Wanting to Remember, Trying to Forget (Meet the Shepards #1)

by Jacqueline Francis

  The look on Danny’s face changed from hurt to anger. “Sex should be shared between two people who love each other, huh?”

  She walked past Sofia and out the front door. Max raced after her. “Danny…Danny, wait!” He caught up to her outside at the top of the stairwell. The morning air chilled his bare skin, causing goose bumps. Maybe it wasn’t cold. Maybe it was just the panic enveloping him. He grabbed her arm and spun her around to face him. “Danny, just wait—”

  She ripped her arm out of his grip and continued down the stairs. “No, Max. Leave me alone. You tell me that I need to think this through when I have been dating Richard for months yet you climb into bed with Sofia after just six weeks.”

  He quickened his steps and got ahead of her. “Nothing happened,” he said almost desperately. “Just hear me out. We went out, we got drunk—”

  “Spare me the sordid details,” she cut in, lifting her hand to silence him.

  “There was nothing sordid. Sofia was too drunk to drive back home so we came here. I slept on the couch. Nothing happened!”

  “You must think I’m the dumbest person in the world if you expect me to believe that crap.” She pushed past him and continued down the stairs. “So you keep thinking that I was born yesterday while I go and have wild, passionate sex with my boyfriend.”

  “No!” Rushing down, he cut in front of her again. “Just wait! Don’t do this! You’re angry and upset. Please…please don’t do this.”

  “What difference does it make to you, Max? What does it matter what I do?”

  “Danny, after all these years…you must know…” Six years of yearning condensed into that single moment. “You have to know how I feel about you.”

  She was silent for a long while, staring at him as a million thoughts raced through her mind, but then her eyes turned cold and hard. “Your feelings are irrelevant to me,” she said softly. “I’m in love with Richard.”

  His heart sank to his stomach. She pushed past him again and this time he let her go, watching her until she disappeared down the stairwell. He felt hallow, empty. Her words were like venom, stinging to his very core. She had made it very clear. He meant nothing to her. He felt vulnerable and exposed and like a desperate, pathetic fool.

  He looked up and saw Sofia at the top of the stairs. The look on her face told him that she had seen and heard everything. If there was some chance of their relationship working out last night, it was gone now. Max sighed heavily, realizing that he had just lost both the women in his life in one morning.

  * * *

  Danny marched along the sidewalk, heading towards the beach. It was only a few blocks away. She could hear the waves breaking and all she wanted to do was sit on her favorite rock and let the sound soothe her. When she was little girl, Jake used to lift her up on that rock so that she could see further out into the ocean and to this day it was the only place that she found solitude and solace at the same time. She needed that today. Her mind was still reeling.

  Max was such a hypocrite. Did he honestly expect her to believe that he had a gorgeous, half-naked woman in his bed and he slept on the couch? He had told her that he discovered a whole new side to Sofia. She might be inexperienced but she was definitely not dumb. Of course he had sex with her and it troubled her so much. The thought of him kissing her and touching her was enough to make Danny sick to her stomach.

  She had actively tried to get their friendship back on track. She had actively tried to not be selfish and allow their relationship to flourish but this was more than she could bear. She had thought that she was insecure about Sofia because she was taking away her best friend but what she was feeling was beyond insecurity, beyond jealousy. Her mind continued to replay their conversation. “You have to know how I feel about you.”

  What did he mean? What did he feel? Her last words had been said in anger but now, as she remembered the longing in his eyes, she wanted to take it all back. Deep in the pit of her stomach, she felt something twist as she realized what he’d meant, what he felt. She remembered every look, every touch, every smile. It was there. It had always been there. How could she have been so blind to not have seen it for so long? Max was in love with her.

  And with that revelation, her mind began to dissect everything she felt for him. She was supposedly in love with another man and yet the thought of Max sleeping with Sofia was grinding her nerves raw. What did that mean? Did she feel the same way he did? If she only thought of him as a friend, then it wouldn’t be hurting this much. If they were completely platonic, why was she wishing she could trade places with Sofia right now?

  It was all too confusing. Richard. Max. Sofia. What a tangled web she was caught in. There were too many emotions stirring inside her, too many thoughts plaguing her mind. She needed to talk to Max. She needed to go home and—

  Loud honking made her head snap up. Without realizing it, she had stepped off the sidewalk and onto the street, a black car zooming towards her. She froze, unable to move. She heard screeching tires and then a loud crash. The world spun around her. She landed with a heavy thump on the pavement, fragments of glass raining over her face. She smelled burnt rubber. She tasted blood in her mouth. She felt pain, lots of pain. She saw a crowd gather around her and then everything went black.

  * * *

  The silence was deafening. Empty. That’s how he felt. Empty. Danny had left and shortly after, Sofia had followed. He had been staring blankly at the walls for hours. Danny was probably with Richard right now, doing things that he forced himself not to think about. And here he was alone, as usual.

  Everything had blown up in his face and he had no-one to blame but himself. He had always known that one day this would come. The truth had to come out eventually but somehow he had not expected her reaction to be so heartless.

  “Your feelings are irrelevant to me.”

  How could she say that? They had been friends for six years. Even if she didn’t feel the same way he did, how could she say that? Those words were cold and brutal. They cut deep and Max felt like there was no moving past it. She would probably come home tomorrow morning, after Richard had had his way with her and then what? How could he face again after what she said?

  He admitted that he had feelings for her and she rejected it, rejected him for Richard. Somehow he knew that there was no going back after today. He couldn’t do this to himself anymore. He was done being the pathetic, lovelorn best friend who always came second. He had always been there, always making her his first priority, always putting her needs above his own.

  He was the one who held her when Jake died and she had no-one to turn to. He was the one who stood up to Anthony Townsend after he made up those horrid rumors and everyone else just gossiped and giggled behind her back. He was the one who was there for her every time Richard stood her up, every time he missed a special occasion, every time she needed a shoulder to cry on. But no more. Today was the day he had to end his friendship with Danny because inevitably he was always the one who ended up getting his heart broken.

  The ringing phone broke the silence. Max groaned his irritation. He just wanted to be alone. He left it to ring and it stopped after a while, but then a few minutes later, it rang again. Max sighed, stood up and walked to answer the phone.

  “Hello.”

  “Hello. Is this Mister Shepard?”

  “Yes,” Max replied warily.

  “Mister Shepard, I’m afraid I have bad news.”

  His blood ran cold, his hand tightening around the phone. “What happened?”

  “There’s been an accident.”

  * * *

  Max sat in the waiting room of the ICU ward, tapping his foot incessantly. The chairs were hard and allowed for little maneuverability but his discomfort was his last concern. He had raced down there only to be told that Danny was in a critical condition and there was not much to report at this stage. All he knew was that she was hit by a car travelling at high speed and with no other information to set his mind at ease, he was
envisaging the worst possible outcomes.

  He felt a gentle hand on his shoulder and looked up. “Lauren.”

  Somehow seeing her made him feel a little better. He stood up and she pulled him into a tight hug. Max stayed in her embrace for a long while, allowing her gentleness to soothe him.

  When he finally pulled away, she looked at him with worried eyes. “How is she doing?”

  “I don’t know,” he replied, feeling his throat clog up. “No-one’s told me anything but she’s in ICU, Lauren…She must be hurt…What if—”

  “We must not allow ourselves to think like that. Danielle is a fighter.”

  Although Lauren was trying to be positive, Max could tell by her tone that she also had her doubts. They sat down and a short while later Amber arrived. She gave Max a quick hug before Lauren filled her in on the limited details.

  Max found himself staring at the clock on the wall, watching the seconds tick by. Seconds turned to minutes. Minutes turned to hours. Amber seemed to hassle every nurse that walked by for information but no-one could report on Danny’s condition. Max was grateful to have them around. Lauren had taken over answering calls from his anxious family members and Amber did coffee runs every hour or so.

  It was just a little after 1 a.m. when the doctor finally came through the glass doors. “I’m Doctor Coleman,” he announced. “I have been seeing to Danielle Peterson.”

  Max stood up immediately.

  “Are you Maximillian Shepard? He’s listed as the emergency contact on her medical records.”

  “Yeah, that’s me. How is she, Doc?”

  Lauren and Amber also crowded around him to hear the news.

  “She’s stable but still unconscious,” he said. “I’m afraid Danielle has suffered severe head trauma. She also had several lacerations across her chest and back. One was quite deep and caused minor damage to her lungs so she is on a respirator.”

  “Doc, what are you saying? Is she going to be okay or not?”

  “Mister Shepard, I can’t answer you at this stage. Until she wakes up, we have no way of knowing the extent of the damage and because she isn’t breathing on her own I can’t make an assessment as to whether her brain is functioning normally. Folks, I’m afraid all you can do at this stage is wait…and pray.”

  Max felt like someone had kicked him in the stomach. His throat felt tight. His body felt lame. “Can we see her?” he asked softly.

  “We only allow immediate family to see our ICU patients.”

  “She doesn’t have any family,” Max shouted. “We’re all she’s got.”

  “Max is her fiancé,” Amber said quickly. She exchanged looks with Max before she went on. “They’re not married yet, but that’s gotta count for something.”

  The doctor looked at them with suspicious eyes but did not argue. “You can go in,” he said to Max. “But ten minutes and that’s it.”

  Max nodded and followed Doctor Coleman to room 307 of the ICU ward. “Ten minutes,” he repeated before he turned and walked away.

  Max slowly walked into the room, feeling his chest closing in on him. Danny lay in the bed, looking so helpless. Her face was bruised and swollen. They had shaved the side of her head to stitch the wound and there was now a thick white bandage wrapped around her head. The plastic tube in her mouth and the shooshing sound in the background reminded Max that she was not breathing on her own.

  How could this have happened? She was perfectly fine this morning and now she was just lying there. All he felt was guilt. It was his fault that she was there now. If he had not upset her so much, if he had made more of an effort to stop her, this would not have happened. Even if she had gone out with Richard and done what she had planned to do, it still would have been better than this.

  He slowly moved towards the bed and took her hand in his. “Danny, I’m so sorry.” The tears he had kept at bay for so many hours came rolling down his cheeks. “I’m so sorry.”

  He sat there for what seemed like an eternity, listening to the rhythmic sound of the respirator and the heart monitor but he realized it had only been ten minutes when he heard Doctor Coleman call him from the doorway. He stood up, kissed her forehead and lethargically made his way back to the waiting area.

  Lauren took one look at him and tears welled in her eyes. “She will be alright,” she said, wrapping Max in a tight hug. “She is going to be just fine.”

  Max felt his body becoming lame. His knees gave in. He dropped down on the chair and Lauren sat beside him, holding him tighter. “I can’t lose her, Lauren.” He held onto her as if he would never let go. “She looked so…I can’t lose her.”

  He did not move from his chair for a few more hours, but when the faint rays of sunlight began peeping through the windows, Amber yawned and stood up.

  She stretched her arms and looked at Lauren. “I have to get to the office. I’ll pop in at lunch time and come back after work.” She turned her attention to Max. “I know it’s probably not the right time or the right thing to say but…happy birthday, Max.”

  He gave a weak smile and with that she left. Lauren also stood up a few minutes later. “You should go home and get some rest,” she said. “I am sure they will call you if anything changes.”

  Max nodded but made no attempt to move from his spot. He watched Lauren leave and decided to make himself comfortable. As the doctor said, all he could do now was wait…and pray.

  * * *

  “Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes.”

  Max awoke to see Charlie hovering above him.

  “You look awful, dude. Worse than yesterday. You need a shave…and a proper shower…and a clean set of clothes. Give me your keys and I’ll pick up some of your stuff.”

  Max tried to sit up but his body ached everywhere. The hospital chairs were indeed the most uncomfortable thing to sleep on. He should be used to it by now. It had been twelve days since Danny was admitted and he still had not left, fearing that something might happen while he was away.

  The nurses seemed to be fine with him taking up permanent residence there and were very accommodating. They brought him lunch when they served their patients and allowed him to use their bathrooms when he needed to freshen up. Rosie, in particular was a real gem. Despite the fact that Doctor Coleman had strictly said no visits for longer than thirty minutes, she snuck him into Danny’s room every night and snuck him out again before she changed shifts in the morning.

  “So how is she doing?” Charlie asked, handing him a cup of coffee. Charlie came to see him every evening and that was always his first question.

  “She’s off the respirator.” He gave a tired smile. “So she’s breathing on her own now. The swelling has gone down and the bruises don’t look so bad. They removed the stitches yesterday but she still hasn’t moved once. It’s not a good sign. What if she’s permanently brain damaged? What if she never wakes up?”

  “She will. Just give it a few more days and she’s going to wake up and go back to her old devil self again.”

  Max smiled, hoping that what Charlie said was true. “How are things at work?” he asked to distract himself.

  “Okay, I guess. It’s work. The boss is getting a bit agro though. He says you can have the rest of this week but he wants you back next Monday.”

  He let out a heavy sigh. “I kinda expected that.”

  Max stood up and walked with Charlie down the corridor to the hospital canteen. They ate dinner together and Max had to admit that his friend always had a way of lifting his spirits. Even though Lauren and Amber came by every day, Charlie was the one he looked forward to seeing. He was a welcomed distraction to the worry and anxiety, but eventually Charlie went home and Max returned to his spot on the hospital chair.

  His phone buzzed in his pocket as he sat down.

  Jordan: How’s Danny?

  Max: Still unconscious

  Jordan: How are you?

  Max: Worried

  Max: I feel so lost without her, Jo-jo

  Jord
an: Let’s not make this awkward by getting emotional. We both know that neither of us are good at comforting in a time of crisis.

  Jordan: Legend has it that if you share too much of your feelings, your dick will fall off.

  Jordan: And then you’ll start listening to boy bands because inevitably that’s what happens when your dick falls off. And I don’t want that for you.

  Max: Never heard of that legend, but it’s too risky to take a chance so I’m gonna drink a cup of cement right now and harden the fuck up

  Jordan: That’s better :) Love you.

  Jordan: Shit! Now I’m doing it. Pass me that cup.

  Max smiled and put his phone back in his pocket, relieved that something other than worry had occupied his mind for a few seconds.

  By nine o’ clock, the hospital was quiet and that’s when Rosie came through the glass doors. She was a large woman, short and round with her frizzy black hair which was always neatly tied back. She had an abrupt way of speaking but Max had discovered very shortly after meeting her that she had a soft spot for him. It was definitely something he used to his advantage.

  “Doctor Coleman is still on duty in the casualty ward,” she whispered. “So you can’t stay too long tonight. As soon as I knock, you need to leave.”

  Max nodded and quietly slipped into Danny’s room. Rosie closed the door behind him as he moved across the room and sat down on the chair beside her bed. He sat there for a long while, staring at her. The bandage around her head had been removed and although the wound seemed to be healing, the scar along the side of her head was gruesome. The blackish-blue bruises on her cheek had also healed and there were now only faint traces of tiny cuts on her face.

  He took her hand in his. “It’s not the same without you,” he said softly. “I keep wondering how I could have ever ended our friendship.” Although the conversation was one-sided, Max spoke to her every night, hoping it would bring her back to him. The guilt he felt escalated every time he saw her lying there so helplessly. “I would give anything to have it be me in that bed instead of you. Isn’t it strange? The man you claim to love hasn’t been here once and yet the man whose feelings are completely irrelevant, would trade places with you in a heartbeat.” He sighed deeply, feeling again the hurt her words had caused but that didn’t matter now. Her getting well was all that mattered.