Chasing Hope

by Nancy Stopper

  Her eyes twinkled when she realized he’d picked up on what she was doing. “Well, I rode with my friend and she has to go to work.”

  “I can take you home.” He loved flirting with her like he had when they first met. Mom was right. He’d failed to romance his wife for far too long. But that was changing. Right now.

  She shifted from foot to foot, her hands clasped in front of her. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea. I don’t really know you.”

  He extended his hand. “Justin Harper.”

  She hesitated for a moment before she slid her soft palm against his. “Nice to meet you.”

  A jolt shot through him and settled deep in his gut. Yep, he was a goner. For his wife. Thank God for those feelings. “And you are?”

  “I’m not sure I’m ready to give you my name yet.” She glanced up the hill to where Jen had parked her car. Her friend waved at the two of them. “I guess I need to go.”

  “Oh, okay.” He didn’t want to let her leave. These few minutes had been more impactful than most of their time together over the past few months, maybe even years. But he didn’t want to ruin a good thing. Leaving things on a high note was probably for the best.

  “Okay. Bye.” She started to run up the hill, but halfway up, she turned around and walked backwards. “My name’s Maddie. Maddie Simcox.”

  He chuckled as he watched her run the rest of the way up the hill. She hadn’t mentioned her maiden name in a long time, but that was exactly how she’d introduced herself the day they met.

  Her gaze lingered on his when she reached Jen’s car, and then she climbed in and Jen drove away.

  “I guess things are going better.”

  “Huh?” He hadn’t heard Izzy walk up. How much had she overheard? Oh well, he wasn’t going to be embarrassed for doing what it took to save his marriage. And now he knew exactly what his next step was. “Maybe. Any chance you can watch Aiden tomorrow night?”

  “Big brother’s gonna have a date?” Izzy nudged his shoulder and waggled her eyebrows. “Maybe you’ll get lucky.”

  He slung his arm over her shoulder. “What do you know about getting lucky? Aren’t you about twelve?”

  She laughed. The two of them headed up the hill together, and for the first time in a long time, Justin had hope that he could fix what was wrong with his marriage.

  Chapter Nine

  Maddie swiped at the sweat beading on her forehead with a towel as she stepped onto the sidewalk after yoga class. The early spring sun warmed her skin and brightened her mood. Yoga had always been able to calm and center her when she’d been stressed. Why had she stopped going to class in the first place? Oh yeah, because she’d been so focused on having a baby that she ignored everything else.

  Going to Justin’s softball game last night, cheering him on like she had in the early days of their relationship, and then flirting with him after the game had given her a flutter in her belly that she hadn’t felt in a long time. It hadn’t been easy to drag herself out of the house when Jen had called. She’d planned to climb under the covers and drown her sorrows in a pint of Ben and Jerry’s. But she wasn’t going to get Justin back by wallowing in self-pity. And she definitely wasn’t helping Aiden that way either.

  Her efforts had paid off. She felt better about herself and her relationship with Justin after the game. And that encouraged her to make other changes in her life. That was how she’d found herself at the first yoga class she’d been to in what had been far too long.

  “What a great class. Don’t you think so, Maddie?” Jen stepped up beside Maddie looking like she hadn’t even broken a sweat. She probably hadn’t. Once upon a time, that had been Maddie.

  And it would be again.

  “I’m a bit out of practice, but it was great.”

  “No worries. Each class gets easier.” Jen laid her hand on Maddie’s shoulder. “I’m so happy you came out today. Two days in a row. I think it’s a record.”

  Maddie winced but then accepted Jen’s comment in the positive spirit it was intended. “Yeah, I know. Not anymore. And the next time you see me burrowing in, it’s your job to drag me out.”

  “You got it.”

  Maddie’s phone buzzed in her purse. She fumbled to shift her bag and pull it out before the insistent vibrating stopped. Justin’s face flashed across the screen.

  A tingle started in her gut and spread out, and butterflies took up residence in her stomach. She had forgotten what being excited to hear from the man she loved felt like. It was so easy to get mired down in the day-to-day minutia of married life, and she’d neglected to take care of her marriage. Her husband. But she was going to do better. Her hand shook so hard that she almost dropped the phone when she pushed the talk button. “Hello?”

  “Miss Simcox?”

  “What?”

  “Is this Maddie Simcox?”

  The corners of her mouth turned up in a smile. Justin was picking up where she’d left off last night. How they had first met. She didn’t know what had possessed her to act like they were back in college when she talked to him last night. But the game had brought back memories, good memories, and she wanted to capture that feeling and hold onto it. Little did Maddie know how that one game would change her entire life. “Yeah, I’m Maddie Simcox.”

  “This is, uh, Justin. Justin Harper. From the game yesterday. I tried to get your attention after you ran up the hill, but you had already gone to your car. I stopped your friend and it took some time, but I finally got your number from her.”

  Maddie remembered how she’d hesitated before telling Amanda it was okay for Justin to call. What would her life have been like if she hadn’t taken a chance on the cute first baseman who had winked at her?

  “I was, uh, hoping that I could ask you out. You know, on a date?”

  “You want to go out on a date with me?”

  “I’d have asked you out last night if you’d have given me a chance. But you ran away before I could. So what do you say? How about I pick you up tonight at seven?”

  It had been a long time since she and Justin had actually gone out alone. Even longer since he’d actually asked her out. That was one of the many things they had neglected in their marriage—each other. Dinner was a great first step in rebuilding their relationship. “That sounds great.”

  She could hear Justin let out a breath through the phone. Had he really thought she wouldn’t say yes? Of course he did. She’d rebuffed any advances that didn’t fit into her perfect plan for building their family for far too long. “See you at seven. Bye, Maddie.”

  She clicked off and stared at the phone long after the screen light dimmed.

  “What was that all about?” She’d almost forgotten Jen was standing beside her.

  “That was Justin. He asked me out on a date?”

  “He did? That’s great.”

  Maddie told Jen the short version of how she and Justin had met.

  Jen laid her hand over her heart. “That is so sweet. Why haven’t you ever told me that before?”

  It was sweet. Justin had set out to sweep her off her feet from that very first day. And she had never looked back.

  Then they’d lost the innocence of their youth, becoming bogged down in everyday life. And if Justin was trying to reclaim a bit of the magic from when they’d met, she’d play along. Anything to find their way back to each other.

  “I don’t know. I guess it never came up.” A smile grew on her face. “But I have a date tonight.”

  * * *

  Justin pressed End on his phone and tossed it onto the counter beside him. “Okay, this is good.”

  After Maddie took that first step by coming to the game last night, he picked up on her efforts. He had wanted to remind her of when their lives were simpler and all they had to worry about was whether someone liked them. For the first time in a long time, he had hope for them. For their future.

  He couldn’t help the grin that grew on his face. He hadn’t had much to smile about recently, but
after a few days by himself, he decided he didn’t like being alone any more than he liked being in the pressure cooker his marriage to Maddie had become. And his mother was right. He needed to do something about it.

  That started tonight.

  Chapter Ten

  Maddie’s hands trembled as she fastened her diamond earring. This was ridiculous. Justin was her husband. They were going out, probably just to dinner, like they had a thousand times. Yet, this was different. After everything they’d been through to reach this point, and the overtures they had each made, this evening was turning out to be an important event in the revival of their marriage. And if they could capture a bit of the excitement they’d had yesterday. A touch of the innocence of the early days of their relationship, the fun of traveling from town to town watching him play, the little glances they’d throw to each other, the silent communication between two people experiencing the first pangs of attraction, then tonight would be a success.

  But they weren’t those two people. Not really. Not anymore. Yesterday had been about pretending, but reality was never far away. The housework, the bills, and the elephant of infertility still loomed heavily in the room. She shook her head. Stop being ridiculous. Justin had asked her out on an honest-to-goodness date. The last time they’d indulged in a date night had probably been before they’d gotten married. From there, it became more about deciding what they wanted to eat or whether they wanted to see the new release in the movie theaters. With his schedule, while he was playing ball, they’d taken whatever they could get.

  And then he’d retired and they’d moved to his hometown. She loved living in Cedar Hill, but her life had become about Aiden and Justin’s family. Somewhere along the way, she had lost herself. And she was finally starting to find that young, optimistic girl again.

  Stop it, Maddie. She’d told herself over and over again that she wasn’t going to wallow in what her marriage had become. That was no way to fix what was wrong with her, or with her marriage. Justin had taken this first step, asking her out, and she owed it to him, to their relationship and to their son, to put in the effort.

  She brushed her hands down her favorite red wrap dress. Justin had always said it made the green of her eyes deepen to the color of emeralds. And she always loved the look in his eye, almost predatory, when he saw her in this dress. The last time, almost three years ago, they hadn’t even made it out of the house before he’d peeled it off, kissing every inch of skin he exposed, until she was begging for him to be inside her.

  But it hadn’t been like that for a long time.

  She shook her head. It was so easy to dwell on what had gone wrong. Hell, she’d made it a daily routine to ruminate on everything bad in her life. But that was the old Maddie. The new one, the one who was turning her life around and focusing on the positives, had butterflies beating their wings in her belly at the thought of going out with Justin.

  It was… almost like a first date.

  She smiled, remembering. Justin was so confident, cocky almost, when they’d met. He had to be. College and professional athletes didn’t get where they were by sitting back and waiting for life to happen to them. They reached out and grabbed what they wanted. He certainly had done that with her. Much like their phone call this morning.

  Ding-dong. Ding-dong.

  Was Justin actually ringing the doorbell? This was his house, too, for crying out loud. Had he already decided that this didn’t feel like home anymore? That couldn’t be. Otherwise, he’d be staying away instead of asking her out, right? Had he felt the need to reciprocate just because she went to his game? It wasn’t as if he had called her before that.

  That’s enough, Maddie. Justin had asked her out, and he was standing on the other side of their door. Waiting for her. And she was here, raising doubts, instead of letting him in. That ended now. She slid her feet into her strappy-backed peep-toed shoes, the ones that made her legs look long and sexy, and hurried down the hall.

  When she reached the door, she paused. Her heart had kicked up a rapid rhythm and her hands grew clammy. Why was she nervous? This was Justin. The man who’d dribbled ketchup on his shirt when he’d taken her to her first professional baseball game and the man who’d paced the floor with her, resting their son against his bare chest, through so many endless nights of colic.

  She placed her hand on the knob, squared her shoulders, and pulled the door open.

  Justin’s stood on the other side, a huge grin on his face. Then his eyes traveled down. She stood there, her hand holding the door open, and enjoyed his admiration. It had been a long time since he’d looked at her like that.

  Her eyes took her own leisurely path down his body, across those broad shoulders of his, ones she’d held onto many times as they made love. Tonight, a navy-blue jacket covered them. Her gaze traveled lower, to the tight abs and muscular thighs until it landed on Justin’s favorite loafers, the leather extremely worn down and barely held together with stitching that had been repaired more than once. The shoes stood out in contrast to the sharp look of the rest of his outfit.

  She couldn’t help but grin. His lucky shoes, he called them. Baseball players were a superstitious bunch, and her husband was no exception.

  By the time her perusal ended and her gaze met his, his mouth had quirked into a grin and he raised his eyebrows. But he didn’t say anything.

  He slowly brought his hand from behind his back and presented her with a beautiful bouquet of lilies. He’d remembered the simple bunch she’d carried at their wedding.

  “For you, Miss Simcox.”

  She accepted the bundle and buried her nose in the fragrant blossoms. “They’re beautiful. Thank you. Why don’t you come in while I put them in some water?”

  Justin followed her into the house but stayed close to the door while she hurried to the kitchen. She quickly filled a vase and arranged the flowers in it, then carried it back to the living room. That way she’d see them as soon as she got home.

  It had been a long time since Justin had brought her flowers.

  Many aspects of their marriage had changed over the years. She had assumed it was normal. But maybe neither of them had been working hard enough at their relationship. She certainly hadn’t been focused on the two of them recently, other than what it took to have a baby. Shame washed through her. That wasn’t what she had promised him when she’d taken her vows.

  He extended his hand to her. “Are you ready to go?”

  She stared at his offering for a minute but was afraid to reach out. Things were good at this moment, but if she did something wrong, she could shatter the fragile peace.

  The smile on his face dipped slightly, barely enough for her to notice. But she did. How many times would she disappoint him before he decided that he’d had enough? She’d spent so much of her life putting up barriers, protecting herself from the hurt, that she didn’t know how to turn it off.

  What was she saying? Justin had already had enough. He had moved out, hadn’t he? And that was her fault.

  He motioned for her to exit ahead of him. They walked down the three porch steps in an uncomfortable silence. But Justin stayed right with her until she reached the passenger side of the SUV. Before she could open the door, he extended his hand and grabbed the handle.

  “Thanks.” She slid into the car. When she and Justin had first started dating, she hadn’t known what to make of his old-fashioned manners, opening doors, holding chairs for her. There had been none of that in her life before him. She hadn’t dated in high school, and the boys she’d met in college were more interested in what they could get out of her than wooing her with etiquette.

  After Justin closed the door, she relaxed for a moment. So much was riding on this date, on this time that she and Justin had alone together. If they weren’t able to get past the arguments and the emotions, what chance did they have for their marriage?

  She drew in a deep breath and smelled the fresh scent of lemon. She spun around and scanned the back seat. It was clea
n. So was the cargo section. Had Justin’s SUV ever been this clean? Typically, the back and the middle row were filled with inventory for the store or equipment for the team. And the sports-related stink. It had permeated every part of the car. She didn’t think it would ever come out.

  Well, she was wrong.

  She smiled. Justin had gone all out to make this a special night.

  Justin climbed in and threw her a smile before backing the car out and heading down the road.

  “Where are we going?”

  “There’s a new Italian restaurant on the outskirts of Philly that I thought we’d try, if that’s okay with you?”

  Okay? Of course it was okay. Justin knew how much she loved Italian food. Shoot, she could eat it almost every day, and sometimes she did. Early in their marriage, they figured out that if Justin didn’t cook sometimes, pasta would be all they ever ate. She’d learned to prepare and serve a few other meals in the ensuing years, but pasta was still her go-to.

  “I take it by the look on your face that it’s okay.”

  She stared at his hand resting comfortably on the console. He’d taken a chance, reached out to her at the front door, and she hadn’t responded. She’d seen the hurt in his eyes. Time for her to take a chance, too.

  She threaded her fingers through his. “It’s perfect. Thank you.”

  He squeezed her hand and didn’t let go. The entire drive to the restaurant, their fingers remained laced together. From time to time, his thumb would brush over her knuckle, each stroke sending a jolt through her. It was like it was their first date again, when she’d analyzed to death every move, every action. When his touch sent sparks through her. She missed that time when their love was new, when they were exploring what they didn’t know about each other and discovering new things. Everything had gotten so old… and routine… in their marriage. When was the last time they just held hands like this? For no particular reason?

  It had been too long.

  But this wasn’t all Justin’s fault. Shoot, it probably wasn’t much of his fault at all. He’d been patient with her through the doctor’s visits and shots, through emotional outbursts that had nothing to do with him and everything to do with her hormones being completely out of whack.