Wanting to Remember, Trying to Forget (Meet the Shepards #1)

by Jacqueline Francis

  It took a few tries but he finally managed to clasp both her wrists and with minimal effort, he pinned them to the floor. “You fight dirty,” he said, his ragged breathing warm against her lips.

  It was only then that he seemed to realize the position they were in and suddenly all playfulness vanished from his face. This was her undoing. With the unconcealed hunger in his eyes and his succulent mouth within her reach, she couldn’t resist.

  She lifted her head and their lips touched for a brief, fleeting instant. With a quick jerk of his head, he pulled back; his breathing unsteady, his fingers tightening around her wrists. His eyes locked on hers, asking questions she didn’t know the answer to. A few more silent seconds. A few more shaky breaths…

  “Fuck it!” he whispered and then he came crashing down, taking possession of her lips like he had never wanted anything more in his entire life. He drove his tongue into her mouth, kissing her with a desperation she couldn’t even fathom.

  His hands moved up from her wrists, interlinking with her fingers, squeezing so tight she thought he was trying to trap her in that moment. Heat coursed through her entire body. Her tongue played with his. A groan rumbled in his throat, reverberating on her lips and all she wanted to do was bury her hands in his hair, pull him closer so she could feel more of his body on hers. But with her hands restrained, the most she could do was lift her chest up to his, her breasts aching to feel any part of him. This caused another groan and more pulsing heat erupted within her.

  He was submersed in the kiss, not even coming up for air for a single second if it meant their lips would part. She lost herself in his hunger, giving as much as she took. Then without warning, he suddenly pulled away, ending the kiss as quickly as he had started it.

  “I’m sorry…I’m sorry…” The breath came out of him in short puffs. “I don’t…I…I don’t know what came over me.”

  She gave his fingers a gentle squeeze, unable to speak as she tried to slow down her own breathing.

  “I don’t think we’ve ever kissed before,” she said after some time.

  Something that resembled nervousness twitched on his face. “What makes you say that?”

  “If this was anything to go by, I definitely would have remembered it.”

  He smiled, his adorable dimple deepening on his left cheek.

  “Was our first kiss anything like that?” she asked.

  His grin widened. “Danny, our first kiss was exactly like that.”

  June

  Anytime now, Danny thought. At any second Max was going to rip his mouth away from hers and all the hormones raging inside her would come to a screeching halt. It happened every time. The months had moved from May to June, but they had not moved from first base to second and it was frustrating the hell out of her.

  Three weeks of making out – just making out – and it happened every single time. He would kiss her, the way he was right now, and every fiber of her being would come to life. Whether it was slow and easy, or fast and hungry, he would kiss her until she felt like she was going to burst if he didn’t touch her, and then he would abruptly pull away. The minute he felt like they might lose control, he ended it.

  But not tonight. She wasn’t having any of that tonight. Not with the way she was feeling. Not with his tongue working its magic in her mouth. Not with his rock hard erection throbbing between her legs like that. Tonight she wanted to lose control.

  He was on top of her, his chest crushing against her breasts; his hot, sexy mouth almost ravenous on hers. They were fully clothed, as they always were, yet tonight she was desperate for some kind of contact. She didn’t know what exactly her body was craving for, but there was an urge growing inside her. Every inch of her skin begged for his attention and so far her mouth was the only place that got any action.

  She moved hips against the hard length beneath his jeans and he groaned, a groan that made every womanly part of her tighten. Her nipples hardened against him.

  He broke the kiss. “Danny,” he whispered raggedly.

  “No!” She buried her hands his hair, pulling him back down to her.

  He lifted his head again. “I think…I really think…”

  “Don’t think! Just shut up and kiss me.” She brought his mouth down hard on hers. She bucked her hips up again, the most sensitive part of her rubbing against the most sensitive part of him. The thin pair of cotton pajamas she wore was barely a barrier. She felt everything. It was thrilling, ecstatic, euphoric. But it wasn’t enough. Something was happening inside her. Something so exquisitely excruciating and she knew he could feel it, too.

  He twisted his hand in the bed sheet, wrapping it tightly around his knuckles. “Danny…”

  The constricted moan of her name only made her want more. More of what, she didn’t know, but she wanted it. The pressure built inside her and his kisses were having the most drugging effect on her brain. A breathless whimper escaped her lips. She moved her hips again and again, thrusting faster, pressing harder.

  “Fuck, Danny!”

  The choked whisper was the last thing she heard before everything stopped. Max pulled fiercely out of her grip and moved to sit on the edge of the bed.

  He placed his elbows on his knees and dropped his head as he tried to catch his breath. “We can’t…we can’t do this…” He inhaled deeply a few more times as he pushed both hands through his hair and clasped his fingers together at the back of his head.

  “Why…why won’t you touch me?” Danny asked, still sounding breathless. She couldn’t hide the bite of frustration in her voice, because that was exactly how she felt. Frustrated! Like someone had just dumped a bucket of ice water on her. He would turn her on until every inch of her was an aching, hot mess and then nothing! She hated this part the most. The cool down. It was almost painful. The point where her body had to accept that it had just been teased and tormented and there was nothing more to come. “Why won’t you touch me?” she asked again, almost shouting this this time.

  He tilted his head slightly to look back at her. “I just…I think we should wait for you to regain your memory before…before we do anything more.”

  “That may never happen,” she said from between clenched teeth. She was angry now, tears stinging the back of her eyes. “Max, if you’re looking for excuses…If you’re not attracted to me, just say so.”

  His eyebrows creased as if he had never heard anything more absurd. “Danny, I’m sitting here with a fucking hard-on,” he said, using both hands to point to the bulge in his pants. “I think it’s pretty obvious that I’m attracted to you.”

  “Then, why won’t you touch me?”

  A low, exasperated groan escaped him. “If you remembered everything…I don’t think you’d be doing this with me right now.”

  “What are you hiding from me, Max?”

  “Nothing.” The answer came out as quickly as her question. “Danny, your body is sacred to you. You’ve never let anyone touch you…and…and…I don’t want you to regret anything we’ve done when you get your memory back.”

  “But I want you to touch me. I wouldn’t regret it, not with you.”

  He looked almost agonized at her response. “It’s not just you, it’s me.” He shifted his brown eyes from her to the floor. “I’ve only ever been with one woman,” he admitted softly. “And that was three years ago…a whole two times. I don’t…know what to do. I’m just a skinny nerd…and you’re…so beautiful, completely out of my league. You saved yourself for so long…I’m just going to end up disappointing you.”

  Danny was taken aback by the honest confession. It was refreshing. They were finally talking openly and it was clear that he was as insecure as she was. She crawled across the bed and slipped onto the floor. Moving between his legs on her knees, she looked up at him. “Max, if you knew what you do to me, you’d know that I only feel disappointment when you pull away.” She shrugged. “I don’t know what to do either, but we can learn from each other…teach each other. I’m not asking for
sex. I’m just asking you to touch me.”

  His eyes met hers then and with all the words and insecurities that hung in the air, a simple touch seemed less daunting for both of them. The silence stretched on for some time before he finally spoke again. “Okay,” he whispered.

  She lifted herself off the floor and sat down beside him on the bed with her legs crossed. “I want you to kiss me…” She tilted her head to the side and pointed to the hallow spot at the base of her neck. “…here.”

  She didn’t know if she would like it, but she’d seen Tom Cruise do it in Jerry Maguire and it looked tempting enough for her to give it a try.

  Max dipped his head and placed a soft kiss on her collarbone. It was gentle, tender and yet it still managed to send shivers down her spine. The tip of his tongue traced tiny circles on her skin. The sensation was ticklish, but electrifying so. Her hand moved into his hair, pushing his mouth harder against her. He pulled her skin into his mouth and she gasped.

  He pulled away, whipping off his T-shirt, and she took a moment to appreciate the sight of him. She had only seen him without a shirt once before and because of the bruises that had covered his body at the time, she hadn’t paid much attention. He was not as skinny as she thought he was. He wasn’t muscular as such, but extremely toned. His chest and arms were defined and she could see the faint lines of a six pack that was in the early stages of development.

  He pushed her back against the bed, resuming the same position they had been in just minutes before. Only this time his lips didn’t stay in one place. He kissed her down the other side of her neck and began unbuttoning her pajama top. It only took a few seconds for her brain to register what he was doing and as soon as it did, her hand quickly moved to her chest, tightly clutching the material between her fingers.

  Max lifted his head and looked down at her. “What’s wrong?”

  “Not there,” she managed to say.

  He smiled awkwardly. “I am so confused right now.”

  “I want you to touch me…but not there. Just skip that piece. Move onto something else. There’s nothing wrong with the bottom half of me.”

  He snapped up, his forehead creasing. “What’s wrong with the top half of you?”

  It wasn’t the question as such, but the way he asked it, that made her feel like another proverbial bucket of ice water was dropped on her head. She placed both hands over her face, trying to hide the humiliation and the tears that came all too quickly.

  “You can tell me,” he said.

  She shook her head, pressing her fingers harder against her eyes.

  Max gently pulled her hands away from her face. “Hey,” he whispered. “It’s just me. You don’t have to be afraid when you’re with me.”

  Danny shut her eyes tighter, but the tears still seeped through. She was afraid, afraid of showing vulnerability, afraid of him rejecting her again. She hadn’t wanted this. All she wanted was a heavy make-out session with her boyfriend and now she was an emotional damper on the mood.

  “Danny, look at me.”

  She shook her head again. She felt his hand on her cheek, stroking her tears away. “It’s just me,” he whispered, kissing the side of her face.

  His words were supposed to calm her, make her feel less intimidated, but it actually had the reverse effect. It was just him. The one person who she had completely opened herself up to and she wouldn’t be able to handle it if he rejected her again.

  With his mouth still placing reassuring kisses on her face, his hands moved back to the buttons on her pajamas.

  Again, her hand clamped down on the fabric. “Max, please don’t. I don’t want you to see me.”

  His hand moved over hers, tugging the material from her fingers. “It’s just me.”

  She finally mustered up enough courage to open her eyes and look at him. His hands moved tentatively, nervously as he undid the rest of her buttons.

  He slowly spread the material, revealing the thick, ugly scar on her chest. It started below one breast and zigzagged its way to above the other. A look came over his face, a look she couldn’t quite read. It wasn’t pity, but it wasn’t appreciation either. His breath caught slightly as his eyes moved over every part of her exposed skin.

  “I’m hideous!” she said, quickly covering herself up again.

  “You’re not.” His hand caught hers. “You’re not. You’re beautiful.”

  Her eyes shut, burning from the tears, the embarrassment, his brazen stare. “You don’t have to lie to me.”

  Max stood up and pulled her up as well. “I wanna show you something.” He walked with her to the dresser and stood behind her, shifting her body so that she looked directly at her reflection in the mirror. Both his hands came up from behind her and he slowly pulled the pajama top off her shoulders, exposing everything, including the same thick, ugly marks on her back.

  “Max…”

  “It’s okay.”

  He held her gaze in the mirror as his fingers lightly traced the length of her scar, starting under her left breast and ending above the right.

  “I’m so ugly,” she whispered, tears welling up her eyes again.

  “No.” He kissed the scar on the side of her head. “You see scars, but these aren’t scars, Danny. They’re reminders…reminders that I could have lost you, but here you are…in my arms. There’s nothing more beautiful than that.” He lifted both her arms and pulled them back around his neck. “You’re beautiful,” he whispered against her skin.

  His hands moved down her arms, but when they reached her chest, they stopped moving in unison. One hand moved onto her breast and she gasped. The other hand pressed against her stomach, pushing her back against his chest.

  There was something strangely erotic about watching his hands move over her body, feeling his bare skin against hers. He dipped his head to her neck, kissing her Jerry Maguire spot again, cupping her breast at the same time. She bit her lip to stifle a moan, her head falling back against his chest.

  The warmth of his mouth caused goose bumps all over body and for a few minutes she closed her eyes and enjoyed every tantalizing touch. The hand on her abdomen began to inch lower, but she could tell he was nervous. With one hand still holding onto the back of his neck, she placed her other hand over his and guided it past the waistband of her pajama pants to the wet spot that was aching to be touched. He groaned against her ear and she melted against him. With the slightest encouragement of her hand, his fingers moved inside her. This time she couldn’t stifle her moan.

  Suddenly all the sensations flowing through her body were overwhelming. She had asked him to touch her, but now she was feeling like maybe it was more than she could handle. The lips on her neck, the thumb rubbing over her nipple, the finger pushing deeper inside her, it was all too much. Too many pleasure points were receiving too much pleasure.

  “Max,” she whimpered.

  Her knees felt weak, ready to give in at any moment. She shifted her pelvis, rubbing her bottom against his crotch. A low growl rumbled in his throat and the urgency built inside her. Max spun her around, pushed her back until she was sitting halfway on the edge of the dresser and then he was kissing her again, hot and intense. The hard wall of his chest pressed against her. His hand moved down her pants again, his finger easily sliding into her.

  Every muscle in her body tensed. She bit his shoulder as attempt to release the pressure, but it kept building with each thrust of his finger. She wanted more. She needed more. She shifted her hips and his thumb accidentally brushed against her clitoris.

  A staggered groan left her lips. “There, Max,” she whispered urgently. “Touch me there.”

  His thumb began rotating over the same spot. “Like this?”

  “Faster.”

  Her hands moved to the buckle of his belt. She wanted him to feel what she felt, give him the same pleasure he gave her.

  “Don’t,” he said, quickly grabbing her hand. “I’m hanging on by a thread here and if you touch me, I’m done.”
/>   She didn’t argue. Instead, she wrapped her arms around him, pulling him closer. She needed something to hold on to. With his hand working her inside and out, she felt almost dizzy. Her nails grazed over his back as he moved faster and faster until…

  “Oh…Max…”

  It started off at her core, tiny little tingles. And when the pressure finally released, it was like a burst that rippled through her entire body, all the way to her toes. Her head dropped against his shoulder and he held her silently, allowing her time to regain composure.

  When she finally had enough strength to lift her head and look at him, he was beaming; a very proud smile on his face.

  “That…was far from disappointing,” Danny said, her voice sounding strange to her own ears. Her hands moved up into his hair. “Now, give me those lips again.”

  * * *

  “Yeah, Lauren,” Danny said as she surveyed the conference room. “I definitely see what you mean.”

  “I am up in arms, Danielle. The function is in two days and this is what they left me with.”

  Danny smiled to herself. Lauren didn’t show anger like most people. It wasn’t curt, or even nasty. It was poised like everything else Lauren did.

  She could understand why Lauren was angry, though. She had paid a small fortune to the designer to decorate the conference room and it looked horrid. The colors were all mismatched. Red, green, purple, and yellow. Who the hell does that?

  It looked completely unprofessional. Even an untrained eye could pick up the lack of attention to detail. The tables were arranged untidily, leaving minimal room for the dance area Lauren requested.

  Danny studied the room, top to bottom and left to right before she turned to the older woman. “Hey, Lauren. This is a benefit function for underprivileged kids, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, maybe you could play on that. Maybe…never mind. It’s a stupid idea.”

  “No. Go on, Danielle. No idea is stupid at this point.”

  Danny squished her lips together, almost nervous to elaborate. “What if you change the theme? Maybe a kid’s party…or a carnival. You could mix it with a fourth of July kinda feel. That way you can still use all these mismatched colors. You paid for it, you might as well use it.”