A Mother's Secret

by Amy Clipston

  Carolyn smiled at her son. “You’re a smart bu.”

  He yawned. “It’s late. We better get to bed.”

  “You’re right.” Carolyn yawned in return.

  As they headed into the house for the night, Carolyn sent up a silent prayer asking God to guide her friendship with Saul. She then smiled as she sent up another prayer thanking God for her wonderful son.

  EIGHT

  Joshua wiped his brow before lifting the hammer and bringing it down on the new post he was adding to the back pasture fence on Wednesday afternoon.

  “Josh,” Benjamin began as he held the post in place, “I want to ask you something.”

  “Go ahead.” Joshua let the hammer fall to the ground.

  “I’ve been working here for over a week now.” The boy’s voice was hesitant.

  “Ya.” Joshua took a drink of water from the thermos he’d brought from the house. “What are you getting at?”

  “I’d like to do more than just shovel out stalls and fix fence posts.” Benjamin pointed toward the barns and stables. “I want to learn what you do.”

  Joshua studied the boy, impressed and surprised by his enthusiasm. “Really?”

  “Ya, really.” Benjamin’s emphatic nod nearly knocked his hat off his head.

  “What do you want to learn?” Joshua prodded.

  “I want to learn how to train horses, how to shoe them, and everything else you do every day.”

  “Why do you want to learn everything I do?” Now Joshua was intrigued by the boy’s yearning for knowledge.

  Benjamin pushed his hat back and wiped his sweaty brow. “I like working here. It’s better than working on my family’s dairy farm. I think I want a farm like this when I’m older.”

  “Really?” Joshua placed the thermos on the ground and then picked up the hammer.

  “Yes, really.” Benjamin’s expression was determined, and Joshua was overwhelmed by the boy’s interest. Joshua had always dreamed of teaching his nephew everything he knew about horses, but that dream evaporated when Hannah took the boy out of the community and into the English world. Maybe this young man could become a surrogate nephew to him.

  “You do realize mucking the stalls is part of learning about the farm,” Joshua said. “By working in the stalls, you’re learning how to be around the horses.”

  “I know, but I want to learn more than just how to shovel manure.”

  “All right. Here’s the plan. After we finish this fence, I’ll show you how to brush and water the horses. Once you show me that you’ve mastered those two tasks, we’ll move on to more. Does that sound good?”

  Benjamin clapped his hands. “Great! I can’t wait.”

  While they finished working on the fence, Joshua contemplated his conversation with Benjamin. He had an overwhelming feeling that the boy wasn’t the one who had thrown the rock at his horse. He now wondered if Benjamin had been telling the truth and his older brothers had lied, which also could have been the reason Carolyn was so irritated during their first conversation. Maybe Carolyn knew the other boys were lying, and she was trying to convince her father to believe Benjamin. And that was also why she was so upset after Benjamin came home exhausted and filthy his first day at work.

  He pondered Carolyn Lapp. She was obviously very protective of Benjamin, which he found intriguing. Although Joshua and Gideon were close, his older brother never protected him like Carolyn protected Benjamin. Joshua clearly remembered being teased by the one mean boy in school, and Gideon rarely defended him against the bully. Joshua had to tell his father what was going on before the boy was corrected.

  Joshua wondered why Carolyn would take such a keen interest in her nephew. Carolyn Lapp was a true mystery.

  Benjamin burst into the kitchen at his grandparents’ house later that evening, causing Carolyn to nearly knock her pot of noodles off the stove.

  “Ben!” she yelled. “You startled me!”

  “Mamm!” He rushed over to her. “I had the best day!”

  She smiled. “Really? What happened?”

  “Josh and Danny taught me how to brush the horses.” Benjamin grabbed a cookie from the jar on the counter as he continued. “It was so wunderbaar! I’m actually learning how to take care of horses now. This is the best job. I think I want to run my own horse farm when I’m older. Maybe I’ll find some land and own a place just like Josh’s.” He kissed Carolyn’s cheek and then hurried off to his room.

  Carolyn beamed as she watched him disappear. Her heart warmed at the sight of her son’s enthusiasm. She silently thanked God for giving him the opportunity to find happiness.

  “What was all the ruckus?” Mamm appeared in the doorway leading from the family room into the kitchen.

  “Ben is home from work. He’s froh because he learned how to brush down the horses today. He loves the job, and he says he might want to run his own horse farm someday.”

  Mamm grinned. “That job is the best thing that ever happened to that bu.”

  “I know. I was just thinking the same thing.” Carolyn smiled as she stirred the noodles in the pot. She had to find a way to thank Joshua for bringing joy into her son’s life.

  Carolyn guided the horse up the rock driveway toward Joshua’s farm. She’d spent all of that Thursday morning baking and wanted to drop off two pies for him as a thank-you for having Benjamin work on his farm before she picked up some groceries. She brought the horse to a stop at the top of the driveway, picked up a basket containing the shoofly and apple pies from the seat beside her, and climbed from the buggy.

  As she walked toward the house, Carolyn glanced toward the pasture and saw Benjamin and Daniel helping Joshua train a horse. She stood mesmerized and studied her son as he worked with the other two men as if they’d been a team for years. Tears burned her eyes when she realized Benjamin had finally found a place where he fit in after years of struggling to feel as if he belonged with his cousins. She felt as if her most urgent prayer had finally been answered.

  “Thank you, God,” she whispered while gripping the basket handle.

  A few moments passed before the men realized Carolyn was standing there. They waved to her, and she returned the gesture. Joshua started trotting toward Carolyn. Her stomach flip-flopped as he approached, and she tried to keep her sudden and overwhelming attraction to him in check as he climbed through the split-rail fence and smiled.

  “Hi.” Joshua adjusted the straw hat on his head. “Ben said you might stop by today.”

  “Ya.” She held up the basket. “I was baking this morning, and I wanted to bring you a couple of pies. I had planned to send them over with Ben, but I didn’t get to bake last night. Since I have to work tomorrow, I had to bring them over today.” She realized she was babbling because she was nervous. She quickly stopped speaking. Why did this man make her so self-conscious? She’d never been self-conscious before.

  “Oh. Danki.” He examined the pies. “They smell appeditlich, but you didn’t have to bake for me.”

  “I wanted to thank you.”

  “Thank me?” He looked confused. “Why would you have to thank me?”

  Carolyn gestured toward the field where Benjamin and Daniel were still working. “Ben has talked nonstop about this farm in the last few days. He told me the other day that he wanted to ask you to let him do more than just shovel out the stalls and repair fences. I told him to be honest with you and let you know that he wanted to learn.” She couldn’t stop her smile. “Then he came home last night excited because he learned how to brush a horse. I’ve never seen him so froh, and I’m really thankful you gave him a chance to learn a trade and find joy.”

  “I’m glad he likes working here, and I’m glad to have him. Ben is a great kid, and he’s doing a great job. He’s a hard worker, and he’s not afraid to try new things.”

  Carolyn couldn’t stop her grin. “Danki.”

  “Gern gschehne.” He glanced down at his dirty coat and hands and then laughed. “I would take those pies from you
, but I don’t know if I should touch them right now. I need to be hosed off before I can think about eating.”

  Carolyn nodded toward the house. “Do you want me to put these in your refrigerator?”

  “That would be great.” He jammed his thumb toward the pasture behind him. “I better get back to work.”

  “Okay. Let me know how you like the pies.”

  “I will. Danki.” Joshua climbed through the fence and headed back toward Daniel and Benjamin.

  Carolyn crossed the driveway and found her way up the porch, through the mudroom, and into the kitchen. Her mouth gaped when she found the kitchen in disarray, just as Benjamin had described. A large stack of dishes clogged the sink and piles of journals, papers, and catalogs peppered the kitchen table.

  She opened the refrigerator and found it nearly bare. Carolyn wondered what the man ate and when he had last been to the market or grocery store. She placed the pies on the top shelf and then examined the sink, taking in the disheveled mound of dishes, utensils, and pans. She gnawed her lower lip while she silently debated whether or not to leave the mess. She wanted desperately to clean for him, but she knew that wasn’t her place. His kitchen wasn’t her business, and she couldn’t risk her reputation by being in his house alone. After all, he was a bachelor and she was a single woman. She didn’t want rumors to spread about either of them.

  Carolyn quickly exited the house and headed down the porch steps. Her eyes moved toward a large area she could tell had once been a bountiful garden. She imagined Hannah and her daughters had spent hours working in the dirt and harvesting vegetables for their dinner table. The rows were now overrun with weeds, and her fingers twitched at the thought of pulling them out. Carolyn enjoyed spending time in the garden at home. She could soak up the sunshine and lose herself in her thoughts.

  Although she knew she was overstepping her boundaries, she couldn’t bear to walk away from the need for weeding that was staring her in the face. After all, Joshua had brightened her life by giving her son a rewarding job. He worked hard every day, and he didn’t have a wife to take care of all the tasks necessary to run a household. She was certain her mother would tell her it was only right to help Joshua. Cleaning up his garden was akin to helping a friend in need. She could get quite a bit done in a few minutes, and then she could head off to the market to pick up the groceries for her mother.

  After she convinced herself she was making her mother proud, Carolyn hummed as she began to pull out the healthy weeds and toss them off to the side. Some of the weeds were so hardy that she had a difficult time dislodging them from the dirt. She lost herself in thoughts of her son’s new job while she worked on one corner of the large area.

  Carolyn heard footsteps moving up the gravel path, and when she looked up, she found an older, chubby Amish woman standing nearby with a frown creasing her unfriendly face.

  “Who are you?” the woman barked.

  Carolyn studied the woman for a moment, wondering why she was so rude. “I’m Carolyn Lapp.”

  “Lapp?” The woman studied her. “You’re related to Benjamin?” She pointed toward the pasture.

  Carolyn nodded, not wanting to go into details with this rude woman.

  The woman gestured widely toward the garden. “Why are you weeding my son’s garden?”

  So this is Joshua’s mother. Apparently being direct is a Glick family trait. Carolyn forced a smile in an attempt to soften the woman’s mood with a little bit of kindness. “I came to deliver two pies to Josh as a thank-you for giving Ben the job. I saw how overgrown the garden is and thought I would clean up a bit as another thank-you.”

  “I can take care of my son’s garden.” The woman pointed toward her chest.

  Carolyn wondered if this woman was always so outspoken and rude or if she only directed it to uninvited guests. She was both flabbergasted and insulted by the older woman’s attitude. She’d never been more offended by a stranger in her life. Even the tourists who shoved cameras in her face during the summer didn’t hurt her feelings as much as this woman who was supposed to be a part of her community.

  “Fine.” Carolyn rubbed her hands together in an attempt to clean off the dirt. “I was only trying to be nice and neighborly, but I will let you finish up. Apparently doing something nice is a foreign concept to you here in Paradise. We happen to do things like this for our neighbors frequently over in Gordonville.”

  The woman gasped as she continued to study Carolyn.

  “It was nice meeting you.” Carolyn moved past her and toward the driveway, careful not to stamp her feet even though she was still hurt by the way Joshua’s mother had treated her. She looked toward the pasture as she approached her buggy and spotted the three men working together. She hoped Joshua’s mother didn’t treat Benjamin the way she’d just treated her. She wanted to shield her son from any more hurt, and she was willing to take more verbal insults from Joshua’s mother if that was the only way to protect her precious son.

  Late that afternoon, Joshua waved good-bye as Benjamin and Daniel guided their horses and buggies down the driveway toward the main road. He slowly made his way to the house, feeling physically drained after the full day’s work. He remembered Carolyn had left pies in the house for him, and he quickened his steps.

  Seeing her smile was the highlight of his day. Her beautiful face and lovely voice caused his heart to thump in his chest, which was confusing for him. He hadn’t felt a reaction like that since he was a teenager. Why had those feelings suddenly come back to life?

  Joshua pushed open the back door and shucked his muddy boots before stepping into the kitchen. The tangy smell of vinegar assaulted his nostrils as he moved toward the family room. He’d seen his mother arrive earlier in the afternoon, but he’d forgotten she was there. He’d been so busy training Benjamin that it didn’t register that his mother hadn’t left yet.

  “Mamm?” he called as he headed toward the stairs. “Mamm, where are you?”

  “I’m up here!” Her voice carried from upstairs.

  Joshua climbed the steps, taking them two at a time, and found her mopping the bathroom with the vinegar he’d smelled. Guilt rained down on him. He didn’t want his mother taking care of him, but he knew she felt as if she had to. After all, a man his age normally had a wife to do all the household chores.

  “Mamm, why are you cleaning?” he asked. “I told you I would get to it later in the week. I’ve just been so busy training the horses that I haven’t had a chance.”

  “I don’t mind helping you.” She finished mopping and then stepped out into the hallway. “Besides, I felt I had to do it after I found that maedel weeding your garden. If anyone works in your garden or cleans your haus, it should be me.”

  “What are you talking about? What maedel was weeding my garden?”

  “That maedel!” Her voice rose with annoyance and she gestured widely with her hands. “Carolyn Lapp!”

  “Wait.” Joshua held up his hand, taking in what she’d said. “Carolyn Lapp was weeding my garden?”

  “Ya, that’s what I said.” Mamm nodded with emphasis. “I came over to see if I could do any cleaning for you, and I found that maedel working outside.”

  Joshua found himself stuck on this piece of information. He was both intrigued and puzzled at the same time. “Why would she do that?”

  “I had the same question.” Mamm frowned. “She obviously has no manners at all. I don’t know what they’re teaching the maed over there in Gordonville. Doesn’t she have more important things to do than come over here and stick her nose into your business?”

  “Slow down.” His hands were up again in his mother’s face. “Yes, Carolyn does have other things to do. She works three days a week at the Lancaster Grand Hotel.”

  “She works at the same hotel where Hannah worked?”

  Joshua nodded, and his jaw tensed at the mention of Hannah’s name.

  “Well, then I see why she acts the way she did. Hannah also picked up some inappropriate hab
its when she worked there. I guess they barge into rooms at the hotel like she barged onto your property.” Mamm used dramatic hand gestures as she spoke to emphasize her point. “Amish women shouldn’t work in an English hotel. It’s just not proper.”

  “She didn’t do anything wrong. I told her she could put some pies she brought in mei haus. She probably noticed what a mess the garden is when she was walking up the porch steps.” Joshua tried to keep his tone even despite his growing provocation with his mother. “She didn’t just barge onto my property.”

  “Still. She was inappropriate, Joshua. What maedel does that?” She jammed her hands on her wide hips. “And when I asked her what she was doing here, she was rather outspoken with her responses. She seemed offended that I was questioning her.”

  Joshua studied his mother with suspicion. He’d heard her berate Hannah more than once, so he didn’t doubt she had provoked Carolyn’s defensive responses.

  “Why was she making pies for you? That’s inappropriate too, you know,” Mamm continued. “Does she think that will entice you to get to know her better and maybe even date her? If she wants to date you, then she should go to a singing.” She wagged a pudgy finger at him. “And that’s what you should be doing as well. How do you expect to get to know Lena if you don’t go to a singing? And I don’t want to hear you’re too busy. No one is too busy to date. If you expect to find a fraa, then you really need to—”

  “Hold on now.” He held his hands up a third time. “I never said I wanted to date, and I never said I wanted to get to know Lena better. You’re the one who wants me to get to know Lena.”

  “Ya, but—”

  “Please let me finish,” he interrupted her. “Carolyn never indicated she wanted to date me. She only brought the pies over to thank me for giving Ben a job. He’s enjoying the job, and she said he’s very froh to be working here. The pies were only a gesture of friendship.”

  “Friendship?” Mamm raised an eyebrow. “I don’t know, Josh.”

  “Mamm, please. I’ve told you I’m not interested in dating right now. I’m too busy. Please don’t push this issue.”