Musings of a Gossip Queen: A Chick-Lit Comedy

by Victoria Bright

“I’m with it,” Leo says with a shrug.

  “Fine with me,” Caesar answers.

  “Yay! That’ll make me happier than a pig in cool mud!” CJ says.

  Gary raises an eyebrow at her. “I’m assuming that means yes,” he says.

  “I think it’s a great idea. She’ll make a great team leader,” Shayla says, smiling at me.

  “But what about me? How can you just replace me without talking to me first?” Madison snaps.

  Gary scratches his head. “Well, for starters, because this is my magazine. Second, don’t be dramatic, Hill. You’re acting as if I’m firing you. I didn’t say that you’re no longer a creative team member. I said that Blake is one also. You two can work together.”

  “Ugh!” Madison screams and storms out the door.

  “So mature,” Gary says when the door closes. “Anyway, good job, Spencer and keep up the great work. I bet Craig and his lame team are probably crying when they see how many hits we’re getting. Can’t wait until the interview comes out and we crush them.”

  “What’s your obsession with Craig anyway? It’s becoming weird,” Leo quips.

  Gary glares at him. “You know better than anyone else why I hate him. It’ll be the perfect revenge for him stabbing me in the back and then becoming my rival.”

  I roll my eyes. I simply signed up to be a writer; I’m not trying to be anyone’s pawn in their act of revenge.

  But whatever. I’m a creative team leader! Woot woot!

  Blake- 6, Crybaby Cunt - 0 (still. So unfortunate).

  4:57 p.m.

  Bathroom

  I quickly use the bathroom before the train ride home and when I come out of the stall, Madison is coming out of one a few doors down from me. She wipes her eyes and sniffles as she makes her way to the sink, avoiding eye contact with me.

  The mirror shows her red, blotchy face although she tries to hide it by keeping her head down. If only I had a fuck to give.

  I move to a sink a few feet from her and wash my hands without a word. A part of me feels like I should say something, but the only thing registering in my immediate reply bank is, “Ha! I win, you cunt!” That wouldn’t be very nice, would it?

  Taking a deep breath, I dry my hands and turn my attention to her. Maybe if I give her an olive branch, we may be able to squash this silly, nonexistent vendetta she seems to have and somehow work together.

  “Madison, I—”

  “Fuck off, Spencer,” she barks, which catches me off guard.

  Well then. The olive branch is officially snapped in half.

  “What the hell is your problem?” I ask, folding my arms across my chest. She wads up the paper towel in her hand and glares at me, making the hairs on the back of my neck stand.

  “You think you’re so great, don’t you? You come in here and make moves on Silas and you have Gary eating out of your hand because you happen to have a friend who’s a model. Just know that I can see right through you and your little act,” she snarls.

  I roll my eyes. “I don’t know what ‘act’ you’re talking about, but—”

  “What happened to your friends back home, Blake?” she asks, her tone changing from malicious to sweet as a sinister grin spreads across her lips. I swallow the lump forming in my throat. She…couldn’t know, could she?

  “It’s so crazy how easy it is to look up connections on Facebook. You put on a front like you’re so great and that this is your dream job, but did you come here to run from your past?”

  I clear my throat and toss my paper towel in the trash can. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I finally say.

  She chuckles, the grin never leaving her face. “Of course you don’t.” She tosses the paper towel in the trash and starts moving toward the door, suddenly turning to look at me again. “I hope you’re enjoying this wave you’re riding on right now. You’re bound to crash soon and when you do…boy, will it be glorious,” she says and laughs, leaving me in the bathroom alone.

  My heart races in my chest. What does that even mean? Would she tell everyone about what she found on Facebook?

  I look at myself in the mirror, my hands shaking as I grip the counter. I won’t let her intimidate me. If I get in front of this and tell them the truth myself, then what will she have over me?

  Yes, I’ll just do that. Maybe they’ll understand, maybe they won’t. But I refuse to let that bitch take that power away from me.

  God, I hate her!

  5:11 p.m.

  Clocking out

  Although my mind is fixated on my conversation with Madicunt, I stop when I pass the opening of the break room. Caesar is holding Shayla in an embrace that looks way beyond the friend zone. They’re speaking in quiet tones, but I can still make out a little of what they’re saying.

  “What did he do this time?” Caesar asks. Though I can’t see him, I can hear the concern hinting in his voice. Yep, something is definitely going on between those two.

  “It’s nothing, Caesar. Let’s just drop it,” she answers.

  “I’m not going to drop it if he keeps putting his hands on you. I already told you that we could—”

  “It’s not that easy and you know it!” she says, her voice rising in frustration. “Look, I’m fine, okay? He apologized and we’re fine.”

  “You said that last time when I asked you about the handprints on your throat and your swollen lip. How many times are you going to let him apologize only to do it again?” he asks, his voice also rising a bit. Things are quiet for a bit before one of them sighs.

  “Can we just forget about it? I’m fine, really. I have to get going though, but I’ll text you later, okay?” Shayla says softly.

  “I just want you to be safe,” he says. “I can only keep you safe if you’re with me.”

  “I’m a big girl, Caesar. I can take care of myself,” she reassures him.

  I quickly scurry down the hallway to the elevators at the sound of what I assume is kissing.

  Shayla and Caesar? But she has a boyfriend…

  Is Caesar the reason for her being abused?

  Are they secret lovers that are planning to run away together?

  Is Madicunt going to fall into that sewer drain anytime soon?

  Find out next time on the next episode of What the Fuckity Fuck is Going On In This Place?!

  6:23 p.m.

  Outside my apartment

  Taylor is coming out of her apartment just as I reach the top floor. “Howdy, Carolina,” she says, zipping up her jacket. She’s dressed in her usual running attire in a pair of shorts and a windbreaker, her red hair in a low ponytail.

  “Hey, Taylor,” I say, giving her a genuine smile. “Thanks for your tip today. It really helped me out at work.”

  “I’m so glad! I’m sure the office mean girl wasn’t happy about it,” she says with a smirk. Dread slowly seeps into me as I remember my bathroom conversation with the whale and shudder. The paranoid part of me wants to think that she’s currently emailing our entire team and sending them whatever dirt she has on me. I need to get a grip on myself.

  “Yeah, she wasn’t very happy. Gary decided to make me a creative team leader as well, so she’s not happy about having to share the title.”

  Taylor squeals and claps. “That’s so great! You seem to be doing so well in such a short amount of time. Hell, she has every reason to be mad,” Taylor says with a giggle before looking at her watch. “Well, I’m going to go for a run. I’ll catch you around!” She waves and bounces down the stairs. I smile to myself as I unlock my door and step inside.

  Taylor isn’t so bad after all, a genuinely good girl just trying to get somewhere in life. I really, really hope this shoot on Friday helps her somehow. She deserves something good for herself as well.

  8:27 p.m.

  On the couch eating a ham and cheese Hot Pocket

  Blake Unfiltered blog post #791

  Today was both great and horrid.

  The good? The interview went phenomenally well. We g
ot information that isn’t even know to the public, so I’m 100% sure this interview will blow up when it’s released. Gary was so pleased and kept praising me along with my other co-workers. To put the icing on the cake, Taylor texted me and gave me the 411 on a juicy breakup fight happening on Twitter and I was able to quickly draft a story so that Hot Topic was one of the first ones to break it to the public. I even managed to get it published before it became a trending topic! I felt like I was on fire today and that nothing could get me down. Gary proved that by coming and making me a creative team leader. I mean having to work alongside Madicunt is going to suck, but I’ll take it. Except then that leads to the bad of today.

  Of course Cry Baby was in the bathroom having a hissy fit over the announcement of me being a creative team leader. I thought that maybe we could come to some kind of amends and fix this invisible issue she has with me, but she completely takes the olive branch that I extended out to her and figuratively shoved it up my ass. In a nutshell, it’s like she threatened to “expose” me in some form or another. My immediate idea is to simply tell my teammates myself so that there’s really nothing to tell, but I don’t know. What if she’s just setting me up and bluffing to basically get me to tell on myself? Ugh, I’m so torn and conflicted right now and I don’t know what to do. I’ll figure it out.

  Or at least I hope so.

  xoxo,

  B

  Chapter Ten

  Friday, January 23rd

  6:00 a.m.

  Alarm

  I don’t think I’ve ever been so excited to wake up at asshole o’ clock as I am this morning. It’s finally Friday! A million different emotions run through me right now at the thought of being at Silas’ apartment after work today. What should I wear today? How should I wear my hair? So many things to do before work! I’m sure Taylor is excited, too. Her apartment was awfully quiet all week. There hasn’t been a single peep from her headboard against my wall. Maybe she just wants to be in her zone and focus on having a good photo shoot. It’ll be good for her to focus on her craft instead of penis for a change.

  6:12 a.m.

  Going down the stairs

  Oh I’m so happy! I almost damn near skip down the stairs to talk to my neighbors! Good morning, good morning, people of my building! Good morning to you, cheating Mrs. Keller and your model-looking boyfriend who’s actually a bum! They actually both glare at me as I pass them on my way to the first floor. Geez, who pissed in their corn flakes?

  Good morning to you too, John Wayne Gary III! It’s a glorious morning! Is that a new grease stain on your dingy tank top? So chic!

  “Uh, my name is Marty,” he says and looks down at his shirt. I halt, my eyes widening. Have I been saying that out loud?!

  If so, that would probably would be why Keller and her beau glared at me. Thank goodness I haven’t seen Taylor yet. God knows what I would’ve ended up saying.

  6:21 a.m.

  Outside

  As I watch Milo do his business, a thought hit me. If I’m going to Silas’s after work, what’ll happen if poor Milo is left home all by himself for so long? Just thinking of all the things he could get into while I’m trying to get him a new stepdad makes me cringe. I pull my phone from my pocket. It’s way too late to try to find a dog sitter. The only other option I can think of is to see if Gary will be cool with him coming to work with me for the day.

  I open my email, find Gary’s contact and draft a message.

  To: Gary Coefield (gcoefield@hottopicmag.com)

  From: Blake Spencer (bspenser@hottopicmag.com)

  Hey Gary,

  Silas and I are working on a project after work. Because I don’t know how long it’ll take, I don’t feel comfortable leaving my puppy home alone all day. I forgot to hire a dog sitter for the day. Is it ok if I bring him to work with me? I promise I’ll watch after him. He’s a good dog and you won’t even know he’s there! Thanks!

  -Blake

  I attach a picture of Milo in his cute little Christmas outfit for good measure and hit send just as the building door opens and Taylor comes down the stairs with a bright smile on her face. “Morning, Blake!” she exclaims, jogging over to me.

  I put my phone back in my pocket and return her smile. “Morning. Excited about this evening?” I ask.

  She squeals and bounces up and down. “Excited isn’t even the word for it! I’ve been practicing poses all week and everything! 5:00 can’t get here fast enough!”

  “You have your clothes and makeup ready?”

  “Yes, definitely. I wasn’t sure how many looks he wanted to do, so we have two racks of clothes for each type of shoot. The stylist, makeup artist, and I will meet you two at his place. Gah, I can’t wait!”

  I smile to myself. I can’t remember the last time I’d seen her this happy about something, at least not related to modeling anyway.

  “Well, I’m glad you’re excited,” I say.

  She smiles and adjusts her iPhone in her armband to prepare for her run. After running a few steps, she turns back to me. “And Blake?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Thanks. You know, for suggesting I do this.” And she’s off before I can say another word. I grin to myself as I watch her disappear down the street. Milo sits next to my foot and looks up at me, wagging his little tail.

  I know, buddy. I think I did good, too.

  6:38 a.m.

  Bedroom

  I have no idea what I should wear. Obviously it should be something appropriate enough for work, but still okay for what could possibly lead to a second date. I could possibly bring a change of clothes and switch before going to his place, but then that may spark unwarranted conversation amongst my co-workers.

  6:39 a.m.

  Still in my bedroom

  No matter what, I have to have a matching bra and panties on underneath. In the event that we get to a point to where our clothes come off, I don’t want to be in a tattered bra and my worn out granny panties. Always be prepared, Blake!

  6:41 a.m.

  Laying on the floor

  A closet full of clothes and I still don’t know what to wear. Why isn’t being naked a thing?

  6:41 a.m.

  Still on the floor

  Actually, I take that back. My uncle Carl and aunt Rebecca are nudists and they are living proof that sometimes gravity isn’t your friend. I still have nightmares from time to time about the day my uncle did a jumping jack contest with one of his kids. Bleck. All that clapping and slapping and swinging and EW!

  My mom used to tease her sister-in-law about uncle Carl’s…um…size and my aunt would always reply, “He’s a grower, not a shower.”

  Well, someone should’ve thought to show him some Viagra because that’s just embarrassing.

  7:36am

  In front of the mirror

  After showering and rummaging through my closet again, I finally settle for a black lace skater skirt and a gray wool sweater. I’m pretty sure Silas will probably frown at the choice of my sweater, but he’ll have to deal. I pull on a pair of black tights and step into my gray booties, smoothing my hands down my skirt as I check out my outfit. Eh, it’ll work.

  My phone pings with an email notification on my dresser. I retrieve it, my heart slightly racing when I see Gary’s name.

  “Hopefully your cute picture sealed the deal, little buddy,” I say to Milo, who looks at me for a split second and goes back to chewing the bow tie on a teddy bear.

  To: Blake Spencer (bspencer@hottopicmag.com)

  From: Gary Coefield (gcoefield@hottopicmag.com)

  Hey Spencer,

  The dog looks small enough to not cause any trouble. You’ll be fully responsible for him and any messes he makes. Also, don’t distract the team with him either.

  -G

  I go over and pick up Milo, kissing his furry little face. “You get to come to work with me today, boy!” I exclaim. His tail wags, probably feeding off my excitement. He can’t possibly know what work is or where he’s going. I think
he’ll be happy to go anywhere as long as it isn’t the vet.

  7:49 a.m.

  Living room

  Okay, I need to make sure I have everything.

  My iPad pro? Check.

  My planner? Check.

  Milo’s food and water bowl? Check.

  Two cans of wet food? Check.

  I grab Milo’s leash and clip it on him. “Okay, boy. It’s time to go to work!”

  As Told By Blake

  By Blake Spencer

  Busted!

  After leaving a party last night, Ashton Cole was arrested two miles away from Posh night club after she crashed into a light pole. Cole was unharmed, but her car is totaled. It was revealed that Cole was under the influence of drugs and alcohol, becoming violent with the arresting officers. Sources close to Cole have revealed that she had plans to go to rehab, but refused at the last minute. We here at Hot Topic hope she gets the help she needs. We’ll update this story as more information comes in.

  Love and gossip,

  Blake

  Small Girl, Big City

  By Madison Hill

  [Womp womp womp womp womp womp womp womp womp womp womp womp womp. Potato.]

  9:05 a.m.

  Hot Topic magazine office

  I try to make a quiet entrance and make my way to my desk without anyone noticing Milo, but apparently my dog has other plans. He barks as soon as his beady little eyes focuses on a stranger and everyone looks over to me.

  “Oh my goodness, a puppy!” Shayla squeals as she jumps from her chair and dashes over to me. “It’s so precious!”