Desire in Frost

by Alicia Rades

  22

  I woke Thanksgiving morning feeling utterly guilty. No visions of Hope surfaced in my dreams. I still didn’t know where she was, and I wasn’t sure if my anonymous tip led to her safety.

  After showering and getting dressed, I found my way into the living room. Everyone was awake except Robin. He was stretched out across the pullout couch shirtless. My eyes lingered, and I consciously let them stay fixed to his abs. I nearly drooled at the sight of him.

  After several long moments, I snapped myself out of it and reminded myself why I came in here in the first place. I didn’t want to wake him, but I turned the TV on anyway and kept the volume low. I sat in the chair on the other side of the room and flipped through channels until I found the news. My eyes fixed on the screen for several long minutes without hearing a single thing about Hope. I wasn’t sure if that confirmed anything or not. I didn’t know how far the news would travel or which stations would pick it up.

  Robin’s voice pulled me from the TV. “Hey,” he greeted in a tired tone.

  I smiled wide at him without trying to. “Good morning.”

  He looked at the TV and didn’t say anything, but I could tell he knew why I was watching it. He smiled back at me. “Good morning to you, too.” He yawned and stretched his arms above his head.

  My eyes danced around his chest again, but they lingered a bit too long when he came down from his yawn and noticed me staring. His smile spread wide as if he was teasing me. I blushed. I was grateful that Teddy walked into the room just then to keep Robin from saying something that would make me turn pure crimson.

  “Put some clothes on,” Teddy teased, tossing one of the throw pillows at Robin. It hit him in the face, but he just laughed and pitched it back. I was glad they were getting along and that Teddy wasn’t too upset about everything.

  Robin groaned at the thought of getting out of bed, but he finally stood, grabbed a shirt that was slung over the side of the couch, and walked out of the room toward the bathroom as he slipped the shirt over his head.

  “Does he sleep with his leg?” I asked absentmindedly.

  Teddy rolled his eyes. “He probably shouldn’t, but he’s self-conscious about it. I’m surprised he even told you. He gets upset when anyone even mentions it, and he made half his family promise not to tell anyone else. I can’t say I understand why, though maybe he doesn’t want people to take pity on him.”

  I shrugged nonchalantly.

  Teddy took a seat at the end of the pull-out bed and stared at the TV for several long seconds. The look in his eyes told me he wanted to say something more. I did him a favor and broke the silence first.

  “Look, Teddy,” I started.

  He tore his gaze from the TV and stared at me. He offered a half a smile that told me he was sorry for the other day. I was happy to have the old Teddy back. My hand clamped around my owl pendant, the one he had given me, in hopes of finding a bit more courage to speak to him about everything that had happened recently.

  “I’m really sorry about running off like that,” I said, staring down at my hands. “She was there. She really was, but now she’s not, and I don’t know where Lauren has taken her.” After I said it, I almost expected him to ask who Lauren was, but then I figured my mom passed on the information I had told her.

  “I’m really sorry I didn’t believe you,” he admitted. “I just,” he cleared his throat, “just wanted to let you know that my team is looking into things further now. We’ve notified the larger departments we’ve been working with and labeled it an anonymous tip. No clue as to where she’s taken Hope, though.” He wouldn’t meet my gaze when he apologized. “I just want to thank you for your help.”

  “Teddy, did Mom tell you I called in an anonymous tip? You should probably get in contact with the area police department to see what they’ve found. Maybe they found something at the house.”

  Teddy nodded. “I’ll look into it, Kiddo.” He stood and exited the room.

  My heart softened. Teddy was starting to trust me again, and that filled me with more confidence than I'd had this whole trip.

  Almost immediately, Robin reentered the living room freshly dressed. “What was that about?”

  “What? Oh, Teddy. He was just apologizing.”

  “Yeah, I told him to,” Robin said casually while he cleaned up his blankets and folded the bed away.

  “What do you mean?” I sat up a little straighter in my chair.

  Robin shrugged. “I just think that if he asked for your help, he shouldn’t have been so quick to dismiss it, so I kind of scolded him and told him to apologize.”

  “You scolded him?” I raised my eyebrows.

  He nodded as he moved about the room. “I kind of have that effect on my uncle.”

  I gave a light chuckle, but Robin’s words had me wondering. Was it because of Robin that Teddy was putting a bit more trust into me again? I had no doubt my mom talked to him, too. Even if I didn’t have Teddy’s full trust, I did have my mom and Robin on my side. Realizing this made me feel like all my troubles and responsibilities with my gift were vanishing, if only for a moment.

  For most of the rest of the day, I helped my mom and Gail in the kitchen. They put me in charge of the apple pie. My mom joked that since it wasn’t a salty dish, there was no fear of me over salting it. I joked back and told Gail to put my mom in charge of the salad so she couldn’t burn anything.

  My mind wandered back to Hope every so often, praying that the police would find her. There simply wasn't anything more I could do at this point.

  Just as I finished washing my hands after cutting apples, my phone rang. I quickly dried my hands and answered Emma’s call.

  “Hello?” I quietly excused myself from the kitchen and entered the enclosed porch for a bit of privacy.

  “Hi, Crystal! How’s your Thanksgiving going?”

  “It’s okay. We’re just cooking and watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. You?”

  “Well, with my parents’ divorce, things are kind of weird. Mom was going to cook, but my dad thought he deserved to have me for the holidays since, you know, I live with my mom. So I just said screw it to both of them, and I’m having dinner with Derek’s family. His twin sisters are so cute!”

  I felt a stab of emotion—one I couldn’t quite pinpoint—when I thought about her and Derek hanging out and having fun without me. I wished for a second that I could be there with my two best friends.

  “I can’t believe you ditched your parents like that,” I told her, but the truth was that it was something I could totally see Emma doing. She was always more bold than I ever was, and with her parents going through a divorce, they were both probably quick to give her whatever she wanted.

  “Eh, I couldn’t take their bickering,” Emma continued. “Someone has to show them that there are consequences to fighting. But that’s not why I called. I have some great news!”

  Emma paused, and I knew she was waiting for my response, so I played along and prompted her. “What is it?”

  “I found Derek’s dog!” She screamed with excitement.

  “That’s great!”

  “I did just what you said. Derek and I walked around town, and I could just tell when things felt right and when they didn’t. We ended up finding Milo across town. This little kid, like 10 years old, convinced his parents to take him in. Since he didn’t have a collar on, they didn’t know what else to do. But Milo was excited to see Derek, so it wasn’t hard to convince the kid that Milo was Derek’s dog.”

  When Emma found out I was psychic, my mom told her that normal people can have mild psychic abilities if they work hard enough at them. For a long time, I thought maybe she was crazy. I didn’t think Emma would develop psychic powers, but the truth was that Emma put a lot of work and practice into strengthening her intuition, and she was getting really good at it. So when Emma told me her news, I smiled, honestly happy with her progress.

  “That’s really cool to hear. When I get back, we shoul
d do some more practice together.”

  “Yeah, I’d like that,” Emma agreed.

  Emma and I talked for another few minutes, and I filled her in on the latest details of Hope. I wanted to talk with Emma longer and maybe even get some insight from her, but after a while, she told me she had to go. I could hear laughter in the background and again thought about how I missed my friends.

  When I stepped out of my guest room and saw Robin across the kitchen, though, my mood lifted. I only hoped that after this trip was over, he would somehow find a place in my group of friends so I wouldn’t have to choose between them.

  Robin laughed at something Gail said, and then his gaze met mine. His smile touched his eyes and somehow found its way into my heart and made me beam back at him. I joined my family in the kitchen, and Robin and I finished preparing the apple pie together as we all talked and laughed.

  Eventually, we gathered around the table and said grace. Robin’s chair was pushed so close to mine that I could feel the heat radiating off his body. It was driving me nuts, and I could tell by the sideway glances and smirk he was throwing me that he knew it. He was such a tease.

  “Andrea, Crystal,” Gail addressed my mother and me. “There’s a little tradition our family does every year at Thanksgiving. During our meal, we go around the table and say one thing we’re thankful for. I’ll start it off this year.” Gail’s eyes trailed around the table at each of our faces. “I’m thankful you were all able to make it this Thanksgiving, and I’m thankful I got to meet you two,” she said, looking from my mother to me. “I’m very happy for Teddy and glad to hear about the engagement.” She smiled. “I know that was more than one thing, but I have so much to be thankful for.”

  It was Teddy’s turn next. His eyes fell on my mother, and he had that same expression as the night he proposed. “I couldn’t be more thankful that Andrea said yes to my proposal.”

  My mother smiled and kissed Teddy lightly on the lips. Then it was her turn. She looked at me. “I’m thankful that my daughter has grown into a strong young woman.”

  I blinked in shock. I knew my mom was proud of me, but I was sure she would say something about Teddy before she’d say something about me. Something about her words and the way she looked at me held a deeper meaning. I was pretty sure she was telling me she was proud of my abilities. I was trying to figure out what exactly she meant that I missed what Wayne had said. I may not have heard Robin if he hadn’t said my name.

  “I’m thankful for Crystal,” he said, looking at me.

  Wait. What?

  I could feel my face flaming. Out of all the things in the world that he could be thankful for—that he survived the accident that took his leg or that he had an amazing singing voice and a band to help express that—he chose to be thankful for me. My pulse quickened, and I blushed in flattery.

  Something in Robin’s eyes held a hint of romance, the same type of look Teddy had just given my mother. From under the table, he took my hand and squeezed it tight. My stomach flipped in response.

  “I know we only just got to know each other,” he said, “but I’m thankful we had the chance to.”

  For a moment, it seemed like we were the only two people in the world. Everything else in the room faded into nonexistence until the only thing in my vision was Robin’s face. Then I suddenly became aware of all the eyes staring at us. A part of me shivered with nerves, especially because Robin and I would be step-cousins in a few months and I still found that a little weird. But when all I saw were smiles staring back at me, I realized the happiness on everyone’s faces doubled as a look of approval.

  I beamed back at Robin. “I’m thankful for you, too.”

  “Your turn,” Gail told me.

  “I just went. I said I was thankful for Robin.”

  “You can’t choose the same thing as him,” she teased.

  My mind raced. There were many more things I felt ungrateful for than those I felt grateful for. If they asked me to spout off that list, I could do it in a heartbeat. I was ungrateful for the fact that I still hadn’t found Hope. I was ungrateful for the feelings of guilt and disappointment that the situation brought me. I was ungrateful that no matter how many questions I asked regarding my powers, only more inquiries arose. I was ungrateful that I had to keep it such a secret—something that I tried to do for my mother’s sake since she’d warned me to keep it quiet.

  But another part of me had so much to be thankful for, like the way my gift brought my mom and me closer together since we shared it, or the way it made me feel like I had a sense of purpose bigger than myself. Or how I could tell my friends about my gift and no one had pushed me away because of it.

  All these ideas went through my head in a split second, and then I knew what to say. “I’m thankful for my talents and abilities.” Little did Wayne and Gail understand just exactly what I was capable of.

  Dinner seemed to end too soon, and I’d shoved myself so full of stuffing and potatoes that I didn’t have any room left for desert. Everyone else apparently felt the same way. Wayne suggested that we wait an hour or two before dessert, and we all agreed that was a good idea.

  “Want to take a walk down to the water with me?” Robin asked.

  I was more than happy to accept his offer despite feeling like I could hardly move. His fingers intertwined with mine, and he led me down the staircase to the sand. I could hardly stand up straight as my body came alive with butterflies. We sat next to the water with my hand still in his.

  “So,” I started. Robin’s eyes met mine, and the glow of the setting sun only enhanced his blue irises. I tucked a loose strand of blonde hair behind my ear. “What are we exactly? Am I, like, your girlfriend?”

  Robin chuckled. “If you want to put a label on it.”

  “I don’t mean to pressure you,” I cut him off. “I mean, we don’t need labels if you don’t want them.”

  “No,” Robin said. “I think it’s good. I’d like to be someone’s boyfriend for once.”

  I stared back at him, hardly able to believe what that statement meant, like he hadn’t had many girlfriends before. I was too afraid to ask about that, though. I just smiled instead, happy to realize that one issue seemed to be resolved. But something in my face must have given away my anxiety about other issues, yet Robin didn’t seem to read my expression correctly.

  “You don’t want labels?” Robin asked.

  “No. I mean, yes. Yes, I do. That’s not the problem.”

  “Oh? What is?”

  “It’s just . . .” I stared down at the sand, attempting to pick out patterns in it. “It’s nothing about you. I’m really nervous about Hope. I haven’t heard anything, and I’m still afraid for her, you know?”

  My eyes were still locked on the sand when Robin spoke. “Maybe this will help ease your nerves.” And then he pulled me in close and touched his soft lips to mine. The kiss wasn’t too soft, but it wasn’t smothering, either. His lips parted ever so slightly, and his tongue grazed against my lower lip. My hand came up to cradle his face as his lips crushed into mine. A feeling of warmth consumed my chest, making me want to melt into the sand below me. I became so lost in Robin’s touch that for those few moments, everything seemed to disappear except for him.

  Eventually, we both pulled away. It was silent for a long time until I finally spoke. “Why are you thankful for me?” I blurted. I immediately wanted to take it back, but the question was already out in the open.

  “What do you mean?” Robin asked.

  “I—uh . . . Nothing. Forget about it.”

  “No,” Robin insisted, but his voice was still soft and kind. “Tell me.”

  “At dinner you said you were thankful for me. There are so many other things you can be thankful for. Why me? I mean, if we’re being honest, we still hardly know each other.”

  “Hardly know each other? Crystal, I’ve been able to open up to you more than I have to anyone in practically my whole life. Shutting people out, it’s what I do, but
not with you. These past few days, you’ve made me feel like I finally have someone I can share myself with. And what about you? How many people have you told about your abilities?”

  I mentally ticked off the people in my head. I’d told Mom and Teddy, and of course both Emma and Derek knew. Justine and Kelli only knew because I’d used my powers to rescue Kelli from an abusive relationship, and Justine was helping me. And then there was Sophie and Diane, Mom’s business partners who were also psychic. I reviewed the list in my head and realized that all these people had one thing in common: I trusted them. And now there was Robin, and I’d told him, so that must have meant I trusted him.

  “See?” Robin asked rhetorically. “I opened up to you. You opened up to me. It’s not something I experience often, and I kind of like being able to talk to at least one person. That’s why I’m thankful for you.”

  “Oh,” was all I could say because his answer was so simple. It made complete sense. “Well, there’s still a lot I don’t know about you, like what your favorite color is or what your relationship is like with your parents or what your friends are like.”

  Robin thought about this for a moment. “You know the real me, and that’s what matters.” For a second, I thought he was going to leave it at that as he put an arm around me and pulled me closer, but then he continued speaking. “But just so you know, my favorite color is blue, my parents and I don’t spend a lot of time together—my dad is kind of a hard ass—but we get along, and my best friends are basically idiots.” He rolled his eyes and laughed at his last comment.

  He went on to tell me about his friends, and we ended up talking until after dark about the simple things in life. I nearly forgot all my troubles.

  Eventually, my eyes began drooping, and I took in a deep yawn.

  “Tired?” Robin asked. “Am I boring you that badly?”

  “No!” I nearly shouted because he wasn’t. Then I looked at him and realized he was just teasing.

  Robin and I walked back to the house together and went our separate ways.

  When I crawled into bed that night, I fell asleep almost immediately. That night, I dreamt about Hope’s abduction again, only this time, I saw it from a different angle.