One Last Vice

by Emma Hillman

  She just didn’t look like the women he went for. Her hair wasn’t dark. Her breasts were big enough but not fake, like he seemed to prefer lately. Her figure wasn’t tiny. She looked like a librarian if librarians ever wore jeans. She sighed, wondering whether she should have changed or put more make-up on.

  At least her underwear wasn’t that bad, she thought as she remembered what she’d put on that morning. It wasn’t white at least.

  “C?” James knocked on the door. “Are you okay in there?”

  “I’m fine!” she replied. Squaring her shoulders, she looked at herself one last time and opened the door.

  It took him only a second to grab her hand and lead her to the stairs. “Uh, James?”

  “Yeah?” he replied absentmindedly, too intent on what was coming next.

  “Where are we going?”

  “My room.”

  “Oh.”

  Her reply stopped him short. “I thought you’d guessed. I mean, we talked about it earlier.”

  He really had to stop saying that. They hadn’t discussed anything. He’d just announced it! “Maybe but—”

  “But what? I really need something here, C!”

  “I know. I can see that.”

  “So what’s the problem?”

  She stared back at him and decided, once and for all, she was going to be brave tonight. “Nothing.” That resolution lasted only until they were standing at the foot of his bed. One look at the curved poles and black satin sheets and she was backing away. “Uh, maybe we should talk about this first.”

  “What is there to talk about? It’s sex, not exactly rocket science.”

  Right. “Yes but it’s a somewhat different situation here. I mean, I work for you. I’ve known you a while now and—”

  “Don’t worry, baby, I’ll make sure you’re ready.”

  Her eyes widened at his words. “I’m not worried about that. I’m sure you’re a great lover and all, but what about we lay down some rules first.”

  “Rules? Like what?”

  “I don’t know, a safe word or something.”

  “I’m not that bad. I’m sure I can make you enjoy it even if there are no emotions or whatever involved.”

  He appeared so upset by her suggestion that she very nearly gave up. “Sure but…can I ask something?”

  “Shoot.”

  “Could we leave the lights off?”

  He looked at her as if she’d grown another head. “Whatever for?”

  “Because well, it’ll be easier for you. And me too.”

  “Easier how?”

  She thought it was pretty clear. “You can imagine it’s someone else.”

  “Why would I do that?” He seemed nonplussed by her answer. “Do you want to imagine somebody else? Aren’t you attracted to me? Why didn’t you say something sooner?”

  “No! No, it’s not that. It’s just I thought it’d be, you know, easier. I mean, in the long run.”

  “Uh?” He stared at her for another second then shrugging, walked to the nearest wall and turned the lights off. The door was still open though and the light from the corridor was enough for him to navigate his way back to her. “Better?”

  She licked her lips. “Yes, thanks.”

  “You’re welcome, I guess.” He seemed to wonder what to do next. His hands dropped on her waist, clenching all of a sudden.

  She winced. He really was stronger than he looked. “James?”

  “Sorry, sorry. It’s just I really need a cigarette. Really need it.”

  “Think of something else!”

  “I’m trying!” he growled back.

  She looked at him and even through the semi-darkness, could see he was gone. The far-away look in his eyes was a dead giveaway. “J? James? Stay with me!” He ignored her pleas, too far gone in his own mind. “Oh fuck.” She remembered that look too well. The last time she’d seen it, he’d fallen hard and had spent a week in a complete bender. He’d gone to every bar in the vicinity, drinking himself to oblivion. And all because of one woman. “James?” Damn it! She couldn’t think of what else to do but to lean forward. She pressed her lips on his and waited.

  His goatee scratched her skin a bit but she didn’t move away. No, instead she wrapped her arms around him and pressed herself closer to his rigid body.

  She didn’t know how long she stayed like this, her mouth on his, her body tight against his. But she was seriously considering pulling away to call his doctor when he snapped out of it.

  Chapter Three: Making It Real

  He nipped at the corner of her mouth and she froze, unsure of what to do. He didn’t give her a choice though as his tongue traced the seam of her lips, wanting in.

  She gave in and he groaned in reaction, his hands sliding down to cup her butt. She closed her eyes and tried to relax into the kiss, tried to forget it was James’s tongue tangling with hers. He tasted faintly of tomato sauce and spices. It was, all in all, quite nice.

  He broke away and said, his voice harsh, “I need you. Now.”

  And with that, he pushed her until her back bumped the foot of the bed. Pushed at her shoulders once more so that she was falling onto the satin sheets, slipping on them until she grabbed a nearby pole and pulled herself up. She was smoothing down her top when someone grabbed its hem and tugged it upwards. “James!”

  He let go of her top but said, “Get naked.”

  “But—” She shut herself up when she noticed what he was doing. His tee-shirt flew, his hands drew his pants down until they were pooled on the floor. She could definitely see his arousal under his thin boxers and just that made her gulp. Which was pretty stupid considering it’d been in her mouth only hours before.

  “Chloe, get naked, damn it!”

  She jumped at his command. “All right, all right,” she mumbled under her breath as she looked away from him and focused on taking her clothes off. But first…“Could you please close the door?”

  He swore as he finished taking off his underwear. “Why? We won’t be able to see anything!”

  “My point exactly.”

  “Fuck, I ain’t that bad-looking surely,” he growled but he did it anyway.

  Finally. Chloe breathed for the first time in what felt like forever. She couldn’t see anything so he couldn’t either. Perfect!

  “You’d better be naked by the time I get to the bed. I’m not feeling very patient right now.”

  She hurried at his words, tugging her clothes off and sending them flying to the floor. “I am. I am!”

  “Thank God,” his voice rang on her left and she squeaked. “C?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Are you scared?”

  She paused as she felt the bed dip to her left. Then fingers brushed her leg, making her yelp. “Yes!”

  “Don’t be.” He was suddenly there. Skin met hers as he pushed her down until she was lying on the smooth satin. He lied down beside her, the feel of him so foreign she wondered whether she wasn’t dreaming it all.

  Except in her dreams, it’d never felt quite like that.

  He didn’t take his time but then, she’d realized he was way past that. He needed to stop thinking so she did what she could to help. Moving her legs up as he settled on top of her. Trying not to tense when she felt his latex-covered cock brush her folds.

  “I need to be inside you. I’m sorry, baby, I’ll make it better for you afterwards,” he said just before thrusting inside her.

  She gasped, feeling herself stretch around him. It’d been a while for her. A long while at that and she hadn’t been nearly ready. But he didn’t stop, just kept pushing until he was to the deep of her.

  Then he stopped and groaned, “Oh yes”. Not knowing what to do with herself, she hesitantly grabbed his biceps. “Wrap your legs around me.” Right. She did and then he started moving. “You’re so fucking tight.”

  Was she supposed to respond? “Thanks.”

  He chuckled. “You’re something else, aren’t you, baby?”

&n
bsp; She still had no idea what to say so she remained silent. Which was a very good thing considering his mouth found hers in the dark. His tongue started moving in time with his thrusts. It was so unexpected she found herself tensing around him.

  He jerked back. “Fuck!”

  His movements accelerated, the bed vibrating as he pumped into her over and over again.

  “I’m sorry,” he said just before exploding, his back stilling underneath her legs.

  Chloe laid there, still unsure of what to do. Because there didn’t seem to be a point anymore, she slid her hands from his arms and her legs down.

  He finally moved, slipping out of her with a wet sound. He didn’t say anything as he climbed off the bed and she guessed, took the condom off.

  A few minutes later, as she was wondering whether he’d ever come back, she felt the bed dip once more. Then his body was covering hers again, his mouth taking hers for a deep kiss.

  She was so surprised she didn’t even notice when her arms wrapped around him and slid up his back.

  “Your turn,” he murmured as he broke the kiss, his mouth already gliding down her face. He traced an invisible path down her neck, around her breasts, until she couldn’t help but moan.

  “James?”

  “Yeah, baby?”

  “Just—” She bit her lip. She’d nearly begged him to suck on her nipple, aware he was tormenting her on purpose. But this was still James, her boss, and she couldn’t really see herself giving him directions. A little bit more to the left, J. Yes, that’s much better. Oh yes, suck me baby. Gulp.

  “Like this?” he asked just before his teeth clamped around her left nipple.

  Good man! “Yes!” He chuckled, his tongue licking away the sting of his bite. “Are you feeling better?” She’d suddenly remembered his earlier state.

  “Sure. Why?”

  “Oh, I don’t know. It’s just you were so out of it and it scared me a little.”

  He sighed. “I’m sorry. It’s just…I can’t stand not being able to smoke. It was my one last vice, you know? I could smoke, all day long if I wanted, and no one made any comments. But now, I can’t and—”

  “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to discuss this now!”

  “It’s okay, honey.” He drew himself up and found the bedside table in the dark.

  Before she could understand what he was doing, he’d turned the lights on.

  She blinked at the sudden brightness and gasped when she noticed she was 1. naked and 2. lying on her back in the middle of the bed.

  “Eek!” She jerked up and grabbed the sheet until it more or less covered her. “You could have warned me!”

  “Oops.” A cheeky grin brightened his face. “I didn’t think you’d mind. We’ve done the deed after all.”

  “Whatever,” she muttered, slinking down further under the covers.

  “Are you okay, C? I know I wasn’t very patient and well, it could have been better. I’ll make sure you’re ready next time, okay?”

  Next time? “’kay.” She buried her head in the pillows. “Can we go to sleep now?”

  “Now? Are you tired?”

  “Yeah,” her voice flittered through the several layers. “Am I staying in my usual room?” That reminded her she still had to get her bag from where she’d left it downstairs.

  “Uh, no. I thought you’d understood. You’re staying here. With me.”

  “Here?” she squeaked and pulled the sheet down, revealing her widened eyes. “You want me to sleep here? With you?”

  “Well, yeah. You know, in case I suddenly need you.”

  “I’ll be just across the hall!”

  “Maybe but it won’t be the same thing. I could have another attack or something.”

  “True.” She finally relented. “But—”

  He cut her off, “Let’s sleep.”

  Right. She sighed as she snuggled deeper under the covers. Apparently he was tired of talking. She heard him click the lights off then he was moving beside her. She tensed but he didn’t touch her and then she realized the bed was so big anyway, they probably wouldn’t touch during the night.

  Which was a good thing considering it’d been a long time since she’d shared a bed with another man.

  Not since her ex-fiancé. The one she’d found underneath her so-called best friend ten years ago. In their bed. Having very loud sex while she was supposed to be away working.

  Damn them.

  It’d been ten years and yet, she hadn’t managed to get close to another man since then. It probably didn’t help that she was in love with James.

  She compared every man she met to him and even if he was covered in tattoos, that he was an ex-alcoholic/drug addict, that he smoked (okay, used to smoke) like a chimney, they all fell short.

  “Night, baby.”

  Turning around until she was grasping one pillow, she laid down her head and replied, her voice soft, “Night, J.”

  And then she fell asleep, not in her lover’s arms but close enough that a smile lingered on her face.

  Chapter Four: An Awkward Morning

  She woke up and it took her a little while to remember where she was. It was light outside so that’s probably what had woken her up. Or not.

  A shuffling noise echoed on her right and she tensed. James was awake. She heard him grunt, then the sheet that was covering her slid down. More shuffling, more grunting. It didn’t take a genius to guess what he was doing.

  “James?” Oh hell, she’d said his name out loud.

  He moaned and then silence reigned. “You’re awake?”

  “Yeah.” She turned so that she was facing him.

  “Did I wake you?”

  “I think so, yes.”

  “Fuck.” He leaned back against the pillows, his eyes closed.

  “Why—” She licked her lips. “Why were you, you know?”

  “Jerking off?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I just thought I’d take care of my problem so I could focus on you instead.”

  “Oh.” She blinked. That was very nice of him. “Are you— I mean, do you want me to help?”

  “God, C, don’t!”

  “I haven’t done anything!”

  “Stop talking. Just—” He took a deep breath. “I need to fuck.”

  “Okay,” she found herself answering.

  “Are you sure? Because I’m very horny right now and it probably won’t be very good. Again. I suck, I know I do but I—”

  She interrupted his explanation. “That’s fine. You need it, I understand. Can we stay under the covers?”

  “Uh, sure.”

  “Good.” She slid closer to him and wrapped her fingers around his arousal. “Tell me what you like.”

  “Anything.”

  “James! You know that’s not true.”

  “Fuck,” he swore. “You know what I like, babe. You’ve known me all these years. You’ve heard me with my exes, right?”

  “Yes, I guess.”

  “So do whatever you want. I just need to come.”

  “Right.” She tightened her hold on him, loving the way his hips automatically jerked up.

  It didn’t take as long this time. He’d only been in her mouth a few minutes when he grabbed the back of her head and started pumping. His mouth opened, swear words liberally ringing over them. And then he groaned, loudly.

  It was her only warning but this time, she was ready. Bracing herself, she relaxed her throat and drank him dry.

  “Oh god.” James commented as he leaned back down, taking her with him. “Thanks, baby.”

  “You’re welcome,” she murmured as she snuggled up against his side. It’d only just downed on her that she was naked. As was he.

  It felt weird to be lying there, so close to him and his smooth skin.

  Unable to stop herself, she began tracing the tattoos on his neck, on his shoulder. Down, down until she reached the one around his navel. She’d always loved that one. It wasn’t very pretty but
it fit him perfectly. She’d nearly licked it earlier but hadn’t had the courage to go with it. Maybe one day she would?

  “Chloe?”

  She jumped. “Yes?”

  “I haven’t made you come yet.”

  “Oh. That’s fine.” No one had made her come in more than ten years. She could take waiting a bit longer.

  “No, it’s not.” He drew himself up on his elbow, his gaze on her face. “I’ve been behaving very badly.”

  She felt her eyebrows snap together as she frowned. “What?”

  “I should have been taking care of you, rather than the contrary. But when the need hits, it’s as if I lose all my control.”

  “It’s okay, J, don’t worry.”

  “I still owe you.” His left hand appeared on her hip. “Let me make it up to you.” He bent down and pressed his mouth against hers.

  * * * *

  It was only when his hand found its way between her thighs that she freaked out.

  “Don’t!” She clasped her legs together, denying him entrance. “I don’t need you. I mean, I’m fine with you just taking your pleasure so I think we should continue like this.”

  “Chloe?” He looked up at her and she was grateful the sheet was still covering her.

  It didn’t matter that he’d been learning her curves with his hands. He still hadn’t seen her naked body for more than a few seconds. He obviously hadn’t taken a good look after all, otherwise he still wouldn’t be interested. Right? Her ex’s comments still rang in her head. The reasons why he’d cheated on her: How she wasn’t any good in bed. How he’d always had to think of someone else whenever they’d had sex. Because she just didn’t look hot. Well, hell, she wasn’t hot. Had never been, never will be.

  “Baby? Are you okay?” James’s concerned voice reached through the memories and she gasped.

  “I’m fine. I need to…to go.” She sat up, dislodging him. “Can you close your eyes?”

  “Why?”

  “I need to grab my clothes.”

  “Why don’t you want me to see you naked?”