Wanting to Remember, Trying to Forget (Meet the Shepards #1)

by Jacqueline Francis

  Lauren smiled at her, but there was something odd about it. “What else?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe some balloons…and a popcorn machine…” She began to speak slower, feeling more anxious under Lauren’s eager gaze. “Maybe some jugglers…or a clown…we could move some of those tables…um…”

  Lauren released a sigh that sounded a little fake. “Everything you are saying sounds wonderful, dear, but like I said, the function is in two days and unfortunately I simply do not have the time to put all that together.”

  “I’ll do it,” Danny volunteered. “I’ll be happy to do it. I don’t really have much else to do.”

  “Then it’s settled.” Lauren reached into her handbag and pulled out an iPad. “This is yours. Your code is four-one-nine-two. It has all the information you may need. Caterers, florists, all those things. If you need any help, call Charlene, our receptionist, and she can help you with all the other details.”

  She spoke so fast that Danny couldn’t help but feel that it was all rehearsed. Before she could even voice her thoughts, Lauren was making her way to the door.

  “Oh, Danielle, I think it’s only fair that you charge me for your time and effort.”

  And that’s when it became very clear that the whole thing had been orchestrated. Danny had wanted to start working again, but finding a job in a professional, corporate environment wasn’t easy when the last thing she could remember was bits and pieces of the tenth grade. Creativity, however, did not require a degree and Lauren, bless her heart, had known that all too well.

  * * *

  Max switched on his gaming console and sat down. He needed something else to occupy his mind. Feeling at odds with himself was sort of a given at any moment in time.

  A part of him wanted to leap wholeheartedly into this relationship with Danny while the other part of him was holding back. The more they progressed, the heavier the burden of guilt became. And they were progressing quickly.

  It was bewildering. Danny had dated nine other men before him and not once had she been tempted to explore beyond first base. Maybe it was because she couldn’t remember how strict she had been about physical acts, or maybe it was him. He brought out a side of her that he never knew existed.

  Leo and Aries. Maybe that was the product of two fire signs colliding. Heat. Sizzling heat. Burning passion. Scorching need.

  He had that with Danny. Chemistry between two people could not be faked. Even if their entire relationship was based on a fabrication, that part was very real.

  He wanted to confess everything to her, tell her the whole truth, but with every passing day, he was sucked deeper into this lie. He couldn’t possibly tell her the truth now. There was too much to lose. It seemed simple enough on the surface. She liked him. She cared about him, so telling her the truth shouldn’t really change her feelings for him, especially because she couldn’t remember what their relationship was like before. But that wasn’t the problem.

  The problem was figuring out a way to explain to her that he had blatantly lied to her every day for two months. She would never be able to trust him again if he told her what was really going on. She would doubt everything he had told her so far and that’s what stopped him. Losing what they had built scared him into silence. He had been in love with her for the longest time, but this was different. His feelings for her were changing, morphing into something deeper and he didn’t want to ruin that.

  The lie was beginning to escalate beyond their relationship. His mother had called several times since she had been discharged from the hospital and every time she asked to speak to Danny, he had to think of another excuse. His mother knew that she had lost her memory, but he had not told anyone in his family – not even Jordan – that they were now dating. He would have to think of a way to rectify it before Christmas, but right now all he could do was continue living a lie.

  And while their invented lives pushed Danny forward, the guilt kept pulling him back. He wouldn’t allow himself to lose control with her. He barely let her touch him. That was how he maintained some kind of sensibility, because one slip, one moment of weakness and they could end up doing something she may regret. And that was the last thing he wanted to be if she regained her memory. A regret.

  So even though it was killing him, he was trying to practice restraint. Operative word being trying. Two inexperienced people in the bedroom and he had foolishly thought that making out would be enough for a long while. It was definitely not the case. Danny was insatiable. Reasons and excuses all fell on deaf ears. She had always been assertive but even more so now. She didn’t ask anymore. She took what she wanted. And she wanted him.

  When a woman as hot as that wanted something he so wanted to give, practicing restraint was damn near impossible.

  Max continued playing his game, shooting aliens and dodging monsters. It was a welcomed distraction from the thoughts afflicting his mind. He had just conquered level seven when she swooped through the front door and into the living room, glowing with excitement.

  Leaning over from behind the sofa, she wrapped her arms around his neck and plucked a quick kiss on his cheek. “So…I think I got a job,” she said.

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah. It’s just a one-time thing, but I’m really excited.” She moved around the sofa and sat down on the floor between his legs.

  Max leaned forward, resting his elbows on his thighs, holding the controls with both hands in front of her. “I’m happy for you,” he said, kissing the top of her head. “Maybe Lauren will let you plan more functions in future.”

  “How do you know that’s what Lauren wanted me to do?”

  He chuckled. “She made it pretty obvious when she came to pick you up earlier.”

  “I guess you guys do know me better than I know myself right now.”

  Max noted the saddened tone in her voice and placed another kiss on her head. “You’re still the same person,” he said softly. “The accident didn’t change you, it just…altered your perception a little bit. I know this is hard for you and it’s going to take some time, but eventually you’ll feel whole again.”

  Max used one hand to select his weapons for the next level while his other hand idly slipped into her T-shirt, his fingers tracing along the scar at the top of her chest. He loved that scar, all her scars. He loved everything they represented; a life with her he never would have had. They were tangible evidence that her perception had been altered and as much as it invoked guilt, he felt gratitude as well.

  She dropped her head back so she could look up at him. “Will you come with me to the charity dinner?”

  “Sure.”

  He leaned down and brushed his lips against hers. It was supposed to be brief, a quick simple kiss, but then she opened her mouth and everything in his body shifted up a gear. There was something about the way she kissed him that drove him absolutely wild. It was hungry, consuming and as much as his mind always told him to practice restraint, his body, the traitor, always reciprocated every one of her voracious desires. This was how things got out of hand.

  She twisted on the floor, moving onto her knees. “Max,” she whispered, nipping his lower lip. “I wanna try something.”

  Nope! No way! He wasn’t agreeing to anything with her looking at him like she was the predator and he was the prey. No! That look could only mean trouble. “I…uh…I would…I would really love to, Danny, but…” Her hands pressed up his thighs and his eyes shut involuntarily. “Uh…mmm…but I’m already…”

  She tentatively unbuckled his belt and unzipped his jeans. “I’m listening,” she said, looking up at him with innocent hazel eyes, but what she was doing was far from innocent. Her fingers nervously crept into his pants and wrapped around his thick shaft.

  “Fuck,” he whispered.

  That was the only reaction she needed for her nervousness to subside. His breathing accelerated as she began stroking him.

  “You were saying?”

  Her tone was neutral, completely indiffe
rent, like they were talking about the fucking weather. But her hand was around his cock, slowly rubbing him up and down, and talking about anything at that moment was difficult. “I was…I was…aaah…I was saying that…um…fuck…I’m already…on the eighth…level…just…really busy.”

  “Oh, okay,” she said, feigning disappointment. “You carry on with your game. I’ll just find something better to do.” She pulled on either side of his jeans, tugging slightly until there was no longer a barrier between her and the only part of him that mattered right now. “Wow,” she said, staring at the thick rod in her hand. “That’s impressive.”

  He tried to give her a nonchalant shrug. “One dimple.”

  He knew she didn’t get the joke, but she smiled anyway. “I was talking about the game. Eighth level. That’s impressive.”

  She leaned closer and it felt like his heart was beating so fast, it was going to burst out of his chest at any second. She licked her lips and the predatory look returned to her eyes. He wanted to stop her. He knew he should stop her, but the light breaths on his skin were rendering him useless, unable to move or speak. He was nervous, anxious, anticipation flooding through him. No man in this position would be able to stop, not with a pair of luscious lips being so close.

  Her tongue lightly licked his tip and it sent a fleeting ripple through his entire body. He groaned. He couldn’t keep his head up anymore. It fell heavily against the backrest of the sofa. She circled her tongue around his tip before pulling it completely into her mouth. His body stiffened. His hands tightened around the controller. Her moist, warm mouth turned the ripple into a tidal wave.

  He stopped breathing, literally stopped breathing for several seconds. His brain had stopped working as soon as she had unzipped his jeans. His heart was going into overdrive because somewhere in the last few minutes, it had forgotten how to beat in regular intervals. And now his lungs were giving in, blatantly refusing to take in any air. It was like every organ was confused and electrified by the sensations pounding through his body; like they were all shouting: “Hey, what’s going on down there, Penis?”

  But Penis was too wrapped up in Danny’s mouth to respond so they all just continued to malfunction. His cells were scurrying around in a daze, not knowing whether they should be carrying oxygen to one head or the other.

  Amidst all the chaos, his brain finally managed to form a coherent thought, an ingenious idea that would hopefully slow everything down. Just think of something mundane, he told himself. Like butterflies and daisies. That always used to work before. Of course, before his cock wasn’t caught up in the hot, wet vise grip of her mouth, but it was worth a try.

  Butterflies and daisies!

  He looked down at her, watching the erotic way her lips moved up and down the length of him. Somehow seeing and feeling at the same time had the opposite effect of what he was trying to achieve.

  Butter…flies…and…daisies!

  “Danny…”

  He wasn’t sure if she had heard him. It was a muffled moan that had barely reached his own ears over his ragged breathing. She moved her hand to just below her mouth, stroking him as she pulled and sucked. He dropped the controller, gripping onto the side of the sofa instead. He stopped breathing again. The blood drained from his head.

  Butter…Butterdaisies…and…flies…

  “Danny…Danny, stop!” He grasped her shoulders and pushed her away from him. “Stop…stop…please stop…” His fingers pressed hard into her arms as he tried to get his breath back. “This…could all end…very quickly if you keep…doing that.”

  “What could end?” she asked, trying her hand at innocence again. “I thought you were playing your game.”

  He laughed and ran an unsteady hand down his face. “You’re evil.”

  Her hand resumed the task, rubbing faster than it did before. He was so close to the edge that it didn’t take long. A deep groan rumbled in his throat. He felt every muscle contract, a shockwave jolting through his body and then…the ultimate release.

  He shut his eyes, unable to keep them open. His body shuddered; another thing he could not control. It was only when his breathing slowed that his brain started thinking normally again. She slowly loosened her grip and Max looked down at her wet hand.

  “I’m sorry,” he said, feeling slightly embarrassed. “I…I tried to warn you.”

  A wide smile stretched across her face. “It’s okay. I’ll go get cleaned up.” She stood up with a sigh of satisfaction and kissed him. “Hey, Max. Who knew video games could be so much fun?” She gave him a naughty wink and left the living room.

  Yeah, he loved her!

  July

  Danny shifted in her seat as Max parked the car. A nervous knot had developed in her stomach during the drive to the conference venue. She was so scared that she had maybe missed something and the function was going to be a flop, like the sponge cake she had tried to bake last week. There were going to be over two hundred people there tonight and she didn’t want it to be an epic fail.

  She pulled down the visor on the passenger side and checked her make-up in the small mirror. That looked fine. It was her hair that was the problem. It was an awkward length now, long enough to cover the scar but still too short to actually style it. She had trimmed it a bit yesterday to get rid of the edges that were curling in all directions. With her short hair and small boobs, she could definitely pass as a boy if she wore the right clothes. She didn’t wear the right clothes, though, so tonight she looked like a boy in a dress.

  Max kept telling her that she looked beautiful, but his opinion was a little biased. She still felt incredibly self-conscious. Every dress in her cupboard had a low-neckline. Add the scar to the boy in a dress look and she beginning to regret coming to this dinner.

  Max walked around to the passenger side and opened the door. She slowly stepped out into the warm summer air. There was no need for a cardigan on a hot night like this, but she pulled it on anyway and began buttoning it up.

  “Don’t cover it,” he said, placing his hand over hers.

  His fingers slowly moved over scar and Danny could only smile. He had the oddest fascination with that thing. The only person in the world who could see beauty in something so ugly. She relented, though, and pulled off her cardigan, because she realized then that his opinion was the only one that actually mattered.

  She took his hand and walked with him into the venue. What had looked like clown vomit just two days ago, now looked like a properly themed carnival. Two popcorn machines stood right at the entrance and the heavenly smell mingled with that of syrup-dipped donuts.

  “It looks amazing,” Max commented as his eyes scanned the colorful room. “I’m proud of you.”

  The words filled her with a warm, fuzzy feeling. She had rearranged the tables to make room for a decent sized dance floor. There was a clown on there now, circling around on his unicycle.

  Danny led Max to the back of the room to a table that was reserved for them, Amber and Charlie. Amber was already there, looking breathtakingly beautiful in a deep green dress which accentuated her perfectly tanned skin and auburn hair.

  “You did it again,” she said, waving her hand around the room. “It looks amazing. And these starters are divine.”

  “Thanks,” Danny said, sitting down beside her. “I can’t cook, but at least now I know people who can.”

  Charlie arrived a few minutes later. “Amber,” he said, taking a seat, “you’re looking lovely this evening.”

  “Why, thank you, Charlie.”

  He looked over at Danny. “You, too, Sat—uh, Danny.”

  Danny smiled. Charlie slamming brakes mid-sentence had not gone unnoticed. “What were you about to call me?”

  “Just an old nick-name,” he responded with a shrug. “Old habits die hard.”

  “I get the feeling you don’t like me very much.”

  Charlie nodded. “Your feeling would be correct. But how about we start afresh? I’ve called you Satan. You’ve said
that I look…old and now that everything is out in the open we can begin to heal. Let’s just put all that behind us, shall we?”

  Danny laughed at the dramatic flair he had added to his words. “Sure, Charlie.”

  The waiters came around, serving dinner which was surprisingly more delicious than the starters. There were a variety of options but they had all ordered lamb shank on a bed of mashed potatoes accompanied with steamed green beans and carrots.

  Danny got sucked into the conversation, giggling at the banter between Charlie and Amber, laughing at the dorky jokes Max made. Despite her memory loss, she did not feel out of place at all. They included her in the conversation, filling her in if she could not recall a specific event and she concluded that maybe Max was right. Eventually, she would feel whole again.

  After dinner, she stood up and used a napkin to dab her lips. “I want to make sure the DJ is ready.”

  She gave Max a quick kiss on the lips, then walked across the dance floor to the front of the room. She was a few feet away from the DJ’s table when a tall woman stood up and blocked her path. With her sandy hair and brown eyes, she looked like a younger version of Lauren.

  “So that’s why you didn’t want to set me up with Max,” she hissed. “Because you wanted him for yourself!”

  Danny’s eyes widened with confusion. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  Every feature on her flawless face hardened. “Are you really gonna play dumb? I saw you kiss him!” She sneered. “I should have known the day I saw you dancing with him that you were going to stab me in the back, but I gave you the benefit of the doubt. You kept going on and on about how much you loved Richard and I actually believed you.”

  Danny’s mind was reeling now. “Wait…who?”

  But the woman in front of her didn’t pay much attention to her question. Instead she continued with her attack, each word dripping with unexplained anger. “You kept on saying that you would never be interested in Max, that the two of you were just friends. You told me that Max was dating someone else but now I see—”