On the Hooves of Horses

by Emma Taylor

  “Moving in together is a huge commitment, though Reed.”

  “I think we’re committed already. We both know how short life can be. I wouldn’t be with you Jayde if I didn’t think we had a future. I don’t want to waste time. I don’t want to waste another day without you in my life.”

  “Wow. How am I supposed to reply to that?” I was in awe of this beautiful man. Inside I was jumping for joy. He wants to live with me. Not any of the other girls around, but me.

  “Easy…just say that you’ll think about it.”

  I put my hand on his thigh. Yes, Reed. I will think about it. If it wasn’t for Haylie, it’s all I would think about.

  Kelvedon was about 25 minutes up the road. I didn’t mind the drive. It was spectacular scenery. Stretches of untouched coastal land. Waves lapping along the shorelines of, basically farm land. There were hardly any dwellings to be seen. It was amazing. If Tasmania’s East Coast had temperatures 10 degrees warmer year round, these generation farmers would be sitting on an absolute goldmine. But I’m guessing that’s just the way they like it.

  “I have seen this coastline for all of my life and you know what? You never tire of it. It’s just so beautiful.” He was so beautiful. I could never tire of Reed’s face.

  “You happy?” He asked as we turned into the caramel dirt road of Kelvedon.

  “Very.” I said, leaning over to kiss him.

  “I’ll just check in, then we can go for a walk along the beach, if you’d like?”

  “Sure, sounds great. Do you mind if I freshen up a bit first?”

  “Of course not babe. That will give me a chance to unload the ute, anyway.”

  Reed put the brass key into the door and turned it slowly. Opening the door, I could smell my favourite scent of gardenias. It was only a tiny room, so it wafted throughout.

  “It’s not 5 stars…” He trailed.

  “Don’t be silly! It’s perfect.” I said. It may not have been extravagant, but it was very tastefully styled. The colours were warm and rustic and I instantly felt at ease. The bathroom had a double bath, big enough and deep enough for the two of us.

  “We could make use of that later on tonight.” He chirped behind my back, as he placed down our bags near the wardrobe.

  “Why wait until tonight Reed?” I said, sashaying over to him. I dipped my face and began to nuzzle into his chest. My hand reached for his manhood and started stroking and pulling him through his jeans. He responded by grabbing my hair and pushing my head deeper into his body. I could feel him lifting me up. My body slamming into the wall, I was trapped between it and Reed’s. I started aching with desire. We didn’t have time to take our clothes off, only those necessary for us to give into our sexual demands. For obvious reasons, we didn’t make the walk along the beach. It will still be there tomorrow though and so will we.

  We had dinner in the barn. It had been decked out for romantic dining. Candles burned softly all around. Masses of wine barrels provided different levels for the wax pillars of light. We were seated casually on bean bags, tasting the five course degustation that was on offer.

  “Drink, babe? It’s non-alcoholic. I made sure they had some on standby.”

  “You have everything planned, hey?” I smiled.

  “Not quite. I didn’t plan on being ambushed as soon as we were alone in the room,” he chuckled. “Not complaining though!”

  “No, you didn’t seem to have any complaints at the time.” I laughed. I could feel myself blush. I don’t know what came over me in the room. I have never been so brash.

  “No problems at all, I really enjoyed it. I like you, Jayde. A lot. You surprise me all the time. You make me smile.” Wow. Breathe.

  “I like you too, Reed. I haven’t had much to be happy about these days, but you have bought new hope for me.”

  “Me too. I think I need you just as much as you need me.” He said quietly. His sadness was still evident. I’ve been so wrapped up in myself and Haylie’s death, that I have been neglecting his ongoing mourning process. Coming into his life with such a recent death must surely resurface his own emotional scars.

  “Me and you?” He said.

  “You and me.” I smiled.

  “100%.”

  * * *

  I woke up the next morning alone. A smile spread quickly across my face. Reed. He made me so happy. Last night was so romantic. The setting was perfect. He is perfect. I pulled the bed covers up and let them engulf me while I drifted back to sleep.

  I heard him come in, actually, more like smelt him come in. There was that familiar bacon and eggs aroma making its way to my now salivating mouth. Just a little bit longer. Please?

  “Good morning.” He whispered softly. Not now, just five more minutes.

  “It’s time to get up. Breakfast,” he sang. I secretly rolled my eyes in defeat. “You ok?”

  “Sure. Wow, bacon and eggs.” I feigned enthusiasm. It’s not that I’m not grateful or hungry for that matter, I am, both, my stomach is grumbling rather loudly and Reed obviously dragged himself out our nice warm bed at the crack of dawn to arrange this. It’s just that I needed a few more moments with her. Just a few. I want my sister back.

  “Are you sure? Did you have a good sleep?”

  “Great, thanks to you! I was exhausted by the end of the night.” I blushed. He gently wiped my hair from my face.

  “Baby, you don’t have to be embarrassed around me. I think you’re amazing, Jayde.”

  “I’m just not used to all of this.” I explained.

  “What on earth?” Obviously I didn’t explain well.

  “Guys, never really. Well I just never had a real relationship. I’m not used to the affection and compliments. That was always reserved for Haylie.”

  “But you were twins! You looked the same.”

  “Maybe it was her personality. She had a lot more confidence than me.”

  “Oh, Jayde. If only you realised how beautiful you are. And I’m talking about your personality. You will wake up to it one day. But I guess in the meantime, I will just have to stick around to tell you so every day, so best thing for you to do is to get used to my affection and compliments,” he smiled, handing me my knife and fork. “Tuck in, someone pulled some strings up in heaven for us today. It’s supreme out there.”

  Stepping out into the mid morning light, I breathed in the salty air. The sun shone down from above and kissed my cheek. All that was separating our little love nest in which we stayed last night and this magical beach was a dense green foliage wall. In the middle of that was a sandy, rugged pathway that had been forged by curious guests. It led directly down to the fine granules of the secluded beach. And I mean secluded. On a flawless day like this, the only other living thing around was a lonesome seagull flying high above the water. Within moments of our arrival he began to fade, flapping his wings hard to take him further out into the depths. Always camera ready, I managed a few shots of him before he disappeared completely into that fine line where the ocean meets the sky.

  “What are you thinking?”

  “That it’s gorgeous. This beach is beautiful, the sun is out, I’m here with you and no one else is around.” I squealed.

  “And no one is likely to come either. The only access to the beach is from our cabin.” He said smugly.

  “Are you serious?”

  “Pretty cool, hey?” Reed laid out a picnic rug and patted a spot next to him. “How you going with everything?”

  “You mean the meds? All good. They make me a little hazy at times, like I’m not really awake, a bit foggy, but I guess they’re doing their intended purpose.”

  “Sleepy?” He asked.

  “Yeah, come to think of it, I have been sleeping a bit more than usual.”

  “But the nightmares have stopped?”

  “The nightmares? Yes. The nightmares have stopped.” I nodded. But the dreams have just begun…

  * * *

  “Do we have to go?” I whined midday on Sunday as Reed
packed the car.

  “Oh, babe, I wish we didn’t have to, either. You had a good time?”

  “I had a great time.” I pouted.

  “Then why the long face?” He said, cupping my chin.

  “Because I really like being with you.” He wrapped his arms around the small of my back, drawing me into him.

  “Well, that works out pretty well, because I like being with you, too.” He said kissing me passionately.

  The drive home was far too quick. Why is that? When you’re excited to go somewhere, it seems to take ages, but on the return trip, it flies. Driving into our driveway, I noticed a familiar car, but it was neither Mum’s nor Dad’s. “Grace.” I said excited. I am busting to tell her about my weekend, even if she doesn’t care much for Reed. She was still my friend and she did manage to keep her disapproval hidden. Well, most of the time. I jumped out of Reed’s car. “Grace!”

  “Hi babe,” she said, hopping off the swinging chair and stepping down from the porch.

  “Reed.”

  “I’ll check in with you after baby girl.” Reed called.

  “Oh, ok. You wanna stay for a coffee?”

  “Three’s a crowd.” He winked at me.

  “Baby girl? What is with that?” Grace scoffed after Reed had returned to his ute. “Shush.” I linked my arm through hers.

  “It’s his affectionate name for me,” I said, lumbering my way over to the swinging chair. Grace pretended to gag. I giggled. “It does kind of suck because that’s Dad’s nickname for me, too.” I revealed.

  “Nooo that’s so wrong!” She laughed. “On so many levels, but I guess you’re lucky to have a boyfriend, though. Weird arse nicknames and all. Truth is I guess I’m just a bit jealous.”

  “Still nothing happening with Lucas?”

  “Nope. Nothing. What’s worse is that Ads asked me out last night. So if Lucas felt anything for me, well, him and Ads are tight as, so he would know for sure, which just proves to me that Lucas doesn’t feel the same way about me as I feel about him.”

  “Oh, honey, no. I think he’s too shy to let you know how he feels, that’s all.”

  “Lucas Smith is not shy, remember he pinched your arse the first time he met you.” She laughed.

  “No, you’re right there. But maybe you’re different. He doesn’t know how to act around you because you actually mean something to him? Know what I mean?”

  “No. Not at all. But I love your optimism,” she smiled. “So, weekend away with Romeo, hey?” She pretended to care. Oh, damn you Lucas! Was it wrong of me to be excited about my love life when my friend’s is non existent?

  “Hey, don’t let me rain on your parade. Please, gloat all you want, just try and refrain from using the name Reed too much. I’ll pretend it’s someone else that way.” Grace flashed me her model perfect smile. “Go on, tell me all.” She added genuinely.

  We were still on the porch when mum drove down the drive way, followed closely by dad. Dad! I hadn’t forgotten he was coming home, I just got side tracked with the events of the weekend. Grace’s and mine.

  “Hey, I should go.” Grace said. Dad cut the engine and hopped from the driver’s side, smile in place.

  “No, no it’s ok. Stay.”

  “Hi Grace. Nice to see you,” he called. “Baby girl.” He added, with arms open. I heard Grace giggle from behind as I made my decent to Dad’s arms. There was something so comforting about my Dad’s bear cuddles, especially the ones he gave when returning from a fly-in-fly-out stint. It was like anything bad that had happened in the last three weeks, didn’t matter. He came home to make it all okay. His protective embrace washed away any act. Oh! Any act? I wonder if mum has told him I had sex with Reed in my bedroom. I began to feel a familiar heat race to my face.

  “So…you had a weekend away with a boy?” Dad interrogated. Bring on the flush.

  “He’s hardly a boy, Dad. And I’m not a little girl, either.” I said gently.

  “Well, I suppose you’re right.” He said.

  “Thom? Really? I don’t think it’s appropriate.” Mum said coming up from behind.

  “You don’t like him much do you, Grace?” Oh, come on!

  “Hi, Louise. To be fair, Reed and I don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things,” Grace began. I could feel my mother’s eyes burning through the back of my skull. Her rigid, thin lips forming upward peaks in the corners.

  “However, I do have to say that Reed Harper would have to be the most honest and honourable man around here.” There was a fondness in Grace’s eyes. I could tell she meant it, even though it must have been hard for her to admit that about him, let alone say it out loud.

  “Where was his honour when he broke your heart?” Mum snarled.

  “With his dying father.” Grace snapped back.

  “Mum, you were all over Reed when Dad was working. ‘Oh, Reed, can you fix this? Oh, Reed, you’re so good, Thom could never have done that.’ Don’t start an anti Reed campaign now Dad’s back.” I laughed. I grabbed Grace’s arm and headed for the front door, turning back to see my parents staring face to face. Mum looked like she was about to melt in defeat at the inescapable glare that was transmitting from my father’s face. My never angry, almost passive father was standing on our porch looking straight at my mother with as much ferocity garnered to create a storm.

  “Grab my iPod from my bag can you?” I asked Grace as I began sorting through my dirty clothes from the weekend. I could hear Mum and Dad arguing down stairs, their voices were muffled.

  “It’s ok. My pares fight all the time.” Grace said rummaging through my bag.

  “That’s just it, though. My parents don’t fight. Usually it’s Mum upset about something and Dad just gives in, to save a fight. He never questions her. It’s weird.”

  “Don’t read into it too much. They probably both want sex. It’s been three weeks. There’s bound to be lots of pent up frustration there.” She laughed.

  “Oh, please. Don’t go there!”

  “Hey, what’s this?”

  “Huh?” I asked, turning to see what she was talking about.

  “Anxiety, depression and your medication.” Grace was holding up a leaflet that she had retrieved from my bag, along with my iPod.

  “Oh, I’m not sure. I think I might’ve thrown it in there that day I fell over in the chemist. Dig deeper and there’s probably one in there on denture care. It’s nothing, really.”

  “It says in here that some side effects of being medicated for depression are drowsiness, visions, paranoia, disorientation-wow, there’s a whole list of negative side effects. You would think that maybe the anxiety and depression would be better than dealing with these issues.”

  I stared at Grace with disbelief.

  “Serious? Wasn’t Lucas’s brother depressed? Didn’t he commit suicide?”

  “Whoa. That’s my point. Brendan was medicated. It was such a long road for the Smiths for a really long time. They were into natural therapies, yoga, reiki. They even took him to one of those burn out things where you sit in a teepee with coals and fire until you all but pass out. It’s meant to ward off all evil. Well, anyway, it was slowly coming together, but Brendan’s specialist insisted on scientific medicine. Reluctantly, they did agree. One month later…”

  “No.” Grace nodded. “Ask Lucas.”

  “I can’t just ask him that.” I blinked furiously.

  “Jayde. If you’re being medicated…He might have some inside info on it. He does have firsthand experience. Just talk to him. It can’t hurt.”

  * * *

  ‘She’s nice.’ I heard her whisper. ‘Your friend, Grace. I like her.’ Haylie.

  “What about voices?” I croaked in the morning.

  “What are you talking about?” Grace asked, rolling over from her side of the bed. We stayed up late talking and listening to music. I was grateful for the company and the distraction. I don’t think I have ever heard my parents argue before and I know I have never seen my father in an a
ggressive way before. It’s not even that he was being aggressive, just very commanding. Either way, it left me feeling unnerved. I don’t know what happened when he was away or why he looked at Mum like that, but it left me feeling sorry for her. 99% of the time she is a pain in my side. But, she is my Mum and I do love her and to see her submissive and cowardly deeply saddened me. Dad was technically not due back for a few more days, but he said he got permission from his CEO to leave early. He explained to him that it was because he didn’t feel comfortable leaving his family so soon after arriving in Tasmania. I personally didn’t buy it. Of course he was still worried about me. Worried about mum. Were things going to turn out ok for us here? Had he made the right choices for his remaining family? Who knows? I don’t think it’s something anyone can answer right now. But I guess he figured it would be better to ponder over here with us, rather than in an underground mine with three hundred or so men. There was an awkwardness following him around. My dad is not the graceful athletic type (I guess that’s where I get my genes from) but since returning from work, he seems unsettled. Perhaps it’s just because he’s out of his routine and out of his comfort zone. In the 25 years he’s been working for the company, with Haylie’s death as the only exception, he hasn’t taken any time off. No extra days or early marks. Even his honeymoon was his standard ten days off. Maybe he just needs to find his feet again. God knows I need to.

  Reed had set up a meeting with his father’s former agents for me. It was the hardest, most nerve racking experience of my life. Other than facing the world without Haylie, that is. They were friendly and professional and absolutely loved my work, but it didn’t make the meeting any easier for me. Even after they offered me a two year contract, I still felt alone. I could see myself sitting in their purposely hired office for this occasion. Seers and Buckley were from Sydney and had flown down for a four day meet and greet with a handful of hopefuls. Myself included. There were mostly university students with a world of knowledge and a truckload of confidence. It was a little unnerving. Even though I was probably around the same age and if anything, I had more experience than they did, I just felt very nervous and very vulnerable.