An Unlocked Mind

by K. C. Wells

  ROB’S STOMACH was churning as they approached the door to Secrets. He did his best to believe Alex had only been there because of opening night. There was no way Alex would be there now. At least, he hoped not. Rob’s previous visits didn’t matter—this time was different. When Vic said that Rob needed to see what being with him would be like, Rob had been nervous. At least until Vic told him the people there would understand and forgive him. That, more than anything, had him wanting to visit again. In fact, he’d convinced himself that maybe he could prove something to Vic as well as himself. Then the idea of coming back to Secrets had been exciting and he couldn’t wait. That cocksure attitude melted quickly when Vic parked the car and announced they were there.

  Rob stared at the wide door, his heartbeat racing. The last time I was here, I made a total arse of myself. Vic might have forgiven him for calling Vic a poof in front of the mass of men in leather and chains, but Rob wasn’t certain how the aforementioned men still viewed his transgression. Well, looks like I’m about to find out.

  “Maybe this isn’t a good idea,” he said, his voice soft.

  Vic stilled at his side, his hand instantly at Rob’s back. “Why? I thought you were eager to come again.”

  “I thought I was too.”

  Vic pulled him in close. “Hey, forgiven and forgotten, remember? Everything will be okay as long as you remember the rules.”

  Rob sighed. “No speaking unless spoken to. No eating or drinking unless I’m told it’s okay.”

  “And the last one?”

  Rob couldn’t hold back his grin. “No looking so bloody cute people will want to eat me up.”

  “That’s my boy,” Vic said, kissing Rob’s head.

  Rob’s chest felt as though it was fit to burst with pride.

  Vic pushed open the door, and the smell of leather assailed Rob’s nostrils, the scent of sex hanging in the air. After what he and Vic had shared, this visit had taken on a whole new meaning for him. When he’d been in the club before, Rob had known the basics of the lifestyle, but now he was learning them up close and personal, with someone who seemed to be tailor-made for Rob.

  That thought gave him pause. This really is different, isn’t it? Part of him still didn’t believe it was happening.

  Vic took Rob’s hand and squeezed it. “It’s going to be fine, okay? Stick by me and everything will be okay. If you need to ask me anything, just whisper in my ear.”

  A sharp nod was all the response Vic got. Rob could do this. He was certain.

  “Good evening, gentlemen. Welcome to Secrets.”

  Two men approached them, and Rob recognized them immediately. He’d had unkind thoughts about them once before. Now his stomach knotted at the memory of the jerk he’d been.

  “Hello!” Vic’s voice boomed above the general cacophony.

  When they got to where Vic and Rob stood, the younger of the men held out his hand. “I’m Eli Jameson, and this is Jarod Pearce. We own the club.”

  Vic shook Eli’s hand, then took Jarod’s in his and gave it a quick squeeze.

  “Vic Prentiss. How do you do? I love what you’ve done with the place.”

  “Thank you,” Jarod said, beaming. “We’re very happy with it.”

  Vic put his hand on the small of Rob’s back and nudged him forward. “This is Rob Daniels, my guest for the evening. He’s formerly of Manchester, but thinking about making the move to London.”

  Jarod’s eyes widened and his face flushed. He reached out to shake Rob’s hand, but held fast. “I know an Alex Daniels in Manchester. Any relation?” The grip tightened.

  Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

  “He’s my brother,” Rob said, hoping he wouldn’t be heard over the noise.

  Jarod froze for a second, and then pulled his hand away as though he’d been burned.

  Rob’s stomach cramped.

  “Sir, I need to check on things in the kitchen,” Jarod said quickly.

  “Pet? Are you okay?”

  Jarod shot a glance at Rob, then turned away. “No, I don’t think I am. If you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll go up to the apartment.” He headed away from them, Eli watching him with a concerned expression.

  Rob couldn’t keep it in anymore. “Wait!”

  “Rob, remember what we talked about,” Vic urged.

  Rob barely heard him. Pulling free of Vic, he ran after Jarod. “Please,” he begged. “Wait.”

  Jarod spun around, his face tight. “Wait for what?” His words rang out, and men turned in their direction. Rob caught murmurs about making sure Jarod was okay. Jarod’s face was like stone, his tone like iron. “Go on, tell me. What do you have to say that’s so damned important? What can you possibly say to me that would explain why you hurt one of the sweetest men on the planet? Maybe you have a good excuse for costing him his family because of your backstabbing and lies. Is that it?”

  “No,” Rob replied, stumbling back as though Jarod had slapped him. “I can’t excuse what I did, but….” He sucked in a deep lungful of air. “I wasn’t the one who made him move out.” Rob clenched his fists. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to run, to fight, or to scream. Right now his center, Vic, had never felt so far away.

  That seemed to rattle Jarod. “Alex said—”

  “Alex doesn’t know. He blames me, and I deserve it. I was a shit brother, and a worse human being. So I get why he’s mad at me, and I’ll have to learn to live with it.”

  The snakes that slithered in his belly were now squeezing the life from Rob. All he wanted was a fresh start, but that wasn’t about to happen. Jarod would get on the phone and call Alex, and the whole mess would start again.

  Jarod’s anger seemed to crumble. He reached out and put a hand on Rob’s arm. “Are you okay?”

  Eli and Vic came up from behind them. Eli was at Jarod’s side, glaring at Rob as though he was disgusted by him. He nuzzled Jarod’s hair, asking if everything was all right.

  “What did we talk about, Rob?” Vic snapped. “I told you what the rules were, and you disobeyed them anyway.”

  Fuck this. It’s all too much. He must have been crazy to think he could change a fucking thing.

  “Fuck all of you!” he cried out. “You think you know me, but you don’t. Not really. I’m a shitty person who doesn’t deserve anything decent.” His gaze flashed in Vic’s direction. “No matter how you say the pretty words, not everyone can be saved. I did awful things in my past, and even though I regret it more than I can say, not one of you wants to let me forget who I was. Oh, you said I could make a fresh start, become a better person, but then you act like I’ve got some communicable disease. Fuck it. I’m out of here.”

  Rob took two steps before a steel grip locked onto his wrist.

  “You’re not going anywhere,” Vic growled. “What’s this about?”

  “Why not ask him?” Rob snapped, tilting his head toward Jarod. “He knows Alex, so he automatically assumed I was guilty of everything he’d heard. So much for how fucking accepting this lot is.”

  Rob’s anguish poured out. He’d done everything he could to make Vic proud, to be a more responsible person. He had a job that now he was probably going to lose. He’d started to think of Vic’s place as home, and now that would be gone.

  “I…. He’s not at fault, Sir. This was on me,” Jarod said to Eli. He turned back to Rob. “Rob? I cannot say enough how sorry I am for upsetting you. When it comes to Alex and our friends, I tend to have tunnel vision. Sometimes I forget there are two sides to every story. It isn’t fair of me to judge you based on one person’s recollections.”

  Rob heard the words, but they didn’t register. His heart hurt more than he thought it could. The look on Vic’s face, anger mixed with disappointment, threatened to tear Rob apart. Why the fuck do I care what he thinks? He knew the answer, of course. He’d let Vic in, and he was beginning to think that was probably the most stupid thing he’d ever done. If he had just kept to himself, none of this would be happening.

  “I hav
e to go,” Rob said, trying to pull free of Vic.

  “Like I said, you’re not going anywhere.” Vic leaned in close, his hands around Rob, holding him tight. “You’re stuck with me for the long haul.” When Rob tried to struggle, Vic held firm. “I mean it. Rob. You. With me. End of story.”

  Vic’s obvious sincerity seeped into Rob’s battered mind, and he became still.

  “That’s it,” Vic said softly. “Maybe if I say it often enough, you’ll finally get it into your head.”

  Rob leaned into him, his anger and self-loathing melting as he breathed in Vic’s presence, his strength.

  Vic turned to Jarod. “I know you don’t know us, and you have no reason to do us a favor. That being said, I would like to ask you not to talk to Alex about this. Rob is doing his best to deal with it, and one day if he’s ready, he’ll contact Alex and work it out. Okay?”

  “Jarod? I think it would be good if you took Rob upstairs for a cup of tea,” Eli said suddenly.

  “Of course, Sir. Rob? Would you like to come have a cup of tea with me?” Jarod spoke as though Rob was a child he was trying to coax out of a tantrum.

  “He goes nowhere without me,” Vic insisted.

  Bless him.

  “You’re welcome to come along, Sir,” Jarod replied. “We have plenty of tea. This is England, after all.” The joke fell flat, but Jarod smiled anyway.

  Vic’s lips brushed against Rob’s ear. “We can go home if you’d like.”

  It was good that Vic was giving him an out, but Rob knew he’d have to face up to what happened at some point. If Jarod knew Alex, maybe he’d listen. “Is it okay if I go with him?”

  Vic didn’t seem convinced.

  “He’ll be in good hands,” Eli promised. “Jarod is the kindest soul around.”

  “Please,” Rob said. He turned his head to whisper to Vic, “I have to start somewhere.”

  Vic gave a sharp nod. “Fine.” He glared at Jarod. “He’s been through a lot, and I expect you to keep that in mind.”

  It didn’t surprise Rob when Eli jumped to Jarod’s defense. “Don’t worry, I promise that Jarod will be the perfect host.”

  Rob followed Jarod to the lift, pausing to glance over his shoulder. Vic nodded in encouragement.

  Here we go.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  ROB FOLLOWED Jarod into the lift, an oppressive silence hanging over them. A thousand possible things to say floated in Rob’s head, but none of them made their way out.

  “Have you ever met Scott or any of Alex’s other friends?” Jarod asked.

  Rob was grateful for the question. Anything was better than worrying about their upcoming conversation. “No. I saw his posts on Facebook, though. He cares a lot about them.”

  “They were there when he needed them most.”

  Yeah, sure. Make me feel even guiltier. “I’m glad he had someone.”

  Jarod gave a sad smile. “You didn’t, though, did you? I can’t imagine how hard that must have been for you.”

  He wasn’t trying to be mean. Rob believed Jarod really did feel bad.

  What must it be like to have friends like that? Alex was lucky enough to find Leo, but to build a whole new family? A sliver of jealousy joined the ever-present guilt.

  The lift dinged and the doors opened. Jarod directed Rob to exit first. When they entered the apartment, Rob was confronted by the sight of an older woman sitting on one couch, talking animatedly with a dapper young man facing her on another.

  “What are you two plotting now?” Jarod asked.

  “There’s a sale at Mavis! We’re going there in the morning,” the woman said excitedly.

  The young man smiled at her, then addressed Jarod. “It’s a wool shop in Bushey.”

  “Mother, you’ve got bags and bags of wool,” Jarod protested. “How much do you really need?”

  She gave him a pointed stare. “And you’ve got a chest full of sex toys. Does that stop Eli from buying more?”

  Rob snorted and Jarod’s face went red. “Rob, this is my mother, Margaret, and her… coconspirator, Maxwell. Mother, this is Rob. He’s…. I know his brother.”

  She held out a hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Rob.” Her smile was radiant, and she gave the impression of being full of life.

  Rob walked over to her and took her hand in his. “A pleasure to meet you, ma’am.”

  She cocked her head and stared at him for a moment before reaching up to pat his cheek. “I think the pleasure is mine. You seem like the type of young man I could call when fussy pants here doesn’t want to go out with me.” She indicated Maxwell with a flick of her head.

  Maxwell frowned. “Since when have I ever refused to take you somewhere?”

  Her eyes gleamed. “Don’t you worry, my boy. That day will come, and when it does, I’ll call Rob here. He seems to be the sort who doesn’t mind a little fun.”

  Rob liked her already. Margaret was a jewel.

  “So, do we have a plan of action ready for tomorrow morning, or what?”

  “Yes, ma’am,” Maxwell replied, rolling his eyes. “We leave here at nine, and it’s just over an hour if I take the North Circular. Then you can shop till you drop.” His gaze met Jarod’s. “At least you know what yours and Eli’s Christmas presents will be this year.” He grinned. “What’s the betting Maggie can find a pattern to knit a cock? Or maybe a sweater with a design made of dildos?”

  Jarod groaned. “That’s right, give her more ideas, why don’t you?”

  Maggie snorted. “Like I haven’t already thought of that.” She pulled Rob down into a hug and patted him on the back. “Whatever is going on, it’ll be okay,” she promised. “I’ll always be here to talk if you need someone to lean on.”

  She sat back, leaving Rob reeling. He gave her a smile. “Thank you.”

  “Right. In that case I’ll make myself a cup of cocoa and go to bed.” She winked at him. “I might look up some knitting patterns while I wait for it to cool.” She rose to her feet, and Maxwell went with her toward the door.

  He gave Jarod an apologetic nod. “Good night, boss.”

  Jarod shook his head. “Don’t look at me like that. You’re as bad as she is.” He waved them off.

  “She’s lovely,” Rob said once the door had closed.

  “She’s… a handful, but I love her so very much.” Jarod walked over to the kitchen area. “What kind of tea would you like?” he asked as he filled the kettle.

  “I’m not picky.”

  “Be careful when you say that. My mother likes to… experiment. There might still be a box of chili and lime green tea floating around somewhere.”

  Rob shuddered. “Do you have chamomile?”

  “I do.”

  Rob settled against the seat cushions, letting the couch envelop him. It had to be the most comfortable one he’d ever sat on. He tilted his head back and closed his eyes, trying to find that center Vic kept telling him was so important. When a spoon clattered on a saucer, he sat up and found Jarod sitting across from him. Two cups sat on the coffee table, along with a sugar bowl.

  “May I once again say how sorry I am? I should know better than to behave the way I did.”

  “Not your fault,” Rob replied. “This is on me.” He picked up his cup and inhaled the delicate fragrance.

  “That’s the thing about fault. There’s usually enough to go around.” Jarod sipped his tea. “Do you want to talk about it? I promise to do my best to remain impartial.”

  The only one who knew was Vic, and the urge to admit to someone else what had happened rode Rob hard. Slowly, hesitantly, he began the story of the night he saw the bruises on Alex and had gone to their mother. He told Jarod about the police. The devastated look on Alex’s face when he, Leo, and some of their friends came to take Alex’s belongings away. How it sunk in that Alex was gone. Then he got to the part about Jamie. Jarod didn’t interrupt. He just listened, nodded, and hummed a few times. When Rob finished, he felt a little lighter for having finally
admitted the truth, not just to Vic, but to someone who knew Alex.

  “Wow,” Jarod whispered. He put his cup down and steepled his fingers. “And you haven’t spoken to Alex since then?”

  “No. What would be the sense?”

  Jarod paused, his gaze locked on Rob. “May I tell you a story?”

  “Sure.”

  Jarod cleared his throat and his eyes misted over. “Many years ago, well before Eli, there was a man named Phillip. He became my first—what I thought would be my only—master. I loved him with all my heart and soul. Every day I shared with him was a gift, and I cherished it. There was only one problem, and I think it’s one you’re going to understand. Sometimes we become complacent. We only see today, and never really give much thought to tomorrow. Then suddenly tomorrow’s here, and we’re left wondering about all the yesterdays we missed out on, or things we should have done and probably didn’t.”

  Rob knew that feeling all too well.

  Jarod continued. “In my case, my master boarded a plane, like he’d done dozens of other times. Only this time he never came back to me. He died doing what he could to save other people when the plane crashed. Afterward, I couldn’t cope.”

  Rob could see the sheen of tears in Jarod’s eyes. Rob wanted to comfort him, but what the hell could he say?

  “The day after Phillip… died, I woke up, started breakfast, began my morning chores, and then I simply… stopped. It dawned on me that no one would be eating with me, no one would comment on how clean the kitchen was, no one would be my world again. I collapsed on the floor and cried, the grief so raw, it tore me up inside. The days went on, the mornings always the worst for me, because every day I had to remind myself it wasn’t a dream. He really was dead and I was alone.” Jarod took a sip of his tea.

  Rob’s heart ached for him, for what he’d been through. “I’m sorry.”

  “Thank you. My mother was my rock. She kept pushing me to go out and meet people. I resisted, until the loneliness got to be so overwhelming, I couldn’t stand it. That’s when I met Eli. He brought me out of my shell and gave me a purpose in life. I can’t ever thank him enough for what he did.”