Letters Home

by Rebecca Brooke

  Colin gave a smile, the first since walking through my door. “A day or two I can give you, just don’t wait too long. Not just for her sake, but for yours too.”

  “I won’t.”

  “All right, man, I’m out. Greg’s waiting downstairs. I told him I wanted to talk to you alone, but we’re heading out. I’d invite you, but you look like you’ve already had your fair share, plus, you have a lot to think about.”

  I had more than a lot to think about. “Yeah, man. Have fun. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

  He nodded and left. After a couple of moments I dragged my butt off the couch to my bed. Lying in the dark I thought about what Colin had said. He’d known Danielle a lot longer than I had, and he thought I could make her happy. More than anything I hoped that was the case. I still felt like an ass. Had I’d known what today was I would have handled things so differently, but there was nothing I could do to change it. Now I just had to figure out a way to tell her.

  All of the information whirling around, combined with the alcohol, was making my head spin. Unable to form any cohesive thoughts I let my eyes slip closed, hoping that an idea would come to me in the clear light of day.

  When something new and unexpected crosses your path, do your best to accept what has been given to you.

  It had been two days since I’d moved into the new apartment. The first night was the hardest, especially after seeing that picture. I’d avoided thinking about Nate almost the entire day. That had been my goal from the beginning. I’d figured if I was busy all day I’d be exhausted and then I’d easily crash when I went to bed that night. That wasn’t the case.

  It hadn’t helped that I could tell there had been something wrong with Tanner before he had to leave. It wasn’t like he’d known what Saturday was to me—I hadn’t told him—so there had to have been something else bothering him. I hadn’t heard from him since and I was starting to get worried. Maybe seeing that picture had hurt him too. Although, he’d been doing so much better about blaming himself. Either way, if I hadn’t heard from him by tonight, I was calling him.

  The phone on my desk rang, reminding me of the large pile of files that awaited me. Figuring it was Tina, I reached for the case file we were currently working on.

  “Hello,” I answered looking for the paper I wanted to ask her about.

  “Hi, Danielle,” the soft baritone came over the line.

  “Tanner? I’ve been so worried about you. Where have you been?”

  “I’m sorry I had some things I needed to take care of.”

  “Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah, I think so. Look I don’t have long and I know you’re working, but I was wondering if you wanted to have dinner tonight?”

  “Of course, that sounds great. Where should I meet you?”

  He cleared his throat. “I’ll come get you. How about I pick you up at six?”

  There was something off in his voice. “Six is fine. Are you sure everything is okay?”

  “No, but…look, I’ve got to go. Can we talk later?”

  As much as I wanted to know what the problem was, I also didn’t want to hold him up. We’d have time to talk later.

  “Okay, I’ll see you at six.”

  Tanner hung up and I was left to wonder what he wanted to talk about. There was definitely something bothering him. Every time I’d needed him he’d been there for me, be it holding me while I cried or helping me pick an apartment. Tanner was becoming a person who I couldn’t live without. Whatever was wrong, I’d help him find a way through it.

  What seemed like hours later I looked at the clock and groaned. All I wanted was for the day to be over. There was no way I could focus on the work stacked in front of me, my thoughts continually wandering back to Tanner. Knowing that I wasn’t going to be taking any work home tonight, I forced myself to focus on the case I was working for Tina. It was a simple divorce proceeding—or at least, what should have been a simple divorce. Everything was settled. The house had been put up for sale, both parties agreeing to split the profit, and the funds in the accounts and the debts had been divided equally. The problem? They both wanted to keep the motorcycle. It was ridiculous really because for the money they were paying me, they could have bought three of them.

  These kinds of bizarre situations were why I wasn’t a fan of divorce cases. But it was part of the job, so I had to present the best argument I could. For the next hour or so I kept my focus on the case. I’d just started to get somewhere when Alec walked in and handed me a child custody case that included verbally abusive parents. The maternal grandparents were fighting for custody of the child, claiming that their daughter was unfit to parent based on her continuing acceptance of her husband’s abuse, this case drew my attention away from Tanner, completely. My only focus at the moment was finding a way to get custody for those grandparents.

  There was a soft knock on the door to my office. Tina poked her head in. “I hear you were handed a whopper of a case today.”

  “Yeah. Didn’t you get a copy of the file too?”

  She shook her head. “Nope. You’re reporting directly to Alec for this one. He wants to see how you handle this type of case on your own.”

  “Really?” I said, ready to jump out of my chair and dance on my desk. My heart felt like it was going to pound right out of my chest.

  “Really. You’re going to do a fantastic job.” She smiled and that’s when I noticed she had all of her stuff with her. I looked up at the clock and saw that it was already five thirty. I’d been so wrapped up with the case I hadn’t been paying attention to the time.

  “Crap. I didn’t realize how late it was.”

  She laughed. “Plans?”

  “Yeah, I told Tanner I’d have dinner with him tonight. He’s picking me up at six.”

  “Oh my, was he a nice sight to look at on Saturday.”

  “Yeah, I guess.” I knew Tanner was attractive, but he was my friend and hearing someone talk about him that way unnerved me. Grabbing my keys and bag I headed toward the door.

  “You guess?” Tina said as we walked toward the parking lot. “How could you not have noticed, especially with all of the time you spend together?”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked, an edge to my voice.

  Tina stopped and stared at me for a second. “You don’t see it, do you?”

  “See what?” I didn’t have a clue as to what she was talking about.

  “That man has eyes for you.”

  He has what? “No, he doesn’t. We’re just friends.”

  She rolled her eyes at me. “You can keep believing that if you want but I’m telling you, Tanner has feelings for you. It was written all over his face on Saturday.”

  “How do you know?”

  She looked down at her watch. “Go, otherwise you’re going to be late.”

  I almost stomped my foot in frustration. There was no way that Tina was right about Tanner, but she was right about one thing—if I didn’t step on it, I was going to be late.

  “We’ll talk tomorrow,” I told her as I practically ran to my car. I was excited to see Tanner but Tina’s words kept playing over and over in my head. There was no way he felt any more than friendship toward me. We’d bonded that night at the diner, always to be connected by a letter, but that didn’t mean he wanted to be anything more. I pulled into the parking lot and shoved the thought from my mind when I saw his car in the visitor space next to mine.

  “Hey,” I said when he got out and met me at the front of my car. He was dressed in a pair of Khaki shorts and a short-sleeved button down shirt. “Sorry, I lost track of time. I was handed a new case today.”

  “That’s okay,” he said, his eyes not meeting mine.

  “Do you want to come in while I change?”

  “Sure.”

  Things seemed weird between us, almost to the point of being uncomfortable. If only Tina hadn’t mentioned her thoughts about me and Tanner. It was probably me reading too much into things a
nd causing these strange feelings, so I did my best to push them from my mind and tried to salvage the conversation. We walked into the apartment and Tanner paused to take a look around.

  “It looks even better with everything unpacked. Sorry I had to leave so quickly.”

  I took a step toward him. “It’s fine. Thank you for helping. I hope it all worked out.”

  A brief moment of pain flashed through his eyes, but just as quickly he blinked and it was gone. Almost as if it hadn’t happened. “I hope so too.”

  “Can I ask where we are going, so I know what to change into?” I needed to step away for a minute to get my thoughts together, otherwise this wasn’t going to be like our other dinners where we could just hang out and be ourselves.

  He rubbed the back of his neck and watched me. “Since it’s so nice out, I thought we could have a picnic. I know it’s a little unconventional—”

  “I love the idea. Give me five minutes.”

  The tension visibly left his muscles. “Okay, I’ll wait here.”

  The idea of a picnic sounded wonderful. The weather was perfect for eating outside, plus the days were getting longer, so I threw on a light pink top, a pair of white shorts, and sandals. When I got back into the living room he was sitting on the couch, playing on his phone.

  “Ready?”

  His head snapped up to look at me and the smile that spread across his face made me feel more relaxed than I had in hours. There was something about his smile that always brought me comfort.

  “You look nice.”

  “Thanks.”

  He gestured toward the door. “After you.”

  This felt familiar and comfortable in so many ways, and I smiled to myself as I locked the door behind us and we made our way to the park. We got out of the truck and I was surprised at how quiet it was at this time of day. It seemed like many of the families had left, heading home to have dinner, so it was like having the place to ourselves. Tanner handed me a blanket while he carried the basket. We lay the blanket out and Tanner made me sit down and relax while he got out the food.

  “I would have cooked if I hadn’t had to work today. I hope takeout Italian is okay?”

  “It smells amazing.” I was starving. Lunch seemed like so long ago and the scent of garlic bread filling my nose made my stomach growl in appreciation.

  Tanner had gotten everything from the restaurant, even bringing two plates from his apartment to serve everything on. There was a delicious watercress salad with a light balsamic vinaigrette dressing, mushroom ravioli—which Tanner knew was one of my favorite—and large slice of chocolate cake for dessert.

  “Chocolate cake?”

  “Only for you.”

  “This is perfect, Tanner. Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. Now, tell me about this case.”

  I proceeded to tell him about the basics of the case that epitomized everything I’d thought about when studying at law school. He understood that I couldn’t give him too many details—just like the secrets he had to keep for his job, there were things I couldn’t tell him about mine. The conversation about work somehow morphed into a conversation about baseball, always an interesting topic between the two of us since Tanner was from Pennsylvania and a diehard Phillies fan, while I grew up in Georgia and loved the Braves. And just like that, the strain from earlier disappeared. When we’d finished dinner and dessert we both lay on the blanket looking upward, the sky above turning to a beautiful shade of orange as we continued to argue over whose team was better.

  “And when was the last time the Braves won a World Series?”

  “That doesn’t matter—they still have three championships to the Phillies two.”

  “It was 1995. How can the Braves be a better team if they haven’t won in the last, oh, I don’t know…nineteen years?” Tanner rolled onto his side to look down at me.

  “It does matter. The Braves are leading the National League East, while the Phillies aren’t even close.”

  “It’s only the beginning of the season.” I rolled my eyes at him. Big mistake. “All right. If you won’t listen to reason, I’ll have to tickle you into submission.”

  His hand raised, fingers flexing as he taunted me. “Don’t you dare,” I warned, but that got me nowhere as he laughed, dropped his hand to my ribs, and started to tickle. Squirming, I tried to get away. I had to be the most ticklish person in the world.

  “Admit that the Phillies are the best and I’ll let you go.” His fingers continued their torturous movement. I was having a hard time catching my breath as I both laughed and squealed.

  “Stop,” I begged, writhing on the ground, trying to get away from his fingers.

  “Not until you admit that I’m right.” One of his hands moved to cover my ribs squeezing in such a way, I jumped. Could I really admit his team was better? He’d never let me live it down but I wasn’t sure I could take much more. I’d just have to figure out how to get my own revenge later. “Okay, okay, I give up. You’re right,” I panted.

  “I thought so.”

  He laughed, still leaning over me, and as his lips parted something in his eyes changed. It was a look I hadn’t seen in a long time, and never from him. Before I could do anything, he dropped his head and lightly touched his lips to mine. The contact froze me in place. I couldn’t move, much less kiss him back.

  Almost immediately, he pulled away. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

  There was a thrumming in my ears, making his voice sound like it was coming through a tunnel, and my head felt a little dizzy as I tried to get my bearings. I was still in a daze as I watched Tanner clean up the picnic we’d shared and place everything back into the basket. Reaching out a hand he helped me to my feet and then folded the blanket. He seemed to be doing everything with exact precision and speed. Without more than a few moments to collect my thoughts, Tanner picked up the basket and made his way toward the truck.

  Following behind him, I tried to figure out what to say. My head was a jumble of emotions. His lips had been warm pressed against mine, but just as my pulse had started to race, the moment was over. There was no time to process any of my feelings, since he’d pulled away so quickly.

  When I got to the car Tanner was already waiting for me inside, the passenger door sitting open. I climbed in the truck and turned to him. I didn’t even get the chance to utter a sound.

  “Don’t say anything. I’ll take you home now.”

  He started the car and turned up the radio and I was slightly glad for the reprieve. I had no idea what to say to him. Trying to collect my thoughts proved more difficult than I could have imagined and as we pulled up in front of my place, the words had still not found their way from my brain to my mouth. I stepped out of the car, hoping that we could go inside and talk about this. I shut my door and was shocked when I turned to see him backing out of the space.

  “Where are you going? Don’t you want to come in?”

  He rolled the window down a little, shaking his head. “I can’t. I’m sorry,” he said and drove off.

  I trudged my way inside. How could such a wonderful night end up crashing and burning so badly? Flopping down on the couch, I let my head rest against the back as the night came back in full focus, including Tina’s words. Now that I thought about it, it was easy to see his feelings in everything he did. The way he’d always come to my rescue when I needed something, his concern when I’d decided to move, even the fact that he always ordered my favorite foods when we went out to eat. Tina had been right. It had been there the whole time, right in front of my face. Why hadn’t I seen it?

  The answer hit me like a freight train. I hadn’t seen it because I hadn’t wanted to see it. Recognizing his feelings meant taking a closer look at my own. The realization that, once again, I’d been hiding—but not from myself this time—hit hard. I’d held my feelings back from the one person who deserved to know them. Tanner had become my sole focus. No matter what I was doing I found myself trying to inclu
de him. Even with work, I wanted him to know about the cases I was working on. We spent a lot of time talking. He knew my favorite movies, and the types of music I liked to listen to. And I knew the same about him.

  Needing someone to talk to, I called Marissa. “Hey, honey, what’s new?”

  “Are you home?”

  “Yeah. Danielle, are you all right?”

  “I’m not sure. Can I come over?”

  “Of course. Do we need drinks?”

  “No, I don’t think so. I’ll be there in a few.”

  I made the drive to Marissa’s in less than ten minutes. A part of me knew she’d have noticed me falling for Tanner—even when I hadn’t—and I wanted some answers. I didn’t even bother knocking on the door, and when I walked in she was waiting in the living room for me.

  “What happened?” she asked, coming over to stand in front of me.

  “Did you know how Tanner felt about me?”

  Her eyes darted away from me. “Colin and I suspected it, but we weren’t sure. At least, not until Colin talked to him the night you moved.”

  “Colin talked to him?” This was getting out of control. How could they have known and not said anything to me?

  “Come sit down and we can talk.”

  “Fine,” I snapped. “But this time I want to hear all of it. Stop trying to protect me.”

  She nodded and sat down, rolling her shoulders back, letting out a breath. “Yes, Colin talked to him. After Tanner left your apartment Colin cornered Greg, and Greg told him everything—how Tanner’s feelings for you had changed, but that he didn’t want you to know because he didn’t want to hurt you again. From what I understand, Colin told him you had a right to know.”

  “He didn’t want to tell me? Then why did he kiss me tonight?”

  “He kissed you?”

  “Yes.” I told her about the picnic and the argument about our teams which led to him kissing me.