A Treacherous Mix

by Kathy Herman

  Hawk smiled and winked at Jesse. “I think you are. I’ve got the two prettiest sisters on Sure Foot Mountain.”

  Riley gently patted the bandage above his eye. “Does it hurt much?”

  “Just a little.”

  “Next time,” Riley said, “if you want to help someone who’s angry, you should get him a real punching bag.”

  “Yes, ma’am. I think you’re right. Okay, tell me what I missed after I left the table.”

  With Jesse at his side, Hawk carried Riley on his shoulders to the end of the long driveway, listening to her describe the fun things they did at camp and the new friends she had made. He loved her honesty, and the sheer joy that seemed to fuel her energy. And Jesse … what a treasure his little brother was. So perceptive. So trusting. So full of light.

  Hawk wanted to keep them just the way they were for a lot longer than time would allow. Soon Jesse would start noticing girls with different eyes. And Riley would beg to wear fashions that wouldn’t pass the scrutiny of his mother and Elliot. How he wished he could keep their pure hearts untouched by the world. He wondered if that’s how our heavenly Father feels when He sees sin crouching at our door. He wants to keep us from getting hurt, and has already laid out commandments that will protect us—if we listen and obey.

  Hawk felt a scolding pat on the top of his head. “Hey, are you listening?” Riley said.

  “Of course I’m listening. You said that Pamela Sue Something-or-other invited you to come for a sleepover, but she lives in Eureka Springs.”

  Riley hugged his neck and didn’t let go. “I know someone who could drive me to Pamela Sue’s …”

  “Oh, now she’s nice to me,” Hawk said. “It’s my Jeep she wants.”

  Jesse looked up at Hawk and flashed a silver smile. “I think they’re born that way.”

  Hawk laughed. “You’re always one step ahead of the class, Jesse.”

  Chapter 34

  Hawk slept off and on all day Monday. But on Tuesday morning, he was ready to go back to doing what he loved most: taking guests on Jeep tours across Sure Foot Mountain. He told Connor he would be there by one o’clock and work the late shift. His cell phone rang and he glanced at the screen.

  “Hello, Sheriff.”

  “How’re your wounds healing?” Virgil said.

  “Better than the rest of me. But I’m anxious to get back to work this afternoon.”

  “I wanted to let you know that the judge released Reza. He’s to appear before a judge in Cambridge on Friday at eight a.m. He’ll be on probation for two years. And he’ll be required to complete two hundred hours of anger management. I doubt if he’ll ever be issued a real firearm. The one he used was a pretty impressive fake.”

  Hawk smiled. “So no jail time?”

  “None. I thought you’d be pleased.”

  “I am. I’m just shocked. Is he still there? I’d like to see him before he goes.”

  “I think he’s already left town.”

  Hawk stood for a moment in stunned silence. “You put in a good word for him, didn’t you?”

  “Hawk, I made it clear to him and to the judge that it was you, the victim, who felt strongly that Reza had been pushed over the top, and this violent act against you was a crime of passion, resulting from cruel and deeply gut-wrenching circumstances. I reported that his background check was clean. He’s never had as much as a parking ticket. I didn’t think he was a danger to society.”

  “Thanks, Sheriff. In my heart, I knew it was the just and merciful thing to do. What changed your mind?”

  “I thought about what you said. I decided Reza could use a break. Let’s just hope we’re right.”

  “I can’t thank you enough. I appreciate the call.”

  Virgil sighed. “You’re a brave man, Hawk Cummings. You remind me so much of your dad. He’d be proud of you.”

  Hawk swallowed hard and blinked the stinging from his eyes. “Thanks for saying that. It means a lot.”

  “Tell your mother that Jill Beth wants a rematch on Mexican Train.”

  Hawk laughed. “I’ll tell her.”

  Hawk showed up thirty minutes early at the Jeep tours office. The “out to lunch” sign was on the door. He sat on the log porch and inhaled the smell of pine. The fragrance reminded him of family camping trips when he was a kid. He sensed someone standing in front of him and looked up.

  “Reza!” Hawk stood. “I heard the judge released you. I’m so glad.”

  Reza’s eyes glistened. “I understand you are the reason. That you did not think I am a criminal.”

  “I don’t.”

  “But what I did to you … it was unthinkable. I am so sorry.”

  “I know that. There’s only so much a human heart can stand. You broke. Reza, in my Christian faith, the Bible teaches us to show mercy. I honestly don’t think you started out to hurt me. What happened to you was over the top. You just wanted answers. Given the same circumstances, I might have done the same thing.”

  “But you also saw truth in me instead of the evil, which did terrible things.”

  “I saw the man Abrisham really loved. It was always you, Reza. When she was with me, she saw you. That’s how she stayed alive. How she survived without you.”

  “How can you say this?”

  “I just tell it like I see it.” Hawk put his hand on Reza’s shoulder. “I forgive you. And I ask your forgiveness too.”

  “Mine?”

  “Yes. I’m ashamed that I took so lightly what you held as sacred. My intentions toward Abrisham were self-serving, not unselfish like yours. I was not seeking a marriage covenant, and I had no right to share her bed. I have confessed my sin, and God has forgiven me. I hope someday you can too.”

  “You are a big man, Hawk. My heart is still broken. Forgiveness will come. But for now, I cannot say it.”

  “That’s okay. Thanks for being honest,” Hawk said. “I’m glad you came by before you left. I really wanted to see you and tell you how I feel.”

  “I will go home now. My heart is very heavy. But I’m grateful not to be in jail, and I will gladly do whatever the judge orders.”

  Hawk looked into Reza’s eyes. He held out his hand to shake Reza’s, and the next thing he knew, they were embracing.

  “Thank you again for seeing truth in me,” Reza said. “And for telling me what you saw in Abrisham’s heart. It helps my pain to think that she never forgot me.”

  “Believe me, she never did.” Hawk reached into his pocket and handed Reza a business card. “Call me anytime if you want to talk. I am praying for my Jesus to heal your heart.”

  “I think only time can do that,” Reza said. “But I appreciate your prayers. You have mine as well.”

  Hawk watched Reza walk through the ground cover to his truck. He got in, started the engine, and drove off, leaving a trail of red dust behind him.

  t

  Hawk got home from work just before dark. He took the roast beef dinner his mother had saved and put it in the microwave.

  “You’re home,” Kate said. “I didn’t hear you come in. How was your first day back?”

  “Good. Connor was asking me when the landscaping project would be finished. Not sure what to tell him.”

  “Elliot already thought of that,” Kate said. “He did hire a landscaper today, and they’ll get right on it. We won’t miss a beat.”

  Hawk smiled. “He’s such a great guy, Mama. I’m so happy for you.”

  Kate kissed him on his left cheek, taking care not to touch the stitched cut above his right eye. “I’m happy for me too. How are those wounds feeling?”

  “Not so bad. At least I don’t have headaches anymore. Where’s Elliot?”

  “He went into town to talk to a friend of his. He should be home soon. I have cherry cobbler for dessert.”

  Hawk smiled. “You�
��re the best. You need to get busy canning. I noticed your stash of pasta sauce is dwindling. Savannah is really pushing it, and you don’t want her to run out.”

  “I’m going to get busy as soon as we can get fresh tomatoes at the farmer’s market. Abby’s going to help me. She’s getting to be quite the homemaker.”

  “Have she and Jay set a date for the wedding yet?”

  “Not specifically, but it’ll be next year, probably in October. They want to get married up on the slope at sunset. She wants a white gazebo with the lake as the backdrop.”

  “Makes sense,” Hawk said. “They spent hours up there the summer they met, and that’s where Jay painted her portrait.”

  “I know. It’s perfect. I’ve already contacted the couple that owns the property, and they insist on letting us use it free of charge. But it’ll be challenging to get a white gazebo positioned just right on a hillside. Elliot says we can have a platform built to level it. We’ve got plenty of room for two hundred chairs and the white pavilion she wants for the reception.” Kate laughed. “Oh, listen to me going on and on. I do this all the time here at Angel View. But setting up on the slope will be fun and different. Abby and Jay are excited.”

  “They are such a great match,” Hawk said. “I love watching them together. She adores him, and he treats her with such respect. That’s how it should be. That’s how you and Elliot are too.”

  Kate was quiet for a moment and then said, “Hawk, I know you’ve been through the mill, but I also see that you had feelings for Kennedy. I know I reacted poorly in the beginning, but I really don’t want you to shut down. I want you to feel free to talk about her. She meant something to you. And having her die after being taken so suddenly … well, it’s a lot to handle by yourself. I want you to know Elliot and I and Dad are here for you. I know Abby and Jay are too.”

  “Thanks, Mama. That means a lot. I’m going to finish eating and go take a shower. I may turn in early. Seems all I want to do lately is sleep. You heard Reza was released, didn’t you?”

  “Yes. What you said to Virgil changed his perspective about Reza. The kind of mercy you showed doesn’t come in the natural, Son. God is speaking to your heart.”

  Hawk nodded. “I know. And I’m listening.”

  Kate cupped his cheek in her hand “Your mercy toward Reza really touched me too. That was the kindest, most unselfish thing I’ve ever known you to do.”

  Hawk felt his cheeks burn at his mother’s kind words. “I had an insight Sunday while you were at church. I’d like to tell you about it.”

  “Then I’d like to hear it.”

  Hawk articulated for his mother what he knew only God could have shown him. But somehow, putting it into words made it sound more like a soap opera than an insight that had changed his thinking.

  Hawk sighed. “I can’t explain it very well, but I know in my heart it’s true.”

  “That’s what counts,” Kate said. “Often the things God shows us are just for us because it’s what we need to understand at a given point in time. The important thing is that we know and respond to His Spirit’s leading. I may not understand it the way you do, but I can already see the fruit in your life.”

  “So God has given you insights before?”

  “Yes,” Kate said. “And I was just as frustrated as you were, trying to make the words I came up with do it justice. I’m convinced there are times when the understanding is just for us and can’t be adequately explained.”

  Hawk smiled. “Thanks. At least you don’t think I’m nuts.”

  “Hardly.”

  “Oh, before I forget to tell you—Reza stopped by the Jeep tours office just before I started my shift. He wanted to thank me for what I said that helped to get him released.”

  “I’m glad,” Kate said. “I think. Seeing him must have been awkward.”

  Hawk shook his head. “It really wasn’t. I told him what I told you, only it came out better then. He said it helped his pain to know that she never forgot him.” Hawk sighed. “He still doesn’t know she’s dead. I can’t tell him because it would raise questions I can’t answer. I thought the sheriff was going to tell him, but I guess he changed his mind.”

  “Maybe you both felt it’s better for him to have hope.”

  “Well, hope is a good thing. I have enough guilt and regret to keep me humble for a lifetime. It cuts me to the heart that I didn’t hold tightly to my values the way Reza did. Especially when I really do believe in the sanctity of marriage and saving ourselves for our future spouses …” Hawk paused at the unexpected surge of emotion, then pulled himself together. “It’s so ironic that the very thing I believe in so strongly, I defiled. I ruined everything. And I can never go back. No matter who I marry, she will never be my first. I can’t change that …” Hawk buried his face in his hands and muffled his sobs.

  Kate laid her head on his shoulder, linked arms with him, and cried too.

  No more words were necessary. He knew his mother couldn’t deny the truth. But he was so relieved and grateful that she empathized with his pain. He felt loved and not judged. What more could a prodigal son ask for?

  Chapter 35

  One hot Saturday night in July, Hawk sat on the porch swing, listening to the nearby energetic children splashing and playing in the water at Angel View’s swimming pool. He loved the sound of happy guests and remembered his boyhood days when his parents let Abby and him play in the pool right along with the guests. Such a carefree time that was.

  Suddenly, he had no idea what to do in his free time. For over a year, he had spent nearly every Saturday evening with Laura Lynn, enjoying spaghetti night around his family’s table before meeting up with friends at Coffey’s Grill House for more lively conversation and laughter. Some nights they got into philosophical or political discussions that went on for hours, fueled by specialty coffees and plates of Coffey’s homemade cookies. Other nights they just had fun playing Mexican Train or Scrabble and munching corn chips and salsa. In the warmer months, they moved the fun out to the back patio among trees that were strung with festive colored lights.

  It was four weeks today that Kennedy had disappeared from his life. Despite his sincere desire to leave her in his past, Hawk still thought of her every day and couldn’t understand why he was having such a tough time letting go. Especially when he knew that the tenderness she had shown him was really meant for Reza. Not that it really mattered. Hawk had never intended for the relationship to be anything more than physical. Why couldn’t he leave her in the past and move on?

  Elliot came outside and stood at the top of the steps where there was a decent cross breeze. “Aren’t you getting hot out here?”

  “Not really. I work all day outside in the heat. I’m used to it.”

  Elliot smiled. “I knew that.”

  “You want to sit?” Hawk said.

  “Sure.” Elliot sat on the swing next to Hawk. A comfortable silence passed before he said, “I’m guessing that this isn’t the way you’d like to spend a Saturday night.”

  “You’d be right.”

  “Your mother’s worried. She thinks you shouldn’t cut yourself off socially. That you’ve got friends you could hang out with and not run into Laura Lynn.”

  Hawk shifted his weight, his arms folded across his chest.

  “I don’t think Laura Lynn is the problem,” Elliot said.

  “Then tell me what the problem is, because I sure don’t know.”

  “Can I talk to you man to man?” Elliot said.

  “You’re not going to lecture me on the evils of premarital sex, are you?”

  Elliot smiled. “No lectures. But I found something online that might explain exactly what’s been happening to you. It was totally new information for me. If you’ve heard it already, stop me at any time. Deal?”

  Hawk nodded. “Deal.”

  “Quite unexpectedly
,” Elliot said, “I found myself on a website called Moral Revolution. I don’t even know how I got there, but once I did, something caught my eye. I’m going to try to explain what I read. It made a lot of sense. It was an article talking about the invisible effects of sex before marriage.”

  “Okay.”

  Elliot pulled some index cards out of his shirt pocket. “I made some notes so I don’t just ramble. This is the opinion of a whole team of people, including doctors and counselors. Okay, I’m quoting now, ‘We can’t stop our bodies from doing what they were created to do. What were they created to do? Bond. We were created to connect with another human being in such a way that we would become one unit, together, for life.’”

  “Go on,” Hawk said.

  “‘This happens because our hormones cause us to glue, so-to-speak, with our partner. No amount of consent or informed decision making can change that. There’s a bonding that occurs that supersedes a mere skin-to-skin connection. Scientifically, we know that sex engages us hormonally, neurologically, psychologically; it forms intense bonds mentally, emotionally, and physically, especially when we do it over and over again.’”

  “I’ve never heard any of this before,” Hawk said.

  “I hadn’t either. Okay, still quoting, ‘Quite simply, any kind of sexual activity that takes place releases chemicals in our brains. For women, it is primarily the hormone oxytocin, and for men it is vasopressin. Oxytocin allows a woman to bond to the most significant people in her life. It eases stress, creating feelings of calm and closeness, which leads to increased trust. It also causes her to want to nurture and protect the one she’s bonded to.’”

  “And what’s the chemical in men called?” Hawk said.

  “Vasopressin. Here’s what it says: ‘It’s similar to oxytocin, except that it is primarily released in the brain of men. This hormone causes a man to bond to a woman during intimate contact. Some call it the commitment hormone or monogamy molecule. This hormone generates a desire for commitment and rouses loyalty. It inspires a protective sense over one’s mate, and can create a jealous tendency.’”