Falling to Pieces

by Leddy Harper

  “Axel…stop fucking toying with me,” she whispered hoarsely and let out a frustrated moan. She tried to regain control, pushing her hips into me, closing the gap between my mouth and where I knew she ached the most, but I held her down with my forearms while I continued to tease and torture her with my tongue.

  “Bree, I’ve dreamt of this moment for over six years…don’t rush it, baby.”

  Her body squirmed beneath mine as her fingers gripped the sides of my head. “Well, I’ve waited just as long, so hurry up before I explode.”

  “Once I’m inside you…I don’t know how long I’m going to last,” I growled against her silky, wet core. I swiped my tongue up her slit, tasting her for the very first time, and immediately became an addict. Her whimper egged me on until I closed my lips over her clit and sucked. Her back arched, and the moment my fingers entered her, her gasp rang through the air, covered me in heat, and then infiltrated my body until my fingers relentlessly pumped inside of her and my tongue furiously flicked her hardened nub.

  It took seconds before she had my two fingers squeezed tight inside of her as she rode out her orgasm on my face. I slowed my pace, allowing her to come down so that I could lick her clean before trailing wet kisses up her stomach to her lips.

  Her hands wasted no time working my belt loose in order to remove my pants. I helped by kicking off my shoes so that she could finish disrobing me. I heard each shoe thud on the floor. She pushed down my boxers along with my slacks. Arms and legs were tangled and panting breaths were mixed as we desperately fought our way toward the same goal.

  She grabbed me roughly, stroking my shaft with frenzied hands as I poured everything I had into my kiss. I wanted to confess everything…tell her how much I loved her. Tell her how much I’ve always loved her and how I’d never stop. But I was too afraid that she’d clam up and put an end to our time together. She’d been so distant since finding each other again, and if this was how I had to get through to her—keeping my thoughts to myself—then I’d keep my lips on hers and my feelings locked tight inside. I could never bear to lose her again.

  Her hips lifted and she lined herself up with me. The moment I felt her heat surround me, she let up on her grip and I pushed inside, in dire need to be consumed by her warmth. But something was off…she went from desperate to panicked in a split second.

  I stilled inside of her, feeling her heated tightness grip my shaft like a vise. “Bree…baby, what’s wrong? Are you okay? Did I hurt you?” I asked into her ear, unable to see her eyes since she had her face buried in my shoulder. “Please look at me, Bree. I need to see your face right now.”

  She pulled away slightly, enough so that I could see the glistening tears in her eyes. Her fingernails dug into the skin on my back, and her thighs clenched hard around my hips. “I’m okay.”

  “You don’t look okay.” I ran my fingers into her hair, holding her head to keep her from looking away. “You’re about to cry. Talk to me.”

  She shook her head as best as she could and then brought her lips to mine, giving me a gentle kiss. “I swear, I’m fine. It’s just been a really long time. I wasn’t expecting it…to be like that. Don’t stop. I promise, I’m okay.”

  Her body slowly relaxed beneath me and her fingers relented in their fight against the flesh on my back. I leaned down to kiss her once more, keeping my eyes open and on her face the entire time.

  “How long, Bree?” I moved my hips in an unhurried rhythm, pulling almost all the way out before slowly slipping back deep inside her so that she could get used to me, underestimating what it would do to me. I was so turned on the movements were almost painful.

  “Since getting pregnant with Ayla.”

  Her whispered words pummeled into my chest, seizing my body and causing me to come to an abrupt halt. “Fuck, Bree. I don’t have a condom.” I nearly pulled all the way out before she wrapped her legs around my hips, holding me in place.

  “It’s okay. I’m on the pill.”

  “I don’t know. We’ve both been with other people.”

  Her hands moved from my back to my face. “I used a condom…did you?”

  My mind was torn between answering her question and asking one of my own, so I compromised by nodding and then asking, “You used a condom? But then…”

  “It was defective. But I swear, he wore one.” The intensity of her stare proved that she wasn’t lying. But it did little to comfort me. “Axel, I don’t have any condoms here. Unless you have one, we either keep going like this and trust my birth control, or we stop.”

  With the intense sensation of being inside her, my mind fogged over as I relaxed my arms. I fell against her, thrusting fully into her warmth. Her gasp hit my bare shoulder, and her searing breath spread along my skin. I couldn’t stop, not after finally getting to this point, and I didn’t have any protection with me. So that left only one option, and that was to push forward.

  The pressure built up quickly in my lower abdomen, threatening to explode and burn me with it. I wanted Bree to come one more time before I finished, but with as fast as the start of my orgasm crept up, I didn’t know how possible that would be. But then she arched her back, pressing her slick chest against mine, and clenched her walls around my shaft. Her breathing stopped, she pushed her head into the pillow, and stretched her neck for me before letting out a low moan.

  I closed my lips over the area of her carotid artery, feeling her hammering pulse against my tongue. I sucked on her satiny flesh as I got lost in her. My thrusts turned ragged, and I spilled myself deep within her, giving her all of me.

  “Bree…” I whispered against her neck, collapsing on top of her.

  “Don’t say it.” She gasped for air and it made her sound as if she were pleading with me. Then she said something else, and it left no doubt in my mind how she felt. “Please, Axel. I know what you want to say. Just don’t.”

  I pushed off her, propping my torso up by my elbows so I could see her clearly. “What was I going to say?” If she had the nerve to tell me to keep my feelings to myself, then I would make her say it.

  Her head fell to the side and she stared at the wall on the other side of the room.

  “No, Aubrey. What is it you think I was going to say?”

  “I don’t know. But if you were going to tell me that you love me, just save it. I don’t need to hear it.” A single tear slipped from her eye and trailed across the bridge of her nose.

  “Then what the hell was this?” I knew my voice was harsh, probably too harsh for the moment we’d just shared together, but I didn’t care.

  Her head snapped back, her unrelenting stare meeting mine. “Hormones. Something we’ve both spent years dreaming about, and now we’ve taken the opportunity to fulfill those fantasies. I don’t know, Axel. But this isn’t the start of us. This isn’t our reunion.”

  “I’m still fucking inside of you,” I growled through clenched teeth. “You could’ve at least waited until I removed my dick from your cunt before closing the curtains on our moment.” I pulled out of her and heard her slight whimper, then I climbed off the bed and searched the floor for my clothes.

  “Axel—”

  “Save it.” I spun to meet her gaze, making sure she looked into my eyes as I spoke my next words. “Deny it all you want. Force me away, cut me out of your life. Hell, run the other way when you see me, cross the damn street if you have to. I don’t care. But nothing changes the fact that I love you. Nothing. Not how things between us ended, not the last six years, and not your pathetic excuses. Nothing. I think you’re being a coward, because you’re scared of what we have. You’re scared of how good we are together. And now that you’re finally standing on your own two feet, it scares the shit out of you that you just might be dependent on someone for something.”

  She curled into herself, frantically attempting to cover her naked body. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. I have my reasons.” Tears leaked from her eyes, but I couldn’t tell if they were angry or sad
tears. “You knew me for about five minutes out of my whole life. Don’t pretend you know anything about me. Don’t pretend like you have any idea of who I am now.”

  Yeah, they were pissed-off tears.

  I dressed in jerky motions, not bothering to button and zip everything. “Keep telling yourself that, Aubrey. Whatever gets you through the day.” Without looking back, I grabbed my shoes, flung open her bedroom door, and got out as quickly as possible.

  She certainly had one thing right…I had no idea who she was anymore.

  I managed to get through Tuesday and Wednesday despite the heavy fog that seemed to follow me around. I was fine during school hours, even with Ayla in my class, but once I no longer had the kids to occupy my mind, it drifted to darker places. I couldn’t get Bree out of my head.

  Even worse was when I’d lay down for bed. My body ached for her, and it transcended into my dreams. Parts of them were in her bed with her beneath me, and others were of us on my couch, my dick buried deep inside her as she held on tight to my neck. They blended together at times, unable to decipher what was real and what wasn’t. But one thing always remained constant…her sweet voice as she whispered into my ear how much she loved me, filling me with more emotion than one person was meant to have. It felt too believable, too honest and pure to be a lie.

  And then my eyes would pop open.

  Thursday seemed to be slightly better. The ache was still present, but my pride began to come through, convincing myself that she’d come around. I knew she wouldn’t be able to deny her feelings and escape me forever. Especially if her daughter was in my class. Not to mention, Fate had a way of stepping in when we were too stubborn to do it ourselves.

  As if I held some special ability to see into the future, Aubrey walked into my classroom, stunning me at the mere sight of her. The day had ended and all the students were gone. I had just finished putting the last of my things into my briefcase, readying myself to head home.

  “What’s wrong? Where’s Ayla?” I asked out of sheer panic that something had happened.

  Her shoulders weren’t straight and her eyes appeared tired. I worried that whatever had brought her to me was bad, but then she shook her head and came closer to me with her hands up. “She’s with my sister. I was heading up to see my dad. He’s out of ICU now.”

  I steeled myself, not knowing what to expect from her visit. “Okay. Then why are you here?”

  She took one more step and then dropped her arms, appearing defeated. “I wanted to apologize for the other night. You were right about me being scared. I am. I’ve spent six years believing one thing, going about my life with certain opinions of you, and then you waltz back in and expect everything to magically be better. I can’t just forget everything that’s happened. You can’t just show up, make love to me, and everything miraculously work itself out.”

  I leaned against the edge of my desk, crossing my ankles in front of me in the hopes of not appearing as weak as I felt around her. She’d always thought of me as the strong one, and maybe in most aspects, I was. But around her, when it came to Bree, I was weaker than a stretched-out rubber band. “We’ve both gone all this time with beliefs and opinions of the other that were inaccurate. That’s why you shouldn’t push me away. We can get past it. We can figure it all out together.”

  “I know, Axel. I hear what you’re saying, and you make it sound so easy. But it’s not. What happened the other night…it was a moment of weakness.”

  “No, Aubrey!” I stood up straight, closing the space between us. “Don’t say that. You’re letting your fears get to you if that’s what you think. I’m not going to hurt you. No one is going to force us apart this time. You just have to give in and try.”

  “I–I just have to figure some stuff out. Okay? Can you at least let me do that? There are so many things I want to tell you, share with you. But I need a little bit of time. Ever since you came back into my life, things have been hectic. With my dad in the hospital, with work, with Ayla…I haven’t had a moment to figure anything out. And then you come over, we get lost in the moment, and it’s like everything has been swept under the rug. But one day, that rug is going to be pulled out from underneath us, and we’ll be knocked on our asses in a giant pile of shit.”

  “If you need time to sort it all out, then fine. But don’t expect me to vanish in the meantime. Don’t think for one second that I’m going to sit on the sidelines while you get over whatever it is you’ve been holding against me for years.”

  She rolled her eyes as if our conversation had exhausted her. “Can you please remember that I was seventeen when you left? That’s rather young. Add in how I’d never been in a relationship prior to that, I didn’t have an honest sense of love, and my mom had pretty much brainwashed me into believing I was a piece of crap. So keep that in mind when trying to figure out what I went through after you left. I thought you got what you wanted and then didn’t need me anymore. You made pretty promises, said the perfect words, and etched yourself into my heart. I fell for it hook, line, and sinker. And then once you got what no one else ever could, you vanished. So pardon me for thinking the worst. Excuse me for having doubts and lingering resentment toward you that won’t just disappear with an orgasm.”

  “Is that really what you thought of me?”

  Bree laughed, but I could tell by her eyes that it wasn’t out of humor. “Coming from the man that thought I was the one that supplied the school with secrets about us. That’s rich, Axel.”

  “In case you’ve conveniently forgotten, I tried to turn you down. I tried to put an end to it. You’re the one that wouldn’t let me. You’re the one that pursued me and said you needed it. So how in the world could you possibly think that about me?”

  Her eyes scanned the ceiling tiles above us. “Insecurity, I guess.”

  “Like I said…we have a lot to move past. I don’t think it’s impossible.”

  “We’ve destroyed each other in some way. Why would you even want to be with me again? After all we’ve been through, why in the hell does it seem like a good idea for us to try again?”

  I reached for her hand, barely holding on to her fingertips but craving the connection. “We didn’t destroy each other, Aubrey. Society and circumstance did. I know better than anyone how devastating the end was for us, but put that aside for a moment and think back to before that happened. Remember how we were in the months prior to it all imploding? We were good together. Great. And I know we could be even better now that we’re older.”

  “I know,” she whispered, lowering her head until her chin touched her chest.

  “So why not try?”

  “I didn’t say I wouldn’t try. I only need time to work some things out first. I won’t push you away while I sort everything out, but please allow me enough space to do this on my own.” Her sad eyes finally met mine, and I had no choice but to believe her. “But there’s a very real chance I will be the one to hurt you.”

  I smiled, despite the fact that her lips remained flat. “I highly doubt that’s possible, Bree.”

  She nodded and took a deep breath. With the slight hold I had on her fingers, I pulled her into my chest, wrapping my arms around her, holding her tightly against me. It only took a second before she circled my waist with her arms and relaxed her body against mine.

  “Just so you know…I’ve always had a fantasy involving you, my desk, and a whole lot of moaning,” I teased into her hair.

  She leaned back and smiled, the comfortable easiness we always shared returning. The way her top lip nearly disappeared proved her happiness was genuine. God, she was always so easy to read. I loved that about her.

  Her hands caressed my cheeks before sliding into my hair. “I don’t know how I feel about the short hair,” she said as she studied me. “I couldn’t grab onto it the other night. I liked pulling on it before.”

  My abs clenched with a short laugh. “I know. How could I forget the way you held onto it like reins. Nearly yanked out every single s
trand. But since we’re being honest about hair…I don’t know how I feel about the brown.” I twisted a lock of her hair around my fingers, enjoying the silky texture. “I’ve always loved the red.”

  “Well, I hated it. And I’m so glad Ayla didn’t get it.”

  I pictured her daughter in my mind, thinking about her features. “She has some really blond hair,” I said with a chuckle. “But I have to admit, I don’t really think she looks very much like you. Are you sure you didn’t kidnap her?”

  Bree laughed and pushed away from me. “I’ve always worried that people would think that, but I can assure you, she’s mine. She is an even mix of me and her father. Perfectly balanced.” Her eyes twinkled with a tenderness that felt like a punch in the chest to witness.

  I didn’t want to think of the boy who had Bree, the one who gave her a child. I didn’t want to think about his genes merging with Aubrey’s, creating a perfect baby. But if I wanted to make this work between us, that meant Ayla would be part of the equation as well, and with that, I’d have to accept Aubrey’s previous union.

  “Speaking of Ayla…I’m going to ask the office if they can move her into another class,” Bree said, pulling me out of my thoughts. “I don’t think it’s right for you to be her teacher.”

  “You can’t do that, Bree. There has to be a really big reason for them to pull a kid from a class and move them in the middle of the school year. Plus that would be really hard on her.”

  “It’s not the middle. It’s only the beginning of October. And if you want us to be together, it’s only fair. I’m sure the school wouldn’t want you dating a student’s parent.” She spoke with very even-toned logic. However, it infuriated me.

  “Doing that will ruin any chance I have at a permanent job here. One week in and a parent is already requesting a class change? No. Absolutely not. You’re right, they wouldn’t care for a teacher dating a parent, but it’s not against policy. What’s more damaging is if you request a transfer.”

  “We’ve played with the lines once before, Axel, and we both got burned. This time, the situation involves my daughter, and I will not allow her to be caught in the crossfire. If you want this, then we have to play by the rules.”