On the Hooves of Horses

by Emma Taylor

  “Yeah, well, don’t beat yourself up over it. I’ll probably see you Monday.”

  “What about your medication? Jayde have you got your medication?” There was desperation in her voice.

  “I have some. I’ve already started weaning myself off them, so I have enough here.”

  “Jayde, I wish you wouldn’t.”

  “Yeah, I wish a lot of things too. Good bye, Mum.”

  “That was short but not very sweet.” Reed said, coming into view. He was fresh from the shower. His skin was flushed from the steam, looking very sexy.

  “How much did you hear?”

  “I wasn’t trying to listen in on your conversation.”

  “You heard it all?”

  “Look, babe, it’s entirely up to you. I trust you Jayde. I have no experience with anti depressants. You do. So I think you are the best judge.”

  “Wow, you’ve certainly changed your tune.”

  “Not really. Sometimes you just have to look at things from a different perspective and in this case, your perspective. I trust you. You know what you’re doing.”

  “Ok Mr. Harper, if you’re so smart, what is my perspective on you?”

  “What’s your perspective on me? Well, you think I am charismatic and ruggedly handsome with movie star sex appeal, intelligence to boot and not to forget extremely funny. And did I mention the sex appeal?”

  “Oh you mentioned sex appeal,” I said standing up, making my way over to the hallway.

  “Best you follow me Mr. Movie Star.”

  TWELVE

  “Morning beautiful,” Reed said entering the bedroom. “How did you sleep?”

  “You tell me.” I screwed my nose up, not really sure if I had dreamt last night. “Like a baby. You didn’t dream, Jayde. You didn’t even flinch in your sleep.” He was so excited. I was so excited.

  “Really? That’s pretty amazing.”

  “Maybe it takes a while for the medication to leave your system?” He said gently.

  “Yeah, you know, in the past, it pretty much has an instant reaction with me. It didn’t take long for it to kick in, in the first place. But I don’t want to get my hopes up too much, so we will just take one day at a time.”

  “Sounds like a good plan. Speaking of…do you have any plans for today?”

  “No, my book is pretty much open. What did you have in mind?”

  “I thought we might get a group together and head down to Richmond for the day. Are you up for it?”

  “Yeah, that sounds alright. When you say a group, who exactly do you mean?” I asked hesitantly.

  “Not sure, yet. Maybe Ads, I’ll see what Paxton’s up to, Lucas even.”

  “All guys?” I asked.

  “Oh, no, Pax has a girlfriend and I was thinking maybe Rachel?”

  “What about Grace?” I asked.

  “Grace isn’t an issue for me, Jayde. I didn’t mention her because we’re not the best of mates these days.”

  “Yeah I know that, but she is my friend. Besides, let’s just keep it small. We’ll invite just Lucas and Grace, ok?”

  “Alright, but you tell her to be on her best behaviour. I plan on enjoying my day with you, not worrying about getting stabbed in the back.” He laughed nervously.

  “Ha Ha funny man. It will be fine, trust me.” I said with a wry smile.

  “You’re up to something.” He surmised.

  “Me?”

  “Yes you. You’ve got a cheeky look about you.” He said, straddling over my legs, pinning me down to the bed.

  “Didn’t we do enough of this last night?” I blurted out giggling.

  “Oh, you like your chances do you? Just because I have you in a vulnerable position doesn’t mean I’m going to make love to you.” He teased.

  “No? Why not?”

  “Well, for a start I can think of something else I could do to you while you are in this rather exposed predicament.” He smirked.

  “My mind boggles.” I said sarcastically. His eyes widened in anticipation. “T.I.C.K.L.E.”

  “NOOOO!” I roared before my laughter attack began.

  * * *

  Richmond was a tiny, historic, but tidy and green village. It was very pretty in an old fashioned sense. It looks like the community really takes pride in their little town. Every house has the gardens perfectly manicured, with white and red rose bushes lining the picket fences. Wrought iron replica war memorabilia take pride of place out the front lying on beds of green. There were canons with plaques, too far from vision to read. I could see a pistol shrine and there was even a partial fighter plane, propeller aiming for the sun. It was 11 o’clock when we arrived and as if on cue, sprinkler systems sprung from everywhere, hydrating the already lush surroundings.

  “It’s pretty, hey?” Reed could see the fascination on my face.

  “It’s beautiful. I feel like I’ve stepped back in time.”

  “We used to come here every week with Will when he was playing footy. I feel like I’m trapped back in time!” Grace laughed.

  “You Tasmanian’s.” I scolded with a playful punch to her arm.

  “Ouch! What?”

  “Tasmania is beautiful and you all take it for granted,” I lectured. “The air is clean and fresh and people take pride in the way their homes look and no one litters here! It’s remarkable.”

  “Just let her go, she often goes off on these tangents.” Reed winked to Grace. I caught a faint smile creep up on her face.

  “He’s trying, Grace.” I whispered.

  “Yeah, I know. At least he’s trying for your sake. I’m just getting a little frustrated with Lucas, that’s all.”

  “Yeah, I really don’t get him. Maybe you should make the first move.” I suggested. Grace looked horrified.

  “No way. Risk getting egg on my face? I’m not willing to put myself out there.” She shook her head.

  “But Grace, one of you has to. Put yourself out there. Otherwise, it will never happen.”

  “Well, he’s the confident one.”

  “Grace, maybe he’s not so confident.”

  “Yeah? He looks pretty confident talking to those girls.” I turned to see Lucas swamped by three pretty blondes, all gazing at him with flirtatious eyes. “Oh.”

  “Hmmm, oh indeed. Where’s your boyfriend gone?” She asked.

  “That’s a really good question.” I said as I began to retrace my steps. I shot Lucas a look when I passed him, but I wasn’t too worried about him as I was preoccupied with finding Reed.

  “Hey?” His voice came from behind.

  “What are you up to?” I asked.

  “Oh, I was just on the phone. Your mum rang.” He said nonchalantly.

  “My mum? Why did my mum call you?” I asked suspiciously.

  “She said she couldn’t get you on yours?”

  “My phone hasn’t rung.” I insisted.

  “I don’t know then. It doesn’t matter, she just wanted to know where we were, that’s all. Hey, how about we grab some lunch? Richmond has an award winning bakery. Their pastry is insane.”

  “Um, yeah. Sure.” I was 19 years old and my mum was still trying to keep tabs on me. Unbelievable! Let it go, Jayde. I told myself. She’s over protective. I guess I can understand why sometimes, but she has to relinquish her control at some stage, doesn’t she?

  “Not hungry?” He asked. As if on cue, my stomach let out a huge, empty and angry growl. I laughed out loud.

  “My mind was elsewhere, but obviously my stomach had other ideas. Food sounds awesome.”

  We managed to get Lucas away from the girls that were hanging around, it was just a bit harder to pry them from him. They didn’t leave without a fight. Grace sashayed up to Lucas.

  “Sorry, girls, my boyfriend’s hungry. We worked up quite an appetite this morning, didn’t we babe?” Lucas put his arm around Grace.

  “Absolutely famished honey.” He smiled ear to ear, more than happy to go along with Grace’s charade, wishing it would come tr
ue.

  We found a nice spot in between the bakery, the handmade cuckoo clock shop and the teddy bear shop to be sheltered from the weather while we ate our lunch. It was peaceful. If I hadn’t been enjoying the warmth of the, albeit, Winter sun, it would almost be eerily quiet. I couldn’t hear the oohs and aahs of the young children that I could see through the window of the teddy bear shop. I faintly made out the sounds of cuckoo’s triggering at random times. Clearly it wasn’t random because they appeared out of their little hiding spots at precisely 12 o’clock, but for display purposes, the clocks were all set at random times. That created a gentle hum in my mind. I closed my eyes as Reed lightly and continuously stroked the hair from my forehead. I could feel myself drifting off to sleep.

  “Haylie!!” Not now. Let me enjoy this moment.

  “Haylie?! Haylie?!” No more. No more! I jumped up from the soft picnic rug.

  “Haylie?!” A woman’s voice was trembling in desperation.

  “Haylie?” I repeated in confusion. The woman grabbed my forearm ferociously.

  “Help me! Have you seen my daughter? I’ve lost my daughter!”

  “Where did you see her last? Have you checked the teddy bear shop?” Reed said, pulling her hands off me.

  “Yes, yes. I can’t find her. Help me find Haylie, please! My husband…” She said trailing off. I followed the directions where her eyes had rested. There was a red headed man in a wheelchair, desperation etched all over his face. Sitting on his lap with an equally full head of red hued hair, was a little boy, tears running down his freckled face.

  “What about the river, with the ducks? All kids love ducks.” Grace piped in. “Yeah, I bet she’s down there, feeding the ducks.” Lucas added. The woman’s face began to contort into images of pain mixed with sheer terror. I watched as the colour completely drained from her face.

  “She. Can’t. Swim.” I don’t know if everyone else then began to go in slow motion, or if I reacted really quickly, but before I knew it, I was running at my quickest speed, heading straight for the river bank. On a day where there were crowds of people walking around the historic village, there was not a soul in the park that over looked the river. An uneasy feeling washed over me the closer I got. I looked over my shoulder and made out Reed’s distant figure sprinting in my direction.

  “Haylie?” I called faintly. It felt strange to be calling out for Haylie. For the past six months when I call out that name, I know I’m not going to get a reply, but today, there is every possibility my calls will be answered. I need my calls to be answered today. I cleared my throat and called again, louder this time. Where could she be? I called again. I was beginning to panic. A flock of ducks flapped their wings and soared high above. I must be close to the water, but it hasn’t reached my line of vision, yet. Why hasn’t she replied?

  “Haylie!” I called again. Please God don’t let her drown. Everyone else was still behind me. It’s up to me. I broke free of the bush scrub obscuring my view. That’s when I saw her. Red hair cascading down her back. She was crouching down, right by the edge, facing the still water. I was still far enough away for her to fall in and drown, my legs were heavy.

  “Don’t fail me now.” I coached my body as I set my target course.

  Every stride was pushed on with determination. I have to get to her. I can’t let her fall. I was still so far away. The little girl rose from her crouched position. Her shoes stuck in the mud that was at the waters edge. Oh no! She began to lose her balance. I reached down into my body’s reserve and powered on down to Haylie. I slammed into her little body, rolling her away from danger. Just in time.

  “She’s here! I found her!” I yelled back to the descending search party. Reed and Lucas were the first to arrive, followed closely by the little girl’s mother. She fell over in her desperate attempt to retrieve her child.

  “Oh, Haylie. Baby. Oh my baby.” She sobbed, wrapping her arms around her first born.

  “Sweetheart, why on earth? Don’t ever do that to me again.” She pleaded. “It’s ok Mummy. She said you would find me.” Haylie said in a sing song voice.

  “What are you talking about? Who said that? Did someone hurt you?” She asked rapidly, turning her head in all directions, looking for a figure in the bushes.

  “No Mummy. The girl in the water. She’s nice. She told me I shouldn’t be down here, but I got lost. I wanted to play on the swings and then I saw the ducks by the water. I just wanted to touch one. I followed them down here. She told me I had to stay here that it would ok because she would find me.” The little girl turned to me as she said the last words. She would find me. Her mother looked at me, her eyes soft and warm. ‘Thank-you.’ She mouthed as she scooped up her daughter.

  “I don’t understand?” I muttered.

  “The girl, silly. The one who looks just like you. Her eyes were blue. I think you’re prettier, though.” She looked at me, her nose screwed up. I ran over to the river. I don’t know why. What was I expecting to see there? Tears sprang from my eyes.

  “Bye.” I heard the little girl say as her mum carried her away. I turned to face the four year old. Her mother put her down, at her insistent request, keeping a firm watchful eye on her. Skipping down to me, she tugged on my jumper. I leant down.

  “She said to look deeper.”

  “I beg your pardon?” I asked confused.

  “The one that looks like you,” she said, running back to her Mum’s open arms. “Her name’s Haylie, too.”

  We drove home in silence. There were a few times when someone went to talk, but nothing seemed to come out. Any words now would only be empty anyway. What would be appropriate after the event that unfolded by the river? Reed turned up Grace’s drive first. My friend slowly exited the car, a distant smile on her face.

  “I’ll call you later.” She said, before turning on her heels.

  “Just drop me off in Percy street man, I’ll walk from there.” Lucas added, filling in some of the empty void.

  “No worries.”

  It was a weird atmosphere in the car. It felt very surreal. Apart from Reed changing gears and Lucas undoing his seat belt, there wasn’t even any movement. I sat in the passenger seat, facing the distant horizon. The same position that I had held for the entire drive home.

  “Alright, then. I’ll catch you both later,” Lucas said as Reed pulled to the corner guttering of the main street of Orford. “Listen Jayde, don’t freak out too much babe.”

  “Shut up Lucas.” Reed scolded in both words and looks.

  “What, dude? I’m just saying that maybe this was a sign, you kn-”

  “What the fuck, man? You and your bloody hippie values. Not everyone believes in your brainwash bullshit Lucas.”

  “Are you serious, Reed? How can you deny what happened today?”

  “It happened to Jayde. Not us.”

  “Exactly. Show some support.”

  “Don’t tell me how to deal with the situation.” Reed flared up.

  “Oh my God guys, I’m right here!” I yelled. “This is pathetic. Stop fighting, please?” Prickles pierced my eyes as the tears began to swell.

  “Good on ya mate.” Reed said sarcastically.

  “Perhaps you should talk to Rose,” Lucas spat at Reed. “Catch ya later, babe. Call me if you need.” Lucas said as he slammed the car door shut.

  “Not quite the day I had planned…” Reed trailed. “Do you wanna come back to mine?” He added. I shook my head.

  “I want to be alone.”

  Mum was still up when I arrived home. She was sitting by herself in the lounge room. The television was on, but no sound was travelling out. The fire was burning with a gentle hum, the wood slowly roasting through to its core. A half empty wine bottle sat on the coffee table. Wrapped in her own thoughts, her lithe body jolted when I came into view.

  “Penny for your thoughts?” I smiled faintly. She jumped from the lounge and grabbed me, with both arms engulfing me, she kissed me softly.

  “I’m glad
you’re home.” It was a strong embrace, just like the one when Haylie and I returned home from grade 8 camp. We had only been gone for 4 nights then, but it was the longest mum had been without us. This reminded me terribly of that moment, except for one main ingredient.

  “New coffee table?” I injected some lightness into the situation. Mum laughed, nervously.

  “I went shopping.”

  “Again?” I asked, taking a seat on the lounge.

  “Hmm, again. It makes me feel good.”

  “Two wine glasses?” I eyed the crystal suspiciously.

  “I was hoping you would come home tonight.” She said quietly, almost with embarrassment.

  “Well, we better pour another glass then.” We sat, talking and sipping wine, reminiscing about Haylie. I didn’t divulge what had unfolded at Richmond. Even though I had witnesses who could back up my story, Mum didn’t need any more ammunition to plead her pro medication case. Besides, I got the distinct feeling that tonight wasn’t about me or even Haylie for that matter. Mum had a distant haze in her eyes tonight. One like my nanna use to have when she recalled her childhood.

  “I remember when I was a little girl…” She would start. I wish now that I had paid more attention to what she was saying. She had so many fond memories from her colourful life in Italy. Haylie and I would roll our eyes and giggle. “Here we go again.” But tonight, I will pay attention. Tonight, I will look deeper.

  * * *

  The morning was fresh, to say the least. The fire had burnt out and the strong scent of ash was drying my nose. Mum was still asleep down the other end of the lounge. Her lashes were twitching as her eyes rolled under the delicate and frail skin. Her head shaking ever so slightly, almost an unrecognisable quiver.

  “Mum?” I whispered. I placed my hand on her leg gently. Her eye lids exploded open, focusing directly on me. She gasped and breathed in deeply as if she had been holding her breath. Her chest found its rhythm and began to rise and fall at a more constant tune. But the shock still remained, etched onto the windows of her soul.

  “Bad dream?” I asked.

  “I, I guess they run in the family.” She croaked.