The Lingerie Designer

by Siobhán McKenna

“Ah, Helen, you disappoint me, it’s the latest celebrity slimming craze!”

  “Hi, Helen!” Lily shouted, her voice shaking from the giant vibrating plate she stood on.

  Helen gasped, with wonderment, or was that horror as Lily’s flesh jiggled up and down, at lightning speed.

  “Here, have a go!” Lily jumped off the machine.

  “No way, if it does that to a seventeen-year-old body, I can’t imagine what it’d do to mine. Never mind the damage I’d do to the foundations of the house.”

  “Go on, Helen, have a go!” Poppy urged.

  Helen tutted. “All right then, just for a minute, if it’ll it make me skinny.”

  She hopped on and Lily gradually increased the speed.

  “It’s a bit weird, I quite like it though,” Helen jiggled.

  Lily pressed the button for maximum speed.

  “Stop! My boobs are about to fly off!” Helen squealed as she vibrated at lightning velocity.

  “Better turn it down, Lily.” Poppy put her hand over her mouth to hide her laughter. “We don’t want the first Irish tsunami.”

  Lily decreased the speed and Helen’s boobs wiggled a little slower.

  “That’d be some headline: Lingerie Designer Causes Tsunami with Giant Vibrating Tits. I can just see it on the tabloids now,” Helen laughed – something she hadn’t done in a while. She picked up the instruction booklet with pictures of a model in various exercise poses. “So it slims, tones and rehabilitates. Where has this machine been all my life?”

  “Poppy said she got it for me to aid my recovery,” said Lily and continued with devilment in her voice, “I reckon Poppy’s just trying to impress her Latin Lover with new and improved biceps!”

  Poppy threw Lily her best angry face. The comment didn’t pass Helen.

  “Latin lover, hey, what have I missed? And since when were men interested in biceps that aren’t their own?” Helen looked up from her flicking through the booklet.

  All eyes were on Poppy.

  “Don’t mind Lily – that knock on the head obviously has her deranged, delusional or both,” Poppy said with flushed cheeks, but her smile gave her away.

  “Mum’s going on a date with Angelo, Helen!” Lily declared triumphantly.

  “It’s not a date – we’re going for a walk, that’s all. He doesn’t know very many people here. I’m just being friendly – after all he did for Lily.” Poppy hoped she sounded more convincing than she felt. She guessed not when she heard the whoops of laughter.

  “Didn’t a famous singer with a super-toned body have a young Latin Lover – do you think your mother’s modelling herself on her?” Helen said to Lily.

  “That’s it – I told you it’s all about the biceps.” Lily nodded, case proven.

  “Shut up, the pair of you, what are you like?” Poppy scolded.

  “We’d better shut up, before we upset your mother,” said Helen. “Mind you, no wonder she was buying those conical hats in Vietnam – she probably wanted to turn them into a bra. Or maybe she’s after my job at Eden!” Helen couldn’t help but laugh at her own joke.

  “That’s it – we’ll re-name her the ‘Material Mum’.” Lily held her stomach – laughing hurt her mending ribs.

  Poppy, who had her arms crossed defensively, couldn’t help but join in. “I’m still a girl, I’ll have you know, young lady. And besides, Madonna is way older than me.”

  When the laughter died down, Helen let out a long sigh. She felt a bit guilty for laughing.

  “It feels so good to laugh!” said Poppy. “I can only imagine what Mary would say, if she saw this thing.” She pointed to the machine.

  “She’d say, ‘Poppy – a fine-looking woman like yourself – stop fannying around with giant vibrators and the like, and go out and meet a nice man for yourself!’” Helen mimicked her mother’s voice and the laughter started all over again.

  But Helen felt a stab of grief in her chest.

  Poppy looked at Helen and said softly, “Come on, we’re just about to eat and as always I’ve made too much.”

  Whatever had happened between them since the accident, the unsaid words had melted away. They’d be okay.

  “All right, as long as it’s not some vegetarian muck,” Helen wrinkled her nose, “or are you all back to being carnivores, as God intended you to be?”

  “It’s fish actually. I’m trying to get as much protein as possible into Lily, help build her strength back up.” Poppy busied herself warming plates – she felt uncomfortable mentioning the accident.

  Lily curled her lip when she saw the fish pie.

  “Go on then, eat up, Lil. I thought you’d love that, ” Helen said, pulling a face at her without Poppy seeing.

  Lily picked at her food and then took a deep breath and said, “Actually, I’m glad you’re here, Helen, because I’ve something to say and Mum’s going to start crying, because she even cries at TV commercials. So here’s the thing. Since the accident, I’ve done a lot of thinking and the fact is, I haven’t been totally honest, with you guys or myself. I don’t think . . . well, the thing is, maybe I’m not a lesbian after all. And I don’t like fish either, Mum.”

  “I’m not sure there’s a connection, I think lesbians eat fish, but just go with your gut, honey – whatever feels right.” Poppy patted Lily’s hand.

  Helen took a bite of her fish pie – she decided silence on the subject was her safest option.

  “Actually, I’ve an announcement of my own,” she said then, without looking up from her plate. “There’s no easy way to say this so I’ll just say it. I’ve accepted a job in Hong Kong. I’m leaving next week so I’m hoping you’ll take care of JD. Also, I’ve a son, Daniel, and he’s just moved to Dublin.” She took a mouthful of the pie.

  The kitchen was silent.

  Helen looked from mother to daughter nonchalantly. “That’s all my announcements – somebody say something.”

  “Is he cute?” Lily broke the shock-wave.

  “Not five minutes ago you were a lesbian!”

  Poppy remained motionless, a picture caught in time.

  “Say something.” Helen’s cheeks burned.

  “I don’t know where to start,” Poppy whispered.

  “Well, you knew I’d had a baby so that’s not that much of a shock surely?” Helen tried to lighten the situation.

  “How can you even consider going to Hong Kong to live!” Poppy didn’t conceal her anger. “For Christ sake, Helen, when are you going to get in touch with reality? There’s more to life than BMWs and designer clothes. Your son has just walked back into your life. Even you must see the significance of the timing.” Poppy flew off in an uncharacteristic rant. She picked up the wine bottle from the table, poured a large glass and took a sizeable gulp. “For once, Helen, stop running and face some responsibility!”

  Helen bit her lip as she felt her anger rising. Poppy seemed to think that because she was the spiritual one it gave her some kind of higher moral ground, the right to judge Helen’s decisions. As though there was a divine hierarchy and Helen was only on the starting rung. Truth was, Helen wasn’t so sure Poppy was walking her own talk.

  Without warning, Lily erupted.

  “Just shut up, Mum! Who are you to judge anyone? You preach about healing, love and understanding – it’s bullshit! Angelo has been a rock, adores the ground you walk on. And what do you say? ‘He’s too short, he smokes, he’s Italian, they all think with their dicks, let me just have another glass of wine while I sit here, alone at night, waiting for Mr Right to find me because I’m so bloody perfect’! You’re pathetic!”

  “How dare you speak to me like that – I’m your mother!” Poppy spat back.

  “Yeah, well, start acting like one. I’ve had three parents. One is in a coma, the other is running to the other side of the world and my only blood mother is living in La La Land – and you wonder why I’m fucked up!” She flung her dinner plate across the room – it smashed into the kitchen wall.

  Lily st
ood up but didn’t leave. She panted as though she’d just run a mile. They each watched as bits of mashed potato and fish slid down the tiles.

  Poppy wept silently, her shoulders shaking up and down as she buried her face.

  Helen was the first to speak.

  “We’re all grieving, in our own way, but it’s all the same thing. The trauma feels too much to bear. My going is about medical bills and negative equity on my property, not luxuries, Poppy. If I’ve any chance of keeping Mum alive, I need my job and its salary. I’ve racked my brain, looking for a solution. Daniel turning up is bitter sweet. Your universal synchronicity has thrown me a curveball, Poppy. But you and Lily, you’ve got each other, still.”

  Poppy swallowed hard and looked up at Lily. “Is that really what you think of me?”

  Lily softened. “I get scared sometimes, is all. I know we’re different from other families and I kind of like that but you don’t seem happy inside, Mum. You keep trying new therapies and chasing something. I don’t know what it is you’re looking for but I feel you’ve got all these regrets, maybe about having me so young.” She didn’t look up – instead she started to peel dark polish off her fingernails. “It’s as if you keep dreaming, you get distant and I can’t reach you. I don’t understand why you’re not happy with all you’ve got. Instead of fantasising why not take a chance, go after your dream. How long have you dreamed of opening a holistic centre? An oasis of healing, you called it – this vision in your head. Without taking a risk, nothing is ever going to change.” Lily sat down. “I know you think I’m just a kid but I know when things aren’t right.”

  Poppy put her hand over her mouth as a gut-wrenching realisation washed over her. “I never saw it from your point of view, Lily. I’m sorry I’ve been so self-absorbed.” She hung her head.

  “We’ve let you down, Lily – I’m so sorry,” Helen eventually said.

  “You didn’t, I’m really proud of you two, but now that I don’t have Mary as back-up, your Dumb and Dumber double act isn’t so appealing.” Lily gave them a half smile.

  “I don’t know what to say, I feel so ashamed,” Poppy whispered. “I’m sorry for the horrible things I said, Helen. I just saw things my way and I felt terrified that you won’t be around. Of course we’ll look after JD for you.” She brushed her hair back and wiped her face.

  Helen sighed – it was a moment of coroner-slab clarity. “I know I’m supposed to have trust and believe everything happens for a reason but it seems to me the Universe is playing a sick joke on me.”

  They nodded their agreement.

  “Nonetheless, I don’t know who I’m trying to kid. As soon as Daniel walked through that front door and back into my life, everything changed – again. I’m not going to Hong Kong. I’m staying right here, to continue to fuck-up everything, with you two, if you’ll have me.”

  Helen had sparked their tsunami after all. Now they were feeling the wave of aftershock. Next would come the clean-up and rebuild. Starting with the fish-pie-decorated wall.

  “I’m going to leave you two to talk – there’s someone I need to see,” Helen said but scooped up one last forkful of food as she stood to leave. “That really is yummy, Poppy – did you really make it yourself?”

  Poppy raised her eyebrows and considered telling a fib before replying, “M&S.”

  “Figures.” Helen pulled on her coat, happy with Poppy’s reply. Enough had changed around here in the past few weeks – she didn’t want Poppy morphing into a female Gordon Ramsay. Sometimes the familiar, albeit lousy cooking, was what gave the most comfort.

  “Where are you going?” Poppy asked.

  Helen gave Lily a hug and kissed Poppy on the cheek. “To see Rob. To tell him he’s a father.”

  After Helen left, Poppy and Lily skirted around each other for a while, talking casually as Lily cleaned up the plate-throwing mess. Eventually, they sat and attempted to talk but both were feeling too drained so they opted to watch a rerun of Friends – “The One Where Ross is Fine”. It made them laugh.

  When Lily said she was having an early night, Poppy sat and reflected on everything, being brutally honest with herself. She picked up her phone.

  “Hi, Angelo, it’s me, Poppy. Yes, I’m fine, thanks. Everything is okay here, yes. Angelo, I was just wondering, about the walk. No, no, of course I don’t want to cancel. I thought, maybe afterwards, we could go to see a movie?”

  Chapter 60

  Helen didn’t tell Rob why she needed to see him, just that it was urgent and that she needed to talk to him face to face. Rob sounded pleased to hear her voice at first – but grew suspicious when she wouldn’t elaborate over the phone. He didn’t like mystery, he liked facts. Now standing at his front door, she wondered if it was a good idea to be here.

  Rob opened the door. “Helen, hi – come in.” He wore a plain black T-shirt, pyjama bottoms and two-day-old stubble. He looked damn sexy. Out of the blue she thought of Jack Taylor, how she’d woken in his arms and wanted to make love to him.

  “How have you been? I meant to call but I’m slammed at work. Please, come, sit down.”

  Rob moved the collection of Sunday papers out of the way to make space to sit. The fire crackled and mellow strains of jazz filled the room. A bottle of red wine sat decanting by the fireplace – beside it were two glasses.

  “I’m sorry to interrupt your Sunday but there’s something I need to tell you.”

  Helen had started to take her coat off when a woman walked through from the kitchen. Helen recognised her as Rob’s one Facebook friend. She couldn’t explain it but she felt a pang of jealousy when she saw another woman in Rob’s home. She knew the feeling was ridiculous, but there it was just the same.

  “You must be Helen, Rob’s told me a lot about you. I’m Nadia.” The girl swished forward in a flash of silky golden hair and white teeth to shake Helen’s hand.

  “Nice to meet you,” Helen lied but smiled, as she wondered what Rob had said.

  “May I get you something, Helen, some tea, a glass of wine maybe?” Nadia asked.

  “No, thank you, I won’t stay long. I just need a word with Rob.” Helen wondered if they were living together. Nadia appeared very much at home. How long since she and Rob had slept together – about two months, wasn’t it?

  Nadia didn’t show any sign of leaving the room.

  “In private, Rob, please,” Helen said, feeling like a bitch but not caring.

  Rob had watched at the interaction between Helen and Nadia, bemused. Earlier he had even let his imagination run wild – Helen and Nadia, a blonde sandwich, with him as the filling. But now the atmosphere was anything but sexual.

  Nadia looked at Rob for back-up, but got none. “Sure. No problem,” she said in a clipped tone. She left the room and a moment or two later they heard the front door slam.

  Rob had made no attempt to go after Nadia, who had a lot to learn about Rob Lawless. “Alright, Helen, I’m all ears.” He poured two glasses of red wine and handed one to her, indicating that she should take a seat by the fire.

  Helen stayed standing. She looked Rob in the eye and he held her gaze. She cherished the seconds, as she knew that in a moment their relationship, whatever it was, would never be the same again.

  “We have a son, Rob. His name is Daniel and he’s living here in Dublin.”

  That was it. Not so hard was it, Helen?

  Rob didn’t say anything at first, his forehead knitted in confusion.

  “Excuse me?”

  “The abortion your mother arranged for me, I didn’t go through with it. I stayed in the UK and I had the baby – Daniel. I gave him up for adoption. I know I should have told you, but you were so cruel at the time, so disinterested, and then when we got back together years later, I couldn’t find the words.”

  Rob sat down, dazed, his eyes darted from left to right, as though he were searching for the right questions to ask.

  Helen waited for his anger to emerge. It didn’t come.

  “Why
are you telling me now, after all this time?” he asked, his face showing the strain of shock.

  “Because he’s here. I left my details with the adoption agency in case he wanted to look for me when he was older and he did – I met him today.”

  “I don’t know what to say. My mother told me you had a termination. I’d no idea she was involved, let alone arranged it. You did say that?”

  “Yes,” she answered, shocked. “She did. You didn’t know?”

  “No,” he whispered. He put down his wineglass as tears pricked his eyes – he pinched them between his forefinger and thumb, before resting his face in his hand. “It’s one of those things blokes say, isn’t it?”

  “What?”

  “Someone asks you – do you have any children? And you answer with a nudge and a chuckle – none that I know of.”

  “Well, now you do.” Helen flushed, annoyed.

  “Come on, Helen, you know what I mean. This is amazing.”

  Helen looked at him. She hadn’t known what to expect but the possibility of joy hadn’t occurred to her.

  “When can I meet him? What’s he like – does he look like you or me or both?”

  His excitement grew and she couldn’t help but smile with him.

  Yes, it is fucking amazing!

  Rob’s phone beeped. He ignored it.

  “He’s very handsome actually and clever – he’s studying business in DCU,” she said with pride.

  “That’s what you started out doing, before you changed to lingerie – remember?” he reminded her.

  “So it was – I haven’t thought of that in years.” Her face relaxed, deep in thought.

  “My son, Daniel.” He said the words, trying them on. “I should be angry with you, Helen, I should be asking all the practical questions but I don’t want to. You’ve given me the best news of my life.”

  Rob let a tear escape and Helen saw, for the first time in years, the man she’d fallen in love with.

  Chapter 61

  Jack Taylor sat at the end of his childhood bed. He had hung around Hanoi for a few days after Helen had left. Amy had arrived as she said she would. She looked really good. They talked and hung out a bit. She sounded as though she’d changed, she said all the right words anyway. But still, at night, he’d head back to his hotel alone, and ask if there were any messages. Quan would shake his head, looking at him with sad eyes. He felt confused, eventually deciding to cut his trip short and fly back to the East Coast of America, on the same flight as Amy. Spend some time with his family. Time with Amy? His three-month sabbatical was up. He had to make a decision.