Moments Lost and Found

by Olivia Jake

  The truth was, she didn’t know how she was feeling. She did feel good lying there with him. But she didn’t want to think about everything else. Maybe she could put him off a little longer. “I feel fine?” she said, more of a question than an answer. She wasn’t sure what answer he was looking for.

  “Samantha, I tried not to push earlier, but after… that,” he didn’t finish before Sam interrupted.

  “After what?” she asked defensively.

  “After what we just did.” Now he was sounding upset. Like what they just did was wrong or bad or something they’d never done before.

  “You’ve tied me up before. You’ve spanked me before. What do you mean, ‘after what we just did?’” She had an edge to her voice.

  “Samantha, please don’t insult me.” His tone went cold and she stiffened. He registered that and softened when he continued “Yes, we’ve done all that before, but,” he paused like he was searching for the right way to say it, “but it was always about pain bringing you pleasure, being a part of the pleasure.” Again, he paused, “this time, it, it was more like you wanted pain as punishment.” He was still searching and then finally said, “It was like you wanted me to hurt you.”

  Laurent was the one who had introduced the spanking and bondage and playing into their relationship. But even for him, this felt different. This wasn’t about sex or playing or dominance or submission. It was clear to him, and perhaps to Sam if she would allow herself to go there, it was clear it was purely about punishment.

  It was obvious she wasn’t going to be able to keep things separate for as long as she had hoped. There was no way she’d be able to hide her emotions from him for the rest of the weekend. She laughed to herself that most women complained that the men in their lives weren’t mind readers. And here Sam had a man so in tune with her that she couldn’t get away with anything. What she wouldn’t give right now for a normal oblivious man.

  She sat up in bed and faced Laurent. She was physically and emotionally drained. Empty. She was naked, literally and figuratively. Perhaps telling him like this was best. She squared her shoulders as if bracing for a fight, though truthfully, she had no fight left in her. She lowered her eyes and when she was finally ready, she raised them, exhaled, and said, “My meeting today with the new CEO of TimeCap,” she swallowed. She couldn’t believe she was about to say this, “The new CEO of TimeCap, and of my newest account is George LaRue.”

  CHAPTER 24

  For an experienced businessman like Laurent, keeping emotions in check, even when caught off guard, could mean the difference between closing and losing a deal. Sam had been in enough situations with him that she had seen the split second where the Laurent she knew was gone and his façade came up. Whatever emotions he was feeling were immediately, expertly tucked away. She knew this look. She could almost see and hear the wheels turning in his brain, processing the blow that Sam just dealt.

  “You spent the afternoon meeting with George LaRue.” He stated, rather than asked. His voice was so cold. So flat. So devoid of any emotion other than pure disgust. Sam nodded. “And then, you came back here, to our hotel room, to be with me, to try to hide it from me,” Sam tried to interrupt but he just held his hand up, effectively shutting her down. “And to distract me, or to prevent any conversation about it, you had me whip you, beat you, punish you.”

  This time, he did let her speak, “I wasn’t trying to distract you, Laurent.” She hated how weak her voice sounded. She knew this was not a battle she would win as she could already hear the pleading in her voice.

  “But you didn’t tell me, did you, Samantha?” Sam wanted to look anywhere else but into his eyes. His eyes bore something so ugly in them. Like he was suddenly repulsed by the sight of her.

  Sam just shook her head and tried for an explanation, “I didn’t want to talk about it yet. I wasn’t ready. I didn’t want to ruin our evening.” Even she knew she sounded lame. Her voice trembled, “and I’m telling you now.”

  He let out something akin to a laugh, but there was no happiness in it. “You didn’t want to ruin our evening?” he laughed again, “I’d say it’s a little late for that, Samantha.” He closed his eyes and shook his head. When he opened them and looked at her he said, “Now I understand why you wanted the belt. You feel guilty. You feel like you need to be punished.” His tone made her feel so dirty.

  “You’re wrong.”

  He laughed again, “I’m wrong? Please, do enlighten me how.”

  She shook her head, “Ok, you’re right, I do feel guilty. I did feel like I should be punished I guess. But more than that, I just wanted something to make me numb. I thought if you took the belt to me, the physical pain would block out what was going on in my mind.”

  “And what was going on in your mind?” he spat with such disgust that she finally reached for the sheet to cover herself. She was already so emotionally exposed, it didn’t really matter though.

  Sam shrugged, “I knew you’d be upset.” And before she could finish he threw his hands in the air and for the first time ever, he yelled.

  “UPSET? YOU THOUGHT I’D BE UPSET?” then he lowered his voice so that it was just ice. “What I am feeling right now, Samantha? This is light years beyond upset.” He shook his head and then said, “Of all the people, knowing what you know about him, about how he betrayed me, stole from me, you would work with him? How could you?”

  “It’s business Laurent. When we pitched the account, I had no idea he was the CEO. He was in none of the meetings. And he probably won’t be in any of the ones moving forward. I’m sure this meeting was a formality. There’s no reason the day to day of their new rebrand will have anything to do with him.” Even as she said this, as reasonable as it sounded, part of her doubted it.

  “Trust me, Samantha, if you weren’t going to be working with him, then you wouldn’t have met with him. Nothing with George is just a formality. There is always, always an ulterior motive with him.”

  “What could his motive possibly be, Laurent? He’s awarding me the account for what reason other than it came down to two campaigns and he and his team liked ours best for their brand? What could he possibly get from me other than a new look for his company? I don’t have any trade secrets that he’ll weasel out of me, or inside information about anything. I’m in advertising for God’s sake. There is no angle here.” Sam was now getting angry. As she talked she realized that what she was saying was true. Maybe she had just projected that Laurent would be upset but there was really no way their worlds would collide, was there?

  “You don’t think it’s awfully coincidental that you won the account?” His words were like venom.

  “Coincidental?”

  “That you’re with me. That he’s trying to get to me through you.” He said it like she was an idiot.

  “And you think that’s the only reason why we won it? Do you know how insulting that is?” Her voice was getting shrill.

  “Samantha, you’re a rational woman. You really think I have nothing to do with this?”

  “God you can be arrogant.” She shook her head and then asked rhetorically, “What was I supposed to do, not accept the account because he’s trying to somehow hurt you?”

  “You don’t know him, Samantha.” Laurent said. He knew he couldn’t tell her what she could and couldn’t do with her business.

  “You’re right, Laurent, I don’t. And I doubt I will have much occasion to. He’s the CEO of TimeCap, they have tens of thousands of employees. I highly doubt he’s going to be looking at layouts.”

  “I look at everything that has to do with my company, Samantha.” Again, he said this like she was slow.

  “But it’s your company, Laurent, a private company. He’s been placed by a board as the CEO of a public corporation. There’s no way that the way you have been involved in the launch of The Network would ever happen in a large conglomerate like TimeCap.” She knew this was true. She was starting to feel like there was no point in this argument. That is,
until Laurent said,

  “I see that you would rather throw away a life with me than his account.” All the emotion was gone. It was almost said with resignation.

  “Laurent, don’t you see that right now, my entire world revolves around you. Everything! Not just my personal life but my business too. Can’t you see that it’s not about you versus George? It’s about me protecting my company, diversifying?”

  His mouth was in a flat line, his arms crossed. Sam knew enough about body language to know that he was walled off, closed to discussion. “Samantha, you call it ‘diversifying’. I call it hedging your bets.” The way he said that cut to her core. “You’re so worried that things might end between us, you’re so sure that if you have too much with me, that as soon as you relax, I’m going to pull the rug out from under you and your whole world will come crashing down. You have so little faith in us.”

  “That’s not true, Laurent. I love you, I love our relationship. But I have to be practical. I can’t have everything in my life wrapped up with you. You’re a businessman, you should understand that.” Sam hated that her voice sounded like she was pleading, but she was desperate to get him to see her point.

  “You’re right, Samantha. I am a businessman. But I am also a man.” And that seemed to explain it all.

  “You’re really going to make me choose, Laurent?” She knew the answer to that question as Laurent finally got up out of bed and walked out of the bedroom. She didn’t know where he was going, but she couldn’t sit there and just watch him. He effectively ended the conversation by literally turning his back on her. She got up and went into the bathroom. She needed to take a shower. She needed something to wash away what had just happened. She would come out clean, maybe a little refreshed, and they would have a chance to discus this after they had both taken a break.

  She turned on the shower and let the water wash over her, waiting for it to start healing her. But the longer she stood there, the clearer it became that they might never see eye to eye on this. She knew she couldn’t turn the account down, walk away from millions, and the expansion of her company, of everything she had ever worked for. Would he really choose? Would he really have not expanded his empire because of a woman? She doubted that. He would have chosen the work, she was sure of it.

  She dried herself and put on the robe that was hanging there. Of course, there was no sash, that was still tied to the bed post. An ironic reminder of what they had done just a couple of hours before. Now it felt like a lifetime ago. How quickly things could change. She hoped that once they both had this little break that they could talk rationally.

  When she walked out into the bedroom she saw the closet door open and his clothes and suitcase gone. Her heart started pounding. This can’t be, he couldn’t have just left.

  She went to the living room and looked around, she even went to look out on the balcony. She couldn’t believe that he would just leave her. She spun around in a state of shock. He left. He really just walked out. On my birthday. My 40th birthday.

  As Sam started to go back into the bedroom, something on the desk by the front door caught her eye. A small, square, black velvet box with a note under it. Sam felt sick to her stomach. There was only one thing that could be in that box. She picked up the handwritten note,

  Samantha,

  This was supposed to be my surprise to you for your birthday. I was going to ask you to spend the rest of your life with me. I know what I want. I’ve made my decision. But like I said, it’s your choice. And you must choose.

  L

  Sam didn’t have the courage to open the box. She started shaking. Her legs buckled under her and she collapsed onto the floor as she wondered what she had just done.

  When Laurent walked out of their hotel room in New York, he felt even more betrayed than he had all those years ago with George. Back then, he was young, and had something akin to blinders on when it came to those close to him. For so many reasons, he was completely shocked and surprised when he found out what George had done to him. First, because Laurent had considered George family. He didn’t think of him as an employee, he had known him his whole life, and to be betrayed by someone so close, someone whose motives he had never questioned, someone he felt like he gave to unconditionally, the hurt he felt was eye-opening. For a long time, Laurent blamed himself for being so trusting. He had learned to be shrewd and cunning with the outside business world, but he didn’t ever think he would have to be that way with someone so close to him. Over the years, he realized that while some of the fault lay with himself, more of it was on George. That George could do that to someone who was like a brother said more about him than anything. But regardless of where the blame lay, the incident changed Laurent forever.

  There had been many key defining moments in Laurent’s life, and that was one of them. It hardened him and made him believe that the only people he could truly trust were his blood relatives. Everyone else was an outsider. If someone he had known since he was six years old, someone he felt he gave the world to, could steal from him, then he couldn’t trust anyone.

  Having these walls up did make for him to become an even more successful businessman, not that he wasn’t before, but any sympathy or emotion that had existed before George’s betrayal was now gone. The deals that he made were black and white. Until of course he met Samantha. She was almost like a female version of himself, at least insofar as she was singularly focused on her work. Unlike many of the women he had dated, she never seemed to want anything from him. She didn’t need his money, she had already done very well for herself. She wasn’t interested in being seen as his girlfriend to elevate her status, if anything, she shied away from the publicity. It was so clear to Laurent that she wasn’t after what he had, that he let his guard down for the first time since the incident with George.

  Laurent knew how afraid Samantha was of being with him, of losing herself in their relationship, of being defined by him. It was because of this that he continued to show her that he wasn’t there to shape her, to mold her, he was just there to be with her. He respected that she had her own world, her career. So, if she wasn’t after anything from him, he assumed she couldn’t possibly hurt him.

  But he fell in love and let her in. And the one person in the world who had nearly destroyed his faith in humanity all those years ago, of all the people, that one person had insinuated himself into Laurent’s life again to ruin what was good and pure.

  Once the anger subsided, Laurent was able to see a bit more clearly. He did blame Samantha. She knew that except for himself, George and an outside accountant, no one else knew about what George had done to Laurent. She knew that he chose to share that with her, and only her. She was a smart woman, smart enough to understand how much that had hurt Laurent, and how much he trusted her to share that with her. So yes, he did blame her for going into business with the one man who had once hurt Laurent. But he also knew that she couldn’t possibly understand just how bad George was. That type of pure evil, that type of sickness, thankfully, most people never witnessed it.

  Laurent knew Samantha well enough to know that she would, unfortunately, have to learn just how bad he was on her own. He could tell her. Hell, he did tell her. But she was so God damned worried about losing herself to Laurent that she succeeded in preventing that from happening. As long as she was working with George, Laurent couldn’t be with her. As much as he loved her, as much as he was sure that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, this was the line in the sand that he could not cross.

  And so he waited. He knew eventually George would show his true colors. Laurent went against every instinct he had to protect Samantha. He knew she wouldn’t listen. He just hoped that whatever it was that George was after, he prayed that Samantha would get out before it was too late. Because if anything happened to her at the hands of George, Laurent would never be able to forgive himself.

  CHAPTER 25

  “I should tell you, Samantha, when I found out that your agency was on
e of the ones pitching on the account, it was the reason that pushed me to pursue and eventually accept TimeCap’s offer. You know, Laurent and I used to be so close, we shared so many, uh, things in the past. It is a shame how so much has changed though, non? So, when this opportunity arose, I knew it could give me the chance to have a taste of...” He trailed off and paused and then his smile got even smarmier, “Plus, I couldn’t wait to see what you had to show me.” Perhaps it was all in Sam’s imagination, but everything that George said sounded laced with innuendo.

  “And then, I couldn’t help but wonder how Laurent would react when he found out that his girlfriend would be working with me, helping me, of all people, succeed.” He smiled, but his smiles always seemed menacing, mean. “How has he reacted, Samantha? Is he proud of you? Of your new account?”

  “George, I’ve told you before, Laurent has nothing to do with our working together. I’m not sure why you keep trying to bring him into the conversation.” Sam was getting sick of his game. She knew he was just trying to make her crack, make her give him some information that he could hold over Laurent. The fact that she was working with him at all was enough, unfortunately.

  Sam’s entire world had changed. Everything that had become her life was now gone. She had gone from working with a man she loved to working with one she despised. As sexy and flirty and fun as it was working with Laurent, it was the exact opposite working with George. Sam felt like she had to take a shower after every meeting with him. In fact, she almost always took Steve with her because she didn’t want to be alone in a room with him.

  George seemed to delight in making Sam’s life hell. Naturally, he didn’t need to be in any of the meetings that he was in, but he’d show up, typically mid-way through a presentation, make some snide remark, flip through all the comps and, dismissively say, “I think you can do better.” This being the corporate world, since everyone in the room reported up to him, they’d all nod and voice their agreement, sending Sam and Steve back to the drawing board. The more they presented, the more he rejected. Sam knew it was just a game with him. It had to be. He had no idea what good creative was, she knew his background was in accounting. He had been the numbers and operations guy. But it was clear he enjoyed watching them squirm, knowing if he said jump, as their agency, the response was either ‘how high?’ or lose the account.