Wanting to Remember, Trying to Forget (Meet the Shepards #1)

by Jacqueline Francis

  “I’m so glad you’re okay,” he whispered against her skin.

  She held him tighter. The whole world was an unfamiliar place. She had woken up with no recollection of anything or anyone. She was trying not to panic, trying to stay calm but it was all too overwhelming. She had met people today who had told her stories about her life. Although the stories invoked images, they were not memories. It felt abstract, like she was watching a movie about someone else. But the man holding her seemed to make it just a little better. He did not change her circumstances but he made it easier to deal with. He made her feel comfortable and more importantly, in a world where everyone was a stranger, he made her feel like she belonged.

  * * *

  “Home sweet home,” Max said as he opened the door to the apartment.

  Danny stepped in slowly and looked around. It was like a memory of a dream, faint and did not quite seem real. Everything from the curtains to the sofa to the oddly placed dining table seemed familiar yet as she searched her mind, she had no recollection of anything. The doctor had kept her in hospital for a few more days, but her situation had not improved. Even several appointments with a psychologist had not helped. She had been discharged this morning and she was terrified. The hospital was safe, neutral, but now she had to go back to a life she did not know.

  Home? This wasn’t home. Home was the little two-bedroom cottage that Jake had raised her in. And Jake, the only person in the world she remembered, was not there anymore. She had cried for hours after Max told her what had happened. Her heart felt heavy. It was too much to deal with. She was alone and surrounded by strangers, living with a stranger.

  To top it all off, she looked awful. The little cuts on her face had healed but the scars on her head and body were horrid and she could see that they were going to be permanent. Per her request, Max had shaved her entire head so she did not feel like a complete fool with her lopsided hair but she still felt self-conscious and insecure all the time, like everyone was staring at how ugly she was.

  She slowly walked in, taking her time as she looked around. She moved past the dining table and into the living room. “That’s a pretty vase,” she said idly.

  “What?” Max walked to the TV cabinet and peered inside. “When did you—”

  He stopped himself but Danny could complete the sentence. “I put it in there?”

  It was more of a statement than a question. He nodded and she turned away.

  “You okay?” he asked.

  She turned to face him and tears welled up in her eyes. “I feel so lost.”

  He pulled her into his arms and allowed her to cry. That was a quality she really liked about him. He always knew when words were not enough and a simple hug was sufficient. Her brain did not remember, but her body did. Every time he held her, the comfort she felt was so deeply rooted that it was impossible to believe that he was actually a stranger. A gentle kiss was placed on the side of her head. It was something he did without realizing. She didn’t mind, though. It made her feel accepted, less alone.

  He kept his arm over her shoulder and led her down the corridor. “This is your room.”

  “My room, or…our room?” she asked apprehensively.

  “We…uh…we don’t…sleep together. You wanted to take things slow and we…we haven’t been dating that long.”

  Take things slow, she thought. That sounded familiar. She noticed him nip his lower lip and for some reason the gesture made her feel uneasy but she decided not to question it. She was grateful that they were not going to be sharing a room. She wanted her own space and she definitely was not ready to fulfil any type of girlfriend duties with her feeling and looking the way she was.

  “I’ll give you some time alone…to get settled in. I’ll get dinner started and when you’re ready, come join me.”

  He left her at the doorway of her bedroom and she stood there for a long while before she went in. She walked to the bed, sat down and looked around. Everything in there was hers and it all seemed strange to her. In the corner of the room she saw a large white and red teddy bear and on the night table was a small card. She lifted it and read it.

  “I searched everywhere trying to find something as beautiful as you, but when I realized that such a thing doesn’t exist, I settled on the roses. Happy Valentine’s Day. Love Always.”

  She smiled, wondering about her relationship with Max before the accident. He was a nice guy, so considerate and he always made sure she was taken care of. The Valentine’s Day card made her wish she knew more about him, about their lives together.

  She had to start all over again, not just with him but with life in general. In a split second everything had been taken away from her. Her friends. Her career. Her life.

  She found herself wondering how she going to piece everything together. Although she was frustrated and depressed, she realized the only way she would be able to do it was to take it one step at a time. Sitting around, crying about a situation that was out of her control would be stupid and pointless. She had to find some way of getting her life back.

  She walked to her cupboard and was pleased with its contents. It was not great clothes but it definitely suited her taste and it made her feel a little more at ease. Rummaging through the shelves, she took out a set of baby blue pajamas, then she had a shower and went to the kitchen to meet Max.

  “Don’t you look like a breath of fresh air,” he said as she entered.

  She smiled, feeling shy all of sudden. He had a way of looking at her that made her feel beautiful despite the scars and her bald head. “I saw the Valentine’s Day gift you got for me.”

  He seemed intrigued by her statement. “How do you know it’s from me? It could have been from a secret admirer. The card wasn’t signed.”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know you very well, but everything about it is just so…Max.”

  His eyes locked on hers and it was almost like her words had struck something inside him. “It’s amazing what a fresh pair of eyes can see,” he said softly.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Nothing.” He turned his attention back to the food. “You hungry?”

  “What’s for dinner?”

  “Your favorite. Chicken-a-la-king,” he replied. “It’s almost ready.”

  She moved to sit on the barstool near the island counter. “This is hard. I have so many questions I don’t know where to start.”

  “Well, I don’t know all the details of your life but you can ask me what you want to know and I’ll answer whatever I can.”

  “Okay…how long have we been dating?”

  His body tensed. “Not long. We started this…very recently.”

  “And we’re already living together?”

  “We’ve been friends for six years and friendship turned into…what we have now.”

  She noticed that he spoke slowly, as if he were choosing his words very carefully. “Why did it take you so long?”

  Something about the way he smiled made her think that he was holding something back.

  “You were too immature for me,” he said simply. “I just had to wait for the right time.”

  She laughed, not having expected that response. “Just because you’re four months and twelve days older than me, it does not make you more mature.”

  His eyes widened. “Danny, how do…do you remember?”

  “No.”

  “Do you know when’s my birthday?”

  “No. I don’t know what made me say that. It just—” Danny could not comprehend what had just happened. She had not been thinking. The words came from nowhere.

  “It’s okay,” Max said, placing his hand over hers. “It’s probably force of habit. You used to say that to me all the time.”

  “That was so weird,” she said, still feeling confused. “When is your birthday?”

  “April sixth. I just turned twenty-six.”

  She nodded. “That was just a few—” She stopped herself when she realized that his birthday had be
en the day after the accident. “Max, I’m so sorry. Spending your birthday in a hospital must have been awful.”

  “Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault. It’s my—” A look came over his face that she could not quite read and again she felt like he was keeping something from her. He turned away and walked over to the pots. “Let’s eat.”

  He dished up quite a considerable helping for her and a bit less for himself, then walked with her to living room. They both sat down and Danny was first to dig in.

  “Oh, my God! This is delicious. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve only eaten hospital food but this is amazing. You’re a great cook.”

  He chuckled. “Thanks.”

  She devoured more than half before she looked up at him again. “How did we meet?”

  “Now that’s a funny story. It was September twenty-second, my brother’s twenty-second birthday, and my parents were throwing him a party that weekend. He had been teasing me for weeks, saying that I was too much of a dork to get it right with a college girl and he was right.” He smiled to himself. “I was becoming desperate looking for a date and then…I saw you sitting under a tree, reading this massive textbook. I raced up to you and said: I’ll give you a hundred bucks if you come to my brother’s party with me.”

  Danny giggled. “What did I say?”

  “You threw your book at me.”

  Her giggle turned into a laugh. “I did that?”

  “That should have been the first clue that you had a violent streak. I eventually convinced you to come to Montana with me and managed to save face, but you didn’t want money out of the deal. In return, you wanted me to type out all your assignments for the rest of the semester. That’s how we got to know each other…so it was worth it.”

  “And that’s how we became friends?”

  Max shook his head, a disheartened expression on his face. “Not exactly. You…uh…you had your own friends at that time, the cool kids, the ones who bunked classes and smoked weed every day. One night you guys went down to the beach and you got so drunk that you passed out and they…ended up leaving you there. You called me at four in the morning to come get you.” She noticed the slightest twitch on his face as if there was more to this story than he was willing to divulge. “I carried you up three flights of stairs to your dorm room and when I put you to bed, you kissed me on the cheek and said: Every day you prove to me why we shouldn’t be friends. When I asked you why, you pouted your lips and said…I just don’t deserve you.” He smiled then. “After that I don’t think we spent a single day apart.”

  “You must have been a really good friend for me to say that.” She looked at him, more questions formulating in her mind. Every small bit of information made her want to know more. “Was I a good friend to you?”

  He gave her a slight nod. “The best,” he answered. “There was a time when I was a Harry Potter junkie. I mean, like a psycho crazed fanatic.”

  “What’s Harry Potter?”

  “It’s only the most amazing series of books ever written.” His voice rose to match his excitement. “Magic and wizards, it’s awesome. You bought me the movies too so we can watch it sometime. Anyway, when the last book was released, it sold out in seconds so I waited for the next batch and the next batch, but I never got there early enough. It must have been a year later, you heard they were bringing in another shipment and you drove three hours to that bookstore and you camped outside from midnight just to get me a copy. And maybe that doesn’t seem like a big deal, but you don’t even like Harry Potter. You’ve done a lot for me, Danny. I was a nerdy, insecure kid, always trying to fit in and you showed me that…it’s okay to just be me. You were and still are my best friend.”

  She simply nodded, allowing this new information to sink in. There was so much history between them and she was not sure exactly where it all slotted in. The last thing she could remember clearly was Jake dropping her off at school. He had walked her to the steps leading to the building and kissed her goodbye. “Have a great day,” he’d said.

  Everything from that point to this was missing. But now she had a few more pieces to the puzzle. September twenty-second six years ago was the day she had met this man. The man who cooked and cleaned and liked Harry Potter. The man who had waited twelve days at the hospital. This man with his adorable little dimple. She did not know much about him, but she liked him, trusted him and she was excited to see where this would lead.

  “I know you’re probably getting tired of the questions,” she said, breaking the silence. “But can I ask one more?”

  “Don’t be silly. You can ask me anything.”

  “When did you start…liking me…more than a friend, I mean?”

  He didn’t answer immediately and Danny could tell that he was a bit unsure about revealing this to her. “It was…probably around…September twenty-third…yeah…about then.”

  She felt her cheeks heat up and realized that she was blushing. “You’re an extremely patient man, Max. That was very long time to wait.”

  “I’m Aries,” he said with a smile. “Patience isn’t one of my virtues. I just…I think a girl like you is worth waiting for.”

  * * *

  Danny awoke the next morning and it took her eyes a little while to adjust to her surroundings. This was going to take some getting used to. This was not the bedroom she had grown up in. No butterfly mosaics on her dresser. No boy band posters on the wall. For the last few days she had woken up expecting to see those things and every day she was met with disappointment instead.

  At least this morning she was not greeted by the dreary walls of a hospital room yet it was not without uneasiness. She heard rustling down the hall and was reminded that she was not alone in the apartment.

  Uneasiness now seemed like an understatement and this whole arrangement was becoming more daunting. The last thing she wanted was to be living with a man she barely knew, but she had no other options. With no family, what other choice did she have?

  One step at a time, she told herself. She walked to the bathroom, brushed her teeth and walked to the kitchen. Max was in there, already showered and ready for work.

  He handed her a hot mug. “Coffee?”

  She smiled, her mood lifting. “Thanks,” she said, taking it from him.

  “I need to get going in a few minutes, but I want you to feel at home here. This is your home. Do whatever you like, okay?”

  She nodded. “It feels a little weird. I’m not sure if I can—”

  “You can. I know it’s all overwhelming right now, but it will get better, I promise. And I’m gonna be there every step of the way. Anything you need, I’ll be there.”

  This was why she found it so easy to like him. He was just…Max. Thoughtful and caring without even really trying.

  He walked around the island counter. “I’d better get going.”

  She followed him to the door and he stepped outside. He did not leave immediately. Instead, he lingered at the door, chatting as if he were stalling for more time. “If you get too bored, maybe you should watch Harry Potter,” he suggested.

  “I thought you said I don’t like Harry Potter.”

  He smiled. “New beginnings, right?”

  Slightly nervous, he reached out and lightly brushed his finger down the side of her hand. Holding her when she needed comfort was something he did naturally and she accepted easily, but he had never touched her unless it was necessary and now it almost seemed like he was asking for permission before he invaded her personal space. That earned him another point, because she understood then that he was not going to rush her into anything; that she was indeed worth the wait.

  One step at a time, she told herself. And it all starts with step one.

  She took hold of his hand and squeezed it tight, silently letting him know that mild touching was allowed. “Right,” she whispered.

  May

  Danny closed her eyes as two cucumber slices were placed on her lids. After a good massage and a thirty minute fac
ial, she felt amazing. Lauren and Amber were trying to get her back into a normal routine and a beauty treatment at Madame Fouche’s Day Spa was apparently something they tried to do at least once a month. She was grateful to get out of their tiny apartment. Max was at work all day, which left her with nothing to do most of the time. Amber had taken her out for coffee a few times, but she was becoming bored at home and this outing was a welcomed break.

  Max had been right about Amber. She did take a little getting used to. She could be so rude sometimes but for some obscure reason, Danny liked that about her. Lauren on the other hand, was completely the opposite. She was poised and lady-like, never speaking out of turn. She was much older than the two of them yet somehow they all got along.

  “How are you doing, Danielle?” Lauren asked from the bed next to hers.

  “I’m doing well,” Danny replied. “I mean, I’m in no better position than I was last week when it comes to my memory but I’m feeling a lot better, more positive and you guys have all been so great and so accommodating.”

  “And how are things between you and Max?” came Amber’s voice from the other side of her.

  “Great,” Danny replied almost instantaneously. “He’s amazing, Amber. He’s so patient. He answers all my questions. He holds me when I cry. He makes it easier to deal with everything. He puts me at ease and I feel…comfortable around him. I like him. I…really like him but—”

  “But what?”

  “I just have this weird feeling that he’s hiding something from me.”

  “What could he possibly be hiding, dear?” Although Lauren’s tone was light, she sounded a little nervous.

  Danny sat up, removing the cucumbers from her eyes. “I don’t know. He seems very guarded.”

  “That’s just how Max is,” Amber offered. “He has to start from scratch again and at the moment he has a lot more invested in the relationship than you do. He’s probably just a bit skeptical about how all of this is going to play out.”