Desire in Frost

by Alicia Rades

  I swallowed nervously, unsure of what to say to her.

  We’re okay, I texted. No need to worry. Love you.

  Almost immediately, my phone vibrated in my hand.

  I know, and I trust you. But I’m your mom, and it’s my job to worry. Love you, too. Stay safe.

  I smiled at my mom’s encouragement before slipping my phone back in my purse.

  “Ready?” Robin asked.

  Soon, we were following the sounds of the pumping bass and I was leaving my troubles behind in the hotel room. The music grew louder as we walked. Eventually, we met up with a crowd of people swarming a grassy area. A band was playing on a stage, and some people were dancing near it. Others were seated on benches simply bobbing their heads to the beat. My confidence grew even more when I noticed that the majority of the audience was teenagers.

  A gate lined the perimeter of the park. A few people stood near the entrance in matching red t-shirts that read “Autumn Fest Battle of the Bands.” Their shirts had the dates of the competition on them, and I noticed the event lasted all week—every night through Thanksgiving. We paid our admission fee and entered the premises to explore. Food vendors sat along the peripheral of the lot along with booths housing band tees and CDs.

  I almost smiled when I caught Robin bobbing his head out of the corner of my eye.

  “These guys are pretty good,” he said. “Almost as good as Echo Score.”

  I was about to ask him who Echo Score was before I remembered that it was his band. Almost as good, I thought. Of course he would say something like that. I listened to the music coming out of the speakers, and I decided that he was right. Echo Score was better.

  “What do we do now?” I asked.

  “What?” he shouted over the music while moving his body to the beat.

  I leaned into him so he could hear. I could feel heat radiating off his body and was suddenly overcome with a desire to touch him, but I resisted. “What do we do now?” I repeated loudly.

  Robin smiled that sideways smile that made my heart do flips. “We dance!”

  I wanted to pull away from him and refuse his offer when he grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the stage. His touch sent an electric current through my hand and toward the rest of my body. Suddenly, I didn’t want to let go. I couldn’t do anything but follow him.

  A voice in the back of my mind scolded me. What was I doing thinking about Robin like that? I didn’t like him, and we were going to be related soon. Shouldn’t this be weirder than it is? Besides, what would happen if it didn’t work out between us? Every Thanksgiving and Christmas would be super awkward once Mom and Teddy got married.

  Robin and I reached the space in front of the stage that people were using as a dance floor. The beat was great, and I chuckled when Robin swung his body to the beat. It wasn’t exactly spectacular dancing, but I could see his confidence shine through, which made him look even better at it. I’d never really danced much before. I didn’t know how. I smiled up nervously at him, half enjoying his outgoing nature and half trying to reassure myself that a night away from my worries was what I needed.

  Robin leaned in close to shout in my ear. “What’s wrong?” His hot breath touched my skin, melting my insides.

  “I don’t know how to dance,” I admitted.

  He rolled his eyes at me, not in a condescending manner, but in amusement. “It’s easy. Just jump up and down. Sway your hips.”

  I glanced around nervously and watched the girls around me for inspiration. I awkwardly tried to sway my body in the right direction, but it felt too weird.

  Suddenly, Robin’s hands were gripping my hips and guiding them. “Like this,” he said, but I could barely hear him or the music over my own pulse pumping loudly in my ears. For a second, it felt like my heart was floating in my chest as it flipped anxiously. Then it was back, pounding against my rib cage.

  I couldn’t take my eyes off Robin until he released me. I caught a glimpse of a circle of teens behind him who were jumping up and down to the music. I figured that was the best way to dance without embarrassing myself, so that’s what I did. Robin didn’t jump along with me, just sort of banged his head to the beat and added arm motions that surprisingly didn’t look half bad. As Robin and I moved more, I became more confident in my dancing. I was actually having fun! I jumped and giggled, and he stared back at me. The song ended then, and I stopped, unsure of what to do next.

  “See? You’re having fun, aren’t you?” Robin asked.

  “Yeah,” I admitted. “This was a really good idea.”

  The band on stage said a few words and then began playing their next song. It was a slow, romantic song in complete contrast to their last one. People began moving off the dance floor, thinning the crowd. The few who stayed grabbed a partner and swayed slowly in a circle. I looked around nervously. What do I do next?

  I was about to find a bench to sit on when Robin’s hands settled on my waist. My breath caught, and I looked up at him in shock. Something about his expression sent my body immediately melting into the situation. I reached up slowly to test his reaction and then wrapped my arms around his neck. Should I be doing this? His hands gripped tighter around my waist, and he pulled me in. I briefly wondered what his girlfriend would think of this, but I couldn’t think far enough past his touch to worry too much about it. Besides, I knew I didn’t have a shot with him. I was practically his cousin, and I was too young for him anyway.

  I blinked a few times, wondering what I was doing. When Robin’s arms held me in an embrace, I took it as in invitation to rest my head on his chest. I could smell the fresh spring scent again, and it made every sensor in my body come to life. I didn’t want the song to end.

  What am I doing here? I thought. How did I go from hating Robin so much to being filled with this desire to never let him go? I shuffled through my memories of the past few days. When did things change? I remembered when he opened up to me and told me he was insecure. He hadn’t been mean to me since. Did that conversation perhaps mean a lot more to him than I thought it did?

  Actually, I recalled, he’d been nice to me since I made us chase after the wrong guy. Was he taking pity on me for embarrassing myself, or did he actually admire me for following my intuition like he said he did?

  My head spun along with our movements as we slowly shifted to the melody. I closed my eyes to relish in the glory of his sweet embrace. When I opened them, I wasn’t on the dance floor anymore.

  17

  Green eyes stared back at me. I wanted to move in surprise, but my body stayed put, fixed on the green eyes peering up from behind the sink I was standing next to. I pushed myself away from the countertop, and so did the man I recognized as Scott, only he looked younger. I wanted to open my mouth to ask him why he was here, but my body wasn’t moving on my own accord. When each step Scott made mirrored my own, I realized I was Scott and that he was looking in a mirror. I had somehow stepped into one of Scott’s memories.

  I—or rather, Scott—finished washing my hands and turned to the paper towel dispenser. The Crystal part of me could feel the discomfort of being in someone else’s body. It wasn’t quite the same as when I had visions while I was asleep. I was more aware of things now, like that I was actually Crystal and this wasn’t real. At the same time, I struggled to pinpoint my own thoughts while experiencing Scott’s memory. I took in what I could about the situation. Scott looked younger than he had when I met him. He was wearing a Florida University hoodie, so I figured I was in a memory from when he went to college. But why?

  Scott exited the bathroom, and I heard music booming down the hall of the campus building. He showed his student I.D. to the attendants at the door where the music was echoing into the hallway. Scott’s memory told me he was joining an end-of-semester party hosted on campus. The attendant stamped his hand before he entered the vast room. The music grew louder, and almost immediately, his body began rocking out to the beat. His eyes scanned the dance floor and struggled to make out e
ach figure. He was looking for someone, but the Crystal part of me didn’t know who.

  His gaze locked on a woman who was facing away from him near the middle of the dance floor. In his memory, everything else around her faded—the lights, the music, the room—until it was just a woman with red curly hair dancing alone. When Scott began pushing through the crowd and making his way toward her, the music and lights returned to his memory.

  “There you are,” he said once he reached the girl.

  She turned, her beautiful red curls flying around her face gracefully. My heart nearly dropped out of my chest when I—Crystal—realized that I recognized the girl. Who could miss red fiery hair like that? I knew I had seen her at Scott’s funeral.

  The memory continued, even though I had no idea what it meant.

  The girl beamed up at him. “Scott. You made it!”

  He smiled back at her. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

  She reached for him and pulled him into a hug. He never pulled away from her but rather wrapped his hands around her waist.

  “I was really hoping you’d make it tonight so we could talk later,” she shouted over the music.

  “Oh? What do you want to talk about?”

  The girl wouldn’t meet his eyes. “I think it’s best if we talk about it later. Not here.”

  Scott put a hand to her face and guided her green eyes back to his. “Look, I’m sorry I’m leaving, but my family needs me back home.” The words should have come out quietly, but Scott couldn’t tell her how sorry he was with his tone over the pumping bass. “Dad’s sick, and Mom can’t handle it alone. We all know Jeff isn’t going to help. My parents don’t even want him around anyway after all the crap he’s pulled. Let’s just enjoy our last night together. How does that sound, Lauren?”

  Shock riveted through my conscious mind.

  Lauren smiled back at him, and then Scott pulled her in closer and slowly brought his lips to hers.

  The scene shifted around me. I felt woozy for a second, and then my sense of balance returned. But something was different. There were still lips locked on mine. I opened my eyes to see Robin’s face not even inches from my own. And then the realization of what was happening hit me. I was kissing Robin. His lips were soft on mine, and I couldn’t help but go faint at the encounter. He tasted so good.

  Suddenly, the rational part of my mind broke through the confusion. I found enough strength to push away. All I could do was stare at him in shock. Did I just have my first kiss? My first kiss was the result of a ghostly encounter? That just didn’t seem right.

  “What?” Robin asked, stepping closer to me.

  I took a step back.

  “What’s wrong, Crystal? It wasn’t good?”

  It took me a few seconds to process his words. Hold on. Was he saying he was kissing me back? But what about his girlfriend? My head couldn’t take all the confusion right now. I had visions and pieces of the puzzle to sort through. I had to figure out why Robin was kissing me. Did he want to kiss me?

  I couldn’t breathe. I gasped for air.

  Robin immediately rushed to my side. “Crystal, are you okay? What’s wrong?”

  I blinked a few times, trying to regain my strength. “I just—I want to go back to the hotel,” I managed to say, although my head was spinning so fast that I could hardly understand him. My balance seemed slightly off, and I wasn’t entirely sure if it was because I’d just had a vision or if it was some reaction to my first kiss. I didn’t have time to decide the cause of it. I gripped Robin’s arm for support and waited until my sense of balance returned.

  “Crystal, are you sure you’re okay?”

  “I am. I just think I’m getting sick.” My eyebrow didn’t even twitch when I said this, which told me that I believed my own words. “I don’t mean because of you. Sorry. I just . . . Can we please go back?”

  Robin led me back to our room, insisting that he support me the whole way so I wouldn’t pass out. I assured him several times that I was fine, and he finally quieted.

  Once things went silent on our walk back, I attempted to sort through what I knew. Scott knew a woman named Lauren. That just happened to be the name of the woman’s house Penny sent me to. Lauren was at Scott’s funeral just before Hope was taken. Scott went to school somewhere down here, which is where he met Lauren, which would mean that Lauren was probably from around here. That’s why Hope was here. Because Lauren was the abductor.

  My mouth literally dropped open when this hit me. I know I should have had a much different reaction, but I couldn’t help it when a giant smile came to form across my face. I wasn’t wrong! I was actually getting somewhere. My abilities weren’t failing me. Suddenly, I felt a restored level of faith in myself. I knew what I had to do. I had to go to sleep and hope that my dreams would tell me where Lauren and Hope were, not to mention that it would help if I knew why Lauren took Hope.

  Although I’d napped not long ago, I fell asleep almost instantly when we returned to the room.

  I woke to the feeling of a hand gripping hard around my mouth. Like every night I encountered this, I wanted to scream, but nothing came out. The Crystal part of me that was watching the scene through Hope’s eyes struggled to think straight. I am not Hope, I told myself. I am not being abducted. Think. What’s here that you’ve never seen before?

  Even as I thought this, my mind was still caught in confusion. A part of me felt like I was Hope, yet I still knew I was Crystal. The Crystal part of me fought to push through the barrier that muddled everything. I needed to let go of Hope’s fears and think objectively. I needed the Crystal part of me to see something. I pushed harder. Come on. Suddenly, the Crystal part of me broke through.

  And then it hit me. Just like that, the obvious washed over me, and what I hadn’t ever seen before—what Hope hadn’t seen that night—became crystal clear. A red curl peeked out from behind the assailant’s hood. I always thought the perpetrator was male, but now that I looked closer, I realized that the figure was slim.

  Suddenly, a lot more about what had happened made sense, like how when I’d tried connecting with Hope, I felt like she didn’t like her new mommy.

  Hold on, Hope, I said in my mind. I’m coming for you.

  Once the car door slammed shut and I saw Hope’s freckles and big chocolate eyes in the car mirror, the scene shifted around me as if someone smeared paint across a canvas only to uncover another image underneath.

  I stood in a room filled with chairs with an aisle running down the middle. A casket sat at the front of the room, and a photograph of Scott stared back at me. I was back at his funeral. But what am I doing here? I thought. I spun around the room to take in my surroundings.

  A strange feeling once again called to me from the back of the room. My eyes followed the source, and they fell upon Jeff. Next to him sat a woman with a fiery red bun and black hat.

  I drew in a sharp breath. Lauren.

  Her eyes were fixed on something the same way Jeff’s were when I first encountered this scenario. I followed her gaze to the front of the room. Hope was in her same chair, fidgeting the same way she had the first time I saw her in this same scene. Jeff wasn’t the only one watching her.

  My heart beat wildly against my chest as all the pieces of the puzzle began falling into place. But why? Why had she taken her? Were Jeff and Lauren working together? Where is Hope right now?

  Before I had a chance to draw in another breath, the scene shifted around me once again. I heard the beeping of the machines before my eyes adjusted. A white curtain separated the room I was in, and voices whispered behind it.

  “You’ll be okay, honey. I promise,” a woman said. I recognized Lauren’s voice.

  I took a step closer to the curtain. For a moment, I was afraid she would catch me spying on her, but then I remembered I was seeing into the past. It was always easier to recognize a vision when I wasn’t seeing it through someone else’s eyes.

  I crept around the corner of the curtain in the
hospital room to view the scene. Lauren sat next to the bed and had her hands wrapped around those of a little girl’s. For a second, I thought I saw Hope lying there, but then I realize that this girl was older and had lighter eyes.

  Penny.

  Of course! I thought. I remembered something Penny had said to me. I don’t think she’s safe. My mom has kind of . . . gone crazy. She’s not herself. I scolded myself for not seeing the connection sooner.

  “I’m scared, Mama,” Penny said from the hospital bed. Tears rose to her eyes, which only made my heart sting. The way mother and daughter looked at each other was almost too sad to bear. I knew how this story ended. I knew Penny wasn’t going to make it.

  “Honey, the doctors perform surgeries every day,” Lauren assured her. “They know what they’re doing.”

  Penny sniffled. “I just . . .” She trailed off, unsure of what to say.

  Lauren ran a hand through Penny’s brown hair. “You’ve had heart surgery before, and look how strong you came through. We can’t accept anything less than you making it through this time.” I had a suspicion that Lauren was saying these words more for her own sake than for Penny’s.

  “Colette and Abby will be here in the morning to wish you good luck,” Lauren told her. Fear held strong in her eyes when she stared at her daughter.

  I couldn’t take it anymore. Even though Lauren had taken Hope, I felt bad that she’d lost Penny. A sob caught in my throat the same time I was whisked away from the dream.

  I sprung straight up in bed. My sheets were damp with sweat, and my mind was reeling. It took a few seconds for my eyes to focus, and when they did, I found two figures standing at the end of my hotel bed.

  18

  “You have to help her,” Penny pleaded.

  My hand came up to support my pounding headache. It was early, so little light was seeping in through the windows. I looked back and forth between the two figures. Scott and Penny stood at the foot of my bed, side by side. Their eyes were the same color of green, and their facial features were strikingly similar. How could I not have noticed this before? Everything was starting to make sense now. I was overcome with relief knowing that I wasn’t wrong about everything and that my abilities were still leading me in the right direction.