniture that are mine, I’ll leave them for her.”

  They saw Mrs. Miller pulling out of the garage as they drove in. They hurried and had everything out of the apartment within two hours. After the last load was safely in Scott’s apartment, she sat at his desk and wrote her mother a note, explaining that because there were so many last minute items regarding the wedding that needed to be handled, she thought it best if she stayed with Scott’s parents. She gave her mother their phone number in case she needed to contact her, and she enclosed an additional month’s rent. She knew she didn’t have to but she didn’t want her mother to have any excuses for holding a grudge. When she finished, they went into the apartment and placed the note on top of the television and set her apartment key on top of it. After one last look around, Susan gave Scott a kiss and walked out of her mother’s apartment.

  Susan didn’t expect to hear from her mother that next week, and she didn’t. She was thankful she was so busy there wasn’t much time to dwell on it. She and Mrs. Randal were buried at work trying to get everything completed and ready for her three-week absence. She was taking the whole week off before the wedding and then two weeks for the honeymoon.

  Every evening was spent opening wedding gifts that had arrived that day and then writing thank-you notes together. Mrs. Thomas had offered the den as “their space,” and gifts were stacked everywhere. By the time Carol Anne got home, the house looked like a department store. The girls had the best time going through the gifts and seeing all the lovely things people had sent.

  Three days before the wedding, as they were opening the gifts that had arrived that day, there was a package addressed only to Susan. All of the earlier gifts were either addressed to Scott and Susan or to the future Mr. and Mrs. Scott Thomas. This one puzzled her until she noticed that the return address was her old street; the name in the corner was Mrs. William Reiner, her former neighbor. Opening the package, she found a pretty milk glass candy dish. There was a personal note tucked inside the gift. Mrs. Reiner had seen the engagement announcement in the paper several months back and knew the wedding was upcoming. Glad to know Susan was doing well, she wanted to wish her lots of happiness. At the end, she wrote, “Susan, you were a sweet little girl and you deserve some happiness.”

  It amazed her that this old neighbor had remembered her. It was touching that she took the time to send a present. “Scott, I want to invite Mrs. Reiner to the wedding. I know it’s awfully short notice and there isn’t time to mail her an invitation. I want to take it to her personally.”

  Scott could see how excited she was, and this was the first real request she had expressed about the wedding. “Sure. If you want to invite her, let’s go right now.”

  They picked up an invitation and drove over to Mrs. Reiner’s home. As they drove up the street, Susan felt a strange tightening in her chest. It had been three years since she had been on this street. As they pulled up in front of the Reiner house, Susan looked over at her old house, and the memories were as fresh as ever. She almost had the feeling her father could come storming out that front door any minute.

  There was a strange, faraway look on her face as she looked over at the fig tree that stood on the property line between her house and Mrs. Reiner’s. She remembered climbing that tree many times as a child. She would reach the third big branch, straddle it, lean against the trunk, and pretend no one could see her. She would sit there for hours reading a book or watching the neighborhood kids play baseball in the street. That tree had been special to her. Many times, when her dad was flying around the house in an angry rage, looking for someone to attack, she would escape to her fig tree, climb up, and sit very still, hoping he couldn’t see her. She would pretend the tree knew why she had climbed it and made believe it would spread its leaves around her and make her invisible. More than once she sat up there trying to ignore the screaming and yelling coming from her house. She always felt safe in her tree.

  As they got out of the car, Susan walked over and studied the tree for a moment. She was surprised at how normal it looked. She remembered it as being so much larger. Scott followed her and placed his arm around her waist.

  “I remember this house. This is where you lived the time Dad and I brou
ght you home.”

  “Yes, I remember that day.” Then, trying to lighten the moment and stay away from that memory, Susan said, “It’s funny. All the time I was growing up here I never saw this tree for the size it really was. It always felt so much bigger.”

  She gave Scott a sweet little hug but didn’t dare look at him as she thought, You have no way of knowing the significance of that tree to me. How could you? I don’t ever want you to know about all that went on in that house over there. The sooner I forget it, the better.

  With one final glance at the tree, they turned and headed toward Mrs. Reiner’s house. They heard the television and knew someone was home, so Scott rang the doorbell. Mrs. Reiner came to the door and immediately recognized Susan. She unlocked the screen door and invited them inside.

  As they stepped in, Susan realized she had never been inside this house before. She had lived next door for over seventeen years and had never been inside. The furniture was old, but neat and clean. The arms of the sofa and chair were covered with crocheted doilies, and family pictures were displayed around the room.

  Susan walked over to get a closer look at a photo of Steve Reiner in his cap and gown out on the front lawn. “I remember when you took this photo. I was sitting on my front porch watching you take this. You were so proud of him. Steve used to sit out on your lawn right there”—she pointed to the place he was standing in the photo—“and my sister, Lisa, would sit with him and talk. Steve was always really nice to us, and my sister really liked him.”

  Remembering that time was always painful. Lisa had been gone for two months when that photo was taken, and life in that house next door was unbearable. Susan remembered how strange it was to sit on her front porch watching this family laugh and take pictures, wondering what it must feel like to be happy. Wanting to get away from these painful memories, Susan walked back and stood by Scott as she looked around the room and then over to Mrs. Reiner. It always amazed her how a house told you what kind of people lived there. This room was friendly and warm, and so was she.