Beautifully Broken

by Laura Lee

  Dammit! I thought I actually had a shot at bypassing a party with all of the last minute things that needed to be done for the wedding. My partying days are long over—the desire to numb myself with boys and booze disappeared at the ripe old age of eighteen. I can’t say I haven’t had drinks during my college years, or men in my life for that matter, but it’s not the same as it used to be. I don’t drink to forget and I haven’t slept with anyone I wasn’t seriously dating. All two of them.

  I flop my head onto the table dramatically. “What are my chances of getting out of this?”

  “Zero to none,” she replies. “C’mon, Kat. It won’t be that bad. Evan reserved a VIP room at Obsidian. It’s just a small group of friends and their lov-ahs—nothing more.”

  I lift my head up. “Promise?”

  She grins. “Promise.”

  “Fine,” I grumble.

  “Oh, cheer up, Buttercup!” she shucks me on the chin, making me laugh.

  “You’re lucky I love you, weirdo. I wouldn’t put up with this crap from anyone else.”

  “You wouldn’t know wh—holy shit!” Her eyes are practically popping out of their sockets looking at something over my shoulder.

  I try turning around. “What are you—”

  She digs her fingernails into my arm. “No, don’t turn around!”

  I pull my arm away from her and rub the sore spot. “What the hell is wrong with you, Breanna? Are you becoming a Bridezilla all of a sudden?”

  “This has nothing to do with my wedding!” she whisper shouts. “Kat, you have to promise not to freak out.”

  “Well, when you put it that way…of course I won’t,” I mock.

  She squeezes my fingers. “No, Kitty; I’m dead serious. You have to be strong.”

  I cross my arms over my chest. “Will you please tell me what the hell you’re talking about?”

  She continues staring behind me. “What if I told you that someone from the past is about to invade your present?”

  I roll my eyes. “Will you please stop being so cryptic? Just spit it out already!”

  “It’s Gavin,” she sighs, “he’s standing in line for coffee right now.”

  I freeze. “What?!”

  “Gavin Cooper just walked in the door and he’s the third person in line at the register!” she repeats. “What are you going to do? What if he sees us? Are you going to talk to him?”

  This is the moment that I’ve feared since moving to the bay. I haven’t heard from him once since graduation day. I’m not going to lie; a small part of me had wished he would reach out, despite the fact that I knew it’d be wrong. When a year had passed without contact, and then another, I pushed that hope aside, knowing it was pointless. Gavin has a family to take care of. Hell, he probably already has another kid by now. There’s no room in his life for me.

  “Is he looking over here?” I ask.

  Bree shakes her head. “No, he’s staring at the menu on the wall.”

  I discreetly turn my body so I can follow her gaze. A loud gasp escapes my mouth the second I see him. Fuck, he still has the power to take my breath away. He’s dressed casually in a dark t-shirt and jeans, very similar to what he wore on the day we met. His sandy blonde hair is slightly longer than it used to be and there’s a healthy amount of scruff on his jaw. He looks older—the little crinkles by his eyes are deeper—but that only makes him more handsome. He’s slightly more built too; not by much, but enough to see that his clothes are a bit more fitted. I can’t force myself to look away as he waits for his turn at the counter. I think about Bree’s question. What am I going to do if he sees me? How am I going to act unaffected when I’m so obviously the exact opposite of that?

  “Shit,” I mutter. “What do I do, Bree?”

  “What do you want to do?”

  “I should go up and talk to him, don’t ya think? I mean, it’d be rude to not at least say hi after all these years, right?”

  “Are you sure?”

  I gulp. “Yeah, I think I have to.”

  “Do you want me to stay?”

  I turn back toward her. “No, honey, you can’t be late for your meeting with the minister. I’ll be fine; I swear.”

  “Kat, I can call Evan and explain. It’s okay if I’m late.”

  “No,” I shake my head. “I’m twenty-three years old; I can put my big girl panties on and do this by myself. I’m just going to go up there, be cordial, and be on my merry way. Simple.”

  She looks skeptical. “Kitty—”

  “Bree, really; I’m fine. Call me after you’re done with your appointment and I’ll tell you everything that happened.”

  “Are you sure?”

  I nod my head resolutely. “Positive.”

  “Okay…” Bree rises from her chair and pats me on the shoulder before walking away. Gavin is now off to the side waiting for his drink. He does a double-take when she passes right by him and walks out the door. He takes his coffee cup from the barista and turns in my direction. I hold my breath as his long strides bring him closer and closer to my table. I realize he must be heading to the little stand off to my right that holds creamers and sweeteners. He’s only about three feet away when recognition washes over his face.

  His step falters and his jaw drops. “Kat?”

  I smile as I stand up. I don’t miss the quick scan he gives my body when I do. I give myself a mental high-five for wearing cut offs with a fitted tee today.

  “Hi, Gavin. How’ve you been?”

  He gulps. “Wow, you look…uh…you look incredible. What are you doing in San Francisco?”

  “Do you remember my friend, Breanna?”

  “I do. She was just here, wasn’t she? I thought she looked familiar.”

  I nod. “Yeah, she’s getting married this weekend at Golden Gate Park. She and her fiancé live here in the city.” I don’t think right now is the best time to tell him where I live.

  “That’s nice for her. Tell her I said congratulations. Are you flying out after the wedding?”

  “Um…”

  He gestures to the table. “Do you have a few minutes to talk?”

  “Uh, sure.” I sink back into my chair as he takes his place across the table.

  “I’d offer to buy you a drink, but it looks like you’re all set.”

  I grab my latte and take a sip. “I am, but thank you anyway.”

  A myriad of emotions runs over his face as the shock of seeing me begins to wear off. “Happy Birthday,” he says softly and smiles.

  I raise my eyebrows. “I can’t believe you remembered.”

  “How could I forget the day we met? It changed my life.”

  I turn my face to hide my blush. Damn this man and the effect he has on me.

  “The Sunshine State really agrees with you, Kat. You’ve always been beautiful but…wow. You’re stunning.”

  “Thanks. You look great too.”

  He smiles. “So, how’s school? Wait…you just graduated, didn’t you?”

  “Yeah, but I’m going back for my Master’s so I still have another two years.”

  “That’s great.” I notice that he’s not wearing a wedding band when he takes a drink. “What are you majoring in?”

  “Education.”

  He gulps audibly. “Really? You’re going to teach?”

  “I am,” I smile. “Middle School English/Lit hopefully.”

  His gorgeous green eyes twinkle. “You’re going to be a fantastic teacher.”

  “You think so?”

  “I do,” he nods. “Although, you might want to consider an all-girls school. If you were my teacher at that age, I would’ve never had a chance of concentrating in your class. Probably would’ve failed.”

  I laugh. “I think I’ll manage. I can relate to being distracted by your teacher.”

  He gives me a thoughtful look. “What are we doing, Kat? This is bullshit, right?”

  “What’s bullshit?”

  He gestures to the space between us. “This enti
re conversation. We’re acting like we hardly know each other.”

  “I don’t know you anymore, Gavin,” I argue. “And you don’t know me. A lot’s changed.”

  “Like what?”

  I narrow my eyes at him. All right, if he’s going to force the subject…here I go. “How’s fatherhood? And Hailey?”

  He bites his lower lip and leans back in the chair. “I wouldn’t know.”

  Wait…what? “What does that mean?”

  “It means that I haven’t heard from Hailey in years.” He clenches his jaw. “The baby wasn’t mine.”

  I stare at him open-mouthed. “She lied? How did you find out? Did you have a paternity test?”

  He pulls on the ends of his hair. “I didn’t have to. When Christian was born—that’s what she named him—it was obvious. He has his dad’s skin and hair.”

  “I’m sorry, but I feel like I’m missing the point here.”

  “Kat, I didn’t need a paternity test. Joe is African-American. And so is Christian…at least half anyway. I’m guessing she was hoping his skin would be much lighter and it wouldn’t be so obvious. Hailey and I were never together—that night or any time after. She broke down and admitted everything after Christian was born. She was mad at Joe…hurt, I guess, so she wanted to get back at him. She says things…happened between us but she put a stop to it when I called out another woman’s name. Your name, actually. Anyway…when Joe found out she was pregnant, he assumed the baby was his. Until she told him it was mine. Things were really tense for a while.”

  I don’t know how to respond. How could Hailey do that to him? To Joe even? To me? My God, the entire reason I left him was based on a lie! I’m shocked. Angry. Incredulous. Disgusted. How different would my life be right now if we hadn’t broken up? I want to cry when I think about all of the wasted possibilities.

  “Kat, please say something.”

  “Why…why didn’t you call me as soon as you found out? It couldn’t have been more than a few months at that point.”

  He releases a sigh. “I wanted to. God, I wanted to more than anything. But I kept thinking about what you said to me one time. That you needed to experience life…to know that you could make it on your own before you’d be ready to settle down. I knew how important that was to you and I didn’t want to rob you of the opportunity. Things were already so fucked up; I didn’t want to make them worse. I didn’t want to cause you any more pain.”

  I feel like there’s a ton of bricks in my stomach. I left him because I thought I was doing the right thing. He never contacted me because he thought he was doing the right thing. How can two selfless acts cause so much hurt?

  “I don’t know what to say, Gavin.”

  “Can I ask you something?”

  I brace myself for his question. “What would you like to know?”

  “Are you seeing anyone?”

  I meet his eyes and see so much loneliness reflected back at me. It’s the same look I see in the mirror every day. “No, I’m not.”

  “Can I take you out for a drink tonight? I have this work thing later but it shouldn’t take too long.”

  Is he actually asking me on a date? After everything that’s happened? I can’t help it; I shake my head and laugh.

  He grins. “What’s so funny?”

  I give him an astonished look. “Sparkles, are you seriously asking me out on a date? Don’t you think we’re a little past that point?”

  “God, I never realized how much I missed that stupid name.”

  It takes me a moment to catch on. I replay my statement in my head and realize that I called him Sparkles. It was my favorite term of endearment for him; mostly because it drove him nuts, but it really is a perfect name for someone with his eyes.

  “It just slipped out,” I blush.

  “I wasn’t complaining, Kat. So…drinks?”

  “I can’t…I have this thing. A birthday thing.”

  “Oh,” he breathes. “Okay, sure. Of course you already have plans. Maybe next time you’re in town then.”

  I lightly tap his shin under the table. “Hey, Gavin?”

  He looks up in surprise when my foot touches his leg. “Yeah?”

  “Would you like to come to my party? It’s at 9:00 at a club called Obsidian. Do you know where that’s at?”

  “I do,” he nods. “I’d love to come…as long as you’re not inviting me simply to be polite.”

  “I certainly wouldn’t kick you out if you decided to show,” I say with a smirk.

  He grins. “That’s good enough for me.”

  “Okay. I’ll leave your name at the door. We have a VIP room.”

  I try acting cool but I feel like I’m about to explode. I haven’t felt this kind of attraction to another man since…well, since him. Christ, I have to get out of here before I do something stupid like mount him in public.

  I stand up. “Well, I should get going. I have a few things to do before tonight.”

  He stands as well. “So, I’ll see you later?”

  “Right,” I say, nodding nervously.

  “I’m really looking forward to it, Kat.”

  I do my best to leave the coffee house on steady legs but I miss a step when I look back and see him watching me like he wants to eat me alive. All the way to my car, I have to remind myself to put one foot in front of the other and breathe.

  What did I just get myself into?

  I ANSWER MY PHONE the second it rings. “Hey, how’d the meeting with the minister go?”

  “Who gives a fuck?” Bree shrieks. “Bitch, I want details and I want them now!”

  “Calm down, Bridezilla.”

  “Kat,” she growls. “Tell me what happened with Gavin! I’ve been dying over here! I’m pretty sure I didn’t hear a single word the preacher had to say. For all I know, he plans on performing our ceremony in Swahili.”

  I chuckle because I’m fairly certain that wasn’t an exaggeration. “I don’t even know where to start, Bree. I wasn’t with him for very long, but so much happened.”

  “Try beginning with the part where you said hello.”

  I proceed to tell her about my conversation with Gavin. How I’m freaking out because every feeling I’ve ever had for him came rushing back to the surface. How the sparks flying between us could’ve burned the coffee house to the ground. How I realize that I never really got over him, which in retrospect, explains why my other attempts at a relationship never took.

  “So what happens now?” she asks.

  “I don’t know,” I sigh. “I know I need to be cautious–I can’t just jump back into a relationship with him. Too much has happened, ya know? I keep telling myself that now is not the time to be impulsive–I need to go really slow and make sure I’m not making a mistake. Besides, I don’t even know if he wants to try again.”

  “Well, that’s stupid,” she scoffs. “Of course he does. He asked you out, didn’t he?”

  “For all I know, he just wants to catch up,” I argue. “Maybe he wants to be friends.”

  “Oh, Kitty, I think you’re both smart enough to know that you could never be just friends. You’re each other’s lobsters.”

  I smile at her Friends reference. She used to program old episodes on her DVR and we’d binge watch them together on rainy days.

  “I don’t think I’d survive another fallout with him, Bree. I barely made it through the first time.”

  She sighs. “I get it, Kat; I really do. But you’ll never know if you’re too afraid to try.”

  “I know,” I grumble. “So what would you do in my situation?”

  “You can start by asking him to be your date for the wedding,” she suggests.

  “I can’t do that!”

  “Why not?” she challenges. “It’s a perfect opportunity. Your maid-of-honor duties won’t take up too much time. You’ll have almost the entire reception to talk to him. Dance with him. Get freaky in the coat closet…you know, whatevs.”

  “I am not getting freaky with
him in the coat closet!” I shriek.

  “You never know,” she chuckles. “Just ask him, Kat. What’s the worst that can happen?”

  “He could say no.”

  “He won’t say no. Trust me.”

  “I don’t know Bree…”

  She sighs. “Okay, look. How about this? You said he’s coming to the party tonight, right?”

  “Yeah. And?”

  “So, why don’t you just play it by ear? Talk to him and catch up…whatever. You can decide if you want to ask him to the wedding then.”

  “I guess that sounds okay…”

  “Great!” she exclaims. “It’s decided then. If by chance, Gavin decides to be a dick, I’m sure Evan and Dylan won’t mind kicking his ass.”

  “Har, har,” I say.

  “All right, it’s settled. Go pick out a sexy dress and I’ll be there to pick you up at 8:30.”

  “Okay, I’ll see you then.”

  “Kitty, it will be okay; I promise.”

  “I hope you’re right.”

  “Here you go,” Dylan says as he slides the shot in front of me. “Drink up, Princess.”

  I tilt the glass and pour the whiskey down my throat. “Damn it! That burns! What the hell did you give me, Dylan?”

  Evan, Bree’s fiancé, pats me on the back. “That’s how you know it’s good shit.”

  I glare at him. “No, good alcohol is smooth. That crap was rocket fuel.”

  Dylan throws his heavy arm around my shoulder. “Oh, Kitty. I couldn’t resist. It was for old time’s sake.”

  “Baby, that was plain ol’ mean,” Rae chides with her sugary drawl.

  Breanna isn’t the only one that found love. Dylan and Raelynn met at the University of Georgia and have been together for over two years now. He really thinks she’s the one. He plans to propose on her birthday in a few months. I’ll admit, when he first told me he met someone special, I was skeptical. I thought there was a possibility he was using her to get over his feelings for me. Until I met her and discovered that she’s a fiery redhead with no qualms about putting Dylan in his place. That poor boy never saw what hit him when he fell for her. I really like her though—we’ve seen each other on several visits now. She’s your quintessential Southern Belle—a perfect blend of beauty, impeccable manners, and sass.