“Don’t fret,” my uncle reassured me. “We’re goin’ to get this figured out.”
He didn’t get it. In fact none of them did. I couldn’t sit back and watch my whole life be destroyed worse than it was. Didn’t they see that going to the authorities was only causing me more grief? Couldn’t they tell that I just wanted to run away and never look back, praying I’d never see any of those people again for the rest of my life?
“Please, dad, I’m not ready to go public with this.”
“Darlin’, this ain’t your decision any longer. I won’t allow a vicious man to do this to another woman. He needs to be punished for his crimes.”
I shook my head. “No. You don’t understand. Punishin’ him will only hurt me more. I already can’t go back to that school. If you press charges and start this huge investigation I’ll leave town, daddy. I’ll have to, because no place will be safe for me.”
I’d never threatened my father, and his stern gaze let me know that he wasn’t going to stand there and take it lightly.
He looked over toward my uncle John. “Get someone to meet us at the hospital.”
I stood up, barely able to contain my emotions. I could feel the tears running down my cheeks, but wasn’t yet in a state of weeping yet. “No. I’m not goin’!”
I placed my shaky hands on my hips and stood my ground. “I’m a grown woman, and though I appreciate you helpin’, I won’t let you do this. Don’t you all get it? Don’t you see that I want to put this behind me? I don’t want to be poked by doctors. I don’t want to be judged by the media, and don’t think for a second that it won’t happen. Our family is too well-known for it not to. Is that the kind of publicity you want?”
I was going after my dad with whatever I could come up with. He had to see that this was a terrible idea.
When my brother and Ethan came back in the room, probably because of the raised voices, they could tell the shit had hit the fan. My mother was beside herself, while my father and I stood over the table in a staring match. In the midst of it all I was more thankful for the argument, because although it was regarding my attack, it had taken my mind off of the little details I couldn’t stop thinking about.
Finally I sat down and folded my hands on the table. My sniffles let everyone know that I was crying, even if they refused to look in my direction. “Please don’t make me do this. I’m not ready, daddy.” I played the daddy card, hoping to get to his heart. My father could be strict, but he always melted for us girls.
He covered his face with his hands and rubbed it. I turned to my mom, watching her wiping away a fresh set of tears.
“You need to worry about Addy. I’m goin’ to recover from this. She needs your attention. All I require is a quiet place to rest, and a break from school. I don’t want to talk about what happened, and I surely don’t want the whole family findin’ out. They already think I’m weak, and this only verifies those accusations.”
“You’re not weak,” Noah said loudly.
“It doesn’t matter. Don’t you all see that I just want to forget?”
My mother led my father into another room, followed by my aunt and uncle. That left Noah and Ethan in the dining room with me. Noah sat down across from me, while Ethan leaned against the door frame. “You’re not weak,” Noah repeated.
“Thank you. I keep thinkin’ about what else I could have done. If I’d only kicked him, or poked his eyes out. I keep rehashin’ it, as if it makes a damn bit of difference.”
“You know dad’s not goin’ to stop until that asshole is behind bars?”
“Yeah, I know. I just hope that mom changes his mind.”
“If you were my daughter nothin’ would make me stop fightin’ for justice. You have to look at it that way.”
I kept quiet after my brother’s assumption. It wasn’t that I didn’t have anything else to say, I just didn’t have the energy to keep going on and on about it. I knew where he stood, and from the look on Ethan’s face I could tell he agreed. That left me the minority.
When my parents came back in the room they didn’t sit down. My father crossed his arms as he spoke. “We’re goin’ to the hospital, Christian. We know you’re scared, but it’s for the best. As far as this ranch is concerned, I don’t care about the publicity. Nothin’s more important than my family, not even this ground we live on. You can fight me on this, but at the end of the day we’ve got your best interest at heart. I need you to get well, and this is the first step in makin’ that happen. Your mother and I will be by your side the whole time, and if you want your friend Ethan along, he’s more than welcome. This ain’t a punishment; it’s the path to resolution.”
Knowing that I couldn’t cross this man, I looked away from him, settled on the fact there was no other way.
Then I knew what I had to do.
I got up and excused myself to go to the bathroom, taking my purse with me; and in a matter of seconds after closing the door, I’d text Ethan to meet me at his car. He’d fight me, but we were getting out of there before I was taken to hospital and treated like a lab rat. The idea of a stranger touching me was making me ill.
I darted for the front door a few seconds later, seeing Ethan in the driver’s seat. I could hear someone calling my name, but ran as fast I could. “Floor it. I’ll tell you how to get out of here without using the front gates.” My dad was probably already on the phone getting them to lock down the main entrance to the ranch. It was a good thing I knew my way around. My mom’s parents had built a little house on the outskirts of the property, and they had their own entrance from an adjacent road. We made it down the dirt entrance in no time, arriving on a country highway where I knew we were in the clear.
“Do you mind tellin’ me why I feel like a damn criminal?”
“Goin’ there was a mistake, Ethan. I can’t let them take me to a hospital. I won’t be like the girl we met last night. I can’t let myself.”
“Chris, you need help.”
“No. I just need some time to get over it. My attack was nothin’ like those other women. They had it so much worse. I can handle this on my own. As much as I appreciate your two-cents, I’d appreciate it if you let me make the decisions from now on.” I was adamant to be in charge, because no one knew me better than I knew myself.
After a few minutes of driving I finally answer my phone. My mother was on the other end begging me to reconsider.
“Honey, we’re just worried about you. You need help.”
“Mom, I have to do this on my own. I feel terrible for involvin’ you. I never wanted you and dad to look at me as the victim. I couldn’t sit there anymore.”
“Come home, Christian. We can talk about all of this after we know you’re safe.”
“I am safe. Ethan will protect me. I’m stayin’ with him for a while until I can figure out everything.” That was a lie. I knew I wasn’t returning to school. Hiding out at Ethan’s was only temporary. There was a lot more than dropping out of school that I needed to worry about.
“I hope you change your mind, sweetie. We’re here, and you know you’re welcome to come home. If you don’t want to stay with us, Gram has plenty of room. You can recover on the ranch, where we know you’ll be safe.”
“I need time, mom. I’ll call you soon, I promise.”
When we hung up I clenched the phone in my hand, staring down at it, as if it somehow held answers I desperately needed. I’d walked away from my family, leaving me pretty much alone to fend for myself. I longed for resolution; my dad was right about that. Only I wasn’t sure how to go about getting it without making it a media frenzy. I refused to be the talk of the town.
I already knew I was the laughing stock at my old house. When the whole campus found out the news they’d come after me for attacking their beloved popular role model. It made me cringe.
There had to be another way out of this mess, and I just needed time to figure it all out.
Chapter 22
Ethan
I thought
that going to her parents was the best decision. They could help guide their daughter to the healing that she needed.
Chris had other plans.
As much as I wanted to keep my promise to her, I knew that being her safety net wasn’t without regret. Her parents were going to hate me for sneaking her out of their house. It was only a matter of time before they were knocking at my door. It didn’t take a genius to guess that they’d already contacted my parents to obtain my address on campus.
I didn’t say much in the car on the ride back to my place. Chris wouldn’t have liked to hear my opinion. As much as I understood that this was her problem, I also knew that she had the best family I’d ever known. She had to know that.
Once we were inside of my apartment she headed back to my bedroom, closing the door behind her. I don’t think she meant for it to be rude, but I took offense since it was my neck I was sticking out for her. Still, I let her have some time to herself, to maybe realize she’d made a mistake.
I sat down at my computer to get some school-work done while everything was quiet. I headed to my email, hoping to have a response from some of my classmates about assignments I’d missed. I didn’t expect to have a message in my inbox from Seth. Any student could obtain addresses for other classmates. The directory was out there on the main website. I clenched my jaws as I opened the message, not really knowing what to expect.
First there was a written message.
Ethan,
We don’t know each other well, but we do share a common friend. Christian Mitchell and I hooked up last Friday night and then again on Saturday. To be honest she was an easy lay. She came on to me in a strip club, and then later on after she’d invited me back to her house. We’re both guys, so you can imagine how she was easy on the eyes. I didn’t hesitate when she asked me to follow her to her room.
I won’t go into details about how she was all over my dick. I think you see where this is going. I’m reaching out to you because she’s all of a sudden gone psycho. The bitch is accusing me of rape. I’ve got a ton of people who can back my story of her being all over me. I’m not looking for another witness. I’m writing to ask that you convince your friend to back off. She doesn’t know who she’s messing with. My friends are pissed this is happening, and I’m afraid they’re going to make sure this story gets buried.
Please pass this on to your friend. Make sure she knows that I want this shit to be forgotten about. I get that women change their minds, but I never attacked your friend. We slept together on three different occasions, all of which she was a willing participant. For Christ sakes, she blew me in the movie theater. Does that sound like someone who was forced to have sex?
Think about it, man. I’m not the bad guy. Your friend needs help, but not from being attacked. She needs mental assistance.
Thanks for your time,
Seth
If I didn’t need the computer for school I would have thrown it across the room at that very moment. Just before closing out the message I saw the attachment. A ten second video sat waiting to be played. Against better judgment I clicked on the link. It was dark, but light enough to see what was going on. Chris was on her knees with a cock in her mouth. I could hear the sound coming from the person recording it, and how his voice changed when she took his load. As much as I wanted to stop watching I couldn’t take my eyes off the screen. When the video ended, I played it again, somehow in denial that it was my Christian on her knees.
I had to get up and walk away.
I knew she’d been with the guy, but this was a kick to the balls. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d have a visual of her doing something like that to another man.
After heading out to my balcony I looked at the horizon, praying it would distract my mind from the permanent image I couldn’t shake. She’d been so into it, making it impossible for me to comprehend how on that same day she’d claimed to be raped by this guy.
Chris and I had talked about oral sex. I liked giving it to her, and I’d been doing it for a long time. She was never willing, but promised to save it for me. We had this pact that we’d experience all of our firsts together, that way we would never regret it. I couldn’t fathom that she’d give this guy something that should have been mine. It didn’t only disturb me, it ripped me apart. In the twenty seconds it took to watch the video, I’d felt like everything I’d ever wanted for my future had been flushed down the drain. She may as well have ripped out my heart with her bare hands.
It didn’t matter that this guy hadn’t a clue what we were to each other. People could assume what they wanted, not that I ever cared when it came to Christian. If they wanted to think we were a couple I didn’t correct them. I knew one day we would be. It had been planned out perfectly for years.
In just a few days my aspirations were suddenly beginning to change. The woman inside, that had my heart for so long, had betrayed the sanctity of our friendship. She’d destroyed me.
I knew why she hadn’t told me, but it hurt more knowing she carried that secret. Did she think about blowing that guy while she was around me? What did he have that I didn’t?
I couldn’t rationalize with myself over it. Something had to give.
When I heard the sliding door opening I didn’t turn around to greet her. I couldn’t look into those green eyes and feel anything but betrayal. I’d thought I was the one hurting her all this time, but had the girl I’d always known to be so pure changed without me noticing? She was determined to do whatever it took to come out of her shell. Had she danced with the devil on her own will, only to regret it enough to act out this terrible scenario? I hated doubting her, but there was some truth in that video. He wasn’t forcing her to perform. As the image repeated in my mind I finally turned around.
“It’s cold out here. Why are you standin’ around without a jacket?” She asked as she wrapped her arm into mine. I closed my eyes and looked in another direction. As much as I wanted a reason to be close to her, I couldn’t stand her touch.
“Are you goin’ to be alright if I have to run out for a bit?”
She pulled away, seemingly shocked at my question. “I thought you didn’t want to let me out of your sight?”
“I forgot I made plans I can’t break.”
“Yeah, I guess. I’ll keep the doors locked and try to get some rest.” She was unaffected by my question, leading me to believe that this really could be some kind of act.
I needed to get out of there; to think about what my mind was telling me. I couldn’t doubt her, not after the way I felt about her. This was the woman I loved. Was I really considering that she could be lying to me? Had she betrayed my trust so much that I couldn’t believe her?
“Okay.” Where I’d normally kiss the top of her head I turned and walked away. Maybe she’d assume something was wrong. At this point I didn’t even care. Watching those lips around another man’s dick had me messed up. I had to release my anger, my hurt, and everything else I didn’t want to be feeling.
I knew I’d hate myself for doing it, but I picked up my phone and dialed the number anyway. There was only one thing that could take my mind off of what she’d done to me. She answered on the second ring, and the sound of her voice was already helping my mood.
“Hey, I tried to call you last night.” Star wasn’t just on my jock tonight, she’d been clear that she’d drop everything if I’d give her the time of day. She saw me as her meal ticket out of this town, thinking that my intelligence would get me far in life. She saw dollar signs. Little did she know that my place was back at home. Sure, I’d like to have an engineering degree, but it wasn’t where my heart was.
“Sorry. I was helpin’ a friend. What are you doin’ now?”
“Why? Do you want to come over?”
“I’m already on the way.”
“I don’t have anything to eat. If you’re hungry you might want to grab something out.”
“I’m hungry for something else. Be naked. I’ll see you in five minutes.�
��
Determined to wash my mind of Christian, I planned to bury myself in someone else. It was the wrong choice, but the only way. She’d hurt me, forcing me to seek reprieve. I’d have to address the problem, but until I was able to do that, I had to get some release.
Chapter 23
Christian
I didn’t get why all of a sudden he was leaving me alone. Out of nowhere he’d recalled something that was more important than being my shoulder to cry on. I waited until I heard the front door shut before walking inside. The first thing I noticed was that he’d left his laptop, meaning this wasn’t about school. Whatever my dear friend was doing had nothing to do with catching up on assignments.
I sat down as his computer and started researching sites about rape victims. It helped to read the stories and relate to each experience. In some ways it was more support than anyone I knew could have given me. The women, and even men, lost themselves because of vicious acts done to them. They knew what I was going through, having the knowledge of it happening to them. We all had a common goal of recovering, and no matter how many stories I read they all ended the same.
The victims wanted justice.
I closed my eyes and thought about Seth. I imagined how wonderful he’d been the night we first met, and how good of a time we’d had playing drinking games and retreating back to my room. I recalled all of his innuendos, which creeped me out. He was so gentle that first time, making sure he satisfied me first. How could one day have changed him so much? It was like he’d become a monster. Had me walking away from him, rejecting him, caused Seth so much rage that he’d found it necessary to rip me apart, leaving me like some piece of trash?
I tried to shake off my scenarios, but nothing would work. I felt abandoned by Ethan, and he hadn’t even provided me with an explanation. What bothered me the most was that he didn’t even kiss me goodbye. It was his brand, yet why in my most emotional state had he done that?
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