What if his answer was no? The thought had me blinking rapidly, disappointment making it hard to breathe.
“Are you sure you don’t need a ride home?” he asked.
I could see the concern in his eyes, the confusion as I backed away from him like he’d just insulted me.
“No, I’m fine,” I said quickly. “I’ll take the bus.”
He licked his lips as I backed up, and I was sure he was going to fight me on this. But then he sighed. “I’ll pick you up tomorrow though, right?”
When I stopped, my mind going blank, he prompted, “For the dance?”
Oh crap. The swing dance event. Right. Of course. I’d just been talking about it with his friends, I’d been looking forward to it all week, and now…
Now it loomed ahead of me like a monster in a bad horror movie. It marked the end of the line for this fake relationship. He’d see through his end of this obligation and Eleanor was well and truly convinced we were a couple and didn’t seem to care.
There was nothing for it but to call it quits.
End us.
Tears burned my eyelids as I blinked them back.
Think, Lola. Think. He was watching me, waiting for a reply about giving me a ride tomorrow. The last thing I needed was more alone time with this guy. The thought of this ending was already killing me. Getting closer, falling deeper…that would only make this harder.
“I, uh…I’ll be at Blake’s helping them get ready so they can probably just give me a ride and—”
“I’ll pick you up.” He was frowning at me now. Glowering, really. Likely because he wasn’t used to girls trying to avoid him. Half the girls in this school were probably waiting impatiently for our inevitable breakup so they could have a chance with him.
And then I’d be that girl. The loner freak he’d used as a rebound.
Not that I cared what they thought.
I opened my mouth to protest. Blake might not be a real friend, but I’d much rather be stuck in a car with her and Eleanor than face the temptation that was alone time with Lucas.
“You wanted to show up with a partner, right?” he said, cutting off any protest before it could form.
Yes, that was true. The whole reason I’d wanted him to go, the whole reason I’d gone along with this plan was so that I could show up at the swing dance event with a partner.
He took a step closer so we were in each other’s space again, lowering his voice so no passersby could hear us. “That’s what all this has been about for you, right, Lola?”
My chest tightened and when he reached out and brushed one of my curls back, lightly brushing his fingers over my cheek and jaw, I was a goner. I was lost.
“Yes,” I said. It came out as a whisper, but it was the truth. That’s what it had been about. That’s what it was still about. I just needed my heart to remember that.
He tilted his chin down but I couldn’t read his expression, his eyes were flat and guarded. “Then I’ll pick you up at Blake’s and we can go together.”
I nodded quickly, eager to back away again so I could breathe, and maybe—just maybe—regain some semblance of sanity.
He’d said it exactly. The swing dance event was why I’d agreed to be his pseudo-girlfriend, just like he was only in it to make Eleanor jealous.
It was fake, all of it. We were a lie.
So, at what point had it started to feel so real?
* * *
Blake and Eleanor had gone above and beyond with their outfits. Now, if only they’d stop calling them “costumes” I’d be happy.
I rolled my eyes when Blake insisted that I go over the steps one more time. But much as I tired of doing the same old drill, I was also a little glad that they were taking it seriously. No one wanted to be the girl who brought the giggling snobs to a serious swing dancing outing. Blake and Eleanor were insistent on being somewhat proficient on the dancefloor and had diligently mimicked my moves over and over as we got ready.
This was the first time I’d ever done anything so girlie and normal as get ready for a dance at a girlfriend’s house. It was…fun. Aside from the fact that they were popular, Eleanor and Blake were surprisingly normal in private.
“Dude, you are so good at this,” Blake said when I stopped.
“Thanks, I’ve been doing it for a long time,” I said.
I sank onto Blake’s couch and propped my feet up. It wouldn’t do to expend all my energy before we got to the club.
“It sucks that you’ll be stuck with the gimpy partner,” Blake said.
I laughed at the way she put it and shook my head. “He might have his arm in a sling, but Lucas is surprisingly good.”
“That doesn’t surprise me,” Eleanor said with a rueful smile. “Lucas is good at everything.”
“Except being a boyfriend,” Blake said.
The two of them looked at me, and Eleanor blushed. “Sorry, she didn’t mean that.”
“Yes, I did,” Blake said. “Lola’s sweet, she should know the truth.”
I stared at them, torn between irritation and hurt and a million other emotions I didn’t want to name.
“Lucas is selfish,” Blake continued. “He’s only interested in his game, or in his buddies, or in having fun. It’s always about him, never about her.”
She’d nodded toward Eleanor when she’d said ‘her’ and Eleanor’s face had flushed a scarlet red.
“Before, obviously,” Blake added with a roll of her eyes.
I wanted to tell Blake that she didn’t know Lucas at all if she truly thought him that selfish. I might have agreed with her a week ago, but that was before I’d gotten to know him. Before I’d spent any real time with him. Before he’d spent an evening entertaining my little brothers with videogames and listening patiently to my mother’s long-winded stories and being courteous and respectful to my grandfather.
I wanted to say all this on his behalf but I couldn’t. Because Blake was talking about how he was as a boyfriend. A real boyfriend. And to claim that I knew him that well was a lie. Everyone, including Blake, still thought of him as Eleanor’s boyfriend.
Eleanor. That’s who this had all been about.
So I kept my mouth shut and the silence stretched between the three of us until Eleanor finally broke it.
“But he’s different with her,” Eleanor said to Blake, coming to Lucas’s defense before I could. “Even you’ve seen that.”
The two of them were standing in front of me so I was looking up at them from where I’d sunk into the cushions. Even Blake had seen…what, exactly?
“Yeah, you’re right.” Blake sighed as though she hated to admit it. “But she should still be forewarned.”
“We should butt out,” Eleanor said, crossing her arms. We, in this instance, clearly meant Blake.
“I like Lola,” Blake said. “I don’t want to see her get hurt.”
I blinked up at Blake. So many parts of that statement refused to make sense. She liked me? Since when? And also… “How am I going to get hurt?”
I hadn’t meant to say it out loud, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself. I got the sinking sensation in the pit of my stomach that said these two knew far more about me and my fake relationship than I did.
I looked from Blake to Eleanor and back again. It was very clear that they knew I’d be hurt.
The reason why was standing right in front of me. It was so obvious I almost laughed at my own stupidity. Of course they knew he wanted Eleanor back. Everyone probably knew. We might’ve been putting on a good show at being a couple but only an idiot would think he’d be happy to stay with me if Eleanor wanted him back.
“Are you…” I licked my lips as I looked to Eleanor, wondering how on earth to state this nicely. “Are you and Ryan, um…” Oh hell, just stop being a coward for once in your life and spit it out. “Are you leaving Ryan for Lucas?”
Eleanor’s eyes widened to the size of saucers as Blake burst out laughing.
“Of course not!” Eleanor finally
said, her voice rising several octaves in her obvious shock.
Oh. Well…that answered that then.
“God no,” Blake said on her friend’s behalf, as if Eleanor hadn’t just said that. “Why would Eleanor leave a guy who treats her like a queen to go back to a guy who barely knew she was alive?”
I stared at Blake. She was totally serious. I turned to Eleanor and she wore that chagrined little smile that said while she’d like to argue with her friend, she couldn’t.
“But he…” I started. “He loves you.”
Oh God, that sounded terrible. It tasted terrible in my mouth, like verbal vomit, acidic and nasty on my tongue.
Both Blake and Eleanor cringed in response. “As a friend,” Eleanor said quickly. “I know he loves me as a friend, but it was never anything more than that. Not really.”
Blake rolled her eyes. “God, is that what you’ve been thinking? That he and El would…” She shuddered. “Breaking up with him was the best thing Eleanor ever did for herself. Ryan or no Ryan, I’d kick her butt if she ever went back to that guy.”
I did get pissed then and I shot up to my feet. Blake was talking about Lucas like he was some selfish dick, which was so not the case.
Eleanor eased herself in between me and Blake. “She’s not trying to be mean about Lucas,” Eleanor said, sounding like a true diplomat as she clarified. “She just knows that we weren’t good together. Lucas might have cared about me, but he didn’t love me. And I should have ended it so much sooner than I did.”
She turned to Blake and gave her a warning stare. “And Lucas clearly loves Lola. You’ve even said so yourself. So, this is not the same thing, it’s completely night and day from his relationship with me.”
Blake let out a huff of a sigh as I stood and stared, my mouth hanging open, the L-word ringing through my ears and echoing in my chest.
“I guess you’re right,” Blake said, turning to me with a tolerant little smile of amusement. “It is pretty funny watching big, bad, cocky Lucas fall head over heels for this freak.”
She said ‘freak’ so nicely I couldn’t get angry. I wouldn’t have been able to summon up a proper response even if I had been pissed. “He doesn’t—” I stopped myself, swallowing down the denial. To deny it vehemently would mean admitting that this wasn’t what they thought, and that would ruin Lucas’s chances with Eleanor forever.
Good.
I was petty and mean to think it but…good. So what if I did ruin his chances with her? Then would he be mine?
Maybe. Maybe not.
What do you want? I don’t know.
The words came back to me. Had he meant he didn’t know about Eleanor…or about me?
And why hadn’t I summoned up the nerve to ask him before I’d gone and fallen for the big jock myself?
Blake patted my shoulder. “She’s cute when she’s stunned,” she said to Eleanor.
“Leave her alone,” Eleanor said. “First loves are hard.”
“So it gets easier after the first time?” Blake asked her friend drily as they both regarded me in my comatose state.
“I don’t know,” Eleanor said, her voice soft and quiet. “I’ll let you know if I ever fall in love.”
Chapter Eleven
Lucas
Lola didn’t speak to me on the drive to the club. She didn’t say a single word. I had to clear my throat to let her know that we’d arrived, and even then she’d stared at me as if shocked to find me sitting beside her.
What the hell had Blake done to her?
I loosened my death grip on the steering wheel and shot a glance in her direction as I eased into a parking spot in front of the club. We were the first ones there out of all our friends.
I cleared my throat and the noise sounded absurdly loud after such a long silence. “You look beautiful, Lola.”
Her head whipped around and she stared at me wide-eyed like I’d just shouted at her. “Thanks,” she murmured quietly before dashing out of the car, her big, full skirt swooshing behind her as she whirled around to slam the door shut.
Well, okay then.
I took one moment to do some deep breathing to calm my heart and steady my mind. This was it. No more excuses.
I followed behind Lola and saw her waiting for me at the club’s entrance. It was an all-ages event so there was no bouncer, but she looked just as nervous as if we were trying to sneak in.
She eyed a couple who walked past us, decked out in the same style of old clothes that Lola always wore. Her gaze followed them inside wistfully, almost longingly.
“Behold,” I said in a low, melodramatic voice. “We have found your people.”
Her lips twitched up as she fought a smile. Her tone was surprisingly serious when she nodded. “It’s true. These are my people.” She took a deep breath and finally met my gaze. Her eyes still held that wistful look that made me want to slay dragons, or at the very least show her the best time she’d ever had at a swing dancing event. I held out my good arm. “Shall we show them how it’s done?”
Her demeanor was still un-Lola-like as she forced a smile and took the proffered arm, but all that changed when we walked inside.
I recognized the music, this sort of gypsy jazz style that Lola loved so much. Her face lit up at the sound of it. The music seemed to seep inside of her and fill her from the inside out.
The effect was…breathtaking. It was a lame word but that was the only way to describe it. She practically glowed with life and enthusiasm and excitement and pure joy.
As I watched her watching the musicians and the dancers who crowded the dance floor, bopping and twirling and flipping and dancing—I wasn’t sure I’d ever loved anything as much as she loved this.
And I was absolutely certain I’d never loved anyone or anything as much as I loved her.
The realization didn’t shock me like it should, probably because I’d been coming to the realization for a little while now. This whole past week I’d been grappling with the fact that when Lola entered a room, something inside me came alive. So, realizing it for what it was didn’t stun me but it did make the world shift ever so slightly. Like my life was a bunch of puzzle pieces and they were just now all clicking into place.
Lola glanced up at me, her eyes luminous, her smile heartbreakingly sweet, and her brows drawing together ever so slightly at whatever she saw in my expression. “You all right?”
I nodded. “Never been better.”
She looked back at the dancers and wistful didn’t come close. The girl was practically drooling with anticipation.
“Come on,” I said. “Let’s do this.”
I led her out onto the dancefloor and it was…a blast, actually. I’d be the first to admit it. We danced, we laughed, I forgot for a little while that I had a ticking deadline to man up and declare my intentions, and Lola forgot about whatever it was that was troubling her in the car.
We just danced.
Lola was in her element, and for the first time I truly got it—I understood what this meant to her. It was a place where she fit in, where she could be herself and be accepted for her differences, not despite them. I wasn’t as good as some of the other guy dancers there—though in my defense I wasn’t as bad as some of the others either. But the sling was a bummer and it kept me from being as good as I could have been.
Which was the only reason I let Lola go when another guy came along and asked her to dance. He was one of those pro-looking guys and he obviously recognized talent when he saw it.
Still, it wasn’t easy to let her go. But I found my friends near the booths on the sidelines. Blake was trying to teach Trevor some moves. Good luck. The guy might’ve been a decent running back but he was a disaster on the dancefloor. Eleanor was standing by herself, laughing as she watched Blake’s dismal efforts.
She grinned at me when I reached her side, nudging my elbow in a friendly way that reminded me of when we were kids and friendship was all there ever was between us. “You looked good out there,” she s
aid.
I tilted my head from side to side as if being modest. “Yeah, I know.”
That made her laugh and I smiled down at her before turning my attention back to the dancefloor.
“But you don’t look as good as her,” Eleanor added pointedly.
“Yeah, I know that too,” I said again, far more serious this time because I was engrossed in watching her.
“Is everything okay with you two?” Eleanor asked.
I turned my head to look at her. This could have been awkward. Maybe it should have been, but it felt more natural to talk to Eleanor about Lola than it did to talk about us and our relationship. Which was probably why I’d never been any good at talking to Eleanor about us.
Guilt hit me so hard and fast I winced. “Ah hell, Eleanor, I’m sorry.”
She blinked up at me. “What?”
“I was a crap boyfriend, wasn’t I?”
Her head fell back as she laughed. When she stopped, she patted my arm consolingly. “Yeah, you kind of were.”
I grimaced again as I repeated my apology. “I really am sorry, El.”
She nodded, her smile fading. “I know. But don’t be. We were both young and stupid.”
My gaze flickered back to Lola. “Maybe we’re still young and stupid.”
“Undoubtedly,” Eleanor said, laughter tingeing her voice. “But at least we’re learning.”
I made a noise of agreement because that was the best I could do. “I didn’t know before,” I said, turning back to face her.
She nodded. She got it, like she always did. “I know. And to be fair, I didn’t either. It was both of our first times dating, it makes sense that we got it all wrong.” She shrugged. “I mean, we had nothing to compare it to.”
I nodded. I’d thought what we’d had was the real deal, but it took actually falling for someone to realize that what Eleanor and I’d had didn’t come close. “I’m sorry if I…” I waved my free hand in the air as I sought the words I was looking for. “If I treated you badly or—”
The Candy Cane Kiss: Briarwood High Series Page 13