Wanting to Remember, Trying to Forget (Meet the Shepards #1)

by Jacqueline Francis

  A knock at the door jolted him and at the same time he felt her fingers twitch beneath his hand.

  Rosie popped her head in. “Doctor Coleman is done for the night and he’ll probably come by to check on her before he leaves. You need to get out.”

  “Rosie, I think I felt her fingers twitch.”

  “That’s nothing to get excited about, Mister Shepard. Those things happen all the time.”

  “I’ve been here for twelve days and that has never happened before.”

  “Get out!”

  Max looked down and noticed the slightest movement of her eye. “There. Did you see that? I think she’s waking up.”

  Rosie hurried into the room and grabbed his arm. “Mister Shepard, you really need to leave. I could get fired if he finds you in here.”

  “Just give me a second.” Max leaned closer. Again her eyelids fluttered. “I’m not imagining this, Rosie.”

  Rosie, too, stopped and looked over at Danny. Her eyelids fluttered a few more times before she eventually opened them. She looked around the room, dazed and disoriented.

  “Where am I?” she asked, her voice sounding hoarse.

  “You’re in the hospital.” Max replied, relief spilling through him. “You were in a bad accident.”

  “An accident…I…I don’t remember…”

  “You’ve been unconscious for about two weeks.” Max took her hand but she did not look comfortable with the gesture.

  Her eyebrows furrowed together. “Are you…are you my doctor?”

  His eyes widened at the question.

  Rosie looked down at her with concern. “Don’t you know who this is?”

  “No…I don’t…I don’t know. We haven’t met before…have we?”

  Max looked up at the nurse, the only person who could offer some kind of explanation. “Rosie, what’s wrong with her?”

  He noticed that Danny was becoming more panicked. Her breathing had elevated and her eyes were searching the room but not focusing on anything in particular. The heart rate monitor began beeping faster.

  “Danny, are you alright?”

  She looked at him then, completely confused, as if she did not recognize her own name.

  “No…I…I don’t know who you are…or…where I am. I don’t know…I don’t remember.”

  “I’ll get Doctor Coleman,” Rosie said, rushing out of the room.

  “Just calm down,” he said reassuringly. “Everything’s going to be alright.”

  Doctor Coleman came in a few moments later. He looked at Max and then at Rosie. “Mister Shepard, you should not be in here. Please leave.”

  “I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Oh, yes you are,” Rosie said, grabbing his arm and pushing him to the door.

  “I can’t remember,” he heard Danny say as Rosie ushered him out. “I can’t remember anything.”

  Once outside the ward, Rosie released his arm. “Go home, Mister Shepard.”

  “Rosie, I told you, I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Your lady is awake now. You can’t see her looking the way you do. All dirty and scruffy and smelly. Doctor Coleman is probably going to be busy with her for a while so go home, have a shower, get cleaned up and, for God sakes, shave. Come back tomorrow morning. I’m sure the doctor will let you see her then.”

  Max nodded, feeling slightly strange. He was so happy that she had woken up yet now he was worried in a different way. He hoped that maybe she was just confused after being unconscious for so long. He left the hospital, hoping that when he returned she would be back to her old self again.

  * * *

  Danny stood in the bathroom, staring at herself, not really recognizing her own face. It really was not a face she would want to remember. She looked horrid. She lifted her hand to touch the scar on the side of her head and cringed. She had the same thick, ugly scars across her chest and back. What a sight to wake up to.

  After the series of tests the doctor had done, she still could not remember much of anything. No-one looked familiar. Her name was Danielle Peterson. That much had come back to her. She remembered that her biological parents were killed when she was just a baby. Other bits of her childhood were still a blur. She recalled certain foster homes, certain faces but it was all very vague.

  Memories of Jake were a bit clearer. She remembered arriving at his two-bedroom cottage when she was eleven years old. She had been so nervous and afraid of being rejected again but it had turned out completely the opposite. He had raised her with so much love and had been the world’s greatest dad, but her last vivid memory was Jake dropping her off at school when she was fifteen years old.

  She could not remember anything after that. She did not know what food she liked, where she lived, who her friends were. The man in her room earlier had known who she was and yet she could not remember ever meeting him. Danny. He had called her Danny.

  “Danny,” she said to herself, hoping it would stir something inside her but there was still nothing.

  There was a knock on the bathroom door. “Miss Peterson, are you in there?”

  “I’ll be out in a sec.” She walked out of the bathroom and was greeted by the friendly nurse she had seen earlier.

  “I’m Rosie,” she said. “I came to see if you need anything. My shift ended a few hours ago, but I wanted to make sure you’re alright before I go.”

  “Thanks. That’s very kind of you but I’m fine.”

  “You must be feeling all alone in this world, child. Not remembering a soul but don’t you worry. Your man will be back any second now and I am sure he can help you fill in the gaps.”

  Danny looked up at her quizzically. “My man?”

  “Yeah. Your fiancé.”

  “I’m engaged…? To him?”

  Rosie laughed. “I know he didn’t look like much when you saw him but that’s what happens when you’re worried out of your mind and spend twelve days loitering around a hospital.”

  Danny was taken aback. “He never left?”

  “Not until you woke up and it took a bit of convincing.”

  Danny smiled to herself. She did not know this man, did not have a clue as to what type of person he was, but hearing that caused the slight flutter of butterflies in her tummy.

  * * *

  Max returned to the hospital feeling refreshed and energized. A hot shower had done him good. It was 5a.m. Lauren and Amber had already arrived and were waiting for him outside the ICU ward. Charlie was there, too.

  “We are not allowed to see her yet,” Lauren said. “The doctor needs to speak to us first. I am not sure what is going on.”

  “She was a bit dazed when she woke up,” Max explained. “She couldn’t really remember—” He stopped when he noticed Doctor Coleman walking towards them.

  “How is she?” Max asked.

  “She’s fine…physically.” Doctor Coleman let out a weighted breath. “She can walk. She can speak, but she still can’t remember much of anything. Danielle is suffering from retrograde amnesia. I think it was brought on by a few things. From the scans it looks like the damage to her temporal lobe was worse than I originally anticipated. That coupled with reduced oxygen to the brain because of her lung injury and it seems like a large chunk of her memory has been wiped out. She remembers bits of her childhood but that’s about it.”

  “Is it permanent?” Amber asked.

  “We can never say with these things. It may take ten days, ten years. She may never regain her memory. You can all go in and see her now but please bear her situation in mind. She doesn’t know who any of you are so don’t force it. Don’t bombard her with questions or information. Take it slow. Keep your conversations general and relaxed.”

  Max’s stomach twisted into a tight ball. “When will she be able to go home?”

  “We have to keep her here a few more days for tests. I’ve scheduled an appointment with a psychologist tomorrow. When she’s discharged, surround her with familiar things; photos, places she liked. All of those
things could jog her memory.”

  “Thanks, Doc.” Max nodded and began walking to Danny’s room with the rest of them in tow.

  “Hey,” Max said to announce his presence.

  Danny looked up and gave a nervous smile. “Hi.”

  “May we come in? There’s a few people who are really excited to see you.”

  “Sure.”

  Max walked in first. “This is Lauren, your boss. She’s like a mother to both of us.”

  Lauren leaned over and hugged her. Amber did the same. Although Danny accepted the hugs, she did not look comfortable and pulled away first.

  “This is Amber, your very good friend from college. And this is Charlie.” Max smiled. “He’s technically my friend ’cause you guys don’t…really…let’s leave it there.”

  Charlie nodded a greeting but remained quiet.

  “And you are?” Danny asked, her hazel eyes looking up at him expectantly.

  “Oh, sorry. I’m Max.”

  “My fiancé?”

  His eyes widened. “Well…we’re not really engaged,” he admitted sheepishly. “Amber just told the doctor that so he would let me see you.”

  “But you guys are dating,” Charlie put in quickly.

  “Charlie!” Max shot him a warning look.

  “What?” Charlie asked innocently. “She’s living with you, Max. She would find out eventually.”

  “We’re living together?” Danny asked, her body tensing.

  “Yes…but don’t listen to Charlie…he—”

  “He’s being insensitive again,” Amber added. “The doctor said we shouldn’t bombard you with information so Max wanted to wait until you were more comfortable around him before he told you all this, but Charlie can’t keep his big mouth shut.”

  Max noticed the quick wink Amber gave Charlie and his temper flared.

  “How are you feeling, dear?” Lauren asked, hoping to ease the tension that had settled in the room.

  “I’m okay, I guess. Still in a bit of pain but it’s not too bad. It feels a bit strange, all of you in here. I’m not really sure what to say.” She smiled nervously. “So I work for you?”

  Lauren nodded.

  “What exactly do I do?”

  “Well, we work at Banners and Coopers, the biggest publishing house in California. You usually review and edit literary work before it’s published but we were looking into publishing certain self-help books and magazines. It’s not really our style but it seems quite lucrative. It was your idea, actually.”

  Max waited for Danny to be engrossed in the conversation before he looked at Charlie and nodded towards the door. Charlie took the hint and walked outside. Amber followed and Max closed the door behind them.

  “What the fuck are you two trying to pull?”

  Charlie shrugged. “I saw an opportunity and I went for it.”

  “What opportunity?”

  “You’ve been in love with Danny for years and now you have a chance to see what could happen. She doesn’t remember that you guys were just friends. You have to take advantage of this.”

  Max’s hands immediately compressed into tight fists. “You’re telling me to take advantage of my best friend who is suffering from severe head trauma. Are you fucking kidding me? That’s sick! She has amnesia and you want me to lie to her and pretend to be her boyfriend. I see why she hates you now, Charlie. She has been through the worst experience of her entire life and the first thing you say to her, the first words that leave your mouth are a fucking lie!”

  “Charlie’s right, Max.”

  He shut his eyes. “No, Amber. Not you, too. Charlie I can understand, but Danny is your friend too. You can’t expect—”

  Amber reached out and touched his arm. “Max, everyone knows how you feel about Danny. Everyone except Danny. You can spend the rest of your life wondering or you can take this opportunity and show her how great you guys could be together.”

  “It’s not an opportunity!” Max bellowed. “This idea is so fucking twisted.”

  “I was only trying to help,” Charlie said.

  “Stop helping! Because it’s not helping! And there’s just two small details you guys are not taking into consideration. Number one on the list, Danny already has a boyfriend.”

  “Richard?” Amber asked with disdain. “You mean the boyfriend who I called eight times and hasn’t been here to see her once, who hasn’t called once to see how she’s doing. He won’t even take my calls anymore. Trust me, Max, Richard is out of the picture.”

  Charlie nodded, quite happy with Amber’s response. “Now that we got that out the way, what’s the second thing?”

  Max sighed, the hurt showing plainly on his face. “Danny has never and will never feel the same way about me.”

  “Never say never, Max.” Amber said, trying to reassure him. “Danny’s feelings for you run deeper than she is willing to admit. She’s stubborn and refuses to acknowledge it.”

  Max remembered her words from the day of the accident. “I seriously doubt that. And this is wrong, guys. I can’t trick her into feeling something for me. As much as I want something to happen between us, it shouldn’t happen like this. If she regains her memory and finds out that I’ve been lying to her, she would never forgive me.”

  Charlie tapped Max on the shoulder. “I completely understand how you feel, buddy, but ask yourself this. What would you regret more? Losing her, or never having her? Yeah, there’s a chance that she could remember and hate you forever, but there’s also a chance that she could fall in love with you and that love will still be there if she regains her memory. It’s the chance you’ve been waiting for. I agree, the circumstances are not…great, but you need to decide if this is a chance you wanna take.”

  Charlie and Amber went back inside, leaving Max alone to consider his options. Charlie made a strong point. He would never get an opportunity like this again. Could he really let this slip by? But if he went through with this, would he be able to live this lie day in and day out? Doing this meant he would have to take advantage of his best friend. She did not remember anything, did not know anyone besides them. She trusted them and he was going to willingly abuse that trust. But if she never remembered, she would never know. The idea was as appealing as it was nerve-wracking.

  Max only realized how long he had been out there when he noticed the nurses were already doing their mid-morning rounds. With his mind made up, he walked back into Danny’s room. Amber was talking to her now, filling her in on her college days.

  “Wow, it sounds like we had a lot of fun that night.” Danny said with a giggle.

  “We did,” Amber conceded. “We hit it off after that, became inseparable.”

  Danny smiled and looked at Max. Amber noticed the looks that were exchanged and stood up. “C’mon, guys,” she said to Charlie and Lauren. “Let’s give them some time alone.”

  After a few more awkward hugs and kisses, Max was completely alone with her and suddenly he felt tense. That was something he thought he would never feel around Danny but it was all so different and new. He felt like she was a different person and he had taken on a new look on life. The slate had been wiped clean and he had to start rebuilding their relationship from scratch, only this time he could shape it into whatever he wanted it to be.

  Danny stared at the man in front of her. He seemed a bit apprehensive, bordering on awkward. She had not noticed how good looking he was earlier, but now with his clean-shaven jaw and his hair neatly combed, she could definitely see why she would have been attracted to him. He had a boyish sort of face which made him look approachable. Top that off with playful brown eyes and fleshy lips and overall he was very appealing to the eye. He had a demeanor about him that seemed almost shy.

  “Hi,” Danny said when the silence had stretched on for too long.

  He smiled and she noticed that he only had one dimple. It was situated on the perfect spot on his left cheek. Cute, she thought. He was very, very cute. High five, Danny. You have chosen well.


  “Hi,” Max replied.

  “How are you doing?”

  His smile widened, but he still looked a bit uncomfortable. “I’m doing…a lot better than I was yesterday.” He sat down on the bed beside her. “How about you?”

  “I’m doing a lot better than I was yesterday, too,” she teased.

  He pulled an unimpressed face. “Funny.”

  “Lauren and Amber seem nice.”

  “They are. Amber takes a little bit of getting used to but once you get past the rude exterior, she’s great.” He was quiet for a while before he said, “This feels weird. I know everything about you and you don’t know anything about me.”

  “That’s not true. You think you know everything about me, but if I don’t really know the type of person I am, then neither do you. Things may happen that could make me completely different from the person you remember.”

  Max nodded, looking rather enlightened by what she said. “I didn’t think about it like that. I guess…we have a chance to start over and we can make this into anything we want it to be.” He leaned closer and she felt her stomach tighten. “I know that you…don’t know me and you’re probably still trying to suss me out but…can I say something without you freaking out?”

  She nodded even though she did not quite know what to expect.

  “I really missed you.” He was quiet for a while, as if he was considering what to say next. “Is touching allowed?”

  Her eyes widened and tension stiffened her shoulders. “What?”

  “Am I allowed to touch you?”

  Although she was a bit more nervous this time, Danny nodded yet again and with that Max gathered her into his arms. His embrace was gentle yet protective. Danny closed her eyes and exhaled a breath of relief. He knew just how to hold her. He felt so good. He smelled so good. For those few moments she lost herself and all her problems seemed to disappear. It all seemed so natural, like she had done this a thousand times before.