by K. C. Wells
Rob narrowed his gaze, then tapped again. The crack opened a little more.
“For God’s sake, just break the egg, okay?”
“Fine!” Rob yelled and brought the edge of the knife blade down hard.
There were egg and tiny fragments of shell everywhere.
Vic gaped at him, and then seconds later he erupted into laughter. “Well, that was certainly harder.” He pulled off two pieces of paper towel and mopped up the mess. Still laughing, he reached across to Rob’s head. Rob stilled, then relaxed as Vic removed a fragment from his hair. “It gets everywhere, doesn’t it?” He dropped the wad of paper into the bin and then handed Rob another egg. “We only have four more after this one, so don’t screw it up.”
Rob took a deep breath, focused not so much on breaking an egg correctly, but on showing Vic that he could do this. This time the egg broke cleanly, and he pulled it apart, the golden yolk and thick white falling into the bowl with no trace of shell.
“Much better.”
Vic’s praise warmed him, and in no time, five eggs filled the bowl. After mixing them, Rob looked to Vic for more instructions.
Vic handed him the pack of butter. “A generous dollop of this into the frying pan, please. Then let it melt on a low heat.”
Rob rolled his eyes. “I can melt butter, you know.”
Vic regarded him steadily. “I don’t doubt it. I’m just pointing out that I want the butter gently heated, rather than bubbling away until it’s smoking.”
“This would be the low part of low and slow, right?” Rob grinned. “See? I listen.”
“Relieved to hear it, except you’ve taken your eyes off the butter.” Vic’s smirked.
Rob darted his gaze back to the pan, but the yellow mass had only just begun to spread out in a gold liquid over the black surface.
“Now, add the eggs. You’re going to keep them moving in the pan with this spatula,” Vic told him. “The trick is to keep them from sticking to it, until they begin to coalesce. We want them to be soft and creamy, not rubber bullets.”
Rob nodded, this time not taking his eyes off the pan. I can do this. Any idiot can cook eggs. He poured the mixture into the pan and began pushing the spatula through it. When a minute had gone by with no change, he moved to turn up the heat.
“Leave it where it is,” Vic said instantly.
“It’s too low. Look, they’re not cooking.” Even as the words left his lips, he noticed how the eggs had begun to solidify a little around the edge of the pan.
“See?” To Vic’s credit, he didn’t sound smug. “Now, keep the eggs on the move. The next trick is knowing when to stop.”
Rob did as he was told, his gaze fixed on the pan. “I sort of thought you stopped when they’re cooked.”
“Ah, but when is that? You have to stop before they start to get too firm. And a trick worth knowing: leave them standing in the pan after you’ve turned off the heat. Because they still carry on cooking for a little while. So you might think you’re stopping too early, because they still look a little runny, but trust me—they won’t be by the time they reach the table.” Vic paused. “And don’t forget you still have toast to do.”
“Toast?” The word came out as a squeak. “I don’t have friggin’ time to do toast. I’m too busy watching the bloody eggs!”
Vic laughed out loud. “Relax, Jamie Oliver. I’ll see to the toast. You just keep doing what you’re doing.”
Rob tuned him out and concentrated on the eggs. I am not going to screw this up.
He hoped.
“BREAKFAST WAS very good, Rob.”
Pride rushed through Rob. It was amazing how such a simple thing as successfully making scrambled eggs made him feel like he’d achieved something. Then it hit him. When was the last time someone complimented me on my work? The instances had been few and far between.
“Thank you,” he said sincerely. He stood and began to gather the dishes until Vic stopped him.
“I’ll get these. Now that you’ve eaten and are in a relaxed frame of mind, we’re going to start working on meditation today. Go into the lounge and wait for me. As soon as I finish up in here, I’ll come in to help you. While you’re in there, I want you to think about nothing.”
Rob frowned. “That’s impossible.”
Vic tapped Rob lightly on the temple. “Everything you’ve got going on up here is going to blot out anything you want to accomplish. You’ve got to learn to let it go and live in the moment. Problems will always be there, but we need to figure out the best way to deal with them. I’ve found that instead of letting them overwhelm me, I concentrate on one at a time and work through it before I try to tackle another. So go sit and do your best to clear your mind.”
It seemed to be one of the craziest things Rob had ever heard, but Vic hadn’t steered him wrong so far. He walked into the lounge and sat down, the clanking of the plates in the background. He closed his eyes and tried to wish away all the things in his mind, but they were too ingrained. They’d been part of him since the day Alex had walked out of their lives and Rob had accepted the blame.
“Whatever it is you’re thinking about, it’s not nothing. Did you even try to do as I asked you?”
Rob opened his eyes to find Vic standing in front of him, arms folded across his wide chest. Annoyance raced to the fore. Of course he’d tried. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, you lack focus. You allow all of your problems to weigh you down.”
Rob was getting tired of this refrain. “You know what? You try being a couple thousand pounds in debt, with no job, trying to figure out how you’re going to live day to day. Every fucked-up decision I ever made has come back to bite me in the arse, and I deserve it, because I’ve never been anything but a little shit to people.” The more he reflected on the past, the clearer that had become.
“You’re never going to be able to come to terms with your issues if you dwell on every single one. So this is what we’re going to do.” Vic pulled over a large floor cushion and left it in front of Rob. “I want you to kneel here, palms on your thighs. Close your eyes and focus on one thing. Not something that upsets you, because that defeats the purpose. One thing that makes you smile. We’ll call it your center.”
“That’s stupid,” Rob groused. Hell, he wasn’t sure he could find something that made him happy.
It seemed Vic wasn’t about to be deterred. “We’re going to try it regardless.” He pointed to the cushion. “Didn’t I say I wanted you on your knees?”
Rob sighed. He knelt, doing his best to take the position Vic said, and then allowed his eyes to drift shut.
When it came, Vic’s voice was lower. “Focus, Rob. One thing. Just one. Maybe your favorite scone. Or a nice cup of tea before bedtime. How about a film you love? Anything that makes you happy.”
Thoughts collided in Rob’s head. He still had those bills he had to pay, and soon he’d be getting a second notice before everything was passed to a debt collection agency. And from what he’d read, those people were bloody tenacious. Rob had filled out an online application form to work at Vic’s company, but he had yet to hear anything. Give it time. It’s only been a few days. His mother continued to call. He—
“Rob.”
Vic’s voice startled Rob from his train of thought, but what surprised him more was when Vic ran his hand over Rob’s head.
“One thing, Rob.” Vic’s voice was soft. “Everything else is a distraction. Find something in that jumble of thoughts that doesn’t worry you.”
Rob nodded. He did his best to block out other thoughts. Favorite tea? He liked all kinds. Scone? Since when did he have enough money to buy scones? He had to settle for inhaling the scents at the supermarket. A film he liked? Oh. Yes, there it was. Something that had made him so happy when it happened. The scene began to roll through his mind, and Rob smiled.
“That’s it. Good. Now concentrate on that image. Keep it in your mind. I want you to think about nothing but that for five minutes.�
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For the next several minutes, Rob did his best to hold that thought in his head. It wasn’t as difficult as he’d figured it would be. But then reality intruded and the other things he’d tried to push away washed over him, and he sagged beneath their weight.
Cautiously he opened his eyes. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I tried, really.”
“You did, and I’m proud of you.”
Rob jerked his head in Vic’s direction. He’d anticipated a rebuke, not praise.
Vic nodded deliberately. “For three minutes you were able to maintain focus. I know that might not sound like much, but it’s a start. So, we’ll work on this every day, and soon you’ll find you can do it for much longer.” He tilted his head to one side. “Care to tell me what you were thinking about?”
Rob stilled. When Vic had told him to think of just one thing, he’d tried to imagine Ella, his friend with benefits, but he couldn’t even recall what she looked like. When he tried to pull up a scene from a film, something flashed through his mind that shocked Rob to his very core. The image he pulled up, the one that made him smile, was when he and Vic had watched Shaun of the Dead and had pizza. Vic’s serious demeanor had cracked slightly, and he’d laughed at something in the film. Rob couldn’t recall what had elicited the laughter, but that first glimpse of a Vic he had yet to see had been… intriguing.
Would he laugh if I told him he was the center I’d focused on?
Rob didn’t want to find out.
“Nothing in particular,” he hedged.
Vic unfolded his arms and crouched down so their eyes met. “You don’t have to tell me. All that matters is that you’ve got something to focus on. In fact, if you’re willing, I’d like to try something different. Now, it may not be something you’ll enjoy, so I want you to choose a word that will make everything stop if you say it. It doesn’t matter if you’re scared or just not willing to go any further with it. You say it and it ends immediately.”
Rob rolled his eyes. “I know what a safeword is.”
“Hush, brat. I want to be sure you know your options. So, what do you say? Are you willing to give it a try?”
With a certainty born of trust, Rob said yes.
“Excellent. I want you to come into the bedroom with me.”
Bedroom. The word was enough to cause Rob’s cock to harden.
“And you can get that out of your mind. That’s not what we’re about to do.”
What surprised Rob most was that he wasn’t sure if he was happy or disappointed.
He trailed after Vic into the bedroom. It was the first time he’d actually been in the place. A large king-sized bed dominated the available area, but it didn’t seem overwhelming. Rob glanced around, taking in the dark wood bed with a black duvet that covered crisp, white sheets. Dotted at intervals over the wall were pictures that gave a splash of color to what would otherwise have been a bleak area. A black leather armchair sat in one corner, with a small table next to it. A book lay on it that Rob recognized almost immediately. “The Firm? You’re reading Grisham?”
“Someone told me he enjoyed the books. I wanted to see what the fuss was about. To be honest, I’m glad he told me. They’re excellent.” Vic smiled.
“They?”
“I bought three. The first one I’ve already read and then started on this. I can’t wait to discuss them with you. At least as soon as you finish Oz.”
Rob hadn’t thought about the book since he’d lost his job. “Sorry, I’ve been… distracted.”
“Which brings us back to why we’re here. What’s your word?” Vic demanded.
“Peacock,” Rob replied. He’d gone to the zoo once and a peacock had nipped him. Rob had hated them ever since.
“All right. Peacock it is. You say it, and everything stops. Now, I want you to kneel down beside the chair.”
“Damn. What is it with you guys and making men kneel?” Rob groused as he took up the position.
“It’s a sign of respect. It shows that you’re willing to do what a Dom asks of you.” Vic paused for a moment. “You don’t have to do this, you know. We have no agreement regarding BDSM—we’ve signed no contracts. You’re perfectly fine to say no.”
Rob huffed. “I’m already down here. May as well get this over with.”
“You have to be the cheekiest person I’ve ever met,” Vic said with a laugh. “Okay, I watched you over the last few weeks and I’ve come to a realization. Do you know what your problem is?” he asked, as he circled the kneeling Rob, placing light touches on his head and shoulders as he did so.
“No, but I’m sure you’re going to tell me,” Rob answered in a snarky tone that earned him a smack to the back of the head. “Hey!”
“You’ve never in your life learned to simply stay still. You can’t stay in one moment. You run from everything. Your past. Your present. And your future. So today we’re going to work on that. Stand up.”
What the hell? “But you just made me kneel!” Rob grumbled as he got to his feet. Again.
Vic didn’t answer. He turned and walked over to another door. A brief glimpse through the crack told Rob it was a walk-in wardrobe. When Vic came back, he held a strange-looking device, a thick bar with cuffs at either end. “Hands in front of you,” he instructed. When Rob complied, Vic locked one part of the device around Rob’s wrists, then placed the other around his ankles.
Rob stared down at his fettered body. “Er….” His heartbeat picked up its pace.
It was all he managed to get out before Vic picked him up as though he weighed nothing, carried him to the bed, and laid him on top of it. He stood beside the bed and regarded Rob with a neutral expression.
“For the next hour, you’re going to lie here and simply live in the moment.”
“What? This is ridiculous. Let me up!” Rob squirmed, pulling at his bonds.
“Do you want to safeword?”
“Yes! I… no. I don’t want to.” He tried to tell himself he didn’t want this, but a small thrill ran through him. “But what if I have to pee?”
Vic arched his eyebrows and smirked. “Then you’ll tell me.” He retrieved a book from the table, returned to the bed, and lay down next to Rob.
“You’re going to stay here?” Rob asked incredulously.
Vic stared at him. “Of course. I would never risk your health by leaving you alone. That would be dangerous.” He smiled. “And now you’re going to be quiet. No talking allowed. Just stay there and be in the moment. Be still.” He sat back and opened his book.
For the life of him, Rob couldn’t understand what Vic hoped to accomplish. This whole thing is a complete waste of time. Of course he could stay still.
But the more he thought about it, the more agitated he became.
“Let me up,” he insisted.
“It’s only been ten minutes,” Vic replied blandly.
“I don’t care. Let me up.” Rob knew it was no use struggling. Words were all he had left.
“No” was the simple reply. “Tell me your safeword and I will, but otherwise you stay where you are.”
Peacock. The word was on the tip of Rob’s tongue. He could end this crap just by saying it. But… no. I’m not gonna give him the satisfaction. He closed his eyes, figuring he’d fall asleep, but the position wasn’t the most comfortable.
Some time passed, how much Rob couldn’t be sure, but little by little, he began to relax. As he did, other things around him became more pronounced. The sounds of Vic turning the page. Vic’s breathing. The warmth of Vic’s skin as their arms brushed. The more still he became, the more Rob began to find comfort in those things. It was as if Vic had flipped a switch in his brain, and Rob had begun to power down.
“And that’s an hour. You did very well, Rob.”
Wait. What? “How long?” There was no way they’d been there that long.
“You lay there for the full hour. I’m quite proud of you,” Vic replied as he removed the hardware, then checked Rob’s wrists and ankles. When
he seemed satisfied everything was as it should be, he turned his attention back to Rob.
Rob’s brain was not computing. It couldn’t have been an hour. Vic had to have released him early. He glanced at the clock beside the bed, but that only confirmed what Vic was saying. “But….”
Vic arched an eyebrow. “But?”
Rob had no words to explain that he’d finally begun to be… still. It seemed as if, for that brief span, the outside world had ceased to exist and Rob was at peace.
Then Vic smiled, as if he knew what Rob struggled to say. “If you think it helped, we’ll make a list of things for you to work on each week. This will be one of them. Spending time to simply be.”
“That’s stupid,” Rob groused. But what was in his head was something entirely different.
I want to try this again.
Chapter Sixteen
THAT BOY couldn’t lie to save his soul.
When they started, Vic couldn’t concentrate on his book as he watched Rob from the corner of his eye. He needed to be ready at a moment’s notice, should Rob begin to struggle or if he used his safeword. When that hadn’t happened, Vic allowed himself an inward sigh of contentment and relief.
Watching Rob as he started to relax had been a revelation. The changes that had overtaken him might have been unhurried, but they were definitely noticeable. His facial features, which had been tense, smoothed out, as did his breathing. Everything about Rob became placid. If Vic didn’t know better, he would have thought Rob reached subspace.
Maybe he did. Subspace—and what it took to attain it—changed from one person to another. Vic knew that from experience. What took one person several scenes to achieve had been accomplished by another within the space of an hour. And since Rob was like no one else Vic had ever met, why should Vic expect him to react like anyone else? Maybe simply forcing him to stay still for a time, to reflect, had made it possible. Either way, for a brief time, Rob had let go of his problems.
Now they could begin solving them.
“I think we’ll make this something to do on Sunday when neither of us has to work. You did really well, and I’m impressed. In fact….” He paused dramatically. “I think you deserve a reward for your efforts.”