by Ashley Jade
Chapter 36 (Leah)
“Are you sure Jacob's okay with this, Lillian?” I ask, still in shock.
She nods. “Yes, Dear. You have another two days of detoxing in the hospital and then it's off to rehab you go for thirty days.”
She looks down nervously. “Then you can come back and everything will be fine. Well, maybe not at first. However, I believe that eventually everything will work itself out."
Needless to say, I’m a little unconvinced of her statement. But either way, I know that I need to do this now.
If I have any shot of getting my life back, this is it—because something tells me, I won't survive this again.
And even if Danny and Jacob aren't very welcoming towards me at first, I know I’ll convince them otherwise.
“There's only one thing you should know dear,” Lillian says, her tone even more nervous than before.
“What's that?”
Her hand slides up to smooth her bun and she blows out a breath. “Jacob, for now at least—” She hesitates before continuing, “Well, he doesn't want you having any contact with Danny. He doesn't want you at the house or showing up at his school. He also doesn't want you to call or write him. He said absolutely no contact, not until he gives his say so."
I dig my nails into my palms and snort. Lillian looks like she’s about ready to start wagging her finger in front of my face again. “But he's my brother,” I say. “I should be allowed to see him whenever I want to. Danny has a right to make his own choices. Who the hell does Jacob think he is?"
She shifts in her seat and pins me with a stare. “He’s his legal guardian now. So he does have that right.”
My blood runs cold because I have absolutely no argument for that. I was the one who did that.
Christ, I’ve only been sober for a few short hours and already reality is too much to handle. I dig my nails into my palm even harder and fight the overwhelming urge I have to say fuck it and use.
Her face softens and she pats my hand. “Despite what you may think, Jacob is protecting Danny. There's a valid reason for why you can’t speak to him—but it's something you have to talk to Jacob about.” She lifts her head and her sharp blue eyes burn into me. ”But, not before you go to rehab.”
She pulls out a tissue and dabs at the tears forming in her eyes. “I don't need you relapsing and causing me to almost have a heart attack in the middle of the night again."
Crap, I didn't mean to do that to her.
Her tears prompt my own, and this time, I feel every single one of them.
There's no going numb this time. There is no escape.
The realization that I’m going to have no choice but to actually feel each and every emotion for the rest of my life hits hard. There will be no ‘little miss perfect’ façade and no drugs to hide behind. I muster up some more tenacity and tell myself not to give in this time around.
I reach over and hug her, she looks surprised but happy before she hugs me back.
She blinks up at me and her voice shakes when she says, “So, you'll do it, Leah? You'll really go this time?”
I don’t know which is more upsetting— the glint of hope I see in her eyes or the mountain of despair that I can tell is hidden behind them if I say no again.
I lean over and give her a kiss on the cheek. “Yeah. I'm going. I want to go, Lillian. I know it's a long road back, but I'm willing to walk it. Hell, I’ll crawl my way back if that's what it takes. I have no choice but to take this lifeline, because everything I want and love depends on it."
****
Two days later, I find myself standing in front of a huge building belonging to one of the best rehabs in the United States. A huge banner hangs above the large glass doors with the words— “A promise today...is a step in the right direction for tomorrow. Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life.”
It seems about fitting.
This is the first step. The first thirty days of the rest of my life.
And boy, I can't wait til’ I get out and I get my life back.
With a big sigh, I lift my chin and take my first steps toward the future.
Hopefully wishes really do come true.
Chapter 37 (Jacob)
“Jacob, she's getting out in another two days. She's completed rehab!” Lillian screams. “Her counselor said that she's done well, better than expected actually. Do you think maybe, she can stay here at the house?”
I start to shake my head but she shoots me a stern look and continues, “She was living out of her office for heaven's sake. That's just going to put her right back where she started. You know it’s a terrible area," she gripes.
I’ll admit, I’m mildly shocked to hear that she’s completed treatment. Heck, I’m even happy about it.
However, I simply can’t stand the thought of her being in my life again. And I really can’t stand the thought of her ever living in my goddamn house again.
Besides, I won’t do that to Danny. I made him a promise, and I’ll stop at nothing to keep it.
If Leah really wants to stay clean, she’s just going to have to tough it out.
I look up from my computer screen. “Absolutely not, Lillian. I made a promise to Danny and I'm not going back on it. She will just have to figure something else out. It's not my problem anymore. She’s not my problem anymore."
She gives me a look laced with annoyance. “Fine, Jacob. You know—I really hope you two do end up working things out. Maybe then you wouldn't be such a controlling brute all the time,” she huffs, before she turns and walks out the door.
I fight the urge to pound my fists on my desk. “That will never happen, Lillian,” I shout. “Please don't get your hopes up!”
I can not and will not, give that woman the power to hurt me again.
She's a toxic pesticide and I need to stay as far away from her as possible—not that she would be coming around here anyway.
She knows better than that.
Lillian told me that she issued my warning to Leah regarding Danny. She also said she didn't like it one bit—but she respected it.
I look up to see Danny running into my office. “Is it true? Did Leah go to rehab?”
He seems a little too eager right now and I don’t like it.
People go to rehab all the time, and it’s never long before they fuck up again. I don’t want him getting all his hopes up, all to have Leah waltz back in and stomp them down to smithereens.
I rub my neck, unsure of how to answer. What I want to tell him is— ‘Come on, kid, stay strong. You not wanting to see Leah, is the only thing that prevents me from seeing her and opening the floodgates again.’
But, I don’t.
Instead, I tell him the unbiased and responsible thing, “Yeah, but as great as that all is. I want to make sure she's clean for real. Don’t get me wrong, I will not make your choice for you, she’s your sister.” I shrug. “But I think you should give it a little while before you welcome her with open arms again."
He seems to consider this before saying, “Yeah, I agree. I'll let you know when I'm ready, Jacob. It's probably going to be a while.” He pushes his light brown hair off his forehead and puffs out a breath. “I'm still so mad at her, I can't even take it.”
I smile, all while thinking—That makes two of us, kid. At least, we’re on the same page regarding our feelings when it comes to her.
Chapter 38 (Leah)
Come on, Jacob, pick up your damn phone.
I slam down my own phone when it goes to voicemail again.
I've been out of rehab for fifteen whole days already. It was time to finally see my brother.
Now that the drugs were gone, he was my first priority, which my counselor told me was bad; because staying clean was supposed to be my number one priority...but after I opened up to him about how Danny and I grew up, and how I raised him, he understood.
It’s safe to say they are both tied for first place now. Just like how the guilt over abandoning Danny is right up t
here with my guilt regarding Jamie’s death.
The days are starting to drag by and the ache in my chest is becoming unbearable.
But still, I haven’t used. That’s one small victory I have going for me.
I rub my temples and sink down to my haunches. I have to find a way to make a living real soon—well, other than stripping; because that road leads nowhere.
I had long since cleared out my savings account during my days using, and my rent was almost due for my office/wannabe apartment.
I might not have any choice but to go back to stripping in another week or two.
On the bright side, Lillian had dropped by while I was at rehab and cleared out all the drug paraphernalia for me.
She also bought me a futon, which made me want to cry, but she just wagged her finger at me and told me it was no bother.
I bite my thumbnail and take a deep, slow, breath. I really need to figure something out. My anxiety was about to go through the roof. These calming exercises were hardly working anymore.
I needed money.
Hmm, maybe I could find out what exactly, was on that last contract I signed with Jacob?
Not that Jacob would still be offering whatever it was, but maybe I was entitled to something that I didn't know about after all. Something that would make it possible for me to make ends meet until I figured out a new plan for my life again.
He always was a stickler for reading the fine print.
I decide to give it another day, and then I’m going to show up at Jacob’s house unannounced.
I should feel bad, but I really don’t—because he’s giving me no choice but to show up unannounced by not answering any of my phone calls in the first place.
Logically...how exactly am I supposed to get the ‘okay’ from him to see Danny—if he never even picks up his damn phone?
I raise my phone to my ear again and curse under my breath when it goes straight to voicemail this time.
Mr. Control Freak, obviously just hit the ‘fuck you’ button on me.
Well, fuck you too, Jacob. Stubborn ass.
This time, I decide to leave another message. “You have one more day, Mr. Sand. One more day and then you're going to have no choice but to deal with me."
****
The first thing I did when I woke up this morning, was reach for my phone. “Your one more day is up, Mr. Sand,” I say coldly, leaving another voicemail for him.
I must have called his phone about thirty times today alone. I've left more voicemails than I can count over the past two-and-a-half weeks that I've been out of rehab.
I've left pleasant ones, nice ones, stern ones. Hell, I practically downright begged him a time or two.
If Jacob didn't want to see me, fine. I will be talking to my brother, though.
Especially after Lillian let it slip last night that Jacob was purposely ignoring me.
It was time to let him know that I won’t be standing for that any longer.
All he had to do was answer his phone—and all he had to do was tell my brother that I was back and I was coming to see him.
Danny had to be going out of his mind to see me right about now.
I know for a fact that Lillian told him I was out of rehab.
Even though she still refuses to tell me why Jacob insists that I can’t see my brother. She keeps giving me the runaround, telling me that I have to speak to Jacob about it— which I’ve tried countless times already.
My guess? Is that Mr. Control Freak brought it upon himself to treat me seeing my brother as some kind of hostage situation with no room for negotiation—most likely because he was still upset with me. And that is just not okay.
I swipe my car keys and my swiss army knife off my desk, just in case I need it to intimidate, for old times sake.
I pull up to his house and march right up to the door.
I know that Danny’s still at school at the moment, but I also know that I have no choice but to go through Jacob first.
Jacob could try as hard as he wants, but he wasn’t keeping my brother from me any longer.
I curse when I realize that I left the manila folder in the passenger seat of my car.
The manila folder that contains papers for Jacob to begin proceedings to sign back over custody to me. I take a step toward my car but decide against it.
Maybe it’s best I wait another few days for that. I needed to figure out my life first.
I knock and Lillian greets me, looking both nervous and uneasy.
She looks like she’s about ready to slam the door in my face, but I wedge my foot in the door so she can’t. “Come on, Lillian. I just need to talk to him. He can't keep my brother from me. He's my brother! Not his,” I say.
Then I barge right past her and up the stairs.
Knowing Jacob, he’s probably in his office.
I head that way and roll my eyes when I realize that I was right. He’s currently on the phone, with his chair turned around, not facing the door.
How convenient.
Deciding to show him I mean business, I pull the blade up on my swiss army knife and put it to his neck.
“Let me see my brother,” I sneer.
He presses a button on his cell phone and disconnects it.
He promptly reaches for my wrist and flips me over his head. Dammit, this is all too familiar.
“Hello, Leah. And to answer your question...no.”
We both fall to the floor and he attempts to pin my wrists down.
I hear Lillian’s footsteps approaching just outside his office door. “Lillian, call the police,” Jacob barks, as we struggle against each other some more.
She sighs, mutters something under her breath, and walks right out of the office, closing the door behind her.
I attempt to knee him in the balls. “Really, the police? What, are you— too scared to be in the same room with me or something?”
He deflects my knee in an instant. “Trust me. I am not scared of you—or your little swiss army knife.” He throws his body on top of mine. “Danny just doesn’t want to see you...and neither do I for that matter.”
I try to move my hips, but they just end up pressing flush against his pelvis. Which, despite his last statement; is very happy to see me at the current moment.
This is certainly unexpected. Unexpected and arousing as all fuck.
God, how I miss what he’s packing down there. My nipples automatically harden, and I suck in a deep breath.
I arch my eyebrow, give him a smug smile, and purposely push my pelvis against him again. “That's not what it feels like from here. At least, as far as you're concerned.”
His sexy green eyes shoot daggers into me before he lifts me up off the ground and hauls me over his shoulder.
He heads in the direction of the door. “Here, let me show you the door, just in case you forgot,” he snarls. “Not that you're unfamiliar with it.”
Figures, just when I really want to stay, he’s throwing me out on my ass.
He begins walking down the staircase. “Please, Jacob. Just talk to me,” I plead. “I deserve that at the very least.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Lillian pop her head in our direction to check on the ruckus before she goes back to dusting.
“You don't deserve shit,” he snaps, before swatting me hard on my behind.
Did he just spank me like I was a child? And more importantly, why the fuck does it turn me on?
“Really, so you're spanking me now, Jacob?” I question. “Kinky—”
With a grunt, he ignores me, carries me right out the front door and keeps on walking.
Shit, knowing him, he's probably going to toss me out on the curb like I’m trash.
His entire body goes rigid. “Goddamned right I spanked you. You attacked me with a knife,” he growls. “For the second time now in my life. It seemed fitting.”
He makes an abrupt and sharp right turn, heading in the direction of the backyard now.
What the hell
is he doing?
The anger radiating off of him is like nothing I've ever encountered before. Then it dawns on me, lord have mercy, I hope he didn't dig me a shallow grave.
He makes another quick turn and I see a walkway of some sort beneath his feet. Where exactly is he taking me?
I soon find out when I land with a big thud on the hardwood floor of his guest house.
The same one we were in the last time we saw one another—the very same guest house where I smashed his heart to pieces.
Yeah, Jacob really has every right to hate me.
He takes a few steps away from me like the thought of being anywhere near me sickens him. “Sorry, Dr. Adams, but I’ve already told you—your brother doesn't want to see you anymore.” He hikes a thumb behind him, in the direction of his mansion. “And you are no longer allowed in my house.”
His use of my former professional title hurts— but not nearly as much as him telling me that my brother doesn’t want to see me.
Chapter 39 (Jacob)
I saw her walking up to my office on the security cameras.
A part of me even welcomed it—the lower part obviously.
Besides, it's not like I was the only one who's body involuntarily responded to our little quarrel.
Her nipples could have cut glass they were so hard, and I'm willing to bet anything, that her panties were and are still probably soaked right through.
Not, that I should be thinking about her panties, or what's underneath them.
Over the last year, those thoughts have always caused me to have to stop everything, take an ice cold shower, and rub one the fuck out.
It's not my fault that I haven't had sex in over a year, it's hers.
It's all her fault. Everything is her fault.
Every. Single. Fucking. Thing.
“What do you mean, he doesn't want to see me anymore?” Leah screams, bringing me out of my thoughts.
Fuck, I really don’t want to have this conversation right now. But then again? She only brought it on herself.