In Blood and Worth Loving 2: Lost Without You

by Marilyn Lee

  Michael wrapped both hands around Jayvyn’s wrist in a vain effort to tear his fingers away.

  “No!” Cayenne tugged at Jayvyn’s free hand. “No, Jay. Don’t. Please.”

  “I’m going to kill him,” he said without taking his gaze from the struggling Michael who was now gasping for breath.

  “No! Please, Jay!” She leaned against his back and linked the fingers of her hand between his free one. “No.

  Please, don’t. Let him go, Jay. For me.” She pressed her lips against his neck. “Please, Jay. For me. For me.” He turned his head to look at her. “He’s dying today.”

  “No, Jay! No! Please. If you love me, let him go!”

  After a moment when she was sure he would kill Michael despite her pleas, he suddenly opened his fingers.

  Michael dropped to the floor.

  She sobbed and dropped to her knees beside him, relieved that he was still breathing.

  He scouted away from Jayvyn, gasping for air. “You’ve fucked up big time. I’m going to sue your ass and take everything you own!” He said in a hoarse voice.

  “Michael! Don’t antagonize him,” she pleaded.

  Jayvyn shook his head. “I wouldn’t advise trying to sue me or going to the police—unless you want to give your heirs the trouble of trying to collect—assuming I don’t kill them as well!” Michael stared at him, clearly stunned into silence for several moments before he rose to his feet and stumbled towards the door.

  Confused and angry at Jayvyn for nearly killing Michael, Cayenne went after him. “Wait. I’ll go with you, Mike.”

  “No you won’t!”

  Michael paused at the door.

  Cayenne turned around to face Jayvyn. “Yes, I am!”

  “If you leave with him…”

  “What? You’ll strangle me too?” she demanded, in no mood for more threats from him.

  “No.” He pointed a finger at Michael. “I’ll kill him—right now.” He started across the floor.

  Cayenne ran to intercept Jayvyn. She placed her hands on his chest. “No, Jay! You’ve done enough damage.

  You let him leave or I swear I’ll never forgive you. You let him leave.”

  “I’m not leaving you here with this maniac,” Michael croaked.

  Feeling Jayvyn tense, she spoke quickly. “I’ll be fine. He won’t hurt me. Just go, Mike. Now. Please.”

  “And stay the fuck away from her or the next time I really will kill you.”

  “Come with me, Cay,” Michael pleaded.

  “I can’t. He won’t hurt me but he will hurt you. Just go now. Please.”

  “Cay—”

  “I’ll be all right.”

  “I’m going but you’re going to have to choose between me and him, Cay,” Michael croaked.

  “I’m going but you’re going to have to choose between me and him, Cay,” Michael croaked.

  “Damn straight she will and if I were you, I wouldn’t count on winning,” Jayvyn said.

  Michael sucked in a breath and then stumbled from the room with a hand around his throat.

  Cayenne closed her eyes and counted to thirty before she swung around to slap Jayvyn. “You insecure, jealous bastard! How dare you strangle him to within an inch of his life just because you can? Who the hell do you think you are?”

  “I’m the man who is going to kill his ass if he comes near you again!”

  “I don’t recall ceding control of my life to you! Say what you will about him, he’d never have attacked you like that!”

  “So you’re saying what? That he’s a better man?”

  “Yes!” she snapped, shaking as she thought of how close he’d come to killing Michael in front of her.

  He bared his incisors and stalked across the room to stare down at her. “Really? Well, where the hell was your better man when you were frightened and needed him? Remember me? I’m the one who came when you called while he continued fucking. And you have the unmitigated gall to tell me he’s a better man than I am?”

  “Yes!”

  He gripped her arms and jerked her close. “You silly, ungrateful bitch! Fuck you!” He released her so abruptly, she stumbled backwards, staring at him with wide yes. Her heart raced with apprehension. Had she misjudged him and the situation? Should she be afraid of him after all?

  Damn if she’d show fear with him. “Fuck you, Jay!”

  He reached out and pulled her close. “No. Maybe I’ll fuck you.”

  “No, you won’t!” She tried to pull away.

  He jerked her back against him. “Who’s going to stop me?”

  She sucked in an angry breath. “I was a fool to believe you cared about what I wanted or needed.”

  “I don’t give a fuck what you want.”

  “Did you ever care?”

  “No!”

  Cayenne felt as if he’d ripped her heart out. It took all of her willpower to keep her eyes tear free. Her shoulders slumped. Bowing her head, she compressed her lips in an effort to control their trembling. “Let me go, Jayvyn.”

  “After I’ve fucked you.”

  She stared up at him. “Don’t you mean rape me?”

  “Call it whatever the hell you like.”

  “I won’t forgive you this time.”

  “I no longer care about your forgiveness. And since that’s true, there’s no need for me to deny myself any longer.” He bent his head and brushed his mouth against her neck.

  She trembled. “Jay—”

  “There’s nothing you have to say that I want to hear!” He said moments before his teeth pierced the side of her neck.

  She sobbed, pressing her hands against his shoulders. “No, Jay! You promised you wouldn’t do this and I believed you!”

  As suddenly as he had sunk his incisors into her neck, he withdrew them and released her.

  She wrapped her arms around her body and crumbled to the carpet, tears streaming down her cheeks.

  He stood staring down at her with his bared incisors and lips covered with her blood. After several long, tension-filled moments when she feared what he’d do next, he knelt in front of her to caress her cheek.

  He didn’t speak but she suspected he regretted his behavior.

  But it was too late. He couldn’t undo what he’d done—after he’d faithfully promised her he wouldn’t take her blood without her permission. She drew away from his fingers. “Don’t touch me, Jay. Please just leave me alone.

  Please. I don’t want you touching me and I don’t want to see you ever again.” He swore, bolted to his feet, and rushed from the room.

  Overcoming the urge to curl into a ball and sob her heart out, she went into her bathroom, undressed, and took a long soak. She wanted to clear her mind but couldn’t stop thinking of all that had happened since the night she’d met Jayvyn. Not much of it had been good. He could be sweet, charming, and disarming, but alternatively he was incapable of keeping his word. And he was murderous to boot. So why couldn’t she just forget him?

  incapable of keeping his word. And he was murderous to boot. So why couldn’t she just forget him?

  She had to find a way to keep him out of her life. Then maybe she’d have peace of mind and Michael would be safe. When the water cooled, she got out of the bath, dried off, and fell into bed. She lay struggling not to think of Jayvyn for a long time before she managed to fall asleep.

  The ringing phone roused her several hours later. When she recognized Rayna’s number on the caller I.D., she allowed the call to go to voicemail. She had connived and deceived her into getting mixed up with her psycho uncle.

  And she’d done the same with Desi. She was the last person Cayenne wanted to see or speak to again.

  * * *

  “What are you going to do about her?”

  Jayvyn raked a hand through his hair before he looked up from the table he was refinishing in his workshop.

  Macarik stood on the other side of the table, watching him.

  “What can I do? I blew it.”

 
; Macarik shook his head. “It’s too early to give up, Jay.”

  “She hasn’t been to work all week. She won’t talk to me or Rayna. How can I make amends if she won’t even talk to me?”

  “Try again.”

  “What’s the point? I nearly killed the ex she’s so damned determined to win back, I all but manhandled her, and I forcefully ingested her blood. She’s not going to overlook those transgressions.”

  “Why don’t I talk to her?”

  “You? Why the hell should she talk to you?”

  “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because I’ve never deceived her and in case you’ve somehow missed it, I have a way with women.”

  “Over confident bastard!”

  Macarik arched a brow. “I’ll take that as a yes. I’ll let you know how I make out.” He nodded and walked out of the workshop.

  Jayvyn put both hands over his face. Oh, damn! Why hadn’t he regained control before he’d blown it with her?

  How the hell was he ever going to convince her to forgive his countless transgressions without subverting her will? If he did that, she wouldn’t be the same woman who enchanted him and tugged at his emotions as only one other woman had.

  Thoughts of the wife he’d lost so long ago and how she’d brightened his world sent a lump to his throat. If he closed his eyes, he could imagine he almost felt her soft, warm lips whispering words of encouragement and love when things seemed darkest.

  Her death had devastated him, shattered his world, and ripped his heart into pieces so tiny he’d always believed he’d never have any feelings for another woman that rivaled those he’d felt for her—until now. Now he felt as if what was left of his heart had been shredded beyond repair or recovery. Before him stretched an endless existence without the one woman he needed to have even a semblance of happiness.

  He ached for her touch, smile, and approval. The need to see her or just be near her overwhelmed him. Going on without her was out of the question. He’d hurt, frightened, and disappointed her. Now it was time to find a way to redeem himself. Amends had to be made by him—not Macarik.

  Stalking from the workshop, he used his cell phone to call Macarik. “Look, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your willingness to help with Cayenne, but I made the mess and I’m the one who has to clean it up,” he said when Macarik answered.

  “It will mean more to her coming from you, Jayvyn. Let me know if there’s anything I can do or if you need to talk.”

  “I will. Thanks, Kristopher.”

  “Sure.”

  He went up to his suite to shower and change. On his way down the stairs, he called Adrian. “Can you spare me an hour or so? I need to talk to you.”

  “Of course. Do you want to come here or do you want to meet somewhere?”

  “Let’s meet at my place.”

  “Fine. I’ll see you there in an hour and a half?”

  “Thanks.”

  “Thanks.”

  When he arrived at his condo, Adrian sat in a chair while Jayvyn paced the length of the living room before stopping to face him. “Do you have any regrets?”

  “About?”

  “About Brandi. Meeting her…falling for her…marrying her?”

  “No. I don’t.”

  “None? You don’t have any?”

  “My only regret is that we can’t have a baby together.”

  “How are you handling that?”

  Adrian sighed. “Better than I expected. It’s difficult to be anything but happy and content with her.”

  “And she’s content knowing she’ll never have a child of her own?”

  “She’d really like that but she’s accepted that’s not going to happen. We’ve discussed it and when the time is right, we’ll consider adopting. What’s the nature of your uncertainty with Cayenne?”

  “She wants to get married again and to have a couple of kids.”

  “I’m sure she does. Most human women do.”

  “I have no desire to get married again.”

  Adrian arched a brow. “And you think I did?”

  “No, so why did you?”

  “Do you remember why we stopped dating human women?”

  Jayvyn shrugged. “They’re needy and fragile.”

  “And if you date them for more than a few months, they started whining about love.” He nodded.

  Adrian grinned. “They also have the ability to make our lives surprisingly more exciting than any fem I’ve ever met. But along with that comes their need for love. I think they’re born that way. Do you remember how often we had to reassure Rayna that we loved her when she was very young?” Jayvyn nodded. “How could I forget? It seems every week, she’d be tugging at my pant leg and asking me if I loved her.”

  “Well, they don’t outgrow the need to be told they’re loved. When one of them settles down with us, they give that up. If we ask them to forgo ever hearing us say we love them, we have to do something to compensate them for a loss that must seem incredible to them. They want to get married? We marry them and spend countless years trying to convince them being our blood is even more important than love.” His words surprised Jayvyn. “You sound like a bleeding heart.” Adrian laughed. “I’m a man with a woman I wouldn’t trade for anything. If I expect her to live without romantic love, which is the pinnacle of emotional high for her, then I have to be prepared to make some sacrifices too. I couldn’t expect her to live without love and marriage.”

  “But she also wants kids. You know that’s not going to happen.”

  “Actually, I don’t know that. Sometimes we manage a miracle in that respect. But even if we don’t, I’m sure that if it comes down to a choice between you and kids, she’d choose you. Go give her the chance to make the decision.”

  “So you have no regrets?”

  “None. Brandi is the best thing that’s ever happened to me and since we’ve never had a conversation like this before, I’m sure that’s how you feel about Cayenne. Go win her, Jayvyn and don’t worry about regrets. Human women test us, but let’s face it when you meet that special one, she’s well worth the effort.”

  “Thanks, Adrian.” He sighed. “I’d better go eat some big time crow.”

  “Before you do, I have a present for you.” He lifted his black portfolio case from the side of the sofa. Opening it, he drew out a framed charcoal sketch. It pictured Cayenne seated in the audience in the mansion’s basement, watching the stage where Jayvyn performed.

  Turning it over, he saw it was ready for hanging. “Thanks, Adrian.” He walked over to the empty space above his mantelpiece and hung it. He touched the sketch. “I’m coming to make amends, sweet.” He looked at Adrian. “Let yourself out,” he said and left the condo.

  * * *

  After a week spent alone at home battling depression, Cayenne knew she had to talk to someone. Both Rayna and Jayvyn had stopped calling her two days earlier. Since she and Desi had Redwolfe issues, when they talked, they and Jayvyn had stopped calling her two days earlier. Since she and Desi had Redwolfe issues, when they talked, they avoided all mention of the men dominating their individual thoughts. Still, Cayenne felt certain Conner weighed as heavily on Desi’s mind as Jayvyn weighed on hers.

  Two dozen red roses arrived just after one p.m. Rousing herself from her seat in the darkened living room, she sighed. It was so difficult to banish thoughts of Jayvyn when she couldn’t stop recalling the sound of his voice and the wonderfully full sensation of having his hard cock buried deep inside her pussy.

  Staring at the roses, she pressed a hand against her neck.

  She lifted the accompanying card with a trembling hand.

  I’m so lost without you in my life. Please forgive me.

  Yours, Jay.

  Lost without her in his life? Oh, God! Warmth rushed over her at the memory of feeling his incisors sink into her skin seconds before her blood rushed into his mouth. What had he experienced holding her close and drinking her blood? Had he felt closer to her? Had the taste of her bloo
d heightened his senses and made him want her more?

  If she could believe the message on the card, he felt as miserable as she did.

  But could she believe him? Dare she trust him again?

  Unable to decide for herself, she showered and dressed. When she was sure Desiree would be home from work on Friday night, she drove to her apartment. As she slipped out of her car, she spotted Desiree exiting her building.

  Cayenne waved and walked over to her.

  They embraced briefly before Desiree stepped back to look at her. “I was on my way to see you. We need to talk.”

  She nodded. “I know.”

  “Want to go out for dinner?”

  Cayenne shook her head. “I don’t really have any appetite.”

  “Let’s go up to my place then.”

  They took the elevator up to Desiree’s apartment. She made an omelet and garlic bread and poured two glasses of wine. They sat in the kitchen picking at the plates before Cayenne put her fork down and pushed her plate away.

  “There’s something I need to tell you about Conner.”

  “Go ahead.”

  “I’m not quite sure how to say it or even if I should say it.” Desiree sighed. “If you’re trying to find a way to tell me he and Jayvyn are vampires, I already know.” Cayenne frowned. “You do? How?”

  “He told me.”

  “Jayvyn told you?”

  Desiree shook her head. “No. Conner told me.”

  “When?”

  “Two days ago. He was waiting for me when I left work. We went to dinner and he told me.”

  “Without any prompting?”

  Desiree nodded. “He said that friends shouldn’t keep secrets from each other. He didn’t actually say Jayvyn was a vampire but he told me they were brothers and that he’d been alive during the Trail of Tears. So that pretty much made it obvious all three of them are vampires.”

  Cayenne sucked in a breath. “Conner told you without any pulling teeth while I had to practically force Jayvyn to tell me.”

  “And you think that’s a bad thing, Cay?”

  “Yes!”

  “I don’t. I think his failure to readily admit what he is says a lot about the depth of his feelings for you. Conner told me because his feelings weren’t involved and he felt as if he had nothing to lose if I reacted badly. Jayvyn didn’t tell you because he was afraid of your reaction. He had a lot to lose if you turned away in disgust or fear.” She frowned. “Is that how you see it?”