Falling to Pieces

by Leddy Harper

  I swallowed hard, unable to take my eyes off hers.

  “Now, if you’ll please excuse me, I need to leave.”

  I stepped back, didn’t say a word, and allowed her access to her car. I wanted to hug her, comfort her, and assure her that everything would be all right. I wanted to climb in her car and drive her wherever she needed to go, and then stay with her until I knew she was okay. But I couldn’t do any of that. She wasn’t mine anymore, and there was someone else to stand in as that person for her.

  She had someone else to raise a family with.

  Someone else to hold her, touch her, kiss her.

  Someone else to love her.

  She didn’t need any of that from me. So without another word, I walked away, and watched over my shoulder as she left me…again. I didn’t know how many more times I’d be able to handle that. And for a moment, I wondered if I should just leave town, make it easier for both of us. But I knew that was nothing but a coward’s way out. And I’d taken too many of those over the last six years. I wouldn’t do it again.

  As I drove home, I couldn’t take my mind off Aubrey. I couldn’t let go of the image of her tears. The sound of her broken voice filled my ears and haunted me. I knew she didn’t need me, and going to her would be completely selfish, but that didn’t stop me from the sudden U-turn I made. It didn’t keep me from driving straight to the hospital. And it certainly didn’t slow me down as I ran inside without a single plan or thought as to what I would say when I found her.

  Nearly out of breath, I stopped at the reception counter in the front. “I’m looking for Mr. Jacobs. He came in not too long ago from a car accident.” I hadn’t even given it any thought that I didn’t know his name, and only prayed that the last was also Jacobs. Otherwise, I knew I wouldn’t get anywhere.

  The older lady typed something into her computer and then straightened her glasses before turning her attention back to me. “Mr. Jacobs just came out of surgery, but he’s in ICU at the moment. Only immediate family is allowed in there.”

  Without hesitating, I said, “His daughter is here, and she has her five-year-old with her. I’m just here to pick her up and take her home. Her phone must be off or not getting any service because I can’t get ahold of her.” Although I did see a car like Aubrey’s in the parking lot on my way in, it was a rather common model and color, and could’ve belonged to anyone. I prayed I wouldn’t be caught in a lie.

  The woman behind the counter sighed and relaxed her shoulders in sympathy. “Go to the second floor. If she’s not in the waiting room there, ask one of the nurses at the counter and they’ll get her for you. They won’t allow you in the room, but at least they’ll be able to get her for you.”

  “Thank you. Thank you so much.” I slapped the counter lightly and ran to the elevator bank, impatiently stabbing at the arrow button until the doors opened.

  Once on the second floor, I scanned the area for the nurses’ station, only to find who I’d been looking for curled up in a chair in the waiting room behind a large glass window. My feet felt glued to the floor beneath me as my chest tightened at the sight of her. I’d seen her broken before, but never like this. It was as if she could handle almost anything happening to her, but couldn’t bear something happening to someone she loved. It only made my heart ache worse for her.

  I carefully treaded into the waiting room, stopping in the doorway. The room was empty. Bree was the only one in there. Her feet were pressed into the seat with her knees pulled up against her chest, her arms hugging them to her. She hadn’t noticed me because she kept her face buried as her back shook with what I could only assume were her sobs.

  Slowly putting one foot in front of the other, I made my way to the seat next to her, sitting down carefully so as not to scare her. Finally, she pulled her head away from her knees and turned to me. In that moment, I wanted to sweep her into my arms and hold her tight, never letting her go. But I refrained and kept my distance, not wanting to push her even further away than she already was.

  Her face scrunched up in grief as she hiccupped a cry. Her arms fell away from her legs, and the moment her feet reached the ground again, she pushed herself against me, wrapping her arms around my neck and crying into my shoulder.

  “It’s okay, Bree. He’s going to be okay. So are you.”

  “Why are you here?” she asked into my now wet shirt.

  “I didn’t know if you had anyone with you, and I didn’t want you to be alone. I didn’t know if you needed help with Ayla. And I couldn’t stand the thought of you in pain, and possibly alone.”

  Her arms loosened some, allowing her to pull away slightly without letting go completely. She sniffled and wiped her face on her sweater sleeve. “My sister came to pick Ayla up and take her home. I feel bad, because I’m sure Sarah wants to be here, too. He’s just as much a father to her as he is to me. But I can’t leave until he wakes up. I just can’t…” Her pain took over again, stealing her words.

  “Where’s your stepmom?”

  She shook her head. “She’s not feeling well and can’t come until later. And my other sister is on her honeymoon. If something happens…”

  I held her face in my hands, pushing her head back so that she could look at me. “He’s going to wake up, Aubrey. You don’t need to sit here alone, waiting for it. They’ll call you and let you know how he’s doing. He made it out of surgery, right? The rest is the easy part. He just needs to sleep and regain his strength again. And then he’ll wake up.”

  “How can you be so sure?”

  I pressed my lips to her forehead, not even thinking about it beforehand. It felt too natural. “Because you had to have gotten your strength from somewhere. It wasn’t your mother. I think it’s a safe assumption that your dad is a strong man. He’s a survivor…like you.”

  “Thank you,” she whispered as she rested her head against my shoulder again.

  “Listen, if you want to wait here, I’ll wait with you. I don’t care how long you stay. I won’t leave. But I really do think you’ll be more comfortable at home. You’re not doing yourself any good by being here.”

  “I can’t go home. I’d never forgive myself if he…”

  “You can’t think like that, Bree. You have to stay positive.”

  She relaxed against me with a deep sigh. “I just want to stay a little bit longer. Just until I have some news. Otherwise, I won’t be able to sleep,” she whispered, sounding so far away.

  The overwhelming need consumed me to hold onto her and bring back the Bree I knew and loved. The only thing I knew to do was to talk to her about something. It’s what we always did. When things got tough, we’d just sit and talk, and before we knew it, everything would seem brighter and more manageable. “Tell me about him. You never said much about your dad before, and now you seem really close. I want to hear all about him.”

  With my arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer, she let out a small shudder and grabbed the side of my shirt in her fist, causing my heart to nearly beat out of my chest. “He’s a great man. He made mistakes when I was younger, but he’s owned up to all of them. And he’s more than made up for them, too. My stepmom is amazing, and so are my sisters. I hated that my mom kept me away from such a loving family, but at least I have them in my life now.”

  “He’s good with Ayla?” Even though it was no longer my job to protect Bree, or her daughter, I couldn’t fight the unexplainable strong connection I felt toward them both. I only needed to make sure they were both being well taken care of.

  Her small giggle rippled through my side as she snuggled closer, attempting to hide her humor. “When he found out about Ayla, he wasn’t too happy. But once he got out the typical father speech about how he wanted better for me, he seemed rather happy. I think she’s kind of helped him overcome his guilt over things he regrets from when I was young. And he sees how good she is for me, too…that makes him happy.”

  “She’s the reason you never went to college?”

  “Yea
h. But I don’t regret it for a minute. I thought about taking classes once she started school, but I decided against it a while ago. The drive isn’t really there for me. I think the reason I wanted to go to college so much before was to get away from my mom. But I don’t have that excuse anymore.”

  “What about your job? You said you hate it.” I wanted to keep her talking, not only to prevent her mind from falling prey to the situation in front of her, but also because I didn’t know how much time I had with her, and I needed to know everything I could about the woman she’d turned out to be.

  “My dad and Robin, as well as my sisters, have been so supportive ever since I came into their lives. They never treated me as anything other than their family. But after I graduated from high school, I wanted to be as independent as I could. I didn’t want to rely on them for everything, so I took the only job that was available at the time. I work at a motel downtown, the one across from the lake. But I had to take the nightshifts because Ayla needed me during the day. Now that she’s in school, I can work days, but they don’t need a day clerk at the moment, and everywhere else I’ve applied said they can’t be flexible enough for my situation. So I’m stuck there.”

  “Why do you hate the motel so much? Just the hours?”

  “That,” she started with a huff, “and it’s a pay-by-the-hour place. Meaning we get a lot of shady people. Hookers, johns, cheating husbands…those types of seedy characters. It’s depressing, but it helps pay the bills.”

  I fought the urge to ask about her husband—what he did for a living, why didn’t he help out that much—but I refrained, knowing that listening to her talk about him would hurt more than the knowledge of his existence. So I kept my questions and concerns to myself and surmised that he was probably just as young as Bree, and most likely struggled along with her instead of being the dead-beat dad I’d imagined him to be.

  “You still dream of making furniture?”

  Her body had fully relaxed against mine as she nodded. “But it’s not something that I will be able to do anytime soon. I’ve realized that I don’t need school to do it. I only need money,” she said with a laugh. “I know it’ll take me time to save up, but I also know how worth it it’ll be in the end, knowing I did it all on my own.”

  Before I could say anything else to her, a nurse walked in the room. “Are you the family of Mr. Jacobs?” she asked, holding a clipboard to her chest as she stood in the doorway.

  Bree jumped up, her hands shaking at her sides. “Yes…he’s my father.”

  Without thought, without a moment’s hesitation, I reached out and grabbed her hand in mine, gripping it tightly to show her my support. She needed to know that someone was there for her.

  The older woman in pink and white scrubs took a few steps and sat down in the chair closest to her, motioning for Aubrey to do the same. “He’s awake. He’s very tired and still recovering from the anesthesia, so he’s groggy and doesn’t really know what’s going on. We have him sedated with heavy pain meds, so he’s not very lucid. But he’s in the clear, and that’s all that matters right now. You’re welcome to see him if you’d like, but we ask that only one person at a time goes in. And we don’t suggest staying too long. If he knows you’re in there, he might try to stay awake, and he needs his rest to allow his body to heal.”

  Aubrey relaxed in front me. Her shoulders slumped and her head dropped. “Any idea of how long it’ll take for him to recover? When will he get to come home?”

  The nurse shook her head and answered, “Let’s take it one step at a time, but as long as everything goes well, which we fully expect it to, he should be moved to a regular room tomorrow. As far as when he will be released, I can’t give you an answer. It all depends on how fast his body starts to heal.”

  “Thank you,” Bree whispered, gripping my hand.

  I wasn’t sure if she meant it toward me or the nurse, but the lady smiled and left the room. I didn’t move, refused to let go of Bree, and waited for her to make the first move.

  “I need to go home.”

  I nodded, knowing my time had come to an end.

  “But I don’t want to be alone.”

  “Why would you be alone?” I asked cautiously as I explored her wedding band with my fingertips and thumb.

  She turned away and closed her eyes. “Can you please just make sure I get home okay? I’m really drained right now, and I would feel better if I knew someone was watching out for me. Plus, after what happened to my dad, I’m kinda scared to be driving.”

  “Of course.” I couldn’t say more, ask more, or even suggest more, worried that it might push her away. I simply left it at that, grabbed her purse from the floor, and escorted her out to the parking lot.

  I followed her across town, stopping when she pulled into a driveway next to another car. The smart thing to do would’ve been to wave at her and keep driving home. But I never claimed to be smart around Bree. That fact had been proven time and time again when I’d shut off all logic and engaged in a romantic relationship with a student, knowing the reality of the outcome. I decided to park on the road in front of her house and got out, knowing the dangerous line I teetered on. Just as I did with all things pertaining to Bree, I rationalized my thoughts. All I wanted was to say goodnight, to let her know that I would be there for support anytime she needed me. But as soon as I stepped up to her after she closed the door of her car, someone walked outside.

  She was young with blond hair, petite, dressed in jeans and a long-sleeved shirt. She wrapped her arms around her waist as she approached, probably fighting off the slight chill in the air. Her eyes narrowed on me, taking slow, cautious steps toward us.

  “How is he?” she asked, facing Bree but not looking away from me.

  “He’s fine. They said he can have visitors, but only one at a time and not for very long. Since I’m home now, you can go see him if you want. I don’t think I’ll go back up there until tomorrow. But if you want to go, you should probably hurry before they shut down visiting hours.” Bree’s voice was soft, full of sadness.

  “Have you seen him?”

  “No.” Bree shook her head adamantly. “I know he looks bad. I don’t want to see him that way. I don’t want to see him with all those tubes coming out of him and hooked up to the machines. They said that he’ll hopefully be in a regular room tomorrow, so I’m waiting on that.”

  The blonde nodded, finally turning her full attention to Aubrey. She lightly touched Bree’s shoulders and smiled. “Thank you. I’m going to pick up Mom and then take her. She’s been a nervous wreck, and I think seeing him might calm her some.”

  “I feel bad now. I’ve made you two wait this long.”

  “Don’t feel bad,” the blonde said, shaking her head. “He’s your dad.”

  “He’s yours, too.”

  They both embraced each other, holding on for an extra second before letting go. The young woman, who I assumed to be one of her sisters, regarded me once more, and then backed away.

  “Ayla is already fed, showered, and in bed. I don’t know if she’s asleep yet.”

  “Thank you. Really, thank you for everything,” Bree whispered, sounding on the verge of crying. “If I don’t see you later, I’ll see you in the morning.” And with that, the sister got in her car and left.

  I felt beyond confused, but didn’t know where to start. I only stood there, waiting for Aubrey to make a move, or at the very least, say something. I didn’t want to break the silence with an interrogation, and couldn’t believe I’d escaped one from her sister.

  “Thank you, Axel. It really meant a lot that you were there,” she said, avoiding an explanation of who that was or what was going on.

  I grabbed the tips of her fingers and exhaled loudly. “Bree—”

  “Would you like to come inside?” she asked, clearing my head of any question I’d thought to ask. “I really don’t want to be alone.”

  Unable to speak, I nodded and then followed her inside.

  The
house was small, but had a very comfortable, lived-in feeling. Pictures of Ayla hung on the walls, along with pieces of colored construction paper drawn by a creative artist donned with stick figures and various shapes. I stood in the entryway, taking everything in. The couch seemed worn, yet well taken care of. A small television sat on top of an antique-looking table with vibrant colored swirls as accents. The coffee table in the middle of the room was dark wood, yet more vibrant colors stood out on the edges and legs, glazed over by a thick coat of shine. I turned around and noticed a small bookcase. It stood at my hip level and was filled with children’s books. It, too, had the same painted designs beneath a polished coat.

  “Are these yours?” I asked as I ran my finger over the top of the bookcase.

  “What do you mean? I live here…so yeah, they’re mine.”

  I lifted my head to look into her eyes. “I mean, did you design these?”

  “They were old pieces of furniture I found on the side of the road and I just fixed them up. Whenever I pass by someone’s trash and see a piece by the road, I always stop and grab it. Some need more work than others. Some only need a new coat of paint. And sometimes, like the furniture in Ayla’s room, I end up taking pieces from several different things and turn it into one thing.” Her cheeks flamed red, showing her embarrassment over my awe of her talent.

  “These are amazing, Bree. Why don’t you sell them?”

  “I do sometimes. If I find something we don’t need, I take it to the flea market and sell it there. But I can’t do it regularly because I can only do it on things people have thrown out. I’m trying to save money so that I can start building my own. I’ve taken these things apart so many times I could make something with my eyes closed.”

  I glanced around the room, my gaze surveying the furniture within my line of sight. “What else have you done?” I asked, desperate to see every piece she’d ever created.