Wanting to Remember, Trying to Forget (Meet the Shepards #1)

by Jacqueline Francis

  Danny nodded. “I guess that makes sense.” She laid back again but did not replace the cucumber slices back on her eyes. “Sometimes it feels as though our relationship is completely platonic.”

  Her statement made Amber snap up on the bed. “What makes you say that?”

  “He’s very affectionate,” Danny explained, “but I have been living with him for three weeks and he hasn’t even…tried to…kiss me yet. I mean, I’m not really sure if I’m ready for that but…he hasn’t even tried.” She shrugged. “Maybe he doesn’t find me attractive anymore. I don’t blame him. Look at me. I’m hideous.”

  Lauren sat up then, too. “You are not hideous, Danielle.”

  “Trust me, Danny,” Amber said. “That isn’t the reason why he hasn’t tried to kiss you yet. He will wait as long as it takes until you feel ready to move forward. I’m not sure how you’re going to take this, but if and when you do feel ready, you’re going to have to make the first move.”

  Danny was not sure what she was feeling. All she wanted was to restore some sense of normality, but nothing was normal to her. In which normal scenario could a woman ever say she was crushing on her boyfriend? And she was crushing in a big way.

  She hadn’t lied to Amber when she said she really liked him. He was a very likeable guy, but that’s what it felt like. A crush. Their light hand holding had progressed to hugs and a casual arm around her shoulder, but nothing more. There was a boundary he didn’t overstep. There were times when she thought he might cross the line, but he never did and she was at a point where she didn’t know what she really wanted anymore.

  A part of her wanted to move forward with Max, while the other part of her was still too scared and insecure. She was definitely too insecure to make the first move but allowing her relationship with Max to progress would be another small step to getting her life back to what it used to be. And maybe that’s what she needed to do.

  * * *

  “Max!” Danny called urgently. “Come here! I think I burnt it.”

  Max paused his video game and raced to the kitchen, which was completely clouded with smoke. He coughed and tried to fan the smoke away with his hand. “You sure it’s burnt?” he asked sarcastically.

  “I know. I know. I should be banned from all kitchens.”

  He smiled. He no longer made her aware of things she said which were actually recollections of their past conversations. He lifted the lid of the pot and more smoke erupted. Again, he fanned it away with his hand. What he saw could have been the charred remains of chicken breasts, but he was not entirely certain.

  He sighed. She had forgotten the little progress she had made.

  “Don’t worry,” he said reassuringly. “They’re in a better place now.”

  She giggled as he opened the small window in the kitchen.

  “Let’s go out to dinner,” he suggested. “You’ve been cooped up in this apartment for long enough and the doctor said I should surround you with familiar things.”

  Max opened the front door and stepped out.

  “Hang on a sec,” She dashed back inside and returned with a gray woolen cap. “Can’t go out looking like I just survived an encounter with Freddy Kruger.”

  “Really?” Max asked, taking the cap from her hand and carefully pulling it onto her head. “You remember Freddy Kruger and not me?”

  She shrugged. “He’s just better looking.”

  “Ouch!”

  He wrapped his arms around her waist and she tilted her head up. Her lips parted and her hazel eyes were filled with anticipation. For a moment he almost lost focus. Another second of her looking at him like that and he would have given in to the temptation. But if there was one thing he had learned over the years, it was how to control urges like these. With a heavy breath, he released her, casually slung his arm over her shoulder, and began walking to the stairwell.

  “Where are we going?” she asked.

  “You’ll see.”

  * * *

  “Max! Danny!”

  Max looked over at Danny, who was smiling at the tall man who greeted them with a thick Italian accent. She seemed excited to be there.

  “Welcome to Rocko’s Pizza and Pasta,” Max said. “That’s Rocko.”

  They walked across the wooden floors, passing a few tables covered in red and white checkered table cloths, until they reached their usual seats in the far corner of the restaurant. It was a quaint little place, easily bringing together all the warmly comforts of home. The smell of burning wood and melted cheese floated through the air. Rocko followed them, carrying two menus.

  “You guys haven’t been here in months,” Rocko said, placing a menu in front of each of them. “Mama,” he called, “they’re here!”

  “Brace yourself,” Max whispered to her when he saw the very large Italian woman scurrying out of the kitchen as fast as her stubby legs could carry her.

  Maria stomped towards them, murmuring in Italian. When she got to the table she took Danny’s face in both her hands and kissed her on each cheek, then did the same to Max.

  “You no come for so long,” she shouted, looking from him to Danny again. “And why you cut your hair? You look so thin. Why?” Before Danny could respond, Maria turned to Max and slapped him across the face. “You no take care of her.”

  Max adjusted his jaw slightly before he spoke. It was not the first time Maria had slapped him and he was sure it would not be the last. He knew she had not meant for it to be hard, but her fat hands caused it to sting a bit. “Mama, Danny was—”

  Another slap silenced him. Clearly no excuse was going to be good enough for her. Maria lifted Danny’s hand and studied her arm. “Thees no good,” she said with disgust. “So frail, no meat. Rocko, bring thee pasta. Alfredo for Danny.” She turned to Max, leaning closer to read his mind the way she always did. “Chorizo…yes, chorizo for Max. You eat. You eat,” she said before bustling back to the kitchen.

  “Friendly crowd,” Danny said with a giggle as she perused the menu. “That’s odd.” She lifted her head slightly to look at him “It doesn’t look like they serve piping hot slaps.”

  Max laughed. “I’m a special customer. She only brings that out for me.”

  “Did she just order for us?”

  “Yeah. She’s been doing it for years. She can take one look at us and know exactly what we want and, trust me, she’s never wrong.”

  “That’s pretty cool.” She leaned back in the wooden chair and crossed her arms. “Tell me about your family, Max.”

  Max smiled at the thought of his exuberant family and the large country-style house he had grown up in Great Falls, Montana. “Well, my parents are still madly in love even after thirty-two years of marriage. I have four siblings. Dominic Thadeus, my oldest brother. He’s thirty-one.” He laughed when he noticed how her face scrunched at his brother’s name. “I think my mom was in a Harlequin phase when she had him. Then there’s Shane Eldrick, twenty-eight.”

  “I think that’s actually worse,” Danny said, her face contorting once again.

  Max chuckled as he continued. “It was Shane’s birthday party that I invited you to. Anyway, I came next, Maximillian Augustus. After me is my sister, Jordan Alberta. We’re exactly ten months apart. Her birthday is the sixth of Feb.”

  “Gosh, your parents were busy.”

  Max ignored the comment because he didn’t want to have thoughts like that about his parents. “She says we’re Irish twins even though technically we’re not. And then there’s Kevin. He’s twenty.”

  “Just Kevin?” she inquired with a cute little twitch of her eyebrows.

  “Yeah, we have a theory. We think that by the time he was born, our parents were tired of thinking of such ridiculous names, so yeah, it’s just Kevin.”

  Rocko walked to the table and placed a hot plate of pasta in front of each of them.

  “Oh, one more,” Max said, sticking his fork into his pasta. “Perry. He’s not blood, but he’s definitely family. He’s been Kevin’
s best friend since kindergarten. I don’t think he ever leaves my parents’ house except to shower and change.”

  He continued telling Danny about his eventful childhood as they ate their pasta. She asked questions, she giggled, she completely immersed herself in the stories. That was something about her that had not changed. She had always listened intently to his stories about his family. It was because she had never known what it was like to have both parents, siblings, a full happy home. Although Jake had tried to give her everything; that was one thing she had always yearned for.

  “I hope I get to meet them soon,” she said.

  “Christmas,” Max said with a nod. “We spend every Christmas at my folk’s house so you’ll meet them then.”

  “But that’s another seven months,” she complained.

  “Trust me, you’ll regret being so eager.”

  Danny smiled as she twirled the pasta around her fork. “So do we come here often?” she asked, slipping the creamy pasta into her mouth.

  “All the time. It started in college. Mama would keep this open ’til the early hours of the morning so we could study. And we still kept coming here after we graduated. I have had some of my happiest moments here.”

  She smiled, intrigued. “Like what?”

  “Like my birthday last year.” He grinned, trying to contain his excitement as he reflected on the events. “You and Amber got some girls together and did this whole flash mob.”

  “What’s a flash mob?”

  “I can’t really explain it, but you’ll get it once I’m done. So I’m sitting right here and you’re over there…” Max pointed to the front of the restaurant, near the payment counter. “…looking sexy as all hell, twirling your hair and chewing gum like a teeny-bopper. And all of a sudden, this song…Pretty fly for a white guy come blaring through the speakers and you start dancing. Then Amber comes out from there.” He pointed to the corner of the room, where the restrooms were situated. His voice boomed with excitement. “And she joins you in the front and starts dancing, too. And then girls just start popping out of nowhere. From behind the booths, behind the counter, coming through the door and they were like…all over me. Just…with these short schoolgirl skirts and tight tops…It was the single most rewarding experience of my entire existence.”

  Danny laughed and he knew it was because he was blushing profusely. “I can’t believe I did that,” she said.

  Rocko returned and placed a pitcher of iced tea on the table.

  “You’ve always been pretty ostentatious.”

  “So all good memories here?”

  “Some not so good,” Rocko added. “Like—”

  “Shut up, Rocko!” Max kept his smile intact so that Danny would not get suspicious, but his good mood had disappeared all too quickly.

  Rocko took the hint and walked away without saying another word.

  “What’s he talking about?” Danny asked, looking confused.

  Max gritted his teeth and forced a smile. “Nothing.”

  She fixed her hazel eyes on him and he could tell that she was not going to stop questioning. “Was it bad?”

  “Drop it, Danny.”

  “Max, I keep getting the feeling that you’re keeping something from me. I’m trying to rebuild my life and I can’t do it without all the pieces. So please tell me what happened. I can’t only know about the good stuff, I need to know the bad stuff, too. You don’t need to protect me from my own past.”

  Max exhaled a loaded breath, realizing that he was going to go down the road he had barricaded in his mind years ago, a road that intersected with Anthony Townsend.

  Anthony was Danny’s first real boyfriend. Max had only met Danny a few months before he came swooping into her life with his dazzling good looks and cocky attitude. She was smitten, completely taken in by his bad boy demeanor. But it was all fake. He pretended to be from the wrong side of the track with his tattoos and leather biker jacket, but actually he was just a spoilt rich kid who couldn’t take no for an answer.

  Anthony was a fucking vulture, preying on the weak as cowards do, and Danny was an all too easy target. He exploited her, using her insecurities to draw her in, but in the end his efforts had been futile. Although Danny had always been loose with her heart, she was much more protective of her body and Anthony had not taken rejection well.

  He got her drunk one night as an attempt to loosen her up and when he still didn’t get what he wanted, he left her stranded on the beach. Danny broke up with him the very next day and before lunch time, very graphic pictures of her began circulating around campus.

  “How did he get the pictures?” Danny asked.

  “He must have taken them while you passed out on the beach.”

  “What a sicko!”

  Max sat back and crossed his arms over his chest, trying to secure the agitation in the pit of his stomach. This story had never been easy for him. He felt bile rise up in his throat every time he thought about it. The pictures were disgusting, her unconscious and half-naked with his grimy fucking hands all over her body. He didn’t tell Danny about that. He didn’t want her to feel the shame she had felt that day.

  One thing he was grateful for was that there were at least ten people at the beach that night. There was no telling what else that perverted asshole would have done to her had they been alone. This, too, he kept to himself.

  “It wasn’t too long after that that the rumors started,” Max said softly. “And then one day he comes in here while we’re studying, tells his friends to get in on the action, that you don’t mind doing more than one at a time.” Max clenched his fists and gritted his teeth. “Fuck, I lost my shit. I didn’t think, I just attacked…but there were five of them and only one of me so…it didn’t end well.”

  She reached out and touched his arm. “Max, I’m so sorry. It was because of me—”

  “It’s not your fault. You just have a knack for dating the biggest jerks on the planet.”

  She smiled. “That can’t be true,” she said. “I chose you, didn’t I?”

  Suddenly every ugly feeling Anthony Townsend stirred up dissolved and was replaced by guilt. Again, he kept this from her. He couldn’t tell her that being with him had never been her choice.

  * * *

  Danny stepped into their apartment, her giddiness threatening to brim over. Every second she spent with Max made her like him more. He was goofy and funny and he had a warmth about him that made her feel relaxed. She would tell him her deepest, darkest secrets if she could remember what they were.

  But there was something else, something she was beginning to notice the more time she spent with him. He had a temper, a rage brewing just beneath the surface. She had seen it earlier, but Anthony Townsend appeared to be merely the tip of the ice-berg. There was something much deeper that he was angry about and she couldn’t help but feel that she had a part to play in some of it. She chose not to bring it up for discussion. After tonight, she was sure he would also start opening up to her a bit more.

  “So you watched Jerry Maguire?” he asked, closing the door behind him.

  “Yeah. That guy…Tom Cruise…he’s amazing. I loved it!”

  “You always did,” he said softly, reaching out to pluck lint off her blouse that might not have been there.

  He had touched her more times than was necessary and every time he did, butterflies erupted in her stomach. Crushing on her boyfriend? How ridiculous!

  He had flirted with her all night, not with words, but with his eyes. He had a way of looking at her. Even when she was right in front of him, there was still distance in his eyes, almost like he was admiring her from afar, like she was something out of his reach.

  Their eyes met for a single, awkward moment and he quickly moved his hand and ran it through his hair. “Well…um…I guess I’d better let you…get to bed. Goodnight, Danny.” He turned and started heading to his bedroom.

  “Max,” she whispered and he turned to face her again.

  “Yeah.”
<
br />   “Aren’t you…aren’t you going to kiss me goodnight?”

  He froze for a few seconds and with uncertainty weighing down his every movement, he slowly made his way back to her. He lifted his hand to her neck, tilting her lips up towards his, and her eyes closed as he leaned closer. Nervous breaths warmed her skin. There were a few more hesitant ticks before his lips touched her. It was an awkward kiss, landing half on her lips and half on her cheek.

  “Goodnight, Danny,” he whispered.

  She opened her eyes only to see his back as he walked to his bedroom and shut the door. Tears stung her eyes, but she blinked them back. Amber had told her that she needed to make the first move and apart from throwing herself at him, she couldn’t have made it more obvious than that. It wasn’t easy to put herself out there and now she just felt embarrassed, rejected. Amber was so wrong. He didn’t want her.

  Danny had wanted to believe that he was still attracted to her despite her scars, but realized that she had misread everything tonight. He made it very clear that he was not interested.

  She walked to her bedroom and quietly closed the door. Pulling the woolen cap off her head, she slowly traced the fingers across her scar. Her hair was growing back, but it was barely half an inch, still too short to cover the scar. For the first time she felt the true impact of the accident. Not only had it transformed her appearance, it had done the same thing to her relationship with Max. And neither of these transformations were for the better.

  Since she had been discharged from the hospital, Max had always made her feel accepted, but she had misread that, too. It wasn’t acceptance. It was pity and she wasn’t going to be anyone’s charity case.

  * * *

  Max walked down the tree-lined street, kicking away the occasional stone in his path. He wanted to be alone this evening. He had cancelled gym with Charlie and yet he still could not bring himself to go home. Three days had passed and Danny had not said one word to him. Hurting her feelings was hard enough to deal with, but the silent treatment was driving him crazy.

  It was his fault. That much was certain. She had taken a bold step by asking him for a kiss and he rejected it, turned his back and walked away from the very thing he had been chasing for years.