Beautifully Broken

by Laura Lee

  “I don’t understand where this is coming from.”

  “This is a big deal. You’re having a baby. And I’m glad that you’re going to have this opportunity.”

  “I sense a ‘but’ coming.”

  “But…” I wipe the moisture away from my cheeks. “But I’m not going to be there to see it.”

  He drops the box and grabs my shoulders. “Kat, no. You can’t do this.”

  “I’ve accepted a full scholarship from Florida State.”

  “You w-what?” he stutters.

  “I was going to tell you last week.”

  “God, that’s really far away. I thought you only applied to schools on the West Coast?”

  “I applied on a whim,” I lie. “I wanted to keep my options open.”

  He narrows his eyes at me. “What does that mean?”

  “Well, I thought it would be a good opportunity for me to get the full-blown college experience. You know, being so far away from home.”

  “The full-blown college experience,” he repeats. “And where do I fit into this equation?”

  “I thought you could find a teaching job in Florida,” I shrug. “Or we could do the long-distance thing and visit each other on breaks and stuff. We would’ve figured out a way to make it work.”

  “We would have figured out a way? As in, we can’t figure out a way now?”

  I choke back the sob that’s dying to be set free. “Gavin, I don’t see how that’s possible now. You have a baby on the way. You have to focus on being a father. I would never take that away from you. You’re going to be busy with your son. Besides, when I really think about it, there’s no way I could keep up with all the demands of my schoolwork while flying back and forth to see you. I’m going to be busy in my own way. I’ve worked so hard to get out of this town and I can’t turn down an opportunity like this.”

  “So what are you saying?”

  I place my hands on his cheeks. “I’m saying that I’m making the decision for you. You’re going to move in with Hailey and I’m going to school in Florida.”

  “There are two people in this relationship, Kat. You can’t just make a decision like that on your own!”

  I place my palm over his heart. “You see, that’s where you’re wrong, Gavin. The old me would have never had the strength to do this. But you changed that. You showed me what loving another person really means. Because of you, I know that I’m worthy of love and respect. Because of you, I know what it’s like to love someone so much that you’d sacrifice your own happiness for theirs. Because of you, I am strong enough to survive the…heartbreak of losing you.” I choke on the last few words when I see tears rolling down his face. I place a soft kiss on his lips before saying the words that I couldn’t speak until now. “I’m so in love with you, Gavin. Thank you for loving me…for fixing me. I truly wish you nothing but the best in your future. I’m sorry I won’t be a part of it.”

  “Kat,” he croaks. “Don’t do this. This isn’t what I want.”

  I give him a sad smile. “You know it’s the right thing to do, Gavin. Deep down, you know it. Please don’t make this any harder than it already is.” I place my cheek against his and whisper, “I love you. I think I was born to love you. Goodbye, Gavin.”

  I spin around and run out of the house without looking back. My fingers are on the door handle to my car when he calls my name. I stop moving but make no effort to turn toward the house.

  “I think I was born to love you too,” he confesses.

  I shove my fist against my mouth to stifle my cries as I get into my car and drive out of his life.

  Well, the day is finally here. I’m officially a high school graduate. As Principal Edwards utters his final words, we graduates remove the caps from our heads and throw them up in the air to resounding cheers and applause.

  “Kitty, get over here,” Dylan shouts as he makes his way through the crowd.

  I smile as I fall into his embrace. “We did it, Dyl.”

  He picks me up and twirls in a circle. “Of course we did! Have you met us?”

  “What am I going to do without your cocky ass every day?” I laugh. “I can’t believe you’re going to school in Georgia. It’s so far. Are you sure you can’t come to Cali with me and Bree?”

  He brushes the back of his knuckles against my cheek in a surprisingly intimate gesture. “You know I can’t do that, Kat. I need some space to get my shit together. You’re a tough act to follow, babe.”

  I gasp. “Dylan—”

  He places his index finger over my lips. “It’s okay, Kitty. I know you don’t feel the same way and you shouldn’t feel guilty about that. We can’t control who we love. If we could, I don’t think either one of us would feel so shitty right now.”

  I wrap my arms around his waist and squeeze. “I’m going to miss you so much.”

  “I’m going to miss you too.” He pets my head while we hold each other, occasionally jostled by the crowd.

  A man clears his throat. “Kat, do you have a minute?”

  Dylan and I both stiffen at the sound of Gavin’s voice. It’s been just over a month since we broke up and Dylan has seen firsthand what a mess I’ve become. Gavin was never his favorite person but he holds even more resentment toward him now.

  “I don’t think that’s such a good idea, Mr. Cooper,” Dylan snaps.

  I pull out of Dylan’s arms and look at Gavin. “It’s okay, Dyl. Can you give us some privacy?”

  “Oh, hell no!” Dylan growls. “Not after what he did to you.”

  The crowd is disbursing so Dylan’s words garner the attention of a few onlookers.

  “Dylan, it’s fine. Give me a minute.”

  “What the fuck ever,” Dylan grumbles as he takes a few steps to the side. “I’m giving you five feet of space and no more.”

  I roll my eyes at Dylan but appreciate his protectiveness all the same.

  “How are you?” Gavin asks in a hushed tone.

  “I’m good,” I lie. “Busy packing and stuff. I’m heading to Florida in a few weeks so I can get settled before school starts.”

  “Oh…that will be nice, I guess. I hear the summers are pretty hot there.”

  “Yeah…I guess,” I hedge. “How’s Frodo?”

  “He’s having a blast with all the moving boxes.”

  “Oh…so you’re leaving soon then?”

  He nods. “Next week.”

  “I’m going to miss the little guy.”

  “He’s going to miss you too. We both will.”

  I stare at my shoes. “Gavin, please don’t do this. It’s too hard.”

  “Kat—”

  “All right, that’s enough time,” Dylan announces as he rejoins us.

  Gavin ignores him. “Kat, please just talk to me. It doesn’t have to be like this.”

  My throat thickens. “I don’t think—”

  “Kat!” Bree shouts. “There you are!” She runs up to me and pulls me into a hug. “We did it!”

  Dylan tugs on her elbow. “Bree, come to the vending machine with me to get a drink. I’m thirsty.”

  Bree is undeterred. “Oh, keep your pants on, Dylan. There will be plenty of tequila to wet your whistle at the bonfire.”

  Gavin clears his throat again, getting Bree’s attention.

  “Oh, shit!” she shouts. “I mean…uh, hi, Mr. Cooper. I didn’t see you there.”

  Gavin smirks. “I picked up on that, Miss Hanson. Congratulations.”

  “Thank you,” she beams. “Oh my God! You have to get a picture with Kat while you’re here!”

  “What?” Gavin and I shout in unison.

  She gives us a strange look. “Well, Kat’s been going on all year about how you’re her favorite teacher. I think she should at least have a picture to remember you. Don’t you?”

  Gavin gives me a sad smile.

  “Bree, don’t be dumb,” Dylan says. “I’m sure Mr. Cooper has better things to do.”

  “Aw, c’mon,” Bree whines. “
I’ll be quick; I promise.”

  “Kat, are you okay with that?” Gavin asks.

  “Uh…sure.” What the hell am I supposed to say? There’s still enough people standing around us that I don’t want to cause a scene.

  “Great! Mr. Cooper, just stand next to Kat and I’ll take a picture with my phone.”

  Gavin sidles up to me leaving a respectable distance between us.

  Bree’s holding her phone camera toward us. “I need you guys to move in just a little bit.”

  Gavin awkwardly puts his arm around my back and pulls me into his side.

  “That’s perfect!” Bree squeals. “Now smile!”

  We paste on fake smiles as she takes several pictures, insisting that she needs a variety of angles. Dylan stands next to her, glaring at Gavin the entire time. When Bree is finally satisfied she has the shot, she tucks her phone away.

  “Thanks for being such a good sport, Mr. Cooper.”

  Gavin says nothing as I pull away and look up at him. We’re facing each other now, having some sort of sad, silent exchange.

  He tugs on his hair. “Well, I guess I should get going.”

  “Yeah…I guess so.”

  He starts to turn away but then comes charging toward me at the last second and pulls me into his chest. I’m so stunned that I just stand there with my face nestled against his hard body, my hands hanging limply at my sides.

  “I’m so sorry,” he whispers. “I’m so damn sorry, Kat.”

  I pull away from him and turn my face away to wipe my tears. “Please go,” I say meekly.

  Gavin clears his throat and briskly walks away without another word. I’m left there with a very pissed off Dylan and a confused Bree staring back at me.

  “Um, Kitty. What the hell was that?” Bree asks.

  “Uh…he, um…do you remember that guy I told you about? The one I had been dating?”

  “Yes,” she answers. “What about him? I thought you guys broke up.”

  “Well…” I fling my arm toward Gavin’s direction. “That was him.”

  “What?” she shrieks.

  “Quiet the fuck down, Bree,” Dylan admonishes.

  Bree looks around the crowd wildly; I’m guessing in search of Gavin. “Mr. Cooper was the guy? The older one? Are you fucking with me right now?”

  “I wish I was.”

  She gasps. “Holy fuck! Oh my God, I can’t believe this!” She looks at Dylan and narrows her eyes at him. “Holy shit! You knew! You’re such an asshole! Why did you know when I didn’t?”

  “I didn’t tell him,” I insist. “He caught us and I swore him to secrecy.”

  “How long?” Bree presses. “How long has this been going on?”

  “Since last August.” I hang my head. “We met before school began.”

  “Oh, Kitty, you’ve been with him for almost a year and you didn’t tell me? Don’t you trust me?”

  “I do, Bree. I swear it had nothing to do with you. There was just too much at stake for both of us. Please understand.”

  She gives me a sympathetic look. “Oh honey, you’re in love with him, aren’t you? It’s written all over your face.”

  “Yeah,” I sniff.

  She pulls me into a hug. “What happened? Why did you guys break up?”

  “I really don’t want to talk about it right now. I swear I’ll give you all the details soon, just not now. Okay?”

  Dylan surrounds us with his arms and nuzzles into my head. “Why don’t we blow off the bonfire and have a mini graduation party just between the three of us?”

  I put my arm around his waist. “That sounds perfect.”

  “THAT’S THE LAST ONE.”

  I’ve just finished loading the final moving box into my car. I’m not taking much; mainly clothes and stuff. I bought an older, yet reliable, 4Runner with my savings so, thankfully, I have room for cargo. Plus, I won’t have to worry about my vehicle breaking down on the way. That’s always a plus.

  “I can’t believe you’re leaving me,” Bree whines.

  “It’s only a month,” I say. “I want to get into town before everyone else so I have a better chance of finding a job. I’ve been looking online; several coffee shops around campus are hiring right now.”

  “Why do you need a job right now? They gave you a full ride.” Bree is perched on the hood of my car so I jump up to join her.

  “Not completely,” I correct her. “My scholarship only covers tuition, the room, and books. Well, once classes start anyway. I’m paying out of pocket for early admission to the dorms. Then I’ll need to cover my own personal expenses on top of that.”

  “But didn’t you save a bunch of money from the club? Can’t you use that to pay for your car insurance and stuff?”

  “I could…for a while at least, but I need to stay busy, Bree. Being idle isn’t a good thing for me right now.”

  “But SFS is right across the bridge! You’ll have me to keep you occupied!”

  I laugh at the pouty look on her face. “Honey, we’re not going to be able to see each other every day with our class schedules, especially when traffic’s bad. Plus, I’m sure you’ll meet new people you’ll want to hang out with.”

  She frowns. “None that will be as good as you.”

  “Ditto. You’ll always be my favorite.” I pull her into a side hug.

  Our heads are pressed together while we watch the sun setting. The elevation is a little higher the further you go back, so my complex has a distant peekaboo view of the ocean. Orange rays peek through a break in the clouds and warm my face. I’d like to think it’s some sort of sign that I won’t always be so sad.

  “Pretty sunset tonight,” I remark. “I’m gonna miss seeing it disappear into the sea.”

  “The sun sets over the bay too, Kitty,” Bree reminds me. “You’re the one who told me how pretty it was when you went down there with…uh, never mind.”

  I give her a sad smile. “It’s okay, Bree. You can say his name. It’s not like I’m going to forget about him any time soon.” I don’t think I’ll ever forget about him. “It’s different though when you don’t have a city surrounding you. It seems so much bigger here.”

  “Yeah, I can see that,” she agrees. “Are you having regrets about leaving?”

  I shake my head. “God, no. I need to get out of here. I’ve lived in the same town my whole life, Breanna. It’s time to start the next chapter. Especially after recent events. I’m the new and improved Kat Kennedy now. I should have a new city to go along with that.”

  She bumps her shoulder into mine. “I liked the old Kat too, just for the record.”

  “I know you did, babe. But I can’t be her anymore. Not after everything Gavin showed me was possible.” My eyes blur as I stare off into the distance. “There’s no going back after that.”

  “Kitty, are you sure about this?”

  I furrow my brows. “About going to school?”

  She chews on her lip. “No…about not telling Mr. Cooper, er, Gavin about where you’re going to school. Do you really want him to think you’re three thousand miles away when you’re really living on the same bay? What are you going to do if you run into him?”

  I’ll admit; it’s not the first time I’ve considered the possibility.

  “The odds of that happening are highly unlikely, Bree. There are too many people in and around the city. If it does happen, I’ll deal with it then.”

  She sighs. “I don’t know, Kat. I’m worried you’re going to regret this.”

  “It’s the right decision, Bree.” It’s my turn to sigh. “As much as it hurts now, I’m not going to regret making it.”

  “I just hate seeing you like this,” she says sadly.

  I shrug. “It won’t always be this way.”

  “Soooo….whatcha’ doing with your furniture?”

  I’m thankful for her not-so-subtle change in subject. “I’m donating it. Someone from the thrift store is coming to pick it up in the morning.”

  “So yo
u’re all ready to go then?”

  “Yep,” I confirm. “I’m heading out first thing in the morning. The landlord will let the Salvation Army guys in.”

  She throws her arms around me. “You’re such a good person, Kat. Not many people would be so noble in this situation.”

  I squeeze her tighter. “Wow, I don’t know if anyone’s ever described me using that word.”

  She pulls back and gives me a wry look. “Well, that’s because most people are judgmental assholes. But the people who know you, know better.”

  “It’s going to be a long month without you.” I blink back tears. “Hurry up and get your sweet ass down there.”

  She laughs. “We’re going to have the best college experience ever, Kat. I promise.”

  I sure hope so.

  Four Years Later

  I CAN’T BELIEVE THE WEDDING is in a few days!” Bree exclaims. “It’s crazy how fast time flies.”

  It sure is. In some ways, it seems like these past four years have passed at the speed of light. But in others, mostly when I have time to myself to think, the day seems to drag on and on. Thankfully, I never have too much down time. My classes keep me insanely busy, especially since I chose to major in education. It still boggles my mind that I’m going to be a teacher. After two more years in grad school, I’ll officially be certified for secondary ed. I chose an English/Lit specialty because my love for the written word is stronger than ever. I hope I can inspire others to appreciate the value of getting lost in a story—just like the man who inspired me to teach.

  I file the catering contract in the wedding organizer. “Are you still riding with me to pick up the dresses on Friday?”

  “Of course. Am I still the DD for your big birthday blowout tonight?”

  I groan. “Bree, please tell me you’re not making a big deal of this. I told you I just wanted a quiet dinner with my bestie.”

  “Ha! Like that’s going to happen!” she laughs. “Dylan and Rae flew in early so we could celebrate your birthday before the wedding. We have to go somewhere fun.”