A Mother's Secret

by Amy Clipston

  “Ach! My favorite.” Emma took the platter. “Danki.”

  Benjamin and Amos stood in the kitchen doorway and glanced around as if they didn’t know what to do.

  “Why don’t you two have a seat?” Sarah Ann suggested. “Carolyn and I will help Emma serve the meal.”

  “Mei dat will be in soon.” Emma brought a bowl of peas to the table. “He had to finish up something in his shop. He has a big order for cabinets from a local restaurant. He said it’s going to help get him more business when people find out he was chosen for this job.”

  “That’s fantastic.” Carolyn made small talk while she brought a pitcher of water and four cups to the table.

  “Ben, let’s go see Saul.” Amos motioned toward the door. “I’ll show you his shop.”

  Ben followed Amos out the back door. Carolyn and Sarah Ann continued to help prepare the table for the meal, and soon everything was ready.

  “Now, where are those men?” Sarah Ann asked with a smile.

  “We could eat without them,” Carolyn joked. “It all smells so delicious.”

  Emma laughed. “I don’t think my dat would like that very much.” She headed toward the back door. “I’ll go check on them.”

  Sarah Ann shook her head. “Men forget what time it is when they’re in a shop surrounded by tools.”

  “That’s very true,” Carolyn agreed.

  The back door banged as Emma made her way into the kitchen followed by her father, Amos, and Benjamin.

  “Wie geht’s,” Saul said as he hung up his hat and coat.

  “Everything is ready,” Emma said, pointing toward the table.

  “Gut.” Saul sat at the head of the table.

  Carolyn sat beside Benjamin and across from Emma. Saul bowed his head and everyone followed suit. Carolyn silently thanked God for the supper and asked him to bless their conversation.

  When Saul shifted in his seat, everyone looked up and began to cover their plates with food.

  “Everything smells appeditlich,” Carolyn said as she reached for the peas. “You’re a gut cook, Emma.”

  “Danki.” Emma’s cheeks blushed as she cut the ham loaf.

  “We’re so froh you invited us tonight,” Sarah Ann added.

  “Dat and I talked about it and decided we wanted to have guests over. It’s been a long time, right, Dat?” Emma asked Saul.

  Carolyn was amazed as she watched Saul’s expression soften. His brown eyes seemed filled with regret as he nodded. It was apparent that he deeply loved his little girl.

  “Ya,” he said. “That’s true, Emma.”

  Carolyn cleared her throat and glanced at Benjamin, who was staring at his plate while chewing. She tried to think of something to say to start a conversation and make her son feel comfortable and included.

  “Ben started a new job a few weeks ago.” Carolyn sat up a little taller. “He’s working for Joshua Glick. His farm isn’t too far from here. It’s also in Paradise.”

  Saul finished chewing and swallowed before he spoke to Ben. “What are you doing?”

  “I’m working on Josh’s horse farm.” Benjamin’s voice was soft and unsure. “He raises and sells Dutch Harnesses and Belgians.”

  “He’s doing a gut job. Josh is really froh with his work.” Carolyn smiled, but Saul only frowned. She wondered if the man ever smiled or if this was his usual demeanor to everyone but Emma.

  “So, you’re shoveling stalls and brushing horses?” Saul wiped his beard.

  Benjamin shrugged. “I’m doing more than that. Josh and Danny are teaching me how to train them now.”

  Saul sipped his cup of water. “Have you ever wanted to learn how to make cabinets? I can teach you how to do that. My business has started booming again. I could surely use some help. The orders haven’t stopped, and I don’t expect that they will anytime soon. Working with horses is gut, but cabinetmaking is something you can do anywhere. All you need is a small shop and some tools.”

  Carolyn couldn’t prevent her frown. Saul wasn’t impressed with Benjamin’s new job. She couldn’t help but think that he seemed to be just as condescending and negative as Amos. It now made sense to her that Saul and Amos were good friends; they were just alike.

  “Have you ever done any woodworking, Ben?” Saul asked between bites of the potatoes.

  Benjamin nodded. “Mei daadi helped me make a little trinket box for mei mamm for Christmas once.”

  Saul shook his head. “I’m not talking about making trinket boxes. I’m talking about real woodworking and real tools.”

  “I’m certain Ben could become a real carpenter, Saul.” Amos gestured toward Benjamin. “Of course, Ben, you would need to get bigger and stronger before you could really help in Saul’s shop. You’d have to develop quite a few muscles and look more like a grown man. The wood is heavy, and it’s hard work.”

  Carolyn stopped chewing and stared at her brother while wondering how he could say something so hurtful to his nephew.

  “Of course Ben will grow bigger and stronger, Amos,” Sarah Ann said as she turned toward her husband. “He’s a growing boy. He’ll most likely hit a growth spurt this summer, and you may wind up having to look up at him.”

  Carolyn smiled at her sister-in-law and silently thanked God for Sarah Ann’s quick comeback.

  “Ya, you could be right,” Amos said. “We all grow at our own pace.”

  Carolyn looked across the table at Emma, who was quietly eating dinner. “Everything is appeditlich, Emma,” she told the girl. “Danki for having us over for supper.”

  “Gern gschehne.” Emma wiped her mouth on a napkin. “I love to cook. I found my mother’s favorite recipes, and I’ve been trying them out. Have you ever made stew?”

  Carolyn nodded. “Ya, I have.”

  “I love stew.” Emma cut up a piece of ham loaf. “I’ll have to invite you all over to have that next.”

  “That would be nice.” Sarah Ann reached for her cup of water. “How’s school?”

  “It’s good.” Emma told Sarah Ann and Carolyn all about school and her chores while Saul and Amos continued their discussion of cabinetmaking and farming. Benjamin looked on with a bored expression.

  Soon the conversations dwindled, and they ate in silence.

  Carolyn turned to Benjamin and found him still studying his plate. She needed to find a way to pull him into the conversation. “Emma, what is your favorite subject in school?”

  “Oh, I love math.” Emma brightened.

  “Really? Ben always liked math too.” Carolyn nudged Benjamin under the table to draw him into the conversation.

  “Ya, I always loved numbers,” Benjamin agreed.

  “Ben likes to read too.” Carolyn tried to keep the conversation going. “Do you like to read, Emma?”

  “I do.” Emma nodded.

  “What kind of books do you like?” Sarah Ann chimed in. “Rosemary always read the Little House on the Prairie books. Do you like those books?”

  Carolyn looked toward Saul, who was still talking to Amos. She wondered if she could ever find common ground with him. She wondered if his nearly constant frown was a part of how he mourned the loss of his wife. Perhaps Saul was a lonely man who didn’t know how to express his feelings. She suddenly felt sorry for him. She knew in her heart that she needed to give the man a chance and try to get to know him.

  Soon their plates were empty, and Carolyn helped Emma clean up the dishes and kitchen before serving her frosted carrot bars. They drank coffee and ate the bars while discussing the coming spring weather.

  When dessert was gone, Sarah Ann carried the coffee cups to the sink. “Let me help you clean up,” she said to Emma.

  “Danki.” Emma gathered up the plates.

  Saul pushed his chair back from the table and looked at Emma. “I’ll give Carolyn a tour of my shop while you and Sarah Ann clean up the kitchen.”

  Carolyn felt guilty for not helping with the work. She turned to Sarah Ann. “Can you and Emma handle the dishes?�
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  “Of course we can.” Sarah Ann smiled. “Go on.”

  Carolyn retrieved her cloak and then followed Saul out the back and into the chilly early March air. “It’s a schee night.” She looked up at the clear sky. “Look at those stars.”

  “Ya.” He briefly gazed up at the sky and then continued toward the shop. Carolyn followed him there in an awkward silence and stood in the doorway while he turned on battery-operated lanterns. The sweet smell of stain mixed with wood dust filled her senses. Soon the shop was illuminated in the soft yellow light, and she took in an array of tools cluttering a line of workbenches. A pile of wood sat in the corner while cabinets in various stages of development sat on the benches with the tools.

  She stepped over to a workbench and ran her hand over the cold, smooth wood grain of a large oak cabinet. “You do outstanding work.”

  “Danki.” Saul stood near the workbench.

  Another awkward silence passed between them, and Carolyn wondered what it would take to pull Saul into a conversation.

  “Emma is a lovely kind,” she said.

  He nodded. “She’s a gut girl. She works hard and tries to do as much as she can inside the haus.”

  “It must be difficult for her without a mamm.”

  His expression clouded, as if she’d hit a nerve, and she immediately regretted the statement. She needed to try to steer the conversation back to a comfortable ground between them.

  Carolyn pointed at the pile of work that lined the far end of the shop. “Do you normally work with oak?”

  Saul shook his head as he moved toward the pile of wood. “It depends on what the customer wants. Most prefer oak, but others want walnut or spruce. My next project will be with walnut.” He talked on about his upcoming projects, and his expression relaxed.

  She nodded with interest while he talked. She could tell that woodworking was his passion, and she wondered if he poured his emotions into his work. Was that how he worked through his grief?

  Carolyn shivered, and Saul studied her.

  “You’re cold,” he said.

  “Ya, I am.” She rubbed her hands over her arms.

  “I don’t want you to catch cold.” He made a sweeping gesture toward the door. “Let’s get you back inside.”

  “Danki.”

  Saul extinguished all but one of the lanterns and held up the light as they walked back toward the house. She found Benjamin and Amos sitting on the porch.

  “I’m going to go see if Sarah Ann and Emma need help.” Carolyn climbed the steps and moved into the house, where Sarah Ann was drying dishes and Emma was sweeping. “Do you need me to do anything?”

  “No, we’re just about done.” Sarah Ann placed a serving dish in the cabinet.

  “Did you like my dat’s shop?” Emma leaned against the counter.

  “Ya, it’s very big, and he does really nice work.”

  “He’s the best.” Emma beamed.

  Carolyn looked at the clock on the wall and found it was nearly eight o’clock. “We’d better get going. Danki again for supper.”

  She picked up her empty platter before following Sarah Ann to the door, where they put on their cloaks.

  “I had a lovely time,” Carolyn turned and told Emma. “I hope to see you again soon.” Emma gave Carolyn a quick hug and then hugged Sarah Ann.

  “Danki for coming,” Emma said. “Please come again.”

  The women stepped out onto the porch and made their way to the buggy where the three men were standing. They each thanked Saul before climbing in. Carolyn spent the drive back home contemplating Saul and Emma. She couldn’t help but wonder if God had put them in her path for a reason. Was she meant to marry Saul and become Emma’s new mother? Saul seemed like a nice man, and although he was quiet and somber, he clearly loved his daughter. He also had concern in his sad eyes when he asked Carolyn if she was cold in the shop. He could provide a good Christian home for Carolyn and Benjamin.

  When they arrived home, Carolyn climbed out of the buggy and walked with Benjamin toward their house. “Did you have a nice time?” she asked.

  Benjamin nodded while keeping his eyes focused on their home. “Ya, it was gut. The food was gut.”

  “What did you think of Saul’s shop?”

  He shrugged. “It was a nice shop. What did you think?”

  “It’s nice.” She contemplated what life would be like if she were to marry Saul. Would Saul insist on making Benjamin his apprentice? “Do you think you want to learn how to make cabinets?”

  He turned toward his mother. “No, I’d rather work on the horse farm with Josh.”

  Carolyn smiled. “I’m froh you found something you love.”

  As they climbed the porch steps, she wondered what God had in store for her and Benjamin, and if Saul and his daughter would play a part in that plan.

  Carolyn stood at the lunch meat counter at the Bird-in-Hand farmers’ market, trying to decide how much roast beef to take home for her father.

  “Carolyn!” a voice behind her called.

  She glanced over her shoulder as Joshua weaved his way through the crowd toward her. “Josh!” Her heart skipped a beat as he approached. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

  He grinned and held up a bag. “I managed to get away for a bit so I could pick up some of my favorite cheese. But I didn’t expect to see you either, even though I know you don’t work on Thursdays.”

  Her heart warmed at the sight of his smile. “What’s your favorite cheese?”

  “Swiss and provolone. I really like my cheese sandwiches.” He gestured toward the meat counter. “Are you picking up some lunch meat?”

  “Ya. Mei dat likes his roast beef. I’m running errands for mei mamm while she works on a quilt. She and my sister-in-law make quilts for a few local stores.”

  “Oh.” He looped his thumb around his suspender. “Danki for the pies. They were amazing. I finished them in a few days. I didn’t share, either. I hid them from Ben and Danny.”

  “Oh gut. I’m so glad you liked them. I’ll have to make you a few more.”

  He shook his head. “That’s not necessary.”

  “Ya, it is. I’m really thankful that you’ve given Ben something to look forward to. He can’t wait to go to work every day.” She studied Joshua’s chiseled face and wondered why he never married.

  Joshua gestured toward a quiet corner away from the food counters. “Do you have a minute to talk?”

  “Ya.” She followed him into the corner, weaving past the knot of customers. Her body tensed with worry as she wondered what Joshua was going to tell her. Was he going to fire Benjamin and break his heart?

  “Ben is doing a great job,” he began once they were alone. “I’m really impressed with how quickly he’s learning how to work with the horses. He really has a gift.”

  “That’s wunderbaar.” She smiled, relishing the compliments.

  “I know he’s only working for me as a way to make up for what happened at the auction.” Josh lifted his hat and pushed back his dark hair. “The thing is, I really need the help. My business has taken off, and I’m having a difficult time keeping up with all my chores on the farm. Danny is a great assistant, but I need someone who can work with him while I’m taking care of other things, such as reconciling the books and making appointments with customers. Hannah used to handle all of that for me, and now she’s gone.” His expression became hopeful. “I know your bruder needs Ben on his farm, but do you think there’s any way he would let me hire Ben permanently? I would pay him, of course. Do you think Ben would want to work for me?”

  “Ya.” Carolyn couldn’t contain her joy at the news. She nodded with emphasis. “I’m certain he would.”

  “Now, please don’t say anything to him yet.” Joshua held his hand up as if to caution her. “I’ll let him finish out the time he promised me first. Once we’re close to the end, we’ll talk about it. Does that sound gut?”

  “Ya, it’s perfect.” The ribbons on her pray
er covering bobbed up and down as she nodded again. The news of a permanent job for Benjamin was an answered prayer. He would finally get away from the stressful situation on Amos’s farm and have his own occupation to enjoy.

  He gestured toward the meat counter. “What’s on your shopping list besides roast beef?”

  “Oh, I have to get some cheese too.”

  He raised his eyebrows. “Swiss and provolone, I hope.”

  She laughed. “Ya, I’ll be certain to pick both of those up in case you stop by for lunch.”

  “I might just do that.” He smiled, and her heart fluttered. Joshua nodded toward the meat counter. “I’d better let you get your groceries. The line is growing over there.”

  “Oh dear.” Carolyn spotted a line of customers snaking toward the neighboring cheese counter. “I need to go get a place in line.” She looked at him again. “I’ll see you soon.”

  “That sounds like a gut plan.” Joshua smiled. “I’m glad I ran into you today.”

  “Ya, I am too.” Carolyn made her way over to the counter and got in line before looking back. She watched Joshua as he moved through the crowd and headed toward the exit.

  She knew she could be setting herself up for heartache. After all, she hadn’t told him the truth about Benjamin yet. What would he say if he knew she had a baby when she was sixteen?

  TEN

  Carolyn climbed out of her buggy in Joshua’s driveway while holding on to the handle of Benjamin’s lunch cooler with one hand. She’d spotted it sitting on the counter when she was getting ready to leave to run her errands. Since she was planning to go to a nearby grocery store, she decided to stop by Joshua’s farm. Although the purpose of her trip was to deliver the lunch cooler, she also looked forward to seeing Joshua. He’d been on her mind ever since she’d seen him at the market last week. Today was Tuesday, and somehow last Thursday seemed like a long time ago.

  Carolyn tented her hand over her eyes and looked toward the stables where she spotted a tall, lanky figure waving. As the figure moved out of the glare of the sunlight, Joshua’s handsome face came into focus, and her pulse tripped and then accelerated through her veins.